Two hours later.
 
>You have finally come to visit the Guard Quarters, and you can’t really say you’re liking the experience so far.
>First of all, your bag, along with your board and several other items you esteem, has been confiscated.
>Second, the ride to this place in the carriage left your ass and back in a very bad shape. You’d had preferred to walk your way here… even if it had taken the rest of the night.
>Third and last, according to the integrated clock in your goggles, it’s fucking 3:20 in the morning and, instead of partying with your dudes, you’ve been waiting for almost one hour at this reception hall, waiting for somep0ny important to come. You didn’t bother to learn who exactly. Apart of that, you are still being monitored by the same six goldies who drove you out of Quake’s pub.  
>For the nth time, you yawn and move your head around to study your surroundings, hoping to find something you hadn’t noticed before, something which might help to take away the unbearable sensation of boredom that’s been threatening to overcome you since you stepped in here.
>Stone walls, lined with spear racks, torches and long banners showing a blazing sun alongside a crescent moon. There are several murals, depicting what you suppose are ancient battles or important moments in the history of the Royal Guard. Most of the paintings are pretty lame, exact replicas of the propaganda posters you remember from Earth…if those posters on Earth had been the work of some renaissance hobo artist. The sight of happy p0nies citizens being saved by handsome and heroic-looking guards from the clutches of creepy p0ny sorcerers, minotaurs, zebras, dragons or hydras is not unusual.
 
>The only thing that really managed to grab your attention when you first got here was the dusty, patina-covered gunpowder cannon that is currently on display at the center of the reception hall  like some sort of monument. It is fairly impressive and, as expected from some peop…p0nies whose average understandings of firearms are comparable to those of a medieval farmer, it makes up for its simplicity and likely ineffectiveness with its huge size and lots of profuse, ceremonial and utterly useless decoration.
>No, seriously, some smart-ass thought the barrel would look prettier and more awesome with loads of golden engravings on it.
>But, cannon and all, looking at it got fairly boring after the first ten minutes.
>You have tried talking to the guards surrounding you, but none of your attempts at striking up a conversation have been long-lived, the record being seven seconds. They refused to answer any of your questions, too.
>You sigh inwardly and let your gaze linger on the cannon for a few more minutes, imagining it’s one of those big railguns from the Earth military.  Not a word, not a sound, not a hint that they’re aiming at you and…bang! Ultrasonic death right in your face…! You are cut short from your thoughts as a cold and formal voice, but somehow with a youthful tone that makes it sound less serious than it should, speaks up from behind you.
>”Impressive, isn’t it?”
>You turn your head to see a unicorn approaching in purple armor, his electric blue mane sharply contrasting with his ivory coat. As you feel the other six guards tense up before stoically saluting him, you wonder what kind of high-rank officer this guard must be. You’ve never seen that kind of armor in a goldie, which makes you think  what could you call this one, after seeing his purple set of armor….mmm…”purplie”? “purpley”? Fuck, that sounded awful.
 
 
“I suppose it’s not bad, “ you casually reply. Then you add, “I didn’t know you p0nies had gotten to invent this kind of…”
>”That’s because we didn’t. A guild of minotaur blacksmiths created this weapon, some one hundred and seventy years ago, as a gift to Princess Celestia”
“Aha”
>How interesting.
>”This is the only one of his kind in all of Equestria. Fortunately, it has never been fired and I sincerely hope it never will be, Anonymous,” the unicorn changes its tone to an even colder tone after pronouncing your name, “Do you know what happened to the inventors of this weapon, Anonymous?”
“I haven’t the slightest idea, buddy, but I bet you haven’t dragged my ass all the way up here just to teach me some History, have you?
>”They were banished to the territories beyond the civilized kingdoms when they tried to steal the weapon…, “ the unicorn continues, disregarding your comment, “…after hearing we’d never try to use it. They felt insulted because we wouldn’t shed any blood with their “toy”, as they called it”
”Oh, “ you manage to reply at this unexpected input of information.
>”That’s what happens to those who’d like to see the peace of our nation jeopardized”
>There’s a few moments of awkward silence while you’re processing what this unicorn just said. Is he implying…?
>”Do you understand, Anonymous?”
>Oh, wait, he’s exactly implying that. Got it.
>But you ain’t making it easy for him.
“I’m not sure if I follow, officer”
>”Oh, you really don’t?, “ the unicorn calmly approaches, as the other guards surrounding you tense up, holding their spears close. Suddenly a fake smile makes its way across his features, “nah, don’t you worry, Anonymous, we have plenty of time. I’m sure you’ll finally understand…”
“Well, listen, officer…”
>”Captain”
“What?”
 
>”It’s Captain, not officer, Anonymous. Captain Shining Armor”
>Shining Armor….where have you heard this name before? Some guys who have had some trouble with the guard in the past had mentioned his name in one or two occasions, true… but there’s something else…something Twilight had said, perhaps?… Ah, yes! This is Twilight’s brother you’re speaking with if you remember well!
>Perhaps this could come in hand if this guy has a soft spot for family friends.
>”But now, let’s head for my office, so we can get started with your interrogatory, ” Shining Armor says before turning for a corridor.
>An interrogatory? Ok, now this is beginning to turn into real bullshit. You haven’t done anything wrong, after all!
“Look, captain, I don’t think there’s any need for that…”
>”I haven’t started with questions yet, Anonymous, “ the captain interrupts without turning, still walking away, “be quiet until we get to my office”
“Now, captain, I insist, seriou…”
>Several spear tips are swung dangerously close to your body and one’s pole clashes with your right arm before you manage to grab it and push it aside in an annoyed gesture, anger rising to dangerous levels inside of you.
>”Guards, contain yourselves. There’s no need for that”
>You let out a grunt and glare at the six guards that stand around you.
>”As for you, Anonymous, don’t make this more difficult for you, “ when you turn towards him, Shining Armor’s gaze looks like it could freeze liquid nitrogen, “I’m already having too much patience. You’ll shut your mouth, come with me and then answer all my questions. Got it?”
“…got it…, ” you angrily mumble.
>”Good, then let’s move on”
>Your repress your urge to start punching someone in the face and follow after him. You hope this interrogatory thing pays off and everything gets solved before you lose your cool and get yourself in deeper shit than this.
 
>It’s not like he could put you behind bars for a misunderstanding, right?
 
Music: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z9nGKrQRMlU
 
>Barely thirty minutes after that, you get your sorry ass thrown into a cell.
>Your head is now pulsating because of the several blows you received for “resisting your detention”.
>You shift uncomfortably as you lay, face up, on a small bed arranged on one side of the cell, your legs hanging off the end and your right arm swinging lazily over the floor. At the opposite side, a small toilet, a light bulb and a solid-looking wooden door reinforced with iron braces.
>At least there’s a toilet and you get four meals a day, if what the guards told you isn’t a complete lie. On Earth, a hole in the floor with no conduction whatsoever and one single bowlful of processed algae starch would act as substitutes for the luxuries you have here.
>You spent the next minutes thinking about this situation. About how you got into it and about how you’re going to sort it out. Unfortunately, your neurons are still feeling the effects of alcohol, along with some added tiredness, and your brain can’t currently help you too much with this, apart from recalling certain past events.
>You punch the wall with your left hand tightly clenched as you remember the conversation you held with the captain of the goldies. What was the point of the interrogatory if he had already decided that everything you were going to tell him was bullshit? When acting like that, Shining Armor guy reminded you of many Earth Police Chiefs, playing the judge's role before the proper trial had even begun. You hope he doesn’t like taking the role of jury and executioner too because, if that’s the case, you can consider yourself pretty fucked.
 
>”Does it really pay off, Anonymous? ,“ he asked.
“What pays off?”
>”Lying to me, Anonymous. What need would you have for that, I wonder? Perhaps to cover up something you did? Something you don’t want us to know? Is that it?” those had been his replies, and they had angered you like nothing else.
>The fucker, never giving you an opportunity.
>”C’mon, human, “ when he started calling you “human”, you could already notice he was starting to lose his patience, “I’m getting tired of this”
“Guess I’m not the only one then”
>”Ha. How funny, human. Seriously, you crack me up, “ he replied with no hint of humor in his voice, “now…tell me what REALLY happened”
“You already got it, captain. Or would you like to hear my story all over again?”
>It was just as hopeless as it was pointless, and you confirmed it for sure when he mentioned something about a trustworthy informer giving details of the incident in the morning with princess Cadence.
“So it’s my word against someone’s and, despite that, I get arrested. Neato, just fuckin’ nito”
>”The info has been corroborated by several reports given by…”
“Oh, and I got arrested because of some docs too, great…Now, who’s the snitch?”
>”You are not allowed to know anything about our contacts, human. Discretion is one of our mottos, here at the guard”
“I bet fucking with me is another”
>”Watch your mouth, human”
 
>The last five minutes had seen the interrogatory turn into a shouting contest. Ok, you had lost your cool, but it’d been justified. You had spent twenty minutes in that room being accused of something you hadn’t done and the whole situation had been getting to your tired nerves…and to captain Armor’s too.
>”I’ve had enough, monkey!! Listen…!”
“No, you listen, goldy!! I’m the one who has had enough of this shit!! You go call the princess and she’ll tell you everything I said is true!!!”
>”You want us to call the Crystal Princess, the ruler of the Empire in the North?! You want us to distract her from her duties for something like this?! That is prepost-!“
“I-don’t’-fucking-care. Go get her. I’m right about this and Cadence sure will…”
>”You will speak of the Crystal Princess with proper respect, insolent ape! To think YOU have the right to use her name after what you did…you disgust me”
“Whoa, what’s this, goldy? You taking this personally now?! Oh, don’t tell me you have something to do with the pink girly Alicorn?! ‘cause Twilight never mentioned-!”
>”That “pink girly Alicorn” is MY WIFE”
>Ok, you dun goofed real bad with that last one, but that still doesn’t explain the short-lived all-out brawl that followed. Before you knew it, spears and hooves ahoy! You managed to defend yourself quite well and even throw a few punches and kicks, but that didn’t last long when Shining Armor got serious.
>Long story short, telekinesis is a bitch.
>You get up and sit on the edge of the bed. You bring one your hands down your back, hoping to relieve some of the tension you’ve accumulated during the last few hours. What wouldn’t you give for being back at P0nyville’s spa right now, your stress being taken away by Aloe’s and Lotus’ dexterous hooves. Or perhaps you could visit “Heaven on Equestria”, that massage place one of your buddies recommended you last week.
 
>It sure sounded good, except, perhaps, for the “happy ending” part.
>A day may come when those lusty mares will take away your p0ny virginity, but it is not this day. Or any other day, for now.
>Your thoughts are interrupted when your fingers, while caressing your back, feel something odd on your jacket’s fabric. You take it off and several curses and insults slip out of your mouth when you examine it and find a small tear at the lower back of the jacket, where a good portion of green leather appears to have been cut off.
>FUCK.
>You bet one of the goldies from before did this with his spear when they got nervous at the Reception Hall. Wonderful, Anon, you are under arrest, being held in prison and your favorite jacket is ruined until you take it to some tailor. You don’t remember all the materials Rarity used at her boutique, but you hope the p0nies sharing her profession have something similar enough to synthetic leather in some place in Equestria, or you’re gonna get real mad.
“Why, god, why”
>You didn’t realize you said it aloud, so you’re startled when a deep and refined male voice resonates in your cell, answering you.
>”And why not, Anonymous?”
>You immediately stand up, your fists raised and eyes frantically looking around the empty room. What sorcery is this? You continue to search for the origin of the mysterious…yet somehow familiar voice. Where have you heard it before?
>But before you can remember or give the matter any more thought, the voice speaks again.
 
>”Ooover hereee, “ the playful words ring from behind you. This time, you turn and are able to locate the source of the voice, right under your bed.
>You take a step back before even considering taking a peek. After hesitating in silence for several seconds, you slowly, very slowly, crouch with your hands still clenched for precaution, and then you crane your head to take a good look.  
>For a moment, you only see a blackened area under the bed, a somehow surreal darkness which the light that brightly shines over every corner of the cell doesn’t dare to pierce. How strange, you think, before you let out a surprised shout and fall flat on your ass when a pair of bright yellow eyes pop up from said darkness, a flick of mockery shinning in their red irises.
>The outline of a wide smile and one curved fang also appear and then, the bearded face of a certain chimera, cradled between an eagle talon and a lion’s paw, bursts out from under the bed mattress, shaking with laughter.
>”Oh, Anonymous, you should have seen the look on your face!”
 
 
 
 
Shining Armor’s POV.
 
>You slam your forehooves on your desk again, still angered despite your efforts to calm yourself down. You’re mad at the human Anonymous, for what he said and what he probably did, mad at your guards for doing little besides pissing him off and, moreover, mad at yourself for letting the situation get out of control, for letting your fears and worries interfere with your duty.
>Despite repeating yourself that you did this, not just out of plain concern, but because of the principles you’ve been taught to believe and protect: the respect for law, the safety of the citizens and so on…you’d be lying if you said you hadn’t taken this matter too personally. Damn him, but Anonymous had been right about that.
>You sigh and fix the bag of ice placed on your forehead, precisely where one of Anonymous random punches had almost collided with the base of your horn, before continuing to give this matter some thought.
>The mere idea of Cadence, your wife, your love, the mare of your life…being assaulted by Canterlot’s top offender…it had filled you with an anger that made you accept Blueblood’s accusations too eagerly and handle this situation the wrong way. Sure, the Prince was a stallion of honor and noble position, and his words were to be taken very seriously, especially when reports of nearby stationed guards spoke of an incident quite similar to the one he described.  
>But you now realize you haven’t been completely fair to Anonymous. Offender or not, he is legally a citizen of Equestria, and as so he deserves the benefit of the doubt in this whole matter...even if his version of the facts sounded a little fishy. To think that you most likely blew this because of your own nervousness…it fills you with guilt and shame. This isn’t what you were taught at the Cadet Academy. As a member and as captain of the Royal Guard, you are way better than this.  
 
>You will have to apologize to Anonymous for all this trouble later… once he has spent some time in his cell, of course.
>You have the feeling he might need some minutes to calm down, too.  
>You sigh and stretch out your right foreleg to grab a steaming cup of coffee. You are sipping on the hot liquid when you hear somep0ny coming down the corridor that leads to the entrance of your office. You count eight hooves clopping on the floor, four of them rushing and emitting the characteristic clang of guard’s armor, the other four conducting their steps with a certain grace and elegance, and also accompanied by some metallic clang, not one of armor...but one of…
>Then you hear the hurried and nervous tone of one of you guards and a too familiar mare’s voice, soft and regal, and you stop sipping on your coffee, gradually realizing who may be coming down the corridor.
>Could she be…? No way! It would be so incredible to be by your wife’s side before ending your shift… It’s been so long since your last leave and you’ve missed her so much… If it’s really Cadence the one who’s approaching…
>Then you hear her voice.
>”Thank you very much for showing me the way, guard”
>”It was my pleasure, your Highness!”
>No words can express your joy when your office’s door opens and a young guard salutes and steps aside before letting her enter. The guard, knowing better than to disturb, immediately closes the door behind the princess and walks away. Now there’s only the two of you in the room.
“Cadence!”
>”Shining!”
>You stand up from your desk and go for her. So taken away you are in your happiness that you don’t notice the change in her expression until you are right in front of her. Cadence looks at you, worried, as she takes notice of the ice bag placed on your forehead.
>”Shining, what…what happened?!”
 
 
“Oh, this? It’s nothing, Cadence, we just…had a few troubles with a detainee a few minutes ago, but everything is all right”
>”But…how? Let me see it!”
“Seriously, Cadence, it’s…”
>She doesn’t pay any attention to your words and rises the bag of ice with the help of her magic. You feel the pain in your head come again as the ice separates from the fur and skin of your forehead. A gasp comes from her mouth when she sees the slightly swollen and red bruise the bag has been covering.
>”Ouch, how did you do this?!”
“I told you, dear, we had some trouble with…”
>”Oh, but there’s no way you are standing while you’re explaining this to me! Not with your head in this state! You better take a seat, “ she lowers the ice back on your head and makes you walk over to your desk. Once you’re sitting again, she doesn’t waste any further time.
>Her lips meet yours and her legs go over your withers as the two of you share a long, passionate kiss, tongues dancing and struggling to explore each other’s mouth. Seconds seem to dilate and you both lose all sense of time.
>It’s been too long since you last saw her, indeed.
>Finally, you break your kiss, panting for much needed air.
“That was…”
>”I know, Shining. We both needed that, ” she smiles and gives you a sultry look, “and if you come to my room at the Castle tonight, there’ll be more where that came from… if you know what I mean”
“Sounds like a plan, Cadence”
>Score!
>She nuzzles your neck affectively, still smiling.
>”Royal court can be such a pain in the flank, but now I’ve some free time…, “ she sighs, “And tell me, who’s the terrible criminal that was able to do this to my strong husband? ,“ her forehoof playfully runs circles on your barrel.
“A dangerous one, Cadence, one you surely know since this afternoon”
 
>Her hoof stops and she gives you a quizzical look, her face wearing a puzzled expression.
>”What are you talking about, dear?”
>Wait…what? How couldn’t she not know? Perhaps she has forgotten or something, strange as it sounds.
“Well, the human Anonymous, Cadence. Who else? “ you remind her, “but there’s no need to worry anymore, Cadence. We’ve taken care of him. I just wanted to know if you’re ok after what he did to you”
>She slowly gasps and her eyes begin to open wide with surprise and shock. You suppose it’s from her remembering the nasty events she had to go through this evening.
“Are you ok, dear? Cadence?, “ you bring a forehoof to caress her cheek, “I know it must have been bad enough. We were lucky that Prince Blueblood told us…”
>The moment you mention the Prince’s name, your wife’s expression changes completely. A turmoil of emotions races across her face, filling it with confusion, annoyance and… anger?
>What the hay is going on?
“Cadence? Are you all right? What happe…?”
>”You detained Anonymous? ,” her voice is suddenly cold, but also containing a hint of incredulity.
“…Yes…Of course we detained him, Cadence”
>”Where is he?”
“In a cell, at the basements”
>”Why, exactly?”
“Why…but…don’t you know…? Anonymous was detained because he assaulted you on your way to the Castle, didn’t he?”
>”Wait a second, dear. Who told you that I was assaulted? Don’t tell me it was…”
“Prince Blueblood personally came to…”
>”HE DID…?!, “ now she seems truly angered, “ I can’t actually believe he…that he made you… it’s…, “ she interrupts herself and snorts, visibly irritated with something, then turns her gaze to the wall, glaring at nowhere in particular, “that stallion clearly has a problem. It’s worse than I thought”
”Who’re you talking about? Prince Blueblood?”
 
>”Yes, him! If only you had listened to him as I have! It was…! But I’m getting off topic with this, Shining. My story can wait… Now, “ she locks her eyes with yours, dead serious, “what did exactly Blueblood tell you?”
“Well…”
 
Anon’s POV.
 
“Yeah, first floor of the tavern, doors closed and this crazy mare getting closer. Her horn was shining and… I bet you, man, I almost shat my pants thinking she was going to screw me bad. But then I told her; YOU SHALL NOT HAVE ME, HORSE WITCH!”
>”And what happened then?”
“I jumped off the window with my board and saved my diginity, Discord, just the same thing any sane man would have done!”
>”That didn’t really happen, right? ,” the Chaos god smiles playfully.
“Also, I did a backflip and a full 720’s before landing and getting away from…! Of course it didn’t happen, Discord, you know that I know how to behave around the ladies. After dealing with Earth’s women, I’ve no problem handling these mares”
>”Ha! That’s a good one, Anonymous, the best one I’ve heard so far!,” the chaos god produces a small flag with your name imprinted on it and waves it.
>You laugh as you bring a cup of fine cognac, courtesy of your friend’s magic, to your lips and taste the fine liquid. It’s good to be friends with Equestria’s Q.
>The friendly conversation has been going on for almost ten minutes for now, with no interruption from the guards patrolling outside thanks to a little spell that made the cell soundproof. The apparition of Discord has caught you a little off-guard, but, after recovering from your initial surprise, you’ve warmed up quite fast to him, remembering good times spent together.
 
>Like your p0ny buddies from Quake’s, he likes the things you tell, and the way you tell him such things, be they historical facts, myths, popular legends or, like this last one, made-up-on-the-spot tavern tales. And that’s just one of the many things Discords likes about you.
>The Draconequus, as he was called, had become fascinated with you the moment you appeared in Equestria. During those awful days where nop0ny trusted you- except Pinkie Pie of course, that mare was incapable of hating or distrusting anyone- he showed you real respect and acted as a good friend and a disinterested advisor, perhaps because you, just like him, were a unique creature in this world...a sort of freak, to put it bluntly.
>Your own nature, the kind of a rebel without cause (those had been his exact words), held some taste of the Chaos he had renounced to some time ago…you don’t know exactly when or how…he mentioned him being imprisoned in stone and then liberated, then defeated for a second time, then liberated again… He had no problem talking about his “reforming period”, but hasn’t shared too freely anything about his past besides explaining you, very vaguely, what every history book could tell you about those centuries ago, when he ruled Equestria as an egotistical and maddened tyrant.
>Not that you give a fuck, of course. That’s over and done with. What matters is that, right now, he’s a pretty cool guy who’s good with everyp0ny…well, everyp0ny who doesn’t run away when they catch sight of him. That’s why Celestia has restricted him to be in a certain wing of her Castle, for the time being. When you remember that you ask:
“By the way, weren’t you supposed to be at the Castle now?”
 
 
>”Oh, about that one, yeah…, “ he sighs and the flag in his paw disappears to be replaced by a glass of absent, one of his favorites liquors, “if only you knew, Anonymous…Celestia apparently wants to know my exact location at any time of the day. Half a year has passed since my reforming, and I had expected her to be more trusting over time, but it doesn’t happen to be that way… Luckily, I manage to make a little escapade just once in a while. Otherwise, I’d go crazy being inside that Castle every single day!”
>He shakes his head and sips on the absent.
“Hey, perhaps she trusts you, but doesn’t want to leave you alone for some other reason…”
>At first, he doesn’t seem to follow, but then he begins to understand.
>”Whoa, whoa, Anonymous, do you mean what I think you mean…again?, ” he asks before sipping more of the green booze.
“What? That Sunbutt has the hots for you? Yeah, why not, Discord?”
>”Anonymous!, “ he spits and sprays the floor with the absent, making plants with a garish-green color sprout and bloom wherever the liquid droplets fall, “How can you imply that? That princess is one of the most…boring, prudish, serious and strait-laced mares in all of Equestria! For chaos’ sake, she never laughs at my jokes! She barely smiles at all, except when her sister or her “faithful student” are around!”
“Well, you know what they say about love and magnets…opposites attract”
>”Anonymous, although I’d very much like to plunder the Royal Flank…the owner of said flank, the “Undimmed Sun of Equestria”, is insufferable at worst and slightly tolerable at best, “ he turns his gaze from you, “My point has been made and I’m not getting into this conversation again, thank you, “ the chaos god then crosses his arms and floats a little bit into the air, top hat in his head, chin held up and white brilliant neon letters magically spelling the word NOPE in front of him.
 
>You stifle a laugh and down the rest of the cognac.
“C’mon, don’t be like that, Discord, “ you continue, “you know I’m just kidding”
>”Yes, Anonymous, I know, “ he sighs and both the top hat and the big brilliant NOPE disappear, “ but now that we’re talking about Celestia, that reminds me of something I wanted to tell you”
>You look quizzically at him.
>”The Princess seems to have taken a keen interest in you, Anonymous”
“Oh, has she? Well, shouldn’t be so surprising. I’m the one and ONLY human in this planet, after all. Perhaps she wants to ask me more things about Earth or something like that”
>”I’m afraid it’s not about that, Anonymous…”, you raise an eyebrow and your friend continues,”…she tries to dissimulate in front of everyp0ny, to pretend nothing is happening, but both Luna and I have noticed that something is disturbing her. She hasn’t shared it yet, not even with her beloved sister, but I’ve picking up certain signals, some clues that might point out what’s troubling the Princess”
“So, what makes you think it has anything to do with me, huh?”
>”One day, I caught her revising the copies of your citizenship documents in the Archives.”
“Ok, so she was revising those docs…big deal”
>”Then, on other occasion, not even two weeks ago, she paid a visit to these quarters. When I followed her, I saw her reading some big dossiers with your name on it, probably your offender profile or something similar”
”What”
>”Oh, and the last time I saw her, she was taking notes from a book called "A beginner’s guide to the Great Apes" ”
“Holy shi-wait, what?”
>”Ok, perhaps that last one has nothing to do with you and more with that gorilla that was recently moved to the Castle Gardens, but you get the idea, Anon!”
 
“…Wow, “ is the only thing you manage to say, before lowering your head, a bit shocked from these strange revelations. Now, it all begins to make sense…or sort off. Let’s think about it. Could the princess be the one responsible of messing up with you? Could she be the one that came up with that new legal reform? Could she be the “mysterious informer” Shining Armor spoke about? She’s the princess of Equestria! For fuck’s sake, the sun REALLY shines out of her ass…of course she could have done any of those things! Still…
>Why would she act with this level of secrecy? If the Princess just wanted to screw you over because she was worried about your “activities”, why doing this? Why would she bother to protect her identity, doing it the subtle way? Not because of losing popularity, that’s for sure. If she’d simply stayed by royal decree that you were a threat to her subjects, the whole of Classy Canterlot would have gone out on a non-stop party, and perhaps everyp0ny at the Royal Guard too. And even if your friends had complained, there‘d be few things they could have said to change her mind in such a situation. She’s their ruler/goddess, after all.
>No. Now that you think about it, the idea of Celestia being behind this it doesn’t make much sense, but it’s still a possibility.
>One you can’t ignore, for the moment.  
>”Do you understand, Anonymous? ,” Discord voice attracts your attention again and you turn your head to see the god of Chaos looking at you, dead serious. He then smiles reassuringly to you before resting his eagle talon on your shoulder, “I know you’ve had kind of a rough night, Anon, but you’ve to listen, and listen very carefully. I know what you’re thinking”
“You know?”
 
>”Anon, I’m a millennia-old god, it’s as easy for me as it is for you to put two and two together in this situation, but let’s not jump to conclusions here, shall we? I still don’t know if Celestia or any other p0ny has anything to do with this or why the princess is taking such an interest in you, my friend, but I must warn you to be careful. Something big is going on, I can sense it. Now, do you promise me to take care and to not do anything stupid?”
“I… I do, Discord…, “ first that law, then the arrest, now this. No matter how much you try to think, you feel lost. Could this get even more crazy?, “…thank you for telling me, thank your very much. I do owe you a good one”
>”It’s nothing, Anonymous. I wouldn’t like to see my favorite alien getting into real trouble”
“Well, I’m afraid you’re late for that. I already am, “ you say, pointing out at the cell walls.
>”Yes, I’ve heard about it, sad thing, “ when you give him a strange look, he smiles, “oh, Anon, they couldn’t stop me from hearing and seeing when I was a statue. Why do you think they could do that now? The moment I heard you were seen entering these quarters, I felt I had to know what was going on. Tell me, it’s all a lie, isn’t it?”
“It is, Discord, I didn’t attack anyone”
>”I know. I met with Princess Cadence today at the Castle, and she mentioned you and her having some small accident, but nothing as serious as an assault”
“So if it wasn’t her…then who could be? Who made this accusation?”
>”An interesting question, my friend, I can’t imagine who, because, as far as I know, the only p0ny who accompanied her to the Castle was Prince Blueblood and…”, Discord interrupts himself and seems to go into some deep think, “Could he…no, it doesn’t make any sense…or perhaps…?”
“Prince Blueblood?“
 
>You don’t remember much of him.  You met with him once, in a welcome party held in your honor a while ago by the princesses. A vague image of a unicorn comes to your mind. Pristine white coat, blond mane, a face always wearing the kind of arrogant expression that would make anybody want to punch him… like many others at the party, most of the time he simply eyed you from afar, a mixture of fear and disgust evident in his eyes.  He only approached you, and very reluctantly, when Celestia herself called him over to introduce you.
>Coldest and most awkward exchange of words ever.
>Apart from the few things Celestia had said then, most of the other things you heard about him later came from certain tales that circulate amongst the slums and some of the Montmare’s regulars, all of them referring to the “more private and not-so-regal” activities the Prince engages in. Hence your next words to define him.
>“Bluebutt, prince of faggots?”
>”Yes, him, Prince Blueb…, “ Discord chuckles, “hey, where have you heard that one?”
“The slums. Anyways, you said his name. Blueblood. What of him?”
>”Well, I’m not entirely sure, but…”
>Discord interrupts himself and turns his head towards the door, as if he was listening.
“Discord, what’s going on? You were-”
>”No time, somep0ny is coming…!” , with a quick snap of his fing…talons, the absent and the cognac disappear, just like the green flowers from before, “…and I’m supposed to be at the Castle, remember?”
“Yes, but what were you going to say?”
>“No time for it, Anonymous. We’ll continue our little talk another day, I promise. Now, remember… be careful“, Discord hurriedly says before heading for the bed and disappearing under it in a sinuous stream of mismatched animal parts. His head appears one last time, however, before definitely going away, “Goodbye, by the way”
“Discord? Discord!”
 
>You go after him but the space under the bed it’s already turned into…empty, normal space, without a single chaotic anomaly on sight. You don’t give up and go all fours to stick your head under the bed, hoping to find something, perhaps some type of portal hided amidst the shadows. Who knows? You’ve to know what Discord was saying about the Prince.
>Then the door of your cells burst open and you hear a guard enter.
>”Human!”
>You hastily crawl out from under your bed, banging your head against the mattress support in the process, before awkwardly standing up and turning to the guard.
 “Yeah, what is it?”
>”The captain wishes to see you again”
“Tell…, “ you remember why you’re in this cell and the anger you’ve eased down during these last minutes comes back in full strength, “tell your captain to fuck off”
>”The Crystal Princess also wishes to see you, human”
>Wait, her? The pink princess? Cadence? Well, that’s interesting.
>If she could corroborate your story, you’d be free to go and everything would be solved! Perhaps this is worth it.  
“Ok… lead the way”
>You exit the cell and follow the guard up the corridor, suddenly feeling much more in high spirits than before.
>You feel that your luck is finally changing, and that this day’s events won’t repeat ever again. You’ll return to a simple life of drinking your ass off, making fools of these goldies and working alongside Quake at his pub.
>Everything seems to be suddenly all right.
 
>What a shame the greatest shitstorm is yet to come.