(Haven't written in a while. This ought to be good. By that I mean terribad.)
 
>be 22
>playing devil may cry 4
>trying to do that fucking royal guard mission
>fail for the 10th time
>it finally sinks in, and I shout it out:
"MY LIFE IS SO BORING!"
>wake up dogs
>one of them is a pug chihuahua mix, other is a greyhound husky mix
>best dogs ever
>give them some love, then I head down to basement to try to find something new
>find a statue that I don't remember buying
>looks like...discord?
>dafuq?
>decide to do equestria a favor and throw this shit out
>as soon as I touch it it cracks
>put on my best poker face
>realize if I sipped a pepsi I would look more casual
>go to get it
>something touches my shoulder
>turn around
>FUCK HE BROKE FREE
>about to shat bricks when suddenly
"BARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARKBARK"
>pug-chihuahua mix to the rescue!
>quickly I thank jesus despite the fact I'm atheist
>next thing I know she has a titanium muzzle
>whelp
>I turn to Discord
"I'm royally fucked, aren't I?"
"What do you mean?"
>I blink
>is he...sparing me?
>mentally fist pump
"No, I'm not going to tap you. I'm just going to take you for a little trip."
>oh shit nigger
>I brace myself for my trip to hell
>suddenly Discord becomes a giant Discord head
"Now just hop in and take it easy."
>fuck no I'm not
>but then again he could kick my neckbeard ass
>get in
>suddenly music plays
>start to sing along
"LET ME TAKE YOU FOR A RIIIIIDE~"
>next thing I know we're descending
>FUCK THIS WAS A HORRIBLE IDEA
>BOOM. get launched far off
>holy shit I can see Twilight's house from here
>then it sinks in
>I'M IN EQUESTRIA
"HELL YEAAAAAAAAAAA-"
>crashes in a flower field
>oh god my head
>barely conscious
>last thing I hear is a squeak of terror
>oh shit is the last thing I think
>pass out
 
(Oh god that took way more effort than you'd think. Most of it was resisting Tribes Ascend. Please, for the love of god PLEASE tell me what I did wrong. I must know.)