Item #1427
 
Object Class: Euclid
 
Special Containment Procedures: SCP-1427 should be placed in cold storage above freezing, to prevent the cans rupturing. Foundation personnel are instructed to immediately purchase any can they find and detain anybody suspected of consuming the contents of one.
 
Description: SCP-1427 is an aluminum soda can with the name 'Bloat-a-Cola' written in bubble font. Within ten minutes of ingestion, subjects begin to expand into a spherical shape, passing gas and spewing carbonated soda from all orifices. The ingredient list shows nothing amiss, and study has shown nothing unusual in the beverage's chemical makeup.
 
This SCP was first discovered by Dr. David Knell in a [REDACTED] brand gas station, during a routine road trip. The exact sequence of events in unknown, as Dr. Knell has as yet been unable to communicate with researchers, but following testing on several D-class personnel, the incident is believed to have occurred like this.
 
0.00 – Dr. Knell purchases a can of soda at [REDACTED] gas station. Attendant observes him open the can and take a swig, before belching and apologizing.
0.05 – Dr. Knell complains of fullness, and borrows the bathroom key from the attendant.
0.10 – At this point, in studies, D-class personnel begin to visibly bloat. Subjects complain of discomfort due to fullness, but no pain, despite their stretching skin. If vomiting is induced, subjects will expel thin, foamy liquid determined to be soda.
0.15 – The subject's stomach grows too heavy for them to move. At this point, swelling begins across the body; Arms and legs begin to expand as cola fills the sub-cutaneous layer. Soda begins to leak from orifices, starting with the mouth; As expansion continues, every orifice begins to leak, including those not connected with the digestive tract.
0.25 – Subjects are, at this point, nearly spherical, with only the head, hands, and feet still visible, all of which appear comically bloated due to the content of soda within. The subject is unable to speak due to the oral expulsions, and can only wait for the inevitable.
1.30 – Despite their already improbable size, subjects do appear to have a limit as, around this time, most D-class testing personnel began to detonate, leaving behind nothing but scraps of clothing floating in a lake of cola.
 
At this point, the gas station attendant became worried and, using a spare key, opened the bathroom door. The rapid change in pressurization must have had a dramatic effect on Dr. Knell's bodily integrity, as he exploded almost instantly, knocking the attendant into a ditch and demolishing most of the station. The explosion was blamed on a faulty gas line, and the attendant was administered amnesiacs and released.
 
Several cans of SCP-1427 have been discovered across North America, always sold in single cans, with only one or two at a time. Despite intense interrogation, no vendor can adequately explain where the cans came from.
 
Note: SCP-1427 is not a toy. Do not use to contaminate D-class rations. This is not a prank, it's a dangerous breach of security. Any foundation personnel found complicit in this activity will be required to pay for repairs to the cafeteria.