>Day 4 in Equestria.
 
>It's been a good day.
>The last three, however...
>Magically zapped into a new dimension by a freaky nerd p0ny.
>Stripped naked by a fashionista p0ny.
>Beaten up by a flying blue p0ny.
>And had your life put in danger by a country p0ny.
 
>Oh yeah, then that ball of fear yellow p0ny.
>She was there too.
 
>After they managed to smuggle you into a barn to lay low, they all went off to do their own thing.
>Twi said, though you were interesting and needed...
>...experimentation...
>...she had to make sure Spike was alright.
>Applejack went to work the fields more, and tell someone named 'Big Mac' that you exist.
>Rainbow went to make sure p0nies understand that there is NOTHING WRONG.
>And Fluttershy left without a word.
>Right now, however, you were laying down in a pile of hay, eyes closed.
>Damn was this comfy.
>For the first time since coming to this place, you feel relaxed.
>At peace.
>Yeah, you were surrounded by crazy magic flying country p0nies.
>Aside from that, you're fine!
>It got a bit boring though.
>You've been here for about 20 hours, nothing to do besides sleep.
>You'd be working right now on Earth.
>You miss your job, a pinch of homesickness hitting you.
>Let it go.
>You're kicked back, apple in one hand, the other behind your head.
>It's a shame you can't see the sky right now.
>You kick that urge quickly though.
>Last time you stepped outside, it caused a bit of havoc.
>Not making that mistake again!
 
>As you take another bite of apple, the barn door swings open a bit.
>First visitor you've had!
"Hello?"
>You see something walk into the barn.
>A yellow and pink something.
"Oh, hey Fluttershy!"
>A pleasant surprise honestly.
>No one has visited you since afternoon yesterday, and being alone gets boring without a computer.
>She walks in silently, closing the barn door behind her.
>"...um...hi..."
>Aww, she's still the boring scared Fluttershy.
"Whatcha need?"
>You decide to skip pleasantries. After all, she probably had a good reason for being here.
>Maybe she just wanted to keep you company?
>"Oh...well, I uh, thought you could use some company."
>Hit the nail on the head.
"Well thanks, awfully kind of ya."
>She looks down, hiding her face in her mane again.
>Geez, can't even say anything nice.
>Whatever, it IS nice to have company.
 
>She walks over to the hay pile you're laying in and sits next to it.
>"So, um, Anon..."
"Hm?"
>"Are there more...um..."
"Humans?"
>"Yeah..."
>So she's interested in human? Not surprising, so far you're the only one they know of.
"Where I come from, tons. Over 7 billion humans."
>"W-wow, 7 billion?"
"Yep, each one different. Guys, girls, adults, children, different colors..."
>"...so they're basically like p0nies?"
>Now that you think about it...
"...yeah. I guess they are..."
>Wow, when did you get all sentimental?
>You've been gone 4 days, and you're certain it won't last much longer.
>Whether Twilight figures out a new spell, or Celestia McUseless gets her ass in gear...
>Something will turn up.
>It's not like anyone misses you...
>A concerned Fluttershy pokes her head up from next to you.
>"A-are you okay?"
>You must wear your heart on your sleeve, sappy.
>You put your hand on her head.
"Don't worry about me, I'll be fine."
>Instinctively, you start lightly petting her.
>She freezes up, but doesn't pull away.
>No objections, it seems.
>She lays her head down on the hay as you keep petting her.
>You could swear, for the first time since you met her, she had a smile on her face.
 
>"Whatcha doooooooing?"
>A high pitched voice on your right chimes in out of nowhere.
>You look over, and Fluttershy looks up at...
>A vibrantly pink p0ny, sticking out of the hay bale you've been laying on.
>For most the past day.
>What.
>Fluttershy immediately pulls away from your hand, recalling into her mane.
>"Uhh...I...mmmnn..."
>With that string of noises, she bolts out of the barn, slamming the door on the way out.
>You just stare.
>After a good couple seconds of staring, it speaks again.
>"So, what were ya doooooing?"
>It's voice sounds like a mix between curious and devilish.
"I was petting her."
>"Why?"
>This one's a bit nosey.
"I dunno...is it weird?"
>"No, p0nies pet their pets all the time!"
>Oh fuck.
>Now you get it.
>You keep fucking forgetting that p0nies = people around here.
>And you were just petting one.
>That's like randomly petting a girl you met on a park bench.
>Holy fuck you're a creeper.
>"Well, whatever you meant by it, she sure enjoyed it!"
>The pink p0ny giggles.
>Who the fuck is this anyway?
 
"Who the fuck are you anyway?"
>"Me? I'm PINKIE PIE!"
>She cheers, confetti popping up from behind her from the hay.
>Whaddafuck.
"Well, hi. I'm-"
>"Anon! You came to this world from a magical spell gone wrong, and are hiding in this barn because you disobeyed Twilight and went outside!"
>She knows.
>Which is fucking creepy.
"Uh...yeah. How do you know all this"
>She jumps out of the hay bale and lands in front of you.
>"Oh silly Anon, I see everything!"
>She leans in closer.
>"Ev-ery-thing..."
>Ohmigodwhatthefuck.
>Note to self, leave her the fuck alone.
"O...kay."
>She stops leaning forward and smile,s lightly bouncing around the barn.
"So other than watching me accidentally fondle Fluttershy, what are you doing here?"
>"Oh, that's easy! I was setting up your party!"
"...party?"
>Like it was the magic fucking word, every hay bale in the barn explodes into confetti.
>Including the one you were laying on.
>You're launched into the air with a fanfare of colored streamers.
>Those same streamers land on the floor next to you.
>After you land on your face of course.
 
>You're pretty sure you blacked out for a second there.
>You lift your head up to tell off Pinkie Pie.
>It's not just Pinkie Pie anymore.
>The room is now full of p0nies.
>You've been out for more than a fucking second.
>Rainbow...Rarity...Twilight...Fluttershy...Applejack...
>The gang's all here.
>"Anon! You're finally awake, sleepyhead!"
>Pinkie Pie bounds towards you from an appetizer table.
>"Get up, silly filly! The party started without you!"
>How did it start without you? You were here!
>Blacked the fuck out.
>Because of HER.
>Time to tell this bitch off.
"Pinkie, why the f-"
>She puts a pink marshmallow on your mouth.
>"Anon, don't worry, I won't tell anyone about Fluttershy!"
>...what?
>"I KNOW you wouldn't want that getting out, would you?"
>She looks at you half-lidded.
>Holy shit.
>She's fucking extorting you.
"I...uh..."
>"Just enjoy the party, Anon!"
>She gives you a wink and bounds away to her other guests.
>Stay. The Fuck. Away. From that p0ny.
 
>You shake off the last of the unconciousness, you decide to say hi to the other guests.
>Might as well be a good...host? Fucking Pinkie.
>You see Rarity over by a punch bowl.
>Walking up, you notice she's wearing pants!
>"Oh, hello Anon! Glad to see you're...awake."
>Fucking Pinkie Pie.
"Yeah...love the pants!"
>She instantly takes the compliment.
>"Oh, you like? I think they're marvelous!"
>She wiggles her ass at you, showing them off.
"Definitely suit you."
>"I was THINKING of starting to sell them."
"That's not a bad idea! You think other p0nies will like them too?"
>"Oh of COURSE! How could they not?"
>She pours you a glass of punch, which you gladly accept.
>Wait, did Pinkie make this punch?
>You stealthily pour it in a nearby hay bale.
>"I made some more clothes for you, as well. They're in the corner over there."
"Wow, thanks!"
>She smiles, then walks over to the record player to put on more music.
>You walk up to Twilight, who has Spike in tow.
>Hand suddenly feels heavier...
>You look down at your empty cup.
>It's full of punch.
>Pinkie bounds away with a pitcher, happily humming.
>She fucking sees everything.
 
>Pouring it out once again, you crouch down and tap Spike on the shoulder.
>"Hm...oh, hey Anon!"
"Sup, little dude."
>You hold out the brofist.
>He shapes the other half, and the two collide.
>This fucking dude gets it.
>"Hey Anon. How's the barn been treating ya?"
>You get up to properly talk to Twilight.
"Not bad, it's been really comfortable."
>"Don't get too comfortable. Once this blows over, it's right back to the lab-"
>...
>"...I mean library!"
>Dammit.
"Look, I wouldn't mind answering questions about humans and whatnot, but no experiments."
>"But..."
"No."
>Twilight gives up.
>"FINE. I guess that's fair."
>She turns away.
>"I'll get my answers eventually."
>That totally doesn't sound ominous and foreboding.
>You walk over to the next nearest guest, full cup of punch in tow.
>God damn it.
>Maybe it tastes good?
>You take a very very minimal sip.
>It DOES taste good.
>DON'T GIVE IN.
>You throw the damn cup into a hay bale and go to talk to Rainbow.
 
>"..so then I was like WHAM! POW! SMACK! P0nies flying everywhere!"
>Rainbow is recounting her tale to you of how she fought off the horde of p0nies.
>"'HE'S NOT A MONSTER!' I yelled, but those p0nies bore their fangs and started going for the throat!"
>Whut.
"So, they were vampire p0nies?"
>"...YEAH, totally! Vampire WEREWOLF p0nies even!"
>Bullshit.
"Well then, THANK YOU for fighting them off for me!"
>You lay on the facetious as thick as you can.
>She doesn't seem to notice.
>She flaps her wings, flying eye-level to you, and throws a hoof around your shoulders.
>"I'd do anything for ya bro."
>Brofists protocol followed 100%.
>Two in one day? Fuck yeah.
>She floats off to grab some appetizers.
>Fluttershy's right near where Rainbow once stood.
>She makes eye contact with you.
"EEP!"
>She hides herself instantly.
>You fucking creeper look what you did.
"Hey Fluttershy."
>Instead of words, you're greeted with what sounds like extremely soft screams for help.
>WHAT DID YOU DO.
"Well, uh, glad you could make it..."
>Her eyes keep darting around the room.
>Yeah, this is going nowhere.
"Um...enjoy yourself!"
>She says nothing as you walk away.
 
>Applejack is dancing with Pinkie and Rarity in the center of the barn.
>You THINK it's dancing.
>It just looks like they're stepping up and down in rhythm.
>Isn't that what people dancing looks like anyways?
>People must look fucking stupid while dancing.
>Before you can get another thought in, Pinkie appears right in front of your face.
>"C'mon, Anon! Dance!"
>You aren't a good dancer.
>Especially after that inner pep talk you just gave yourself about looking stupid.
"It's not really my thing."
>"Oh...that's a bummer!"
>Hey, she's fine with it.
>"I guess I'll just go talk to Fluttershy..."
>The poison she put into that name may as well have been dripping from her silver tongue.
>She's fucking serious about this extortion thing.
"Okay, okay, I'll dance!"
>"WOOHOO!"
>She happily drags you into the dance floor.
>You don't exactly move right away.
>"C'mon pardner, loosen up!"
>AJ hits ya in the leg.
>Ah well, when in Equestria, right?
>You start busting out some grooves.
>Soft grooves, socially acceptable grooves.
>But grooves nonetheless.
>The other p0nies you're dancing with keep dancing, laughing and enjoying themselves.
>You really hope they aren't laughing at you.
 
>After a bit of dancing, you decide to get some fresh air.
>You still don't know if the stuff you're breathing is air.
>Now's not the time to worry about things like that.
>AJ said it's fine to leave as long as you stay in the orchard.
>Acres upon acres of apple trees, as far as the eye can see.
>The sun is going down over the horizon.
>You walk into the field a bit, coming across a particularly tall tree.
>You sit down against it.
>It's been a weird couple of days.
>This party was nice...but it makes you feel more detached.
>What if you end up staying here forever?
>Leaving behind all of the people and places from Earth?
>Man, you're making yourself depressed.
>Leave me alone, brain, I can be sad if I want to.
>Cheer up, you'll make it back eventually.
>Whatever.
>You had a family...some friends...a job...
>All the bottled up anger from missing your home finally comes out in one burst.
"WHY!?!"
>You reel your head back into the tree, slamming against it.
>You barely feel a fucking thing.
>The tears forming at your eyes come from sorrow, not pain.
>Whatever fell on your head hurt though.
"Ow."
>An apple bounces into your lap.
>Duh, it's an apple tree.
>What kind of idiot Isaac Newton's himself?
>You look up.
>About 20 more apples are on their way.
 
>After being pummelled by flying fruit, you stand up and rub the lumps.
>"Hey, that was pretty good!"
>You turn around. Applejack is walking towards you, with a large red p0ny.
>Huge red p0ny.
>Like no other ponies you've fucking seen huge.
>Must be Big Mac.
>You quickly and stealthily wipe away the tears.
>"Though, maybe next time, don't use yer head."
>You can't help but chuckle at that. The pain from smashing your head into solid wood.
>Again.
>Is catching up to you.
"Yeah...sorry about the apples."
>"Ain't nothing. We got 1000 more trees to buck."
>Buck? Oh, like kick.
>They buck the trees. It's how they get apples.
>Not like they can climb the trees.
>"You know, last I checked, we were a little short handed around here..."
>Hm?
>"Ain't that right, Mac?"
>"Eeyup."
>"And that right there is exactly what we need more of..."
>Oh boy, you like where this is going.
"Is that so?"
>"Yer darn tootin'! In fact, we might me fixin' to hire someone who can do just that."
>Hire? Like a job?
>Having work is one of the things you missed the most about Earth.
>Made ya feel useful.
"Shame I don't know any p0nies who are available for the job."
>AJ smirks.
>"How about any humans?"
>You know your answer.
"I think I might know ONE."