First critique.
 
So your prose is generally fine on the face of it, not that that surprises me. However, I think you can do a lot better with your description on lines 225-226. This is a style that I see a lot. When describing something with a lot of vivid images, writers tend to switch over into a kind of vague vocabulary, using words like “unbelievable,” “incredible,” “ecstasy,” and so on, without attaching those things to anything concrete. In violent scenes, you’ll get phrases like “excruciating agony,” for instance, which doesn’t actually mean anything to the average reader, because that reader has never been close to what the character is feeling. It’s supposed to come across as extreme, but winds up being hard to imagine or sympathize with. I bring this up because that’s what you’re doing in those two lines with the amphitheater. You say that the area is full of booths and merchandise, but don’t elaborate from there. You mention decorations, but not what kinds. You call it a “surreal dimension,” but that’s not an image that’s easy to pin down, because a surreal dimension can look like pretty much anything not of this world.
 
None of these things have concrete definitions. If I tell you to imagine a decoration, you’re probably going to think of something entirely different from what I’m picturing, so, as a descriptive term, it’s not particularly useful. When describing scenes like the amphitheater, focus more on what Dash is actually perceiving, and not what it seems to be, you get me? If there’s a ton of color and pictures of Daring Do hanging around, say that, not that the area was simply disorienting or breathtaking. On a similar note, be careful with that word “surreal.” It gets thrown around a lot, and is one of the more likely words to make you look like you’re trying to be artsy.
 
The only other big thing I have to say here is that I think there are more interesting things to be doing at the biggest Daring Do convention in the world, in the middle of Las Pegasus, than looking for Anon. You’ve got an interesting, vibrant setting that’s ripe for action, intrigue, really cool description and a lot of fun with Rainbow’s character, all so she can go chasing after that green bozo. If you have something planned to make him stand out and live up to the expectations such a neat setting imposes, then by all means, go for it, but I don’t see an interesting Anon but once in a great while.
 
Also, on line 65, you say that there’s a full-service bar, apparently set up in a hotel room. I won’t go so far as to say it’s impossible, but I find that dubious as hell.
 
 
Second critique.
 
The points I made the first time I read this still stand, of course. I saw you changed the bit on the bar in the hotel room, so that part’s fine now. Do you remember what I said last time about description, and how to better describe things than by relying on vague phrases? On line 306, you’ve got the same thing going on with “insanely crowded.”
 
But let’s get to Anon. Line 632 bothered me a lot, with Rainbow just accepting his story for a reason she can’t articulate. For one, it’s a cheap way to save yourself a big, difficult conversation, but, for two, it gives Anon a sort of unwarranted mystique. Rainbow, for all her bluster and conviction, gets shut down by just the tone of his voice, and when we don’t even know him. When we’re so familiar with Rainbow, and not this Anon, his ability to so easily make her believe him comes across as somewhat out of nowhere. If you don’t want to write out all the initial shock and disbelief that he came from another world (and I think you would be right to want to avoid that dialogue), there’s a couple pretty easy solutions for you.
 
There’s no reason that I can see why Anon should tell her the complete truth anyway, especially given how ponies tend to shun him. If he was defeated enough to at one time retreat to Griffonstone, then why is it so easy for him to reveal his life story to this random pegasus? So you can just have him give her some kind of weak lie; you could have her believe that without a problem, too, because we, as readers, would know the truth. A little bit of dramatic irony, you know? Alternatively, you can have him not mention it at all, just start at him getting kicked out of Manehattan and proceed as you did.
 
On line 647, I think you’re having Rainbow moving through her conflicting emotions way too quickly. The first half of this story is her aiming to debunk Anon, so she must feel pretty strongly about her cause. Why is it, then, that after a couple minutes of talking, she’s not only turned her opinion around, but has started feeling indignant for his plight? If she’s going to have a turnaround that quick, you need to substantiate it on more than her inexplicable trust.
 
So, where we are right now, Anon has turned from the target of Rainbow’s ire to a kind of reluctant friendship project. It’s an okay change, on the face of it, but it’s happening way too fast, and with not enough actual character development. I hate it when the new character’s first move in the story is to dump his or her past. It’s way too intimate way too early; it’s the kind of thing that Anon would do only after he is comfortable with Rainbow, something he would do once he’s assured of their friendship, and not as a first step toward that friendship. You need the framework of the relationship before you can put in the revelation of a painful past, because, otherwise, it all seems artificial. There’s nothing that says that Rainbow and Anon have to be friends. Yes, it’s typical of stories that feature him, but it’s not a requirement, and him unburdening this to her presupposes that framework.
 
Without being able to know what you’re planning with this story, I can’t give much advice as to how to proceed with Anon. I remember you saying that you were interested in setting him apart from Anons in other stories. If that’s your primary goal, you’re going to want to rework his conversation with Rainbow in the hotel room. A unique past or motivation for his actions is not enough to make Anon into something bigger than what he’s become for the fandom, because he has been exposed to pretty much every contrivance, outrageous circumstance, miracle, mental disorder, and meme-tastic backstory that you can dream of. Therefore, it will be his interactions with other characters that determine your success.
 
Go slower with him and Rainbow Dash. Don’t reveal that past too early. Hell, you don’t even have to reveal it at all. There are ways to give him the punch you want without looking at his origin. I think you should make him more nervous around her, and less relieved at her “understanding.” The amount of tension and mistrust that would have built up inside him from how long he’s been ostracized by the ponies he now seeks to entertain and whose admiration he wants to cull does not lend itself to such a sudden deflation into soothed happiness. To put it differently, someone who has returned to make a living off the same race that chased him out of Manehattan is probably not going to be so easy-going, so patient, so vestal in his surprise at one character’s empathy. Doubly so if this character has had none of his kind to help stave off loneliness in that unseen time in Griffonstone.
 
I’m not saying that he should be actively unfriendly or malicious, or any of that stuff, but making his defenses higher would be good. Make Rainbow really work to get to know him. Make her do more than get lucky with the cosplayer she decides to badger. On that note, I think you did a good job with that whole scene. I think having her chase after the steampunk Ahuizotl was a good move. Having it turn out to be Anon is a little hokey, I think, and I had to wonder, after he told her all about himself, what must have been going through his mind to make him decide to let her into his room. What about her made him give her the same chance he doubtless gave hundreds of other ponies in his time? His rejections of her advances did not seem particularly firm.
 
In the answers for my questions above, there’s a lot of potential for you to explore the relationship he must have with his fans. It’s got to be a thin line he’s balancing to keep himself popular for those who shunned him, and I would think it’s quite stressful for him. That kind of stress can be pretty easy to let show through in his character, if you use a deft hand, and you even have a bit more wiggle room since he’d likely be showing it in interactions with Rainbow. She’s not all that quick on the uptake, so you have more room to make obvious the tension inside him.
 
I’m going to cut it there. I feel like I’m starting to write this for you, and I don’t want to impose anything. I’d say you have Anon halfway there, but you need to adjust the way you introduce him and Dashie.