>Day Pickup in Equestria
>Or rather, evening in Equestria
>Specifically Dust Valley
>On the village's main street you stand, ready to take on the night!
>It's Friday, you're wearing your finest suit, and it is definitely time to meet some singles to mingle
>Fortunately for you, you've come equipped with your finest pickup line.
>Which you try out immediately on a black and yellow moth mare who walks by.
"Hey, Hexferry! Are you a light-bulb, cause you brighten up my day!"
>She stops, sighs, tries not to look at you, and shakes her head before continuing on her way.
>"That was stupid, Anon. It's not going to work on any mare with sense in her head."
>She dug it.
>You can see her trying to resist the urge to pounce on you and kiss you right then and there.
>With a skip in your stride, one that could never be broken, you begin your journey to the local bar.
>On the way, you pass by little Flower Tart.
>You like this filly, and it always makes you smile when she giggles.
>Maybe she'll get a kick out of your line?
"Hey Flowertart, are you a light-bulb, cause you brighten up my day!"
>She stares at you.
>You stare at her.
>With a quick snap, you grin a cheesy grin.
>And hold it for an awkwardly long and silent moment.
>She starts to finally giggle and roll on the ground.
>"You're so silly, Mr. Anon!"
>You give the kid a pat on the head before walking away.
>If it'll work on a tsundere bee and a child, it'll work on any mare.
>The hustle, bustle, buzz, and squeaks of many moths echoes through the building.
>They all quiet down as you enter.
"Alright, all you moths! Who's ready to party!"
>You strike the pose: snapped fingers extended, cheesy grin, legs spread, knees bent, back relaxed.
>They all stare at you for a brief second before going back to their drinks and conversations.
>Who's first...
>A white mare with green hair and yellow neck-fluff trots by you with a tray of drinks balanced on her back.
>You take the tray off her back, to which she contests with a loud "hey!"
 
"Is for horses."
>You point at her with a wink.
"Let me just help you with these drinks so you don't spill'em, alright?"
>"Ugh, fine, I suppose."
>You walk her to her table and sit across from her in a small booth, setting the drinks down.
"All alone, huh? These all for you?"
>"No, they're for my brother and some friends."
"Oh, well how about we cut the small talk and get to the point before they get here."
>"What poi-"
"Are you a light-bulb? Cause you brighten up my day."
>You wink again.
>She blinks, and you think you can see a small blush form on her cheeks.
>"What are you talking about?"
"A-a light-bulb... you br-brighten up my day."
>"Go away."
"But-"
>"Shoo!"
>You get up just as a two moth stallions and a moth mare approach the table.
>The moth mare looks up at you with a smile.
>Tan coat, dark brown hair, gorgeous black eyes.
>Like staring into a beautiful abyss.
"Hey there, cutie. Are you a light-bulb? Cause you brighten up my day."
>She continues staring at you, her smile now absent.
>The white moth sitting at the table throws a coaster at you.
>"I said go away!"
>The coaster hits you with a soft "thud" and lands on the floor.
>Rejected, you start to walk away.
>The mare you just hit on sits beside one of the stallions in the booth you were recently evicted from.
>"I don't get it."
>"Don't worry about it. Probably just one of those weirdos looking for a gullible mare."
>Haters gonna hate.
>You walk up to the bar and take a seat on one of the stools.
"Hey barkeep! Give me a round of your finest!"
>A minute later, a mug of frothy nectar slides in front of you.
>As you pick it up, a cute little thing sits beside you.
"Well hey there, cutie. Mind if I buy you a drink?"
>"I-I'm not a-"
"What's your name?"
>"Moon Dust, but-"
"Barkeep! One more for my lady friend, here."
>Despite her protests, the mare sips gingerly at the mug.
"So, Moon Dust. Are you a light-bulb? Cause you brighten up my day."
 
>She spits a mouthful of nectar out and stares at you.
>You stare back.
>Not at her eyes.
 
>At the boner she so prominently displays.
"WOAH, NEVERMIND. YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME THERE, BUDDY, ALRIGHT?"
>You pat him on the back.
>Dudes these days are looking more and more like chicks.
>You blame the social media feminizing everything.
>You move over to the other side of the bar and sit at a lonely little table in the corner.
>A shudder jolts through your spine as a white stallion with yellow markings and pitch black eyes sits across from you.
>"Good evening, my friend. Excellent work with Moon Dust, I must say. You must have a real way with words."
>He sips from a mug of his own.
>"Mind telling me what you said to him?"
"I asked her... him, if he was a light-bulb. Because he brightens up my day."
>The stallion stares at you.
>You stare at him.
>He sets his drink down and looks as if he may have an existential crisis.
>"Genius. Pure genius. Why have I never thought of that."
>You shrug.
>He grabs your blazer with a hoof and drags you out of your chair.
>"COME! We have many mares to woo tonight with your magical words!"
>The two of you now sit beneath a table where two stallions sit.
>"Do you see those two mares there?"
>He points to Caramel and Butterscotch.
"Oh, I know them, yeah."
>"Well, I've been after that find drop of nectar on the left."
"Caramel?"
>He nods slowly.
>"I'm going to need you to be my wing-moth."
"Sure."
>"You're also going to do all of the talking."
"Alright."
>You're going to bag both of them and leave this loser in the dust.
>Heh, moth puns.
>"Let's go!"
>He clambers out from under the table and you follow close behind.
>As the two of you approach the chattering mares, they look up at you.
>"Uh, hello? Can we help you?"
>Virgo immediately pushes you up against the table, almost knocking the mares' drinks over.
"Yeah, me and my uh... friend here were wondering if you two fine mares were light-bulbs?"
 
>Butterscotch looks you dead in the eyes.
"Because you brighten up our days."
>She keeps staring at you.
>You do a three-hundred-sixty degree spin and walk away.
 
>Virgo stares at you as you abandon him.
>You may never know what fate befell him.
>Maybe he got lucky.
>Maybe he got slapped and told off.
>You stumble backwards over a small brown moth with white curly hair.
>She squeaks really loud as you land on your bottom.
"S-sorry, wasn't looking where I was going. Are you alri-"
>She sits on her haunches right in front of you, staring deep into your eyes.
>A small smile plays across her lips as she sits perfectly still, eyes never moving from yours.
>Might as well break the ice.
"Are you a light-bulb? Cause you brighten up my day."
>Her lips part as she starts to speak.
>"Do you know how much polar bears weigh? Enough to break the ice."
>What.
>You do the only thing you think of.
>More pickup lines.
"Are you a pie? Because you're also a cutie."
>"Do you have a map? Because I'm lost in your eyes."
"Did it hurt?"
>She tilts her head for a second, that same smile still on her face.
"When you fell from heaven, I mean."
>"No, but it hurt when I tried to fly to the sun!"
"What?"
>"Cause I saw your smiling face in it."
>Oh.
>She got you.
>She got you good.
>"How about we blow this beehive and do something fun?"
"Like what?"
>"More pickup lines!"
>This mare.
>This mare right here.
"Sure. I'm Anon."
>"I'm Squeak, and you're making my heart squeak."
>You stand up and she latches onto your arm.
"Well I'm going to guess you aren't really a moth pony. You must be a butterfly."
>She gets right up in your face, almost daring you to finish.
"Cause you make my heart flutter."
>She promptly laughs harder than you've ever seen anyone laugh in a long time, and the two of you leave the bar.
>To tell stupid puns and pickup lines to each other at your house.
>Exactly what you were looking for at the beginning of the evening.