Five finger special.
based on: http://pastebin.com/D3YGqAWu
 
>Man last week was fun.
>But between lifting with Roid, Work, and dealing with the Cake's kids, your week has gotten pretty boring.
>Time to get out your old friend.
>Luck old bottle.
>This was the first beer you ever had in Equestria.
>This little thing has sent you on many adventures, even after you had finished downing it's contents.
>You had used lucky bottle to brighten up your days here in Equestria many a time.
>Simply spin bottle, see who he lands on, and give their ass a high five.
>It didn't matter who he landed on, their ass was getting smacked.
>Because it's not gay unless your junk touches.
>You were in the middle of Ponyville.
>Something involving the Princess was going on. Probably a speech or some shit.
>You and lucky bottle were going to check it out.
 
>Your suspicions were confirmed when you arrived upon the scene.
>The Princess was giving a speech about lower taxes.
>You decided to make an entrance, and show her your support for her decision.
>You walked straight up to her took out lucky bottle, and sat on the ground. There would be no second spins for this one.
>"What are you doing Anonymous? And why are you interrupting my speech?"
 
>This was the moment of truth.
>Time to use those hands dexterity and flexibility to their full extent.
>You wound up lucky bottle in your wrist...
>And spun.
>All of Ponyville watched as the bottle spun.
>The unknowing simply gazed at you, while those who knew of your previous adventures,(and supported you) faces were twisted into excitement.
>As lucky bottle's spin slowed, you crossed your fingers for luck.
>Cheerilee, Roseluck, a royal guard, another... YES!
>Right smack dab on Celestia!
>You looked up at Celestia with a face full of glee for what you were about to do.
Congratulations Princess Celestia, you get one FIVE FINGER SPECIAL!!
>Your supporters cat calls rang out in the crowd. "Anonymous, you dog!"
>"What's a five finger special, and how is this relevant to my speech?"
>You ignored her, for it was ass slapping time.
>You walked to her backside. Paying no attention to the royal guard who were looking out for any of your funny business.
>They were about to get a whole face full of funny business.
>You wound up your swing, savoured the moment, and swung.
>"Anonym- *YELP!*"
>You waited just long enough to hear your supporters cheers, before taking a hasty leave.
>You were already outside of her levitation spell when Celestia ordered her guard to seize you.
Run run as fast as you can, I can run as fast as a black man~!
The chase was on.
 
1/?