Sir Anon rescues the Princess
 
>Today is the day you head out.
>There's hardly that much time left anyway, you've got begin or not try at all.
>“Anon, are you really going to go?”
>That was Twilight, and you could see that she was more than a little concerned.
>Shit, you were concerned too. You were probably going to die.
“I kind of have to, swore an oath and everything.”
>”But that was a long time ago, nopony would expect you to go through with it.”
>Which was essentially why you had to.
>Damn, the armor was heavier than you thought it was going to be.
“Can you help get the gloves on?”
>”They're called gauntlets, Anon.”
“Right, them.”
>She's nice enough to levitate the steel armor onto your wrists so you can snap it in place.
>Along with the rest, from head to toe.
>”I think you look ridiculous, do all human knights dress like that?”
“Yeah. They use to, anyway.”
>You put the sword you'd commissioned on your left hip.
>Shield on your left arm.
>Now your left side is heavy.
>Should have went for the lighter sword.
>Twilight is still looking you up and down, you can see her through the visor of your great helm.
>Its getting hot already, should have went for the open front.
 >”I guess I can see the value of all the protection. But dragons breathe fire, what will you do about that?”
“Try not to get roasted alive, what else can I do?”
>And with that you stride out onto the rubble strewn road of Ponyville.
 
 
>Three months and the place still looks like a war zone.
>Every single pony looks like the dragons were just here yesterday.
>They're all scared shitless, you don't blame them.
>You were scared too, when they attacked.
>It wasn't even fair, Equestria got its ass kicked in no time.
>Then as quickly as they attacked, the dragons signed a 'peace' treaty and took a hostage.
>A very important hostage.
>”Hey anon, going to get yourself eaten huh?”
>You had to crane your head up to look at Rainbow Dash.
“Pretty much, you taking bets?”
>She scowls at you and looks away.
>”I'm not taking bets on whether you'd get eaten, Anon. Don't be a jerk.”
>Whatever, you tramp off towards the limits of the town.
>More than a few ponies are watching you as you go.
>Some scowl, some wave and a few others are actually smiling.
>The whole town knows where you're going.
>Your armor and weapon set had seriously eaten into Iron Nail's stock.
>Just as everyone was starting on the rebuilding.
>You're not surprised when there's a gathering of ponies waiting for you just before the road into the Everfree Forest.
>Lyra, Rarity, Applejack and Spike are gathered around a large backpack in the center.
>Rainbow Dash and Twilight had followed with you.
 
>Lyra is the first one to wave when you come up, damn you love that weird green pony.
>”Hey, Anon! Looking awesome!”
>She's the only one genuinely excited, the rest are a bit more grim.
“That was the idea, to scare some dragons.”
>You even gesture with your shield, to show off the large sun painted on it.
>Of course, the others aren't as impressed.
>”Anon, you know I don't agree with your 'quest', but I did as you asked and made you the finest backpack I could.
>”And I put darn near every bit of food I could fit into it, from good old fashioned apples to Granny Smith's Zap Apple Jam.”
>Well, you couldn't say you were exactly surprised about what sort of provisions you'd be getting.
“You're both awesome, 'ppreciate it.”
>They beam under the praise, and you do your best to squat down and put the straps around your armored shoulders.
>Hilariously enough, you'd give anything for a good pack horse about now.
>”Anon,” that was Lyra, “I really really wish I could come with you. I know a few sleep songs that would work...but you know the terms of the treaty.”
“Yup, no ponies doing anything that could be construed as hostile to the Nest.”
>As if you hadn't scoured the whole thing front to back. Dragons were amazingly good lawyers.
>But they'd neglected to mention anything besides ponies.
>Which was where you came in.
“Guess I'll be going now.”
>You don't take one step before someone calls out 'wait!'
 
>”Wait! Hold on! I want to go with you, Anon.”
>That was Spike, and you and everyone else are shocked to hear it.
>Twilight, being essentially his sister, is the least happy. ”Spike, you know you can't go. You're a-”
>”Dragon? Yeah, I know. But if Anon can go because he's a monkey then I can go too. I feel awful after what the rest of the dragons did. I've made up my mind.”
“Ape, get it right kid.”
>”Whatever.”
>Rarity is up next, and she sidles up to the little purple dragon and tries to put a hoof on his shoulder.
>”Spike, I know I speak for all of us when I say that that is a very noble gesture. But Anon is an adult and can make his own choices. You're just a-”
>At that point Spike had had about enough of that, and broke to stand next to you.
>”No! Celestia is practically my mom. I've just got to try and save her! Anon could use some backup. I even know a little bit of how to speak dragon.”
>Well, when he puts it that way it doesn't even sound like that bad an idea.
>Though Twilight is still not happy at all.
>”Spike, we'll get Celestia back, it will just take some time. Princess Luna said that she was doing everything she could.”
>Which wasn't enough, the ponies were just too nice to know what they were dealing with.
>The Dragons were going to be back, eventually. And even if they weren't, they'd taken Celestia off with them as a hostage for 'good behavior.'
 
>Spike ended up winning, though really he'd just put his foot down and refused to listen to the others.
>”I'm going with him, end of story.”
>By that point half the crowd had run off in tears, which kind of sucked as far as sending off parties went.
>Your back was starting to hurt from having to hold all this damn weight. Better get a move on.
“Come on kid, we've got a lot of walking to do.”
>You turned, and so did Spike. Tramping off towards the Everfree Forest.
>The first five minutes of your journey were quiet, you'd hardly ever spoken to Spike since coming to Equestria.
>He'd sort of just always been there, not really all that interested in you.
>That feeling had been mutual.
>But, if he was going to come with you on your quest you might as well say something.
“So kid. Celestia has been kidnapped by dragons. Are you a bad enough dude to save the Princess?”
>Spike stares at you while you walk.
>”Anon, you're really weird sometimes.”
 
 
 
 
 
>Turns out you should have worked out more.
>Possibly a lot more.
>At least you'd started getting /fit/, or else you wouldn't have made it into the forest.
>God damn armor is heavy.
>You were currently sitting on a log about a mile into the Everfree Forest.
>You'd taken your helmet off, and were chugging down a canteen of water.
>If other knights were here, they'd make fun of the fact that your canteen was pink and had frilly lace on it.
>Thanks Rarity.
>”So where are we going, fearless leader?”
>Spike was less than happy at your current performance on the road.
>Fuck him, he wasn't even wearing anything.
“I know there's a dragon still in the forest. The green one Twilight told me about. If he's still here, I want to see what he knows.”
>Spike actually perks up at that, probably guessing you didn't have a plan at all.
>”But why would he talk to us?”
“Hell if I know, if he doesn't want to talk I guess I'll have to make him.”
>”Yeah, but how? He's huge! And no offense, but you can't even walk without getting tired.”
“Thanks for the confidence, what were you planning on doing?”
>That pissed him off a little, but serves him right.
 
>You relax for another five minutes before deciding you were ready.
>You mostly spent your time thinking about Celestia, and how she'd knighted you on your second day here.
>She'd trusted you when the rest of the ponies thought you were a monster.
>Now you would make sure you lived up to that trust.
>Up went the helmet back on your head, reminding you more about your poor choices.
>It was muggy as hell in here, especially with the forest.
>Your armor was also making a racket with each step, so sneaking up on dragons didn't seem likely.
>”How about we go talk to Zecora? Maybe she'll know about the dragon and what to do about it.”
>Damn, that made sense.
>Maybe Spike wasn't going to be so useless.
>Zecora's shack wasn't even that far away, right on the path to go see the Green Dragon.
>Getting there was another thing though.
>If you didn't get killed in the first few days you'd hopefully man up and get used to your gear.
 
>Both of you make it to Zecoras after another break, Spike was even more of a smart ass about it than the last time.
>Not that you were feeling much like a bad ass knight anymore after you realized the scope of what you were trying to do.
>Still had to try.
>Zecora was doing her usual shtick, balancing on her head upside down on a pole.
>How she even got up there in the first place was beyond you.
>”Ah, Anon and Spike together I see. I hope your armor and sword were not intended for me.”
“Uh, not exactly. We were hoping to go rescue Princess Celestia from the dragons.”
>”A most excellent quest to have in mind, but dragons are often hard to find.”
>”Which is why we wanted to go look for the green dragon that I ran into before. Is he still here?”
>Did that little shit just take partial credit for your idea?
>”The green one still resides in the everfree, but he's unlikely to enjoy your company.”
>Jesus Christ, did she ever stop that rhyming?
“Well I didn't think any of them would be very nice. Do you have any suggestions?”
>Zecora hopped off the pole and thought for a second.
>”The great dragon of the forest is a dangerous foe. He'll kill you if you directly come to blows. But perhaps a plan, if you're quick and sharp, will give you enough of a head start. Spike was once in his lair, and that is a thing for which dragons give great care. I suggest you play as bait, and then another lays in wait.”
>Well, you couldn't argue with that idea. And it did come with a great upside.
>You slowly look down at Spike and grin.
>He looks up, and his eyes go wide.
>”Wait, what did she say?”
 
>A few hours later the sun went down.
>Which gave you plenty of time to talk Spike into your suicidal plan.
>He was not happy at all about it, and you didn't blame him.
>Though you'd given yourself the even harder job.
“Alright, it's showtime kid. Try not to get eaten.”
> “For the last time, stop calling me kid.”
“Fine, go get him sidekick.”
> “Ugh, I liked kid better.”
>But he went off anyway, stamping his little feet and heading into the huge ass cave.
>Seriously, this dragon had to be enormous.
>Maybe the starter dungeon was a better pick after all.
>Nah, you'd probably get murdered there too.
>It takes all of two minutes before Spike is hauling ass out of the cave.
>”Ahhh!” You really doubt he's faking the scream.
>If you hadn't already seen hundreds of dragons before you'd piss your pants at the enormous green monster roaring out of its cave.
>The thing has to be the size of a house.
>But now the house sized lizard is chasing Spike through the dark, roaring and breathing fire down onto the treeline.
>That's your cue.
>You make a beeline to the mouth of the cave, darting into the crushing darkness.
>Mission 1: figure out how to beat and incapacitate the dragon enough so that you can interrogate it.
 
 
>So far the mission isn't going so bad.
>You aren't even hyperventilating anymore.
>Also the inside of the cave isn't as dark as it could be.
>The shitload of jewels in here help reflect the bit of light creeping in from a hole in the roof.
>If you had to guess, the dragon made the hole. Right through solid rock.
>You were so fucked.
>But the dragon hadn't come back yet, and you were starting to worry.
>There were a host of reasons Spike getting killed would suck.
>Celestia would be mad at you, for one.
>Oh, and he'd be dead.
>Priorities.
>Swoop! Boom!
>Holy shit, the dragon was back.
 
>Fortunately you've had your sword out and at the ready for minutes.
>Otherwise it would have definitely heard you drawing it.
>It strode back into its chamber with footsteps you swore were shaking everything else.
>Jewels clattered about carelessly when one of its enormous claws so much as brushed a pile.
>Now it was in the center, surrounded on all sides by its hoard.
>Good. You were near the back, crouched low and hopefully out of sight.
>You were sure you could remain hidden, and wait until it passed out.
>Until it paused, still standing
>Then the dragon decided it should start sniffing the air.
>Which meant it had sensed you.
>Fuck.
>”Why is there still something creeping about my lair? I do not know your smell, creature...but I will end your life in a moment when I find you.”
>Double fuck.
 
>Well now your stealth plan is done for.
>A headlong attack would be complete suicide.
>The dragon was drawing slowly around its lair, peering about stacks of precious gems.
>He'd find you soon at this rate.
>You decide the best bet is to attempt diplomacy.
“I've come to ask you for information!”
>You're throwing your voice to try and mask where you are.
>But the dragon still snaps its head to look directly towards your hiding spot.
>Shit, great going.
>”Information? I think you've come to steal my jewels. Just like that miserable little runt.”
>Smaug doesn't have shit on this scary ass dragon. Seriously, its voice makes Darth Vader sound like a little girl.
“I don't want your jewels. I want to know where your kind took Princess Celestia!”
>You'd face ten of these dragons if it meant you could get her back. It was the only thing keeping you from pleading for your life.
 
>The dragon actually pauses in his search, though there's no doubt he basically knows where you are.
>”Oh? Looking for your precious princess? I do believe that even attempting to search for her would be a violation of the treaty.”
“If I was a pony.”
>That catches his attention. The giant green monster rears up, looking over the pile of gemstones and staring right at you.
>Fuck your life.
>”You most certainly are not a pony. How very strange, I do not believe I have seen anything of your like before. Tell me, are you delicious?”
>Before you can answer, the giant green dragon lunges forward.
>Its all you can do to sprint out from the pile before gold coins and gems go showering in every direction.
>You barely got out of the way of its claw, and blindly slash out with your sword.
>The dragon actually howls in pain, you'd nicked along the back of his hand.
>You actually managed to hurt it? Maybe you had a chance after all. Maybe you-
>Quicker than you could even think, its tail swung around and caught you right on the shield.
>It sends you flying a good twenty feet until you impact on another pile of expensive hoard.
>For a brief moment you pass out, and remember a particularly nice summer day spent with Celestia.
 
Part 2: http://pastebin.com/QaR1mM2X