>Day 323 in Equestria.
>And you struck out, AGAIN.
>You put Nurse Redheart on the list of mares who aren't down for the hot monkey dick.
>Damn dude, that's a long-ass list.
>You're sullenly chewing on a ranch-drenched salad, when suddenly...
>Rainbow to the rescue.
>"C'mon bro, karaoke night!"
"Aww hell yeah. Bitches love a booming boss baritone."
>10 minutes later, you and rainbro stride through the door.
>  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-KT-r2vHeMM
"Damn dude, the whole damn town is here!"
>"Duh bro. we're in PONYVILLE. What else is there to do on a Saturday night?"
>She's got a point. Time to drop the swaghammer.
>Bon Bon's got the mic. Her voice is like porn for your ears. God DAMN that's an appropriate track for her.
>You make your way to the bar, grabbing 2 ciders each for you and rainbow, and slamming a shot of Applejack Daniels before heading back to the table.
>Rainbow's got her eyes locked on the stage.
>So does everyp0ny else.
>For such a stern mare, Bonnie knows how to work a crowd.
>Even you feel yourself drawn to stare.
>Her eyes are sealed to a minty miss though.
>She's been on the no-bone list since month 2.
>Fuckin' shame.
 
>The town's sweetsmith drawls out the last few bars, and the applause is thunderous.
>She's barely to the steps of the stage when Pinkie Pie launches herself toward the micstand.
>The crowd groans in harmony.
>Pinkie's face sinks.
>"C'mon guys, just one more??"
>The crowd erupts. "NOOO!"
>Goddamn, apparently nobody wants showtunes unless it's a mid-day whole town singalong thing.
>Either that, or everyone's just sick of Pinkie. Fucking stage-hogs.
>Hair all limp, she stuttersteps over to you and Rainbow's table.
>As she swings by onto a cushion, you slap her plot lightly.
>She's on the list too, but she admitted some time ago that she loves the attention anyway.
"Perk up, Pinkapotamus. If you haven't got half the town wrapped in a chorus by monday, I'll eat my hat."
>"I know, but I had a good one! And look, now nobody's even on the stage!"
>The mic was looking lonely as hell. The bar was still noisy with conversation, but nobody but the Pink wanted to follow Bon Bon. You can't blame them.
>The seconds pass, and the crowd is getting antsy.
>You sigh loudly.
"Well, a man's gotta do what a man's gotta do."
>You take the stage, hoping the janitor's got a good mop, because this place is about to flood.
 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MCWaN_Tc5wo
 
Canterlot face, Fillydelphia booty
I like big plots and I cannot lie
You other brothers can't deny
When a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist
And a round thing in your face
You get sprung
Wanna pull up tough
You notice that plot was stuffed
Deep in the jeans she's wearing
I'm hooked and I can't stop staring
Oh, babe I wanna get with ya
And take your pretty picture
My homeboys tried to warn me
But that plot you got
Makes me so horny
Ooh, rumplesmooth coat
You say you wanna get on my boat
Well use me choose me cuz you ain't that average groupie
 
I've seen them dancing
The hell with romancing
She sweats, she's wet, hotter than a stolen chariot
 
I'm tired of magazines
Saying flat plots are the thing
Take the average ape-man and ask him that
She gotta pack much back
 
So Fellas (yea), Fellas (yea)
Has your marefriend got the butt (hell yea!)
Tell 'em to shake it, shake it, shake that healthy plot
 
Baby got back
(Canterlot face, Fillydelphia booty)
Baby got back
(Canterlot face, Fillydelphia booty)
Baby got back
(Canterlot face, Fillydelphia booty)
Baby got back
 
 
 
 
>Suddenly, the crowd is at attention.
>A wall-eyed blonde is trying to float near the stage.
>Too bad DAT ASS is holding her down.
>Goddamn, is that Mrs. Cake making her way to the front?
>It's hard to tell over your own singing and the crowd chiming in, but you think you hear Carrot Cake saying something.
>"Celestia dammit, not again."
 
 
I like 'em round and big
And when I'm throwin' a gig
I just can't help myself
I'm actin like an animal
Now here's my scandal
I wanna get you home
And uh, double up, uhh-uhh
I aint talkin bout playcolt
Cuz silicone parts are made for dolts
I want em real thick and juicy
So find that juicy double
Anonamous's in trouble
>You shoot a smouldering glance at Derpy
Beggin for a piece of that bubble
So I'm lookin' at fashion camps
Knock kneed nags all walkin like tramps
You can have them lil' whores
I'll keep my women like Sapphire Shores
A word to the royal sistas
I wanna get with ya
I won't cuss or hit ya
But I gotta be straight when I say I wanna UH
Til' the break of dawn
Baby got it goin' on
A lot of simps won't like this song
Cuz them punks like to hit it and quit it
But I'd rather stay and play
Cuz I'm long and I'm strong
And I'm down to get the friction on
 
So Mares (yeah), Mares (yeah)
If you wanna get more than just stares (yeah)
Then turn around and
Stick it out
Even griffins got to shout
 
Baby got back
(Canterlot face, Fillydelphia booty)
Baby got back
(Canterlot face, Fillydelphia booty)
Baby got back
(Canterlot face, Fillydelphia booty)
Baby got back
 
Actually when, when it comes to females
Clotheshorse does not have very much to do at all with my selection
I mean, 36-24-36...
Maybe if she's 2'3"
 
 
 
 
>Where'd AJ come from?
>And WHO is that sweet little thing in the nurse's cap at the table on the right?
 
 
So your girlfriend runs in races
Puts herself through her paces
But pacing doesn't get any stallion's heart a-racing
My anaconda don't want none unless you have got buns hun
You can do side bends or sit-ups, but please don't lose that plot
Some brothers wanna play that hard role
And tell you that the plot ain't gold
So they toss it and they leave it
And I pull up quick to retrieve it
So Clotheshorse says you're fat
Well I ain't down with that
Cuz your waist is small and your curves are kickin'
And I'm thinkin 'bout stickin'
To the beanpole dames in the magazines
You aint it miss thing
Give me a sister I can't resist her
Red beans and rice didn't miss her
Some knucklehead tried to diss
Cuz his girls were on my list
He had a game but he chose to hit 'em
And I pull up quick to get with 'em
 
So ladies (yeah) if your plot is round (yeah)
And you wanna triple X Throw down (yeah)
Grab a quill and write to me, and kick them nasty thoughts
 
Baby got back
(Canterlot face, Fillydelphia booty)
Baby got back
(Canterlot face, Fillydelphia booty)
Baby got back
(Canterlot face, Fillydelphia booty)
Baby got baaaaaack
 
 
 
>As you step down from the stage, the cheers are scattered, but heartfelt.
>And a lot of eyes are looking at you much more receptively than before.
>Mrs. Cake slips you a coupon for a free muffin.
"Why does it say 'only valid after 9 pm?'"
>She just winks at you. Her husband is nowhere to be seen.
>You make your way back to your table, but Rainbow and Pinkie are gone.
>Bon Bon's there though, smiling like a madmare.
>"Hey buddy, not that I mind, but next time you're planning on drumming up business for me, lemme know first, alright?"
"Umm... okay?"
>" 'attaboy."
"Did you see where my friends went?"
>"Nope, they said something about craving dessert, though."
"Cool. Later, Bon."
>You make your way home, crashing hard, regretfully alone.
 
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
 
>The next day.
>Everywhere you go, p0nies are walking away from you.
>Were you really that badlast night?
>Wait, it's just the mares.
>And they're all eating sugary breakfast treats.
>And glancing back over their shoulders at you.
>Awwwwww yeah...
>Today was a bootyful day.