AUDIOBOOK'D BY PALE!
 
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0vrcN72EtYl
 
>It's a lovely day in Equestria.
>Sun's shining, clouds are sparse.
>Ponies wave as you pass by, and you wave back with a smile.
>Your arrival in this world accepted with open hooves.
>You were on your way to Fluttershy's cottage, when...
>"Hey, bro!"
>Rainbow Dash comes flying towards you in a blue blur.
>Oh great.
>HER again.
>You heave a heavy sigh.
"Hello Ms. Rainbow."
>She laughs at the formality.
>"Come on, bro, just call me Dash!"
>Again with this 'bro' business.
>Every day it's the same thing with this mare.
>Trying to be your best friend.
>No thanks.
"Well, it was nice to see you."
>At that, you walk past her towards the orchard.
>Without turning around, you know she's following you.
>You can FEEL her there.
"Ms. Rainbow."
>No answer.
>You roll your eyes with gusto.
"...Dash."
>"What's up, bro?"
>She happily answers to her preferred moniker.
"What are you doing?"
>"I dunno, I'm up for anything!"
>Your face is soon covered by your disapproving palm.
"No, Ms. Rainbow, not what WE are doing, I asked what YOU are doing."
>Her hoof rubs lightly against her chin.
>"Is there a difference?"
>*sigh*
>There SHOULD be.
 
>A bit of walking, and you arrive at Fluttershy's.
>You see her tending to some bunnies out back.
>Quietly, you walk to the backyard.
>Fluttershy is feeding the plethora of rabbits.
>"Here's a carrot for you, Betty...and one for you, Felix...and one for you, Alexander..."
>The bunnies adorably take the carrots from her.
>You whisper to the yellow pony.
"Good morning, Ms. Fluttershy."
>She didn't hear you, apparently.
>You try whispering a little louder.
"Ms. Fluttershy!"
>Still doesn't catch her attention.
>A certain blue parasprite is becoming impatient...
>"HEY FLUTTERSHY!!!"
>"EEEEEEP!!!"
>The piercing yell causes the bunnies hopping off in different directions.
>Fluttershy remains petrified in shock.
>"There we go!"
>Rainbow says with a triumphant tone.
>You glare at her, then tend to Fluttershy.
"I'm so sorry, Ms. Fluttershy."
>"I-it's okay Anon, it wasn't your fault..."
>Not willing to directly blame her friend, she drops the matter almost instantly.
>"I assume you're here for the flowers?"
>You nod in agreement.
>"Ooo, flowers? What flavor?"
>Dammit, Ms. Rainbow.
>You don't eat these flowers.
>Well, YOU don't.
 
>Fluttershy leads you to a small garden, filled with a beautiful assortment of flowers.
>"The bees pollenate these flowers all the time...they should be perfect..."
>Looking upon the garden, they certainly are!
>A whole assortment of flowers, of different shapes, sizes, and colors.
>"Oh boy, these look DELICIOUS!"
>Rainbow picks a red and blue flower, munching down on it.
>"Delicious!"
>Didn't even ask if she could have it.
>You sigh, then turn to Fluttershy.
"Ms. Fluttershy, would it be alright if I-"
>She nods.
>"O-of course, take what you need."
>You thank her, and begin your search.
>Yellow ones, pink ones, large green plants, small blue petals...
>"Go with these, bro! They are SO tasty!"
>Rainbow is still stuffing her maw with flowers.
>You aren't going for taste, however.
>Suddenly, you see the perfect choice.
>A small magenta flower with white speckles.
>It looks wonderful.
>You grab a few of them.
"These will be fine, thank you very much."
>Fluttershy nods.
>"It's no problem at all, Anon."
>You take your leave, Rainbow following.
>"Oh man, those tasted GREAT!"
"You know, Ms. Rainbow, you COULD have asked her before taking them."
>Rainbow shrugs.
>"Nah, it's alright with her."
>It really isn't.
 
>After a short walk, you arrive at your next destination.
>Sweet Apple Acres.
>You spot Applejack, bucking some trees.
"Hello, Ms. Applejack!"
>You shout and wave, hoping to catch her attention.
>It works, the orange mare stopping to check who called for her.
>Once she realized who it is, her face lights up.
>"Anon!"
>She unhitches herself from her applecart and trots over to you.
>"So nice to see ya again! It's been too long."
>You bend down, and she gives you a quick hug, which you return.
>Rainbow Dash audibly groans.
>You roll your eyes.
>"And a good morning to you too, Rainbow."
>Rainbow Dash doesn't respond.
>After a few moments, you break the silence.
"SO! I'm here to grab a basket of apples. Making some pie later."
>The blue pegasus fistpumps a bit.
>"Aww yeah, I love apple pie!"
>It's not for HER...
>Applejack shakes her head at Rainbow's behavior, but returns her attention to you.
>"Ab-so-lutely, sugarcube. Hey Rainbow..."
>Rainbow raises an eyebrow to the country pony.
>"Would ya mind grabbin' Anon one of the baskets from the silo?"
>She grins widely.
>"Of course! I'll grab them in 10 seconds flat!"
>True to her promise, she bolts off towards the silo.
>10 seconds was a welcome silence, however.
>"Gosh, Anon, you two stick together like double-sided tape."
"I assure you, the tape VERY is one-sided."
 
>And Dash has returned, a bucket of apples in tow.
>Handing them to you, she brushes off one of her wings.
>"See? 10 seconds flat!"
>You don't respond, giving Applejack the appropriate amount of bits.
>"Impressive, huh?"
>*sigh*
"Quite."
>"I know, but I'm JUST that amazing."
>Even one word is enough for her to expand her ego.
"Thank you very much, Ms. Applejack."
>She bows, bending her front hoof.
>"T'was mah pleasure. Don't be a stranger now! You too, Dash!"
>With a wave, you turn and leave, basket of apples in tow.
>Rainbow is still following you.
>Annoying.
>She continues to trail you all the way to your next stop.
>Carousel Boutique.
>As you approach, you can hear the disapproval in her voice.
>"Ugh, this place? It's so boring! Why don't we go play some Stormball?"
"I can't."
>"No problem, bro! I'll teach you!"
"No, Ms. Rainbow, I literally can't."
>"Why the heck not?"
"I can't fly."
>"Whatever. Do we have to chill here?"
>You're starting to lose it.
"If you don't like it, LEAVE."
>"Nah, bro. I can hang."
>This 'bro' thing is getting old, fast.
>Especially today.
 
>You knock on the door a few times.
>After a moment, a white mare answers.
>"Welcome to Car-ANON! Oh my, it's always a delight to see you!"
"Same to you, Ms. Rarity."
>Rainbow doesn't show any form of greeting whatsoever.
>"Ah, yes, and a hello to you Dash! Always nice to see you two on such a fine day."
>Rainbow scoffs.
>"Of COURSE it's a beautiful day, I'm the weather control, after all."
>Rarity stifles a nag or a scorn.
>So do you.
>Proceeding to walk inside her shop, it looks as organized and neat as ever.
>All her materials separated with care.
>Each mannequin sporting a different outfit.
>After marvelling at her establishment for a brief moment...
"So, I assume you know I'm here fo-"
>She raises a hoof.
>"Say no more, I have JUST the thing."
>She trots into a back room, and using her magic, floats over a few black clothesbags.
>"Here you are, try these on."
>You take the clothes, and walk into the changing room she gestured towards.
>Well, it wasn't really a changing room.
>More of a refurbished closet.
>You were the only creature who cared about 'No Nudity in Public'.
>And she respected that.
>"Hurry up, Anon! If the sun goes down, it'll be too dark to play!"
>Even though her intentions aren't aligned with yours, she has a point.
>It WILL be sunset soon.
 
>Putting on the first ensemble, you step outside.
>Rarity's eyes sparkle as she gazed upon you.
>"Oh my, Anon! It looks positively-"
>"Stupid."
>The blue pegasus clearly didn't approve.
>Rarity is dumbstruck.
>"I...I beg your pardon?"
>"You heard me! It looks dumb, it's not right for him at all."
>Perhaps fashion advice from Rainbow isn't the best thing to follow.
>"Oh...maybe...ANON! Try on one of the others!"
"I, well, okay."
>Honestly, you think it looked fine.
>Then again, suits weren't your strong point.
>You retreat into the changing room for a second time.
>Slipping on the second set, you step out.
>Now this one HAD to be approved.
>Even you thought so!
>"Marvelous! Superb! Fascinating!"
>"Lame."
>Come on, Ms. Rainbow.
"Rarity, I think it's-"
>"No! Everyone must think it looks great! Try on the last one!"
>Her compulsive desire for perfection is taking over.
>Ah well, you comply.
>She knows her clothing, after all.
>You take off the second suit and prepare to put on the third.
>Suddenly, the door opens.
>"Come on, dude! We don't have all-"
>She can't finish before you slam the door in her face.
>NO SENSE OF PRIVACY.
>You throw on the third suit and stomp out the door.
"It looks fine, Ms. Rarity. I'll be taking my leave now."
>You drop the bits for the suit on a table and leave in a hurry.
>Rainbow, of course, follows right behind you.
 
>"Glad we're finally out of there!"
"Why didn't you like those suits anyway?
>"Because, dude, we can't play Stormball with those!"
>You could feel the strain on the last nerve you had left.
>"So what's next, bro?"
>Calming yourself, you turn to face her.
"Wanna play a game?"
>She springs up and starts flying around.
>"Heck yeah I do! Whatcha wanna do? Tag? A Race? Hoof Wrestling?"
"No, Hide and Go Seek!"
>Her happy demeanor fades slightly.
>"Aww, that game's not as cool."
>You shrug, and continue walking.
"I suppose your right. Besides, not many ponies are good at it, figures you wouldn't be either."
>Checkmate, you knew it.
>In a split second, she flies in front of you.
>"I am SO good at Hide and Go Seek! If they had a Young Flier's award for THAT too, I'd have it!"
"Alrighty then!"
>You bury your face in the clothesbag and begin counting.
"1...2...3..."
>At this, she dashes off in a random direction.
>...
>...and she's gone.
>FINALLY.
>You pull your face up and breathe a sigh of relief.
>It's time to get this night underway.
>You carry the flowers, apples, and clothesbag back to your house.
>It was nothing special, but it was yours nonetheless.
 
>You swing open the door, and place the flowers on the table, and the clothesbag on a hanger in a closet.
>It was time to get to work.
>Bringing the basket into the kitchen, you slap on an apron.
>Don't want to get your suit dirty, after all.
>You break out the flour, and get to work.
>Slicing the apples, preparing the dough...
>You have a record playing in the background.
>While Ms. Scratch may have created the disc, it's one of Ms. Octavia's ballads.
>Very soothing.
>You roll up your sleeves and begin kneading the crust.
>Once it's of a proper consistency, you line the pie tin with it, leaving a bit of an edge to create a flaky crust.
>You go to the oven, and set it to preheat.
>Placing the sliced apples in the pie tin, you cover it with a thin top-layer of crust.
>Perfect!
>Before the oven is ready, you start wiping the counters clean of flour, and making the kitchen neat.
>The oven makes a noise.
>Preheating must be done!
>Seems a bit quick.
>You take the complete pie and hold it in front of you as you walk to the oven.
>Hm. It says it's not ready.
>You open the oven to check the heat.
>And a blue winged ball tackles you.
 
>"You found me, bro!"
>The pie...
>"See, I TOLD you I was good at this!"
>It's smashed all over your chest...
>"Now it's your turn to hide!"
>Your suit is covered in crust and applesauce...
>"C'mon, Anon!"
>Everything's...ruined.
>"Bro?"
>Bro, bro, BRO.
>Your hand comes up and punches Dash square in the jaw, knocking her off you.
>"HEY, that hurt bro!"
>In an instant, you were standing, towering above her.
"You have NO RIGHT to call me that!"
>You can see a visible wince of fear.
>Good.
"You BROKE INTO my home, and hid in my oven?!?"
>"I didn't break in, dude! You never lock your upstairs window!"
"Get. Out. Of. My. House."
>You sternly raise a hand.
>She cowers, fearing another hit.
>You simply point towards the door.
>Once she looks from behind her hooves, she tries to speak.
>"But br-"
"OUT."
>That final word made her move.
>She stood to her hooves, and without a sound, walked out the front door.
>As soon as she left, you collapsed to the floor, sitting against your kitchen counter.
>You never lose your temper like that.
>A few minutes pass, and you finally calmed down.
>Good thing too, because soon-
>*knock knock knock*
 
>Oh no.
>She's here...
>She's here EARLY.
>The pie was supposed to be done-
>THE PIE.
>It's not done.
>It's all over your chest.
>All over your SUIT.
>That's ruined too.
>At least the flowers are still there.
>*knock knock*
>Ugh.
>You can't answer the door like this.
>You get up, and look around.
>Busted pie is all over the floor.
>Dammit.
>Suddenly, the door opens.
>"Hello? Anon, are you here?"
>The mare carrying the voice walked into the house, and turned to see you awkwardly standing in a messy kitchen covered in pie.
>Wonderful.
"Ah, hello...Ms. Sparkle..."
>She stands there for a few moments, then begins laughing.
>You're a laughing stock, way to go.
>You hang your head in shame.
>When you look up, Twilight is right in front of you, wiping your suit clean with magic.
>"Anon, I'm pretty sure this is why we let Pinkie do all the baking."
>She giggles at her own joke.
"Heh, yeah..."
 
>Looking over yourself, the pie is gone.
>Good as new.
"Thank you, Ms. Sparkle."
>She sighs.
>"So polite! You can call me Twilight, you know."
"Okay then, Twilight."
>You walk to the table and offer her a seat, opting to leave the kitchen mess for later.
>"Thank you."
>As she sits, she notices the flowers.
>"Anon, these are beautiful!"
>As you go to thank her, she takes a bite.
>"And my favorite flavor!"
>...you can't help but laugh a bit at that.
>"Anon, you went through all this trouble for one of my weekly visits?"
"Of course I did!"
>Way to word vomit that out almost immediately.
>She visited you weekly to learn about humans and human culture.
"Easily one of the things I look forward to the most is you spending time with me."
>A visible blush creeps across her face.
I tried to make this one a bit, well, special. I kinda mes-"
>She got up from her seat and silenced you with a hoof.
>"We have some work to do, don't we?"
>You nod, her hoof still shushing you.
>"I was thinking we would start with something we haven't touched on yet."
>Removing her hoof, she leans her head in closer to you, whispering...
>"Anatomy..."
 
>Meanwhile...
 
>Ugh, Anon can be such a tool sometimes.
>He had all those dumb ERRANDS to run today.
>And for what, baking pie in a clown costume?
>Lame.
>Then when you surprise him all awesome-like, he throws you out!
>Obviously he didn't want to chill with the coolest mare in Equestria that night.
>Or any night.
>Oh well, you'll catch up to him tomorrow.
>There's no way he can stay mad at you for that long.
>After all, he's your bro!