I love you.
 
I want to start with that while I'm still thinking about it and it's still there, and even if I forget how to say it again, at least I'll have done it now. But I'll try my best to remember.
 
I'm not so good at writing. It's not like painting because even if you make a mistake, it's not really a mistake, just the start of a different direction. But every letter always has to be same. It's a sad situation. I don't like writing. And I'm not a very good writer. It works out.
 
But then again, you aren't always a great listener so I guess things even out in the end. Life is funny that way. But anyways I'm going to try writing and you're going to try listening because you never know how good you're going to end up being at something until you try and try and keep trying until it makes sense or it doesn't. I should probably rewrite that last part. Or maybe I won't. I'm just not going to think about it. I want this to be me at my me-est.
 
You would like that most, I think. I hope.
 
Anyhow, I had fun the last weekend. I don't know if you knew that, but I really did. There were so many other people there, some that I knew and some that I didn't. I'm sure that they enjoyed themselves, too. That tends to happen when people are around you, you know. You're special like that. Maybe it's your superpower? Do you like having it? Use it wisely. I'd like to be able to fly, myself. Then I could go to the store, the city, to heaven and back so quickly. Much faster than the bus.
 
But getting back to the last weekend. I'm sorry if sometimes I get off track. You know what it's like. It's good that I don't have to explain. So I'll start with the restaurant. We went there once, I think. You were surprised when I ordered because there weren't any menus. I didn't know that. I just ordered what you did because I figured that if you thought it was fine, then it must be fine. But then I realized that fine for you doesn't always mean fine for me and that perhaps I'd made a big mistake.
 
It turned out to be fine. Although I did spill some tea on my pants. That girl who was Student Council President stared at you when you went to clean it up. Her name is Shizune. Now I remember. I didn't know as many people in school as you did. Perhaps she wished she had spilled her tea, too. Good thing I thought of it first.
 
I said, "Thanks." Like as in, thanks for cleaning up after my messes; the ones that are paint, and the ones that are tea, and the ones that are my mistakes, and the ones that are tears. Thanks. But I wish you hadn't spent so much time cleaning up after me. People shouldn't forget to clean up after themselves, too. Otherwise, everyone is too busy with everyone else's mess and then they just get mad and angry and confused at each other. I'm not angry at you, though. Just want you to know that because that might have made it sound like I was those things.
 
Back to the last weekend. I must try to stay on track. I love you. Good. Still there.
 
After we ate we all hopped in a car to go into the city. I thought it was strange that we were fitting so many people into such a small car. There were only five seats, but eight of us. Although when your loud, angry friend with the glasses climbed into the trunk it was more like seven. Every once in a while he would ask if we were still going to the karaoke bar. I wonder where he thought we were going. He was very worried about you for the entire night. I didn't know if you noticed that, so I wanted to add it. Musn't forget anything.
 
I ended up laying across everyone's legs in the back. Everyone kept asking me if I was comfortable, which was a strange question because I was the only one lying down and I didn't have anyone on top of me. On another note, maybe you should've braked more slowly. Emi held onto me the entire time to stop me from rolling onto the floor. But everyone else was laughing, and I didn't really mind, so maybe I shouldn't complain.
 
Listening to everyone else sing was interesting. That girl with the burns (you called her Hanako) was loud. Very aggressive. Emotional. Nothing like the rest of the night. Hanako at her Hanakoest. Do I seem like that when I paint? Perhaps I should paint in front of a mirror so that I can see me at my me-est. Like I'm trying to be right now. Actually, hold on for a moment. You don't have a choice, but hang on anyways. I am going to get a mirror so that I can watch myself.
 
 
 
 
 
 
This blank part is me getting the mirror. There would normally be more words here, but they were with me.
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
There, I'm back. I don't look any different. Perhaps it takes time. I love you. Back to the last weekend.
 
It was hard for me to pick out a song. Everyone else picked very quickly. I think I was only one who had never done karaoke before. It even sounds like a bizarre word. Kareeohkeeeeeeeee. But a word is just a word. If you say enough times, it doesn't sound like it means anything anyways, so I probably shouldn't worry about it too much.
 
Did I pick a strange song? Everyone looked at me when I picked "Open Arms". I did pick it to be funny at first, but I guess there are some jokes that people don't laugh at. But I really liked the words once I started singing them. Here I am with open arms and all that. Mine are always open. Can't help it. But now that you've come back, tonight and today, I need you stay. That was my favorite part. It was meant for you, you know. It felt good, like I was finally telling you something clearly, even though they weren't my words. Just borrowing them. Mr. Perry probably understands.
 
Sorry. I'm apologizing because I don't remember a whole lot after that. Just bits and pieces. Have you ever tried to put together an old jigsaw puzzle, but there are pieces in the middle missing? I'm missing a couple pieces, but they'll turn up under the couch eventually. They always do.
 
Someone suggested going to the bar downstairs. I don't drink much, but I was willing to try. It's very much like messing up a dosage of medicine, or being a bubble floating around the room, or maybe a bee inside of a bubble because it was very buzzy. Also a very bad idea because when the bubble pops, you're left with a very angry bee. There were a lot of angry bees in my head the next morning.
 
I remember trying to kiss you a lot. You only did it back a couple times. I understand. You didn't drink anything last night. Or sing. You sat in the back and smiled at us.
 
You knew, didn't you?
 
You knew you knew you knew but you didn't tell us because why would you when we were having so much fun that was the whole point wasn't it to see us all again one last time but I didn't know and if i had known i would have said more to say the words im saying now i want to build a time machine and do it over again but that would just change the future and something else would go wrong so theres no way to help it so i have to write to get these feelings out of my head because i was too stupid to tell you that i love you like mixing the perfect shade of prussian blue the first try or the feeling of dandelions brushing your face or the taste of fresh oranges or talking about jellyfish to someone who doesn't care if it means anything i love you like i loved all of those things
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
 
I'm back. I'm sorry for that last part. I can edit it later. No, I won't. They are my words, and I will keep them. I want you to read this exactly the way it came to my head. Rin at her Rin-est.
 
I'll leave it right here, next to all the flowers so you can read it whenever you want to. It's not very good, but I know that you don't care, and if it doesn't matter to you, then it doesn't matter to me. It's the only thing I can give you now, but it's the best that I've ever given anyone.
 
One more time, so I don't forget.
 
Thank you for sharing your last weekend with me. I love you.