>“Equestrian Help Hotline. What can I do for you today?”
>Silence for a moment.
>“Hello? Is anyone there?”
>An unsure, hesitant voice answers.
Uh, yeah.
>“Do you have a question today?”
I have sort of a problem with my pony.
>“I see. What seems to be the problem today?”
Well, it keeps trying to rape me.
>“. . . Excuse me?”
I bought a pony from you guys a couple weeks back, and now it keeps trying to rape me.
>“I see . . . And this is your problem that you’re calling us about?”
Well, yeah! I don’t want it to rape me.
>“I understand. I understand completely.”
I didn’t, like, train it to rape or anything if that’s what you’re thinking.
>“Not at all.”
This is a problem and I want it fixed.
>“Certainly. Well, what type of pony did you order from us?”
The yellow one.
>“The Fluttershy variety? That’s usually our most well-behaved breed.”
Well this one isn’t, that’s for damn sure.
>“Okay, when your pony was delivered to you, did it seem in any way skittish or disturbed?”
I don’t know. All I know is that it keeps trying to rape me. Now are you going to fix it or not?
>“I’m sorry. I’m just trying to figure out why that particular pony would suddenly . . .”
I’ve got it distracted watching some nature program right now, but there’s going to be commercials soon and I won’t be able to talk cause she’ll be all over me.
>“Can you describe to me the sort of strange behavior that your pony is exhibiting?”
It’s fucking rapey behavior. You telling me you don’t know what that is?
>“I just need some specifics please.”
Well she tries to look at me when I’m in the shower.
>“The pony tries to peep at you when you’re naked?”
Yeah. That’s what I said.
>“And you’re sure about this? I mean there’s no way that this could be a misunderstanding—”
She wants my dong. I started closing the door and shutting the blinds, but then I just hear her fumbling with the knob trying to get the door open.
>“Well that’s odd, because most ponies know how to open doors. Did you not teach that to her?”
Why would I teach her how to open doors if she’s trying to rape me?
>“. . . I guess you’re right.”
Have some common sense, for the love of God.
>“Anything else?”
She keeps trying to drug my food.
>“Drug?”
With tranquilizers and such, so that I can’t fight her off when she tries to pull down my pants.
>“Where did she get—”
She knows how to undo my buttons with her mouth. I caught her in my room practicing on a pair of my pants one time when she thought I wasn’t home.
>“Excuse me a moment, but where could your pony have possibly gotten drugs of that kind?”
You think I know? If I knew I’d definitely have put a stop to it by now. She’s got connections.
>“Do you have any idea why she might be so interested in you, I mean, did something happen or . . . ?”
I don’t know. I think she’s just horny all the time.
>“Well that’s definitely a problem, since ponies tend to have very little interest in mating.”
Well that’s all this one seems to want to do, and I’m getting Goddamn tired of her trying to get in bed with me every night. I had a perfectly nice stable built for her for when she arrived, and she’s never slept in it.
>“Well the Fluttershy usually needs some time to be properly introduced to her new environment. Did you make sure to—”
Spent a lot of good money having this perfectly nice stable built, and—
>“Excuse me, but did you make sure to properly introduce the pony to her new environment?”
Well she went all around the house smelling everything. Then she tried to go in my room, but I told her it was off limits. She didn’t listen, though. That’s when I eventually found her with my pants, like I was telling you earlier.
>“Yeah. Believe me, I remember.”
Look I’m fucking sick of this horse. I’ve had to put locks on my fridge, my dresser, my bedroom and bathroom doors. I’m tired all the time. I haven’t had a decent sleep in days.
>“I understand. That sounds rough.”
Can you even fix this problem I got?
>“Well I’ve never actually heard of a case where one of our ponies was trying to . . . do that with its owner.”
Rape! A case where one of your ponies is trying to rape its owner. The act has a name, you know.
>“I’m aware.”
Well look, we got to do something here, because I’m scared to bring people over. I’m worried about what she might do.
>“I agree. Something must be done.”
Can you guys take her back or something? I don’t even care if I don’t get a refund.
>“Well you’re going to have to relay back to me your ordering information first before we can talk about a return.”
I’m not sure I still have the receipt. She might have done something with it.
>“Why don’t we start by—”
Fuck! I can hear the commercials. How long have they been on?
>“Excuse me—”
>“Hello, sweetie. You never came in to watch Hamtaro with me like you said you would.”
I’m on the phone here. Can’t I have some privacy?
>“Excuse me, but is this a bad time? Should we set up an appointment later so—”
>“I made you some milk, sweetie.”
Oh my God! You can’t make milk, stupid. That just tells me that it’s drugged already.
>“Please don’t yell at the pony.”
>“But I did make this milk. See? Look at how swollen my teats are.”
>“Her teats are definitely not supposed to be—”
Get your butt out of my face. Nasty. Oh God. There’s a hair in this milk.
>Hear what sounds like footsteps running away, then a door slamming and something pounding on it really hard.
>“Excuse me, are you and your pony still there? Hello?”
>The connection ceases.
>Hang up slowly.
>Grab a yellow form and write a report of the incident before moving on.
>Put the report in the Fluttershy pile, which is now bigger than all the other piles for all the other ponies.
>Wonder what is up with the Fluttershys lately while you take the next call.
>“Equestrian Help Hotline.”
>Silence for a moment.
My pony has a weird problem. It’s kind of hard to explain, but . . .
>You instinctively reach for a yellow form.
 
>“Equestrian Help Hotline. How can I help you today?”
Hey, dude. How’s the weather back home?
>You instantly recognize the voice.
Hey, what’s with the silent treatment? Don’t you remember your friendly neighborhood Rainbow Dash?
>“Well sure I do. You’re one of our most popular ponies.”
Darn right I am. I’m the one and only Rainbow Dash.
>No, she isn’t. She was created by your company from a DNA sample they own of the original Rainbow Dash.
>But you can’t tell a Rainbow Dash this; because even though they’re all clones, most of them are convinced that they’re all awesome in their own unique way.
>“Well I’d like to chat with you, Dash, but this is a helpline for humans having problems with their ponies.”
I know. That’s why I called. I kind of am having a problem with my human.
>“Oh, really? Well that’s different. What is it?”
Well I keep trying to get him to rut me, but he won’t do it.
>“Right. Okay, so, you keep trying to . . . keep trying . . . to . . . What?’
>What is it with this job lately? Is pony fucking going to start becoming a thing around here?
Yeah, like, so I’m the most awesome thing in his life, right? So I don’t see a reason why we shouldn’t, like, you know, be special someponys.
>“Okay, sure.”
And don’t you tell any pony anything about what we talk about here. It’s totally sappy and it’ll ruin my reputation if it gets out.
>“Well that’s for corporate to decide.”
You better not.
>“Tell me, Dash, because I need to know, has your human sexually abused or touched you in any way that you felt to be inappropriate?”
Uh, no, dude. What’s with you? I just told you he wasn’t doing that kind of stuff, but that he totally should be.
>“Well I’m glad that’s settled. And why do you think he should be?”
Because I made him awesome. He was chubby and shy before I came into his life. But now I’ve got him on a workout schedule with me and he’s feeling awesome.
>“That’s great, Dash. You really helped—”
He owes me. I made him hot, but he’s totally forgotten about me now. He says he wants to go out with girls his own species. Can you believe that?
>“I mean it’s not like it’s too crazy, him wanting to date other humans—”
I’ve got everything that those dumb girls have got and more. I bet they don’t even like taking about Daring Do with him like I do.
>“Dash, you should know that our company frowns on humans having relations with their ponies.”
If you’re talking about what Fluttershy was doing, that was different. The thing about me and my human is that we could actually be special someponys. We get along awesomely.
>“But you do have your disagreements.”
Well it’s just that one thing, and even then if he’d just rut me once he’d totally know what it is that he’s been missing out on.
>“That’s hubris.”
What? No, I’m talking about my human. What does Cerberus have to do with anything?
>“Never mind.”
So how can I get him to rut me?
>“Dash, I can’t help you with this. It’s not only highly inappropriate, but it also seems like a personal problem that I’d have little to no understanding of.”
Well I mean I didn’t even want to call you.
>“Oh . . .”
Nah. This was Twilight’s idea.
>“Your human has a Twilight Sparkle?”
No. But we go to the pony park and I saw her there. I told her I needed some advice on my human and she said that I should call this number.
>“And did she know about what you were going to ask me?”
Are you kidding? I’m not going to tell Twilight about wanting to rut my human. She’s an egghead that wouldn’t know anything about that.
>“Well I’m—”
She’d probably tell me to read to him or something.
>“I’m a perfect stranger though, Dash. Why ask me?”
Well I thought you would have some advice, but you’ve mostly just been asking me questions. I’m used to people wanting to know stuff about me, though. So I don’t mind.
>“I just want you and your human to have the best relationship possible.”
Well that’s what I’m trying to do. That’s why I called you for help.
>“You can have a close relationship without being sexual.”
What? No way! You literally cannot be closer to somepony unless you’re rutting them. That’s, like, logic or something.
>“You can be the best of friends, though, and have something special that’s beyond a physical connection. By what you’ve said you seem to have helped this human improve his life immensely.”
Well of course I did. Who doesn’t want to be their best when they’re around me?
>“He wants to better himself just by being around you, Dash. Do you know how special that is? Not everyone has that kind of influence. Think about it for a moment.”
I mean . . . Yeah . . . I guess so.
>“I’m proud of you, Dash. I’ve always admired your traits and your ability to bring out the best in others.”
Thanks. I mean I get that all the time, but still . . .
>“I suppose the only thing you can do in your situation is think proudly on what the two of you do have rather than on what you think you should have.”
I’ll have to think on that one.
>“You should be thinking proudly on all that you’ve done for him. His life is better with you in it and maybe jeopardizing what you already have isn’t the best—”
Ugh! I can’t take it anymore. I made him hot and now I can’t even think about him without driving myself crazy.
>“Dash?”
Every time I see him I feel like my body’s on fire and that I have to rut him. I can’t even cool myself off by flying anymore.
>“Dash, think about what I was just saying—”
Oh, what do you know? You don’t know how hard it is being around him all the time, at night. I want us to do things to each other. I want to lick that tight stomach of his while he’s between my—
>“Woah! Dash, think about what you want to tell me. My supervisors might be listening in.”
I’m going to do something tonight. Tonight is movie night and he always falls asleep on the couch. This time I’m doing to do something about how I’m feeling.
>“Now just hold on here.”
No. I’m sick of waiting. I’m awesome. I’m Rainbow Dash. And I’m going to get what’s mine.
>The connection ceases
>“Dash? Dash?”
>You try to call back but can’t get through.
>Sighing, you take a blue form and carefully fill out a report.
>You put it in the Dash file, which was empty until now.
>But you can already see that soon she’s going to have her own pile just like Fluttershy.
>Rainbow Dash can have a profound motivational effect on their humans, and it’s common that their humans significantly change to healthier habits after bonding with them.
>But if this is how Dash can react over time to those changes, then your company could have a big problem.
>You take the next call.
>“Equestrian Help Hotline.”
>An exasperated voice answers:
Okay, so my Fluttershy was acting weird and your company’s online support page said that pairing her with a Rainbow Dash might help.
>Oh boy.
>You slump forward in your chair.
>Just listening to this guy tells you that you’re going to be getting some new forms from corporate sometime soon.
 
>“Equestrian Help Hot—”
. . . And so I said, ‘Oatmeal! Are you crazy?’
>“Pinkie Pie?”
That’s me. How are things going back home? Did you make lots of friends with the other Pinkies?
>What is it with ponies calling this hotline lately? And how come you’re always the one that they reach?
>“They’re fine. I’m fine. What are you doing?”
Just calling random people in the phonebook to see if they want to chat and be friends while I wait for my human to come home.
>“Well this line is reserved for questions, Pinkie.”
But I do have a question.
>“Oh. Well how can I help you?”
What do you think I’m wearing?
>You reach for a pink form.
Well?
>“. . . Probably nothing.”
Yeah. You’re right. That was a good one, huh?
>Put the pink form back.
>“Pinkie, maybe I wasn’t clear, but this is a line for—”
I know. I was just joking. I do want to ask you something about my human.
>Oh, please, no.
>“You have a question about your human?”
Yeah. We kind of have a special sort of problem together.
>Pink form.
>“What is it?”
Well he likes chocolate cake but I like vanilla.
>No pink form.
And every time we decide to get a cake we end up disagreeing with each other. I tried to tell him that if he wants chocolate then he should just get a chocolate bar, but he won’t listen to me.
>“Pinkie.”
I mean cake was made for vanilla. That’s why they don’t have vanilla bars in the first place. Chocolate cake was a mistake if you ask me.
>“Pinkie!”
So what should I do?
>“. . . Well it sounds like you two are having trouble reaching a compromise.”
A compromise?
>“You know, like, an understanding. An agreement that leaves both parties satisfied when a decision cannot be reached otherwise.”
Oh, I get it.
>“So the two of you—”
It’s kind of like how I want to rut my human, but he doesn’t want to because he’s scared of what would happen if someone found out.
>Stare rigidly at the pink forms.
Hey, should I rut my human anyways?
>Fucking take one.
>“Why do you want to rut your human, Pinkie?”
Because I like him. He’s great. We always have lots of super-duper fun times together, when he’s home anyway.
>“Sounds like you two are pretty good friends.”
Well, duh! I can’t imagine my life without him. Making him smile is the best thing in my life that I can think of.
>“Pinkie, do you have any other friends? I mean it’s not just him, right?”
Well, kind of. I like going to the park and talking with other ponies, especially other Rainbow Dash ponies. They’re a hoot.
>“How often does your human take you to the park?”
Not very often. Not as much as I’d like. He has to work a lot. Sometimes he even just goes to bed right after he gets home. I think he works really hard.
>“I see. How’s your financial situation? I’m only asking because maybe you can ask him to get you another pony friend.”
Well I don’t think my human has a lot of money.
>“Oh.”
But that’s okay. He’s the best human ever, and he’s mine, and I wouldn’t trade him for anything—not even for an unlimited gumball machine.
>“Do you wish he was around more though?”
Yeah. I guess I do. I get really bored waiting for him sometimes.
>“Could that be why you want to rut him, because you’re bored of what you have now?”
Well that’s part of it.
>“Just part of it?”
Well it’s something I’ve been thinking about for a while. Can I ask you something?
>“Of course you can. What is it?”
How long did the original Pinkie Pie live?
>“A very long time. She was old. Had grand-fillies by the time she died.”
She didn’t just live seven years like we do.
>“No.”
See, I’ve been thinking about that a lot. I’m already three years old, and in a few weeks I’m going to be four. That means I’ve already lived half of the life that I have left.
>“Well, gosh, Pinkie, I mean you live for a very noble purpose. Your companionship brings people joy that they wouldn’t have otherwise.”
I know.
>“You’re a great friend and pony, Pinkie, and that’s in your very DNA. That’s the whole reason our company thought it would be a good idea to clone the mane six. It’s a chance to give people great friends who wouldn’t have them otherwise.”
And that’s why I was cloned?
>“That’s right.”
And that’s what I am, a clone.
>“You say that like it’s a bad thing, but it isn’t. You shouldn’t feel bad that you’re a clone.”
Oh, I don’t feel bad. I like being alive. I just wish I had more.
>“More what?”
More of something, just enough so that it doesn’t feel so empty anymore.
>“What?”
I don’t know what. I want to live a full life. I know you can’t do that in seven years, but I want to anyways. I want to find love. I want to love someone. Even though I can’t have babies, I think I would be good at loving. I’d just have to find someone extra special. The thing is I already have too. But he’s scared of what might happen if someone found out. But I don’t care if they find out. I don’t care if everyone finds out. I know that I love him, and that he loves me, and that that’s all that matters. We can be full together in a way that we can’t be the way we are now. Don’t I deserve that?
>You find yourself so overwhelmed that you cannot answer.
It’s going to be my birthday soon and I’m making sure that we’re having vanilla cake, because life’s too short for chocolate.
>“Pinkie, wait.”
Look, I’m sorry that I hardly made you smile at all, but I’ll make it up to you next time I call. I’ll be happier then.
>The connection ceases.
>You hang up the phone slowly and stare silently at the pink form you took.
>Can’t bring yourself to fill it out. You put it back.
>After a while you go upstairs to see your manager about using some of your vacation time.
 
>“Equestrian Help Hotline.”
>The vacation did a good job of relieving some of the stress you feel at your job.
>“No, I’m sorry, but we discontinued the Spike line a few months ago.”
>Not that it had always been stressful; that didn’t happen until you started getting the sex based pony calls.
>“That’s right. So you’re going to have to start slowly encouraging your Twilight to write her own letters.”
>But you feel better now, and you’re back to answering normal questions again.
>You hang up on the Twilight owner and take the next call.
>“Equestrian Help Hotline.”
>A woman answers.
Yeah, my pony has been using my computer while I’m away at work.
>Sounds like another Twilight problem.
>“And this is something you don’t want your pony doing?”
Well normally I wouldn’t mind it, but she’s using it to look up porn.
>Never mind. It’s a Fluttershy.
>And now your stomach hurts.
>“Are you sure that it was your pony looking these things up?”
Hey! Just what are you implying?
>“I’m not implying anything. It’s just that it’s unusual for our ponies to have a high interest in technology the way that you’re describing.”
It’s just using the computer. It’s not that uncommon.
>“Well it’s really the hooves that . . . Look, you’re sure it was your pony?”
Uh, yeah, I’m pretty sure. I’ve gone through her browser history and found searches for ‘Big Dick Humans’, ‘Big Dick Nude Humans’, ‘Human Stud Makes Squash Soup’, and the worst was—
>“Thank you for confirming.”
She doesn’t know that I know. Why would my pony be looking at that stuff?
>“It is unusual. By the way, you wouldn’t happen to have a Fluttershy, would you?”
No. I have Applejack.
>“Oh, well how about that.”
What?
>“Nothing. It’s just that we don’t usually hear about many Applejack ponies at this call center. We have rural specialists working in other call centers that usually take these calls.”
Well I live in the city.
>“Actually, that could be a problem. You see Applejack ponies can feel very anxious living in an urban environment.”
Oh, I know. But she loves it here. She’s made friends with nearly everyone on our block, and she works in the community garden.
>“Well that’s great.”
It’s the porn, though . . .
>“Yeah. That’s a very unusual problem.”
Do you think there’s something wrong with her?
>“That’s hard to say.”
I’m starting to think something might be wrong with her.
>“Well let’s not damn anybody yet.”
What do you mean about that? I’m furious with her. She’s going to fuck up my computer with a bunch of viruses just because she wants to see those awful things.
>“I understand your frustration.”
And she doesn’t just do it once either. I know she’ll spend all day at that computer sometimes.
>“Yes, yes. I understand your—wait, I thought you said she did this while you were at work?”
You should see my computer chair. The seat cushion used to be light blue.
>“Excuse me, but I thought that you said earlier—”
And the smell!
>“I thought you said that she did this while you were at work.”
She does. I set up a camera to catch her in the act. I just didn’t think I’d catch her more than a dozen times.
>“I see. Well right now you might want to install some kind of protection to block her from accessing her sites.”
What good would that do? She’s just going to get the porn from somewhere else.
>“Well this way you save your computer.”
I could have done that myself. What I want is for her to stop looking at that disgusting porn of hers.
>“I see. Well ponies don’t usually have strong urges every day, but they do sometimes get them, and it’s important for them to have a healthy way to release them.”
Um, excuse me, but are you saying that I’m in the wrong here for not wanting my pony to fuck herself to big dick nude humans?
>“No, please, I—”
Because you can fuck right off if that’s what you’re saying. She’s not going to look at those kinds of things while she’s living in my apartment.
>“I’m sure she isn’t doing it to upset you. Perhaps if—”
What’s your name?
>“Excuse me?”
I want your name.
>You tell her.
Well thank you very much for wasting my time, because you obviously don’t know what to do, and it looks like I’m going to have to take care of it myself. I think I’ll go ahead and do that after I report you.
>The connection ceases.
>“Man, I’d hate to be that poor Applejack.”
>You take an orange form, fill it out and then file it away.
>She never did report you.
>A day later, a fateful call.
>“Equestrian Help Hotline.”
Howdy, sugar cube. How’s the homestead?
>Applejack? You’ve got to be kidding.
>“Just fine, Applejack. How are you? I wasn’t expecting to hear from you.”
>Is that a lie? You aren’t sure anymore.
I’m doing all right. Hey, you sound great.
>“Well, thanks.”
Yeah, you sound like a tall drink of water. Am I right?
>“I do okay, if that’s what you mean. Did you have a question?”
Actually, I do got something I want to ask you.
>“Is it about your human?”
Sure is. How’d you know that?
>“You don’t want to know.”
Are you acting as cute as you sound?
>“Excuse me?”
Anyway, I’m not entirely sure how I’m going to tell you this.
>“Look, it’s all right, Applejack.”
>Grab an orange form.
>“You can speak freely. I’m listening.”
Well, okay, I trust you. My human wants to rut me.
>“And why do you want to—wait a sec. Your human?”
I know that sounds crazy. To be honest, I ain’t even sure if I can call what she’d want to do with me rutting.
>“She?”
I’m not sure how it all happened. I told her I was interested in meeting someone, thinking that she’d be happy for me.
>“Go on.”
See, I want to meet a man. I want me a big strong man that can shake my tree, if you catch me.
>“Sure. But what about your human?”
Weren’t you listening? I said I wanted myself a man. I just love big, strong human men. I’d like to meet a real cutie that—
>“What’s your problem with your human? Let’s get back to that.”
Well when she found out, she tried to keep me locked in the house. And now she’s kind of insisting that I let her take care of my most recent needs.
>“Okay, well, her—”
And, boy, let me tell you, they are some pretty strong needs.
>She can’t seem to get off that.
>“Uh, okay then, Applejack, are these needs causing you distress?”
Well I’d sure like to satisfy them, if that’s what you’re implying.
>“I didn’t imply anything. I’m asking you whether you feel you are alright or not.”
I feel fine, sugar cube. Don’t fret about any of this.
>“Don’t fret?”
Yeah, no pony has to know.
>“Applejack, this is serious. Her locking you in, that’s abuse. We can investigate that.”
You can? You’ll come out and see me?
>“Just give me your address and I can send a team out tomorrow to—”
Well hold on. I don’t know if that’s such a good idea, to send a team.
>“Why not?”
I was kind of thinking, well, since I talked to you first and all . . . Maybe you can come by yourself?
>“You want me to come.”
I sure do.
>“I’m sorry, but that’s not my department.”
Well how about the two of us meeting somewhere then?
>“The two of us?”
Yeah, just you and me. Somewhere private. I really think it’d help me feel more comfortable with this situation if I were to see you in person.
>“Maybe something can be arranged, if you can get out.”
Oh, don’t worry. I’ll get out. You think I’m going to miss this?
>“Miss our appointment, you mean?”
So we’re in agreement here then?
>“Well to be honest, I don’t know. I’m not really comfortable meeting you by myself.”
Well I’m sorry. I don’t want you feeling uncomfortable with me.
>“Besides it’d be easier to just send the investigators out. If they find anything suspect we can have you out of there in no time. Then you’d get to come here and we could easily meet that way, if you still wanted that.”
But we wouldn’t have our privacy. There’d be cameras all over us.
>“What does that have to do with anything?”
Unless, I guess, well if you’re into that sort of thing, being watched.
>What is she talking about?
>“Applejack, I’m trying to help you here. Can we please get back to you giving me your address?”
Uh . . . No.
>“No?”
Yeah, I don’t want to do that.
>“You don’t want to escape from the abusive relationship that you have with your human?”
Well, I mean, I did. But then we started talking and . . . well, you know.
>“I know?”
Yeah, you do.
>“Yeah?”
Yeah.
>You’re starting to worry that this Applejack was getting beaten, especially around the head.
>“Look, you’re going to have to be more forward with me, Applejack.”
Oh, I can do that. Don’t you worry. I can do whatever you want me to do, sugar cube.
>“Well can you—”
Sure can. Like I said, whatever you want.
>“Let me finish. Can you tell me exactly what it is that you want me to do for you?”
You mean to me. What I want you to do to me.
>“What you want me to do to you?”
Well I want you to rut my brains out, of course.
>“Woah! Hang on here.”
What? What’d I say?
>“I can’t do that.”
Why not? We can get a room together. I know a place that’s no questions asked.
>“Applejack, this is highly inappropriate.”
Well you were the one who was leading me on this whole time.
>“No, I wasn’t. I’m here for your wellbeing.”
Well my being wants us to get together so you can put your snake in my boot.
>“Applejack, you’ve got to stop talking like that. You’re already going to be in trouble as it is.”
What! Now come on. You don’t want to put little ol’ me up on the scaffold, do you?
>“I’m really going to need your address now.”
>She’s silent.
>“Applejack.”
What did I do wrong? Where’d I go wrong? I thought when we were talking that things were going all right, and now you’re upset with me. Am I really that bad at this?
>“I’m not trying to be a bad guy or anything. But you had to know that what you were trying to do wasn’t going to work.”
I can’t help it. I’m getting desperate. And once we started talking, well, I just wanted to hear you say nice things to me. You have a nice voice, sugar cube. I like it.
>“I like your voice too.”
Really?
>“I always have. It’s a cute accent. I like to hear you talk.”
Shucks. I’m just talking with my mouth is all. But I blew it still, didn’t I?
>“You’re not happy. Let me get you out of that house.”
No. No, I can do that myself.
>“Applejack, please don’t.”
Look, I’m sorry I called you at all. I won’t cause you anymore grief. I’m going to go.
>“Applejack, please don’t hang up on me. I care about this job, about helping you, about you. Please give me your address.”
Sorry. I’ll be thinking of you tonight. I wish we could’ve met.
>The connection ceases.
>Fill out the orange form and file it away.
>Wonder why it is every pony can’t have a good home while you get back to work.