>Cadance smiles a little awkwardly
>You look around at some of the other Anons
>"It appears we've made a mistake."
>Your heart stops
"Don't send me back."
>"What? No, of course it's not that!"
"What happened?"
>"Well... Uhm. It's a little difficult to explain how this all works."
"You're worrying me, Condense."
>"You see, you fit a certain archetype of husbando... Aaand, 12 of the 14 of your potential matches are currently incarcerated in Equestria Maximum Security Prison. The other two are statues in Canterlot Gardens."
"What?"
>"You're this chaotic good, overprotective big brother type, Anon. You'd go best with a mare who has a checkered past and maybe has done some things she wouldn't be proud of now because you want to feel like you're needed."
>Way to pick someone apart, Condense
>You stand up and pimpwalk on outta there, thoroughly offended
>A guardmare stops you, with a suspicious glare
>"Sir, it's illegal to be single." she reminds you
>You weren't allowed to leave the castle until you got a waifu
>You go sit back down with Cadenzo
>"Okay. Where were we?"
>You sit silently while she thinks
>"Ah yes, no matches."
>Fuck
>"We could get you one of the 12 mares from prison out on probation."
"Why are you doing this to me?"
>"Because love knows no bounds. Except faggotry, that gets you thrown into space."
>It was funny hearing Cadance say 'faggotry'
>"So you could look through some of these mares if you'd like. I can include the two statues as well."
>Cadance slides a thick manila folder across the table
>It's got a big red stamp on it
>SPECIALTY DECLASSIFIED
>"Take a look through this and I'll try to arrange a first date for you. It should go well." she says with a smile
>You go back to your room in the castle
>It was so much bigger on the inside, enough to temporarily board the unclaimed Anons
1. Midnight Harmony
Unicorn, Navy, White
Forbidden Magic Use
2 years sentence, 1 year served
 
2. Amethyst Rose
Earth, Purple, Red
Violent Assault, 6 charges
17 years sentence, 4 months served
 
3. Cherry Blossom
Pegasus, Pink, Red
Possession and creation of explosive ordinance
Life sentence, 8 years served
 
4. Celestial Aurora
Earth, White, Pink/Green/Blue
Immitation of royalty, tax fraud
15 years sentence, 10 years served
 
5. Cinnamon Night
Bat, Grey, Burgundy
Arson
10 years sentence, 7 years served
 
6. Orchid Light
Unicorn, Blue, Grey
Attempt to overthrow crown
400 years sentence, 8 months served
 
7. Little Snowflake
Pegasus, Blue, White
Illegal manipulation of weather
5 years sentence, 2 years served
 
8. Lucky Stars
Earth, Pink, Green
Illegal rune use
10 years sentence, 6 years served
 
9. Chocolate Swirl
Unicorn, Beige, Brown
Serving purposefully tainted foods
4 years sentence, 3 years served
 
10. Nettlekiss
Earth, Green, SFGreen
Illegal cultivation of poison joke
2 years sentence, 1 1/2 years served
 
11. Phantasia
Unicorn, Blue, Greyblue
Necromany
45 years sentence, 12 years served
 
12. Caramel Candy
Pegasus, Beige, Pink
Using illegal magic, violent assault on guards
75 years sentence, 15 years served
 
13. High Tides
Unicorn, White, Blue
Attempt to summon tsunami, Attempt to overthrow crown, mareslaughter, illegal magic use, illegal rune use, illegal artifact possession, training sharks with bad intent
Indefinite years sentence, 725 years served
 
14. Emerald Dream
Pegasus, Green, Blue
Murder
Indefinite years sentence, 1542 years served
 
>You pulled four files from the master file
>Midnight Harmony
>Cherry Blossom
>Little Snowflake
>Emerald Dream
>Bringing the files back to Cadance, she looks down at the four sheets and then back up at you
>"You know you can only have one, right?"
"I want to at least meet them."
>"I... Guess. You Anons have such a cautious process in all of this." she says with a sigh
>She takes the manila folder containing the other files and puts it away
>"I can get you a lunch date today with one of them, not Emerald."
>She sets Emerald's file aside
>"I'll have to talk to Celly first for her."
>Cadance lays out the three remaining files
>Midnight Harmony, Cherry Blossom, and Little Snowflake
>"I'll get you some time with Emerald soon, but for now you have a date with one of these pretty jailbirds."
>Indecisive glances get shared between you and Cadance
>"Well... I can just pick one for you. Meet me back here at 10 and I'll have everything set up for today."
"This isn't getting in the way of your schedule, is it?"
>Cadance cautiously glances to the side
>"I have all the time in the world for this. Now go get ready." Cadance's magic envelopes you and slides you out of the room into the hall
>You head back to your room and look into your closet
>Which of these dazzling armani suits to wear?
>You grab two
>A dark black one and a slightly darker black one
>Opting for the slightly darker black one, you put away the dark black one and put on those fresh shrek nike air force ones to frame it all perfectly
>Just to let everyone know you might be dressed well, but you're still retarded
>You spend almost an hour posing in the mirror before you go to meet with Cadance
>"Someone's looking good." Cadance says in an almost motherly tone
>tfw no pony mom
>Cadance's horn lights up and a doorway appears on the wall behind her
>She opens it, leading into a sterile gray room
>"It's nothing fancy, but I've arranged for you to have lunch with Little Snowflake today." she pushes you through the door and follows you into the gray room
>You're being eyed heavily by the two guards, first looking with suspicion, and then curiousity
>The short guard came up and had to pat you down while Cadance watched
>Her hooves stopped near your groin for a moment before she continued
>Having passed the check, the guard pulled a lever, and a buzzer sounded loudly before a heavy door slid open
>The two other guards escorted you and Cadance into the next room
>It looked like a prison cafeteria
>You know what that looked like because you saw Orange is the New Black
>You know, the episode with the fat lesbians, pick any episode and you'll be right
>You hope these mares didn't turn into dykes in prison
>That would be so gross
>Of all the mares in Equestria, you get the fat prison lesbian one
>You might as well just go back to Eart-
>BZZZZZZT
>That loud buzzer sounded off again and a heavy door across the room slid open
>You and Cadance took a seat at one of the tables
>A little pegasus, sky blue with a mane as white as snow in an orange jumpsuit stepped out
>The door sealed behind her
>She had a metal wrap around her body, holding her wings against her and her hooves were chained together to restrict any movement faster than walking
>She took a seat across from you at the table but didn't bother to meet your gaze
>With a total of four guards around the table, Cadance took a few steps back and teleported out of the room, leaving you with her
>One of the guards put a hoof on Snowflake's shoulder
>"Snowy, this is Anon. Princess Cadance brought him to meet with you for lunch."
>"Him?" her ears perked up suddenly
>"Princess Cadance arranged for visitation. She says it's a lunch date." the guard adds
>Snowflake starts to laugh
>"It's been a while." she says
>She voice was a little squeaky
>"So what in the world are you and why am I on a date with you?"
"Uhh, it's a little complicated. But Cadance has been bringing human males from another world to fix the shortage you guys have here."
>"Huh... Too bad I'm here for a few more years."
"Cadance is trying to help you get some visitation time if things go well between us."
>"I guess that'd be nice. I haven't even talked to a colt in some time, even if you are kind of weird-looking."
"I know."
>The guard taps her watch
>"You two have a half hour."
>"So, outside you... Humans, right?"
"Right."
>"It isn't such a beaverfest anymore?"
"I guess so, I'm not allowed to leave the castle."
>"Oh. Why not?"
"Cadance wants to keep track of us until we find a special 'somepony'. Can I ask why you're here?"
>Snowflake crosses her arms and pouts
>"It was in the middle of July and I wanted snow. It accidentally destroyed a bunch of farms and they sued me and I couldn't pay them all and now I'm in prison with, like, 2 million bits of debt."
"Shit, is that a lot of money?"
>Snowflake nods, "Eeyeah..."
>A guard comes in and sets two trays down for you and Snowflake
>Looks like vegetable soup
>She smiles, closing her eyes in pure joy as her hooves clasp the warm bowl
>"I've been waiting for this soup all day, it's the best." Snowy brings the bowl to her mouth and tilts the bowl back
>She sets down an empty bowl, her snout is now covered in the reddish soup
"Hey you've got something... On your face."
>"I always do." she begins the hilarious process of licking her own nose
>It isn't fully gone, but it's close enough
>"So, Anon is it? Tell me a little about yourself."
"Well, I used to be accounts recievable at OfficeCorp. But then I showed up here a couple weeks ago."
>"You were a pencil pusher?"
"I guess. Although now I'm trying to become a carpenter."
>"I take it you're the type that likes bad girls?"
"I've never dated."
>Snowflake's ears stick up again
>Her hoof scoots forward across the table, closer to your hand
>"You're kidding, right?"
>Her hoof touches your hand for a brief moment, forcing it's way into your palm
>Hoofhold rape
>"No touching." a guard says
>Snow draws her hoof back
>"Well, I hope I get to see you again, Anon." she looks at her hoof with a wide grin, holding it close to her chest
>She cranes her neck, looking at a clock to your left
>A few moments later, a bell rung and the guards began to help Snowy up
>"Uh, see you 'round." she says as she goes back through the gate, peeking back at you as it shuts
>"So, how'd it go?" Cadance asks
"I think she liked me."
>"Well you've got a few more who would be happy to get a chance."
"When do I meet the next one?"
>Cadance checks a scroll
>"You'll be seeing Cherry Blossom for dinner. And tomorrow over breakfast you'll visit with Midnight Harmony. Aaand, tomorrow evening we're taking you to Canterlot to meet with Emerald Dream."
>Cadance pats you on the shoulder for some encouragement
>"Don't look so glum, Anon."
"What about the ones I don't choose?"
>"There are many humans who are picking up mares out of prison, you're one of hundreds."
>Cadance trails off, walking to talk with another Anon
>"Make sure you're ready for dinner, Anon." she says before turning to help the other one
>A few hours passed while you and some of the other waifuless Anons dicked around the castle
>You made a little painting of a sad frog
>Some of the guardmares hit on you
>You did some mirror posing
>Go on a short quest to Cadance's gym to expell the gains goblin again
>That fucker keeps coming back day after day
>Go clean yourself off and meet up with Cadance that evening
>Shining stopped in with Flurry to say goodnight
>Cadance opened another gateway
>This one lead into a hallway across from many prison cells
>Cadance and you met with two guardmares who were waiting outside of cell 43
>"I believe this is Cherry Blossom, we did unfortunately miss dinner so you can spend some time with her before bed."
>You look into the cell
>A pink and red pegasus is sitting in a small cot
>She looks up at you through the bars
>The bars are radiating a cyan aura that chills your fingers
>Maybe it's some anti-magic spell?
>One of the guards opens the cell's door, and you step in
>She shuts it and locks you in
>"Hey." Cherry says, stretching her wings upward
"Sorry about missing dinner."
>"That's cool, you're lucky you're sort of cute."
>Cherry patted the side of the bed next to her
>"Don't just stand there, make yourself at home."
>Her wings were still standing up
>You sit down next to the red mare
>"From what I hear, Cadance has been stealing from other worlds to find some cute colts."
>"I'm not stealing them. It's a complicated affair but they're better off here." Cadance chimes in from outside the cell
>"So are you just parading them through here to tease us?" Cherry crosses her arms
>Cadance shakes her head, "No, and besides Anon is here to talk to you, not play a sideline in our conversation."
>Cadance walks out of view
>Cherry wraps a wing around your back
>"So you're one of those hummen things I've been told of."
"Yeah."
>"It's a real beaverfest in here, I haven't seen a stallion in 8 years." Cherry looks you over hungrily
>You're beginning to feel nervous
"I'm so sorry about that."
>She lays down across your lap and rolls onto her back
>"Rub my belly."
>You forgot these were ponies, not people
>You run your fingers through the soft fur on her belly in circles
>The little mare stops you after a few seconds and clings to your chest in a hug
>She was unusually powerful for a little mare
>Cherry buried her face into your chest and started to cry quietly
>"I haven't been hugged in forever..."
>You wrap your arms around the little pegasus
>"I don't want to stay here." she sniffles
"It's okay, don't cry."
>Cherry slows down her sobs to a deep breath, still hugging you
>One of the guards taps on the bars
>"You two wrap it up in there, it's almost bedtime."
>Cherry looks up at you with bloodshot eyes
>"I'll see y-" she sighs, "Bye."
>You keep a tight grip on the little pegasus
>You sat with her in a silent hug until the guards unlocked the door for you to leave
>She waved and laid down as you left
>This was all a mistake
>You leave with Cadance again
>Leaving the second little mare back in prison
"I think meeting more than one of them was a bad idea."
>Cadance turns back to you
>"Why's that?"
"What happens to the ponies I don't pair with?"
>"Other guys will come through for them. Speaking of which, you were going to meet with Midnight Harmony tomorrow over breakfast but she already met another person so you'll be seeing Emerald Dream for a heavily guarded walk in the park tomorrow."
"What about Cherry Blossom and Snowflake?"
>"Snowflake is meeting another guy tomorrow and so is Cherry. It's okay that you were cautious but you need to know that smaller things have a greater impact here, a first date is important, simple hugs can carry tremendous meaning."
"I'm sorry, it's nothing like my world here."
>"It's alright, you just should know. Get some sleep, I'm going to try and set you up on a date with a mare as old as Celestia tomorrow." Cadance jokes
>Several hours later
>You're in bed, still awake
>Anxious for tomorrow
>Even the bat guards have gone to bed, replaced by the early morning shift guards
>You managed to get in barely an hour of sleep before Cadance burst in and pulled you out of bed
>"Anooon! Let's gooo!" she sang, pulling you out of the room with her magic
>She brings you up to Celestia, who was waiting in the large throneroom of the castle
>You realize you were only wearing the top half of your sleeping tux
>Cadance quickly dresses you, casting some sort of refresh spell on you
>You now felt like well-dressed, tired garbage
>"Good morning, Anonymous." the sun princess greets you
"Morning, Princess." you do a straight-backed bow like a fucking weeaboo
>"I understand you're here for Emerald Dream." she stares right through you
>"Yes he is, I want them to meet."
>Celestia gives a worried look to Cadance, who smiles innocently
>"Who am I to stand in the way of love?"
>Celestia opens a gateway and allows Cadance to drag you through
>The garden looked the same as it always had
>Only now there were guards everywhere
>Day and night shift guards were patrolling every inch of the garden
>Celestia steps through the gateway and leads you by the hedge maze to the statue
>It looked like a regular pegasus standing up on one hindleg, wings outstretched as if she was about to take off flying
>"I believe this is Emerald, I'm giving you one hour with her."
>"Two!" Cadance chirps
>"F-fine then, two hours."
>Celestia looked at the statue with great worry
>This was Emerald, the only pony ever to premeditate and go through with taking a life
>Cadance didn't seem worried
>Celestia's horn lit up as the statue began to change from stone to pone
>The little mare collapsed to the pedestal and rolled to the ground, gasping
>Cadance kept her wing outstretched in front of you to keep you back
>"Emerald Dream?" Sunbutt asks
>Several guards maintain a perimeter
>Emerald stands up, her legs shaking
>"How long hath I slumbered?" she asks
>"Over a thousand years, Emerald."
>She lays there, in stunned silence
>"H-have I been forgiven, princess?"