http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nHBuKmyhbtQ
Trying for some comedy here. Bear with me.
 
0:00-0:09
>Oh fuck
 
>Oh fuck
 
>Oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuck oh fuuuuuck
>Time to run
 
>Why today of all days?
>You had to help at Sweet Apple Acres
>On the beginning of mating season
>Oh no, you could've just ducked out of helping
>But you just haaad to promise Granny Smith
>Well now you're paying for it
>Sprinting like hell through the fields
>Jumping the fence to get out of here
>The thick forest is just beyond that
>Its sanctuary isn't all that soothing seeing as your ass is still being hunted down
>You dash through the forest to get away from your pursuer
>You run into at least three trees out of panic
0:31-0:33
>Kinda dizzy after those trees
>The sound of hooves not far behind you
>You pass up some wildlife and what you hope isn't a manticore
>This is bad
>Really bad
>This p0ny chasing you
>On mating fucking season
>You trip and get a foot caught in some vines
0:51-0:58
>A stream of 'fucks' leaves your mouth as you frantically try to get free
>Panic like crazy
>Finally get free
>Still running for your life
>And pony virginity
>Cursing to yourself for even thinking of coming to the home of your number one fan/rapist on the first day of mating season
>God you're an idiot
>Get out of the forest and sprint past Fluttershy's cottage
>Contemplate where to go
>Home won't be safe
>She can buck the damn door down like nothing
>Rainbow's place isn't safe either
>She'll know where I ran to since I'm not home. Besides, she'll have be before Dash even hears me
>Hear whooshing sound from behind
>Duck and roll, keeping the same speed
>Barely dodge Applejack's lasso
>Glance behind you
> The lasso comes back and hits her in the face
>She's really pissed now
>Well fuck
>The fear of what's going to happen now fuels your tired ass
>You run as fast as your tired legs can carry you
>"GAWSH DARN IT!"
>Oh fuck
>It's like Adam Jensen switched legs with you instantly
>You're running at the speed of twenty scared Anons
>Where to go where to go
>Sugarcube Corner
>Run through Ponyville to get to Sugarcube Corner
>Glance behind you again
>No Applejack...for now
>Bust through the double doors of the Cakes' restaurant
>"Well hi, An-"
"You didn't see me. I was never here."
>Mrs. Cake gives you a strange look
>You sprint upstairs and bang on Pinkie's door
>She opens it almost instantly
>"Anon! You're just in time!"
"In time? For what?"
>"Duh! Gummy's birthday is today!"
>Motherfucker
"Listen Pinkie, I'm try-"
>"Trying to be the first here? Well you are! I'm so glad and look! Gummy is too!"
>She turns around and shows the expressionless alligator sitting on her back
>He blinks
"That's great Pinkie but-"
>"Oh this party's gonna be great! Everyp0ny's going to have so much fun!"
"Pinkie wait, you-"
>She gasps
>"You're right! Gummy shouldn't be out here! He might see the cake that's coming up any second now! That would ruin the surprise!"
>You hold Pinkie's face to your own by her cheeks
"Pinkie!"
>She's smiling. "Yeeeeesss?"
"Applejack's chasing me down and I need someplace to hide!"
>She laughs. "Why didn't you just say so?"
>facepalm
>"But wait. The party's starting soon and everyp0ny is gonna be here."
>That's not good
>Well you lived a good life of p0ny virginity
>Wait a second
>First day of mating season
>Thankfully Pinkie's not all over you
>But everyp0ny else is going to be here
>Oh man this is really really not good
 
>"You don't have to stay if you don't want to, Anon. I understand."
>Pinkie looks sad
>You swear you could see her mane straighten out somewhat
>Damn you and your emotions
>You sigh
"I'll stay, Pinkie."
>She immediately lights up and zipz over to you
>Almost instantly you have a party hat on your head
>Even though she didn't put it on, Pinkie has one on too
>Gummy is chewing on his
>Pinkie brings a boombox out of nowhere and sets it on a table
>She hits play
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pawIt27Dzp8
 
>Goddamn
>Pinkie hits stop and switches tracks
>"Hehe, sorry. That's music for...other stuff."
>Contemplate what Pinkie does in her spare time
>Knock knock
>Twilight opens the door and walks in
>She's followed by Rainbow Dash, Rarity, Fluttershy and Applejack
>Applejack spots you and snorts in your direction
>Yep, she's still pissed
>The party begins
>Everything's pretty awesome. Especially when the Cakes' bring in Gummy's cake
>Three layer with the words "Happy Birthday Gummy" on it, each word being on a different layer
>You can't shake the feeling of eyes watching you the whole time
>It's obvious who's keeping tabs on you. Silly Anon
 
>Party lasts a few hours
>Cake is had accompanied by awesome beats and lots of dancing
>A few of the ponies seem to grind on you during the dancing
>Fucking mating season
>Your jimmies soon stop rustling after you exit the dance floor
>You forget about Applejack and enjoy yourself
>Party's nearing its end
>Twilight leaves first. Rarity does the same a short time later but not without giving you a seductive glance. Rainbow stays behind to chill with her bro
>You're both enjoying some awesome punch
>Obviously spiked
>Fluttershy leaves after some time, realizing there's no chance of getting in your pants tonight
>She places a note on your lap before hastily heading out the door
>You place it in your pocket, really not in the mood to read whatever scribbled on it
>All that's left is Applejack, Pinkie Pie and your bro
>Pinkie lives here so obviously she's not leaving
>Applejack's trying to stay in conversation with her
>It seems like an excuse to stay and watch what you do next
>You and Rainbow are chilling on Pinkie's bed
"Bro, you notice Applejack's been staring at me all this time, right?"
>"Yeah? hehe...*hic*, I don't really blame her...you're lookin' pretty good right now..."
>She's pretty gone
>You barely feel buzzed
>Applejack looks over to you and smiles
>No worries because you got your bro to watch your back
>You look over to her
>She's passed out
>Shit
>"Ah'll see ya later, Pinkie. Ah got some stuff ta do back home."
>She walks over to you
>"Well lookie there, Rainbow done fell asleep."
>Your jimmies have never been this rustled before
>She leaves
>You help Pinkie clean up to postpone leaving
 
>You finish up and say goodnight to Pinkie Pie
>You head home carrying Rainbow on your back
>You quicken your pace a bit once you get outside of Sugarcube Corner
>Finally make it home
>Attempt to unlock the door, finding out it's already open
"Oh come on..."
>Slowly make your way inside and walk upstairs, setting Rainbow on your bed
>Carefully walk downstairs, trying not to make a sound
>When you get there, you hear a click and a light comes on
>The light reveals Applejack sitting on your armchair
>"Ah was wonderin' when you'd get back, Anon."
>You slowly edge towards the kitchen hoping to get closer to the back door
>"Ah gotta repay you fer all that work you did today an' all, right?"
>She gets up from the armchair and follows you slowly
>"After all, ya didn't even take yer pay."
"That's because it was tied to your tail dangling right in front of...ugh.."
>"Well it don't matter now, sugarcube. 'Cause yer gettin' paid in full right here an' now."
>She charges you
>Break for the back door
>Too late
>Applejack's pinning your front to the door while she grinds your backside with her body
>"This is gonna happen whether ya like it or not, sugarcube!"
>The fuck it is
>Attempt to buck Applejack off your backside by pushing against the door
>"Heh, yer resistance only makes mah lust stronger!"
>Must. Escape. Crazy. P0ny.
 
>She continues to rub against your backside
>She doesn't notice you position a foot beside her back hooves
>You sweep her hooves to the side and she loses her balance, falling on your kitchen floor
>You pull the door open and burst outside away from the rapist p0ny
>Luckily she's still getting back on her hooves
>You quickly run to the bridge and jump into the river water, staying submerged under the bridge
>You hold your breath for as long as you can
>Can't take it anymore. Resurface as quiet as possible, still underneath the bridge
>"Ah know yer here somewhere, sugarcube!" Is all you can make out before you hear hooves dashing across the bridge
>Wait a few minutes
>The coast seems clear
>You get out of the river, soaking wet, and make your way back home
>Get inside, go upstairs and dry off
>Dash is laying on the left side of the bed
>Sporting pajama pants, you release a sigh of relief and lay on the right side of your bed
>Dash turns to you and throws her front left leg over your chest
>"So, how was it?"
"How was...Oh you're messed up. You were awake the whole time!"
>She begin to laugh her flank off
>"Yeah I was. We haven't been running as much lately and I figured you needed some exercise!"
>You punch her side
"You're fucked up, you know that?"
>You say this with a smile
>She laughs again
>"Yeah, I know."
>You both knock out
 
END