Sergeant Stiff Spear moaned, a wave of crimson liquid washing out of his mouth. He was so full! He could feel his belly, once white, now a deep reddish-purple, creaking against the cold stone floor of the royal wine cellar. Somewhere beneath it lay the shattered remains of several ancient bottles he'd recently guzzled, poking into the taut surface of his rubbery flesh.
 
It hurt a little, but the pain was dulled by the immense amount of alcohol now pumping through his bloodstream. If he were sober, he'd be wondering how he hadn't died of alcohol poisoning yet, but as it was, his drunken mind was focused solely on Princess Celestia's calm face.
 
“And this,” She addressed his assembled comrades, who watched him bloat and slosh with a mix of horrified expressions, “Is how we punish drunkenness. As you know, Palace Guards are forbidden to imbibe alcohol before, during, or after work hours. Any questions?”
 
One of them, a nervous-looking pegasus, raised a shaky hoof. Celestia nodded for him to speak.
 
“What, um,” He stammered, eyes darting between his increasingly spherical superior officer, and his Princess's disturbingly serene expression, “What are you going to do with him now?”
 
Celestia glanced at Stiff Spear, who tried to speak, but only managed to gurgle through a torrent of sticky wine dribbling down his chin.
 
“Oh, he'll be placed in the wine cellar, and brought out during certain royal engagements, such as the Grand Galloping Gala,” Seeing him open his mouth again, she continued, “The punishment ends when he's empty.”
 
“Now,” Her horn ignited, and a wine glass materialized in her hoof, “Who would like the first taste?”
 
For a moment, everypony was silent. Celestia could see the disgust evident on their faces, along with one or two who appeared to be in deep thought. Finally, one stallion took a step forward, and she handed him the glass. Yanking Stiff Spear's jaws open, she allowed the guard to fill his glass, then take a sip of the deep, swirling liquid.
 
He let out a belch, then blushed, handing the glass over to Celestia. While she swiftly drained it, the guard took a shaky step forward, then stopped, and raised a hoof to his face. His cheeks were turning even redder. Then, he looked between his legs, and saw his belly protruding against the straps on the underside of his armor.
 
Wild-eyed with panic, he looked up at Celestia, who simply grinned smugly. He opened his mouth to shout for help, but was barely able to utter a sound before a raucous belch took over, followed by a gurgle as the wine filling his belly began burbling up his throat. There was a snap as his straps burst, letting his armor slide off his rounding back.
 
Celestia placed the glass against his mouth as if giving him a drink; Instead, the wine poured through  his lips, filling it in a second. She sipped it down and hummed, before turning to the increasingly horrified guards.
 
“As I said, no alcohol during, before, or after work hours. Honestly,” She glanced at the stallion, whose face now had a look of drunken contentedness, “We don't hire you for your intelligence, do we?”
 
“Now, back to your posts! Unless anypony else is thirsty, that is.”
 
The guards recoiled from the proffered glass, bolting out of the room and down the various hallways, their panicked hoofsteps fading into the distance. Celestia looked at her two new wine kegs and smiled, before walking to the door of the royal wine cellar.
 
“Don't worry, boys, you'll be just fine. As soon as you're empty, the punishment ends.”
 
“Though,” She added, her hoof on the door handle, “This spell is known as the 'Eternal Libations Font', so that may not be for a very, very long time.”
 
Celestia closed the door behind her, leaving the two drunken blobs in the darkness. Stiff Spear and the pegasus moaned and sloshed and gurgled and groaned to one another; They felt niiiiiiice.