Molly 1-4
 
Fuck I wish I had as much to say this time but I just wanna be complacent and do nothing tonight, but I also wanna be helpful, so I took the middle ground and succeeded at neither
 
Lines 2 and 5
 
        Hisao sound eager to sit around and do nothing for two hours. Maybe he wants to spend time with her or something, but keep in mind this is act 1 and I don't think he should have fallen for her just yet or anything.
 
Line 7
 
        >the third chair out of twenty
 
        Throw us music-illiterates a bone here. I have no idea what that means.
 
Line 11
 
        >him, they
 
        pick one and stick to it
 
Line 13
 
        >doctors
 
        doctor's
 
Line 18
 
        something about referencing her concern in two sentences in a row doesn't really seem right. try and compound that stuff if you can
 
        >makes disappointed
 
        makes me disappointed
 
Line 26
 
        >etudes
 
        I think I just had a revelation. Since I have no idea what that is and I think Hisao would similarly not have any idea what that is, you might mention at some point in the path that in his stay at the hospital, some of the books he read were about musical stuff
 
Line 28
 
        >Molly approaches a second year with an alto sax, sitting on his own
 
        An alto sax is an instrument, I know that much, but the sentence still doesn't make sense
 
Line 68
 
        >dissmissevely
 
        dissmissively
 
Line 74
 
        >35 feet by 10 feet
 
        feet aren't used as a measurement in japland, and it seems a bit too exact of an observation instead of a natural one. "It can't be bigger than about ten by thirty-five feet" would sound more organic
 
Line 78
 
        spell out the numbers; it looks more professional
 
Anyway I really hope that you take those interactions with her and the blind kid and use them to say something about her personality. For instance, the way that Hanako responds positively to the competition Hisao shows during their chess game at the end shows her desire to be treated as an equal, which is a huge plot point, and at the same time it remains subtle. If the blind kid exchanging CDs dealio is just filler, I'll be disappointed.
 
Also were the names Saito and Koga taken from Megaman Battle Network and Pokemon? Just wondering