Mad Science
Chapter 13
 
By IceMan
 
>“This one looks promising. Lives alone. Studies metatemporal mechanics and –”
“Yes, but he said his favorite color was dark purple and not navy blue. Try another one.”
>“Okay... here! He studies metaspatial hypercubes. Favorite color... navy blue –”
“But he admits to having an active and lively social life. I’m afraid this is going nowhere.”
>And that’s where it had seemed to be going all day.
>Your efforts to find your universal counterpart had been wright with difficulties from the start.
>You had discussed the plan with Twilight previously on the train.
“My counterpart will have exactly all of the same characteristics as me, and we need some way of finding that out,” you told her. “But there could be hundreds of ponies in the metaphysical magic department. This could take some time. And, even then, my counterpart might not even be one of them.”
>Twilight scratches her head.
“We could give a quiz. We gather all the members, and have them list out your most important characteristics.”
“Perfect. Hm.... So, then I need a mix of important details and minor ones. Maybe, 100 questions or so. I need to start writing them down.”
>Twilight pulls a quill and a scroll of parchment from her bag.
>As the scenery rolled on by, you paid no mind, endlessly scribbling down seemingly banal questions, including “What is your favorite color?”
>But after that, there was the problem of getting the entire Department of Metaphysical Magical Studies out for testing in a reasonable period of time.
>Fortunately, you had the twin founders and primary funders of the school, not to mention the absolute rulers of Equestria, backing your request, and so gathering the 70-odd constituents of the department for a meeting in a locked room to take a test given by a transdimensional being was not as difficult as it might sound.
>Except, none of the members of the Royal University of Canterlot’s Department of Metaphysical Magical Studies (which sounded like some kind of oxymoron to you) had scored above a 60% match, and you were requiring at least 95%.
>And that was just to call the subject back for further review.
“Well, I’m ready to call this experiment a complete failure. How about you?”
>“I wouldn’t give up hope so soon, Anonymous. We’ve still got 23 tests to review!”
“Then, you can review them. This was completely pointless. As I guessed it would.”
>“What do you mean?”
“I was thinking about it on the train while I was writing this idiotic exam. You see, transdimensional travel isn’t exactly ...linear. There could be all sorts of loops and twists and turns in space and time. It would be ridiculous to assume that the path I took through the Bulk was perfectly linear, and, for all I know, I was travelling through a higher dimensional region where moving through space is equivalent to moving through time. And that last part is the key. My counterpart in this universe could have died years ago, long before I travelled here.”
>“And maybe we’re going about this wrong. I mean, Princess Celestia’s counterpart in another universe had the complete opposite personality to her, pretty much the opposite everything.”
>You’re taken aback for a moment, and stare at Twilight in disbelief.
>She knew.
“You knew?! You knew about this and you didn’t tell me before we began this whole idiotic scheme?”
>“Well, I’m sorry, but you didn’t ask, and, as always, you were so determined about your idea about what a universal counterpart would be that you didn’t even bother to consider my opinion.”
“That doesn’t matter! How am I supposed to trust you as a friend if you won’t give me good advice just because I don’t ask?”
>“Well, if I thought you’d listen to my advice, maybe I’d be willing to give it!”
“If you gave me good advice more often, maybe I’d be more willing to listen to it!”
>“You are just… Argh, you are just unbearable, Anonymous!”
>Twilight storms out of the lecture hall.
>You rub two fingers down your eyes.
“Ugh… I can’t believe I wasted all this time.”
>You flip the quizzes off the table.
>Well, to be fair, if your hypothesis that your counterpart would be an exactly replica of you, except a horse, then this experiment would have tested that.
>But, in light of new data, the entire hypothesis was proven incorrect.
>You give a small smile as you think back fondly to ending papers with that exact statement.
>Fun times.
>You collect the piles of quizzes off the floor and neatly stack them.
>You’ll give them a review later, if you have the time, but you don’t think that there’s anything of value in them.
>But, if there is, better off not making this all for naught.
>As you exit the lecture hall, you hear – sobbing?
>You find Twilight lying on the floor, sniffling, her eyes quite moist.
“Get up. Come on, we have a train to catch in half an hour.”
>She looks at you with a visage that could cut granite.
>You sigh.
“Twilight, if your solution to every disagreement we have is to break down sobbing, then our relationship is going to go nowhere. I apologize for not heeding your advice in the past, but unfortunately, I am not a seer, so I could not see how my foolish behavior would ultimately come to be my downfall down the line. However, you must also recognize that it was foolish not to give me information that was vital to my experiment. I don’t expect an apology, but I do expect you to understand -”
>“There you go, just going to lecture me again, so superior Mr. Anonymous, so superior! Always smarter than me, always with a plan, so confident in himself that he’ll never listen to little old Twilight, who only wants the best for him, only wants to be his friend – ”
>This went on for quite a while.
>It was rather pathetic, most of your being thought, seeing one of your few tools – no, not tools, friends, stop thinking of her like that – groveling at your feet like a slave begging for forgiveness from his master, but you let her go on.
“Twilight, stop. Stop it.”
“– And you just never think of anyone but yourself, just always with your plans and your ideas and –”
“Stop. Please, stop. Look, Twilight, I’m –
“– Just always about you, never about anyone else, always Anon –”
“Jesus Christ, Twilight stop! Enough!”
>Finally, you got her attention.
“I said I was sorry. Clearly that was not enough. Just please, stop. We… We have a train to catch. And we can talk to me all about this on the train. Wipe your eyes and get off the floor. It doesn’t befit a… mare like yourself.”
>You reach your hand out.
>Twilight wipes her eyes with one hoof and grabs hold of it.
>You heave her up, and the two of you begin walking towards the train station.
“This situation clearly cannot continue,” you begin. “There are too many disagreements between the two of us over proper conduct. I suggest we figure out these problems now before they spiral out of control. Although I guess they already have. So I propose the question is this, Twilight: What do you expect of me?”
>“I expect you to listen to my advice.”
“I can’t guarantee that. Sometimes I need to follow my own reasoning.”
>“Not all the time, of course not. But… You need to listen to it, but you don’t have to follow it, how about that?”
>You mull it over for a moment.
“Okay. I can agree to that.”
>You reach the train station.
>“And what do you expect of me, Anonymous?”
“I expect you to give me any and all information that is relevant to my current inquiries.”
>“I agree.”
“Good. Conflict resolved.”
>Twilight stares at you quizzically.
>“That’s it?”
“What’s it?”
>“You think it’s just that simple to solve our problems?”
“Why wouldn’t it be? We have both addressed our grievances and come to an agreement on how to solve them.”
>“But, don’t we need some sort of epiphany or moment or something where we both realize that we need each other and how to resolve our differences?”
>You return her quizzical look.
“No. Why would we need that?”
>“Because solving friendship problems isn’t that simple Anonymous!”
“Sure it is. People just delay having a constructive communication for too long and eventually their disagreements boil over. So they think they need to solve their problem through some idiotic method, like putting themselves in danger so that their friend will come rescue them, or some other extreme measure.”
>“Well, yeah…”
“Is that seriously – urgh. Let me get this straight. In your relationships, problems are often left unsolved until an extreme circumstance forces the two parties to communicate.”
>“Well, when you put it that way it doesn’t sound so good, but –”
>You resist the urge to bang your hand against the concrete wall of the train station.
>If and when you get back to Earth, and assuming you somehow arrange for a return trip back to this completely insane world, you will be bringing a copy of How to Make Friends and Influence People with you, to add to the increasing number of texts that you have begun compiling to bring this society into the 21st century.
>The list also includes Newton’s Principia, the Feynman Lectures, Hawking’s A Brief History of Time, Sir Francis Bacon’s scientific works, Locke, Nietzsche, Dostoevsky, Hume, Kant, Plato, Aristotle….
>Might as well throw in some of the foundations of computer science, so Turing….
>Can’t leave out economics, so we’ve got to have Smith, Marx, Keynes, Hayek….
>It was a long, and obviously growing, list, but now as not the time to let your mind wander to hypothetical scenarios.
“Twilight, the key to any relationship is communication. Just… just remember that for now, okay? You will solve many more problems with your friends much more easily if you just talk to one another.”
>“Since when did you become the arbiter of friendship? You never had any friends before me.”
“Yes, but I also had numerous counselors and psychologists who tried to analyze my unique situation and tried to mold me into a more normal teenager. While it didn’t work, I did at least learn some things about human relationships.”
“And you didn’t use this knowledge to make friends, why?”
>“Before now, I didn’t want any.”
 
>“Yes, we can confirm that what Twilight told you is true. I traveled to a parallel universe in which my counterpart was my polar opposite.”
>You had summoned the Princesses of the Sun and Moon into your mind to discuss the recent developments.
>They also had some explanations to give.
“So you admit that you led me down a false path.”
>“Well…” Celestia begins.
>“When you look for a solution to a problem, often the simplest solution is the one that solves it, correct? The one where you need to make the least number of assumptions,” Luna states.
“Occam’s razor. You’re stealing ideas from my mind again.”
>“I’m sorry. It’s very hard not to.”
“But you’re right. It was best to at least seek out the simplest case first. Unfortunately, the answer to that case was already a longshot. I already explained the relativistic side to it, and this information only further complicates that. With no understanding of how exactly universal pairs are produced, if at all, then I have no means of determining which one is mine in this universe. For all we know, the universal pair produce in that universe that you visited was a property of that rendition alone.”
>“You’re right,” Celestia admits.
“I will tell you two the same thing I told Twilight. I need any information that you can give me that can help me in my quest. If she hadn’t let that detail slip, I could have spent ages going down a dead end to a goal that still did not ascertain that I could return home.”
>The twins nod.
>“Is that all?” Celestia asks.
“I believe so.”
>They turn to leave.
“Oh, one other thing. I suggest that you write Twilight a letter about the importance of not allowing relationship conflicts to escalate such that the problem cannot be easily resolved. I believe she thinks that the only way to solve these problems is through drastic measures, and I’m not sure why.”
>Celestia turns around and walks back.
>“You have a lot of… theoretical knowledge about friendship, Anonymous. But your practical knowledge is zero. I suggest you not interfere with my student’s studies.”
>Her tone is completely even, but you can sense a lingering threat.
>A sense of “I have my own plans, and if you interfere with them you will be in a world of pain.”
>You get that feeling a lot when dealing with these two.
“Just something I observed,” you say with a shrug.
>That appears to appease the princess, and the duo melts into the shadows.
>Your mind is empty.
>You feel the princesses’ presence fading.
>When it is gone from your subconscious entirely, you speak the words you need to say.
“Discord. I summon -”
>“You rang?”
>He puts down an old-fashioned telephone.
“Your humor gets weaker with each encounter. You would have been better off with a large spectacle of demonic fire and smoke followed by you sitting in an easy chair or stepping out of the shower or something.”
>“And who made you the Lord of the Jokes now?”
“No one. It’s just going to take a lot more to impress me than low-hanging gags.”
>“Very well. Now, what do you require of the Immortal Lord of Chaos?”
>You pause for a moment, considering how to address this.
“In light of certain revelations, it has come to my attention that those who I have considered competent are actually ignorant of many alternate realities and possibilities. Their plans for how I might succeed in my goal, returning to Earth, were based on completely faulty information. And, as such, I must return to my… rejected ideas.”
>“You want our deal to be back on.”
>You nod.
>Discord rushes forward and embraces you, crushing your ribs and leaving you unable to breathe with his iron grip.
“Please. Let me go!” you wheeze out.
>“Oh thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, Anonymous, you have no idea –”
“Yes, but I can’t breathe, please, let me go –”
>He finally lets you go, only to repeat the gesture a second time.
>After this, he lets you catch your breath.
>Regaining his faux-gentlemanly manner, Discord straightens up and states, “You won’t regret this decision.”
“No, I have a feeling I won’t.”
>But one doubt remains in your mind.
>This betrayal smells too thickly of this chimera’s handiwork.
>You quickly ask the question.
“You didn’t have anything to do with this? Did you?”
>Discord chuckles.
>“You put far too much faith in me, Anonymous. If I had been manipulating the princesses and your little friend into lying to you and leading you down false paths like a deer given a map by a tiger, then why would I need to seem desperate when you called off our deal? Why not just play it off, make it look like I really have nothing to gain from this arrangement? And, if I could manipulate them so easily into this, why not simply make sure they never told you about the universal pairs in the first place, so that my solution would look like the only option?”
“You said you were trying to be reformed, at least in appearance, so manipulating them when it wasn’t necessary would have broken that image. You were desperate, and as such, you need to manipulate my allies to get what you wanted.”
>“Except I didn’t.”
“It matters not whether you did or didn’t. The timing is irrelevant. Had this information come to me sooner, my hand would have similarly been forced. And I assume you are a patient man – er, I forgot what your species was called.”
>“Draconequus, my dear human. And, when you spend millennia trapped in stone, you tend to acquire patience at some point.”
>You nod, almost knowingly.
>“So now what are you going to do?”
“Get back to work. Get back to doing what I do best. Building things. Experimenting.”
>“Good…. We’ve got a tight schedule to keep. Can’t keep the unstoppable forces of darkness and chaos at bay forever.”
“I thought you were the unstoppable force of darkness and chaos.”
>“Chaos maybe, but darkness… eh, I could never do red and black.”
>You chuckle.
“It feels like I’ll be waking up soon. And I’ve got a job to do.”
>“I’ll be off then. If you need me, well, you know where to call.”
>Discord disappears with a pop.
>And the light of a new day opens your eyes.
 
>You are Princess Luna.
“Entering the dream-state always take it out of me,” you tell your elder sister.
>“For me as well. Could it be we are losing our magical prowess as we age?” she replies.
“That does not seem likely. But something to look into. When you’ve lived for millennia, I can only imagine that must have some effect on your health.”
>Celestia rubs her forehead with a hoof.
“Something wrong? Or just still tired from the spell?”
>“No. Just… thinking.”
“About what?”
>“That Anonymous is becoming… meddlesome in our plans.”
“Meddlesome is a harsh word.”
>“Well, I can’t think of any other way to describe his actions.”
“So? We both thought that our experiences with the alternate Equestria were a special case.”
>“Well, we thought wrong.”
>Distantly, a crystal grandfather clock, one of many in the palace, ticks.
“Perhaps it is for the best. Perhaps we were not made to be the sole guardians of this realm.”
>“No. As intelligent and capable as Anonymous may be, he is still an outsider. He does not understand anything about the nuances of magic.”
“And do you think he’s not capable of learning those nuances?”
>“He will never come to the full understanding that we have. His methods may grant him some insight, but he will not understand magic as we do. He will never understand this world as we do, or the decisions that need to be made to protect it.”
>The clock keeps ticking.
“You do realize that we have left Anonymous no other option than to seek out Discord now.”
>“Of course I do. What do you think we’re really discussing here?”
“So, what do you propose we do about it?”
>“Do you have any ideas?”
“No. Other than outright stopping him, which will just lead to him distrusting us further.”
>“Do you think he knows what we’re planning?”
“I think he only knows we have plans for her. Especially because of what you let on at the end of our little conversation.”
>“Perhaps I could have put that more eloquently.”
“Perhaps. He still doesn’t know what the plot is, of course, but he knows we’re up to something.”
>Celestia sighs.
>“Twilight is the key to all of this. She is my best student, the perfect protégé. We need her.”
“So what Discord is planning –”
>“There’s no guarantee what will happen if he builds that device. Even I have no idea what it will do.”
“But that doesn’t really matter to Anonymous, now does it?”
>“No. He wants to go home.”
“Discord seems certain that it will work.”
>“If so, then what does he know that we don’t?”
>Another sigh.
>“I just realized that we have a hand in creating this whole mess. Had we not sought to reform Discord as part of our own plans, then we wouldn’t have to deal with this problem.”
>You simply nod.
“But I don’t think interference from a being from an alternate universe was something we could have predicted either.”
 
 
This concludes the first draft (I guess that's the right word) of Mad Science. No more chapters will be written following the events of this draft. The story begins anew with Mad Science: Chapter 1, posted 02/08/2015.