Exhibitionism #3
A/N - Hello! I'm Silver_Lining, one of the_panic's good friends. I stumbled back upon his old material and thought this stuff was too funny, and so he's letting me continue where he left off like 3 years ago! Basically I'm gonna write some bits highlighting funny situations that could come from casual-as-a-handshake public sex! (Course, first gotta get this scene out of the way...) I hope you like it, much alcohol is/was consumed in the writing of these!
 
Previous pastes:
Part 1: https://pastebin.com/zvYP2exL
Part 2: https://pastebin.com/khBW0Tpx
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"OW!" Kate exclaimed as my hoof connected with her, er his temple, "What the shit was that for, Jason?!"
 
I scowled as angrily as my recently-acquired (and admittedly adorable) mare face would allow me to. "BECAUSE YOU'RE OGLING ME LIKE A HORNY 14 YEAR OLD WHO JUST MANAGED TO SNEAK HOME THE FLESHLIGHT HE ORDERED ONLINE USING A VISA PREPAID CARD HE LOADED WITH HIS LIFE SAVINGS OF 3 MONTHS ALLOWANCE PLUS LAWNMOWING MONEY!"
 
Meanwhile Twilight just continues to sit and nonchalantly sip the cup of tea she apparently conjured out of thin air as if nothing is going on out of the ordinary. She periodically took deep breaths and stretched a leg out, as if doing some kind of bullshit "mindfullness" stress relief thing.
 
Kate, (or I guess Pineapple, since we're doing the whole pony-name thing now), sits on his haunches and huffs. "Well that sounds like projection to me."
 
"Ugh. Normally I'm the one being a flippant dumbass."
 
Pineapple/Kate scooched over to sit next to me and put a foreleg around my shoulders. "Sorry. Just, uh, suffice it to say I already kinda understand the male libido a bit better, like god damn ever since I woke up almost every other thought has been either about your rear end or just sex in general."
 
I giggled, temporarily overlooking how disgustingly saccharine sweet my voice had become. "Yeah, that's pretty much me when I'm around you as a human, normally, heh..."
 
I was suddenly aware of three things, we were both blushing intensely, Pine was still boasting enough wood to build a Spanish flotilla, and Twilight had finished her tea and was now tapping a hindleg absentmindedly while reading a book.
 
"Yeah, so..." I murred and looked down at his groin, "Pine, you think you can do something about that thing? It's kinda intimidating me here... Like think of baseball or your grandma or something, Jesus."
 
He blushed more deeply and turned away, as Twilight looked up. "You know," she said, "it's not like you two couldn't quote, do something about that thing, unquote, I don't mind."
 
I could feel the color drain from my face. "Oh hell no, no way,"
 
Twilight face-hoofed. "Seriously, you both could probably use the relief, and I already told you, for us it's really not a big deal. In fact I'm kind of having a hard time understanding why it *IS* such a big deal for your kind! Really, it might be good for you both given how stressful the last twelve hours have been... Here," she got up and motioned towards the bathroom, "I'll show you where the towels are and you can use my bathroom."
 
Flustered, and admittedly somewhat turned on, I reared up and lunged at Twilight only to be stopped by another levitation aura. "I said no! Holy fuck no way, I'm a straight goddamn independent man who don't need OR WANT no dick!"
 
Twilight gave an exasperated sigh and looked over towards Pine, who just shrugged while his member was still at such rapt attention that even the most hardassed of boot camp drill instructors would have been satisfied.
 
"Ignoring the fact that what you said is a double negative, implying you *DO* need dick... Look, Quick, your girl-,er boyfriend seems to be taking this a bit better than you," the little purple bitch hissed, "I'm not saying you *have* to do it, but, gosh, at least consider it. Think of it like this, you both get to see things somewhat from the others' perspective. That's got to be a good thing, right? And like it or not, you need to come to terms with the changes you've experienced."
 
I felt myself lowered back down next to Pine, who was looking at me eagerly. "C'mon, Jaso-I mean Quick. We need to get used to our new bodies and this situation, you know, fit in a bit? Who knows, might be fun."
 
I eyed him suspiciously. "...You just want to get your dick wet. I am, or used to be, a guy, I know that look. Hell, remember the first time we slept together? I sounded exactly like you do now."
 
He shrugged. "I mean, yeah? And before all this, we were pretty happy right? And you can't tell me you aren't curious about this. Hell, I've seen some of the threads on /d/ you've been on before."
 
Fuck. He, uh, kinda got me on that one. "Oh fuck you, that was ONE TIME I fapped to that. ONE. FUCKIN'. TIME," I blurted out, the orange fur on my face burning a deep red.
 
"Ahem," Twilight fake-coughed, "whatever you two settle on, you know where to go. I have a few books I have to get caught up on, and then later we'll go back out. I'm low on groceries so we'll either eat out again or we'll do something here. Just... Let me know if you need anything, otherwise please don't make a mess. I'll be upstairs."
 
And with that, she flickered out of existence.
 
"...So," I drawled, taking a sudden interest in my hooves and the floor.
 
"...Yeah." Pine rubbed the back of his head and looked at the ceiling, apparently doing anything to ignore his still enthusiastically-erect member.
 
Christ. I actually secretly deep-down am curious about all this. Has this whole transformation thing fucked with our heads, too? I mean, Kate previously had only an average woman's sex drive but now, as Pine, not only is he doing his best to keep from begging for it, he doesn't even seem to mind his change in gender. Hell, I'm not even sure if *I* mind anymore. I mean it's temporary, right? We'll get home and things will be all back to normal, easy fuckin' peasy. But actually getting fucked? "Nnng. I DON'T GET PIPE LAID, *I DO THE PIPE-LAYING*!!!" Fuck, did I say that out loud?
 
Pine laughed. "Is that what this is about? The big strong guy can't handle the thought of being a little submissive for a change?"
 
...That was oddly perceptive, so I just nodded and held up a hoof. "Imagine that I'm flipping you off right now. I hope you can see it, because I'm doing it as hard as I can."
 
"Tell ya what," he chuckled, "we honestly both kinda smell ripe right now," Pine pointed to the bathroom, "let's grab a shower together and see what happens from there. We don't have to do anything, but just remember this, I always enjoyed my side of things in the bedroom."
 
I sighed and stood up. "Fair enough, but I swear to god, no 'dropping the soap' jokes or I will fucking geld you," I then craned my head down and sniffed myself, only to be reminded of a mixture of stale booze, vomit, and horse stables, "but uh yeah, shower sounds good."
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"...Hey, careful, watch it!" Pine leaned on me just a bit too heavily, nearly causing me to lose my footing and slipslide my way down the slick porcelain into a concussion.
 
"Sorry!" Pine exclaimed, "Balancing on three legs while washing myself isn't easy, you know!"
 
It actually kinda was easy, but even as a human, Kate was never exactly what you'd call coordinated. She had the balance of a one-legged drunk monkey trying to play in traffic. As for me, once we managed to figure out how to get a nice, hot shower running, it didn't take long for me to scrub myself down. At this point, I was mostly just standing idly on the other end of the tub, facing away from Pine and letting my mind go blank in the steaming water. Had to hand it to these ponies, with three overhead nozzles and two on each side, it was a hell of a shower, and I couldn't help but wonder if most pony homes had this or if this was just one of many perks of being a princess's prote-
 
"AAH!" I yelped as I felt something soft graze my feminine bits, "The fuck was that?!" I spun around and was met with Pine's shit-eating grin, and his wide, flat tongue still sticking out.
 
"Ehehe sorry, couldn't resist..." He trailed off, his grin turning into a kind of dopey smile and stare. I glanced down, and sure enough, Pine was somehow still harder than steel. Christ, ponies must not get blueballs or something because any human with that would have the ballsack of a Kaiju/Smurf hybrid by now.
 
I did a few slow doubletakes, alternating between looking at Pine's face and his rod... I couldn't lie to myself, when he licked me there, it did feel pretty great... Shit I'm actually considering this.
 
Fuck it, fine, let's get this over with. "OK, whatever, Pine, once. ONCE," I lunged at his face, "just to see what it's like,"
 
Pine jerked back into reality and nearly became a kid in a candy store, except the candy store was a place to put his dick. "Seriously?! Like, you're OK with this?"
 
I groaned, and turned around. "Yes, just, whatever it takes to get Pine Jr to go down and get rid of this constant twitchy feeling I have down there," I turned my head to look back at him, "Just get on with it before I change my mIINDDOOOHH GOD-"
 
Before I could get the words out, Pine was already on top of me and rubbing his tip against my entrance, eagerly trying to work it into me. Oh god. It's happening. There's no turning back, I'm getting fucked. As a girl. I have officially lost control of my li-"AAH!" I squeaked, as the flare popped in, allowing several inches to slide in unobstructed.
 
"Oh god, Jason, this is AHH! AMAZING!" Pine huffed out between thrusts.
 
I would have demanded he use my new Pony name, because my male name was just too awkward here, but I could only squeak and moan. I would *NORMALLY* be disgusted and alarmed at how girly I sounded but... Fuck me it just felt too good.
 
Pine became equally incoherent, having finally worked the final few inches into me despite my new body's involuntary efforts to clamp down. I couldn't believe how close I was already, each thrust making me feel every detail of Pine's anatomy scraping against my insides and against some other part of me that seemed to be twitching in and out of me down there. I felt Pine's thrusts already becoming more erratic, and began feeling part of him swelling inside me.
 
"Shit," I thought to myself, "he's already about to finish and I get to be on the other unsatisfying end of this joke for a change..." But I barely had time to register the thought before Pine slammed into me one more time, groaned and babbled incoherently, immediately followed by an explosion of warmth deep inside me. This apparently triggered something in my new body, causing a full blown climax to slam into me from all directions; I felt my walls contract frantically around Pine as electricity seemed to roll in waves through my body.
 
I stumbled forward a bit, causing Pine to pop free of me, and we both just kind of collapsed together, taking in the hot water and afterglow.
 
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After scrubbing ourselves down again and drying off, I was the first to speak. "So uh... That happened."
 
With a shit-eating grin, Pine replied, "How'd you like your first dicking?"
 
"ONLY dicking. ONLY," I corrected.
 
"Hehe. You're cute when you're cumming," he presses his nose to mine and screws up his face, "you get this sort of pained/cross-eyed expression."
 
I have no witty retort for that, so I just blush in a mixture of anger, embarrassment, and worst of all, flattery. ~eeeee I'm a cute!~~~
 
I wished he would just shut up, I had a shattered male identity to deal with! I'm not a cute god damn it! I listen to death metal! I drink myself to levels of intoxication that make practiced alcoholics jealous and have, during said benders, pissed on my dog mistaking it for the toilet! I've jacked off to unspeakable things, in VR even! I am a fucking disgusting degenerate! I. AM. NOT. *CUTE*...
 
As we walked back into the main room, Twilight had apparently torn herself away from her books and was there waiting on us, with her own smug mug directed at me.
 
"Gotta say, Quick," She said, "I never would've pegged you for a screamer!"
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Ponies throughout Ponyville stopped what they were doing, their trains of thought interrupted by a high pitched scream of rage that not even Luna at her angriest could hope to match, followed by a familiar shockwave of purple magical aura and the phrase "FUCKSHITASSYOUGODDAMNCUNTI'LLKILLYOUBITCHAHASHHHAAHAAAHAHAGGH!!!"