>You wake up on your own today.
>God damn this is the first time in a while you've just woken up because you actually woke up.
>Instead of some dumbass attempt at rape waking you.
>Stand and stretch.
>Scratch your nuts and walk over to the computer.
>Some Namefag is requesting things to write stories about on /mlh/.
>You, being the vastly minded and incredibly witted quick thinker you are, type in:
"My dick."
>You smile to yourself as you believe you have completely stumped the writer and then you go to the bathroom for your morning routine.
>After completing your routine, you head downstairs.
>There's a knock on the door and you go to answer it instead of going to get breakfast.
>Guess what, it's Fluttershy.
>"Hey Anon, chainsaws?"
>She pulls out one from behind her and revs it up.
"Wait... What do you mean? Do I like them or are they are my fetish?"
>She narrows her eyes at you.
>"Yes."
>She swings the chainsaw forward at you, with no intention of stopping.
>Quickly, you jump back and step around her.
>She takes notice and turns around to follow.
>And now you find yourself running into town being chased by a flying Fluttershy dragging a chainsaw.
>Fuckin' sweet.
>You run into a house on 6th street and come out of one right across from it.
>Flutters goes in the one you went in and comes out down the street diagonal from you.
>Go back in the door you came from and come out the one she came out from.
>This highly overused skit confuses your head, so you take off running to Twilight's house.
>You bang on the door for your life and it flings open.
>Twilight's mane looks like complete shit and she stops Fluttershy from impaling you with her magic.
"Jeez Twilight, you look a mess. What's wrong?"
>"Get in here!"
>She grabs both you and Fluttershy and pulls you inside, slamming the door behind you.
"Hey what's the big idea—"
>There is a huge penis coming out of a black and purple portal.
"Well that's cool."
>And it's a human penis.
"Hey Twilight, mind telling me WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON?!"
>"I don't know what's going on, but I think it's yours!"
"What?!"
>You shift your body and sure enough it also moves
"This is disgusting Twilight! And how did you know what my dick looks like?!"
>Narrow your eyes at her.
>"Oh, don't try to put this on me! I didn't do it!"
"Bull fuckin' shit."
>She releases Fluttershy as you both argue about the huge phallus right there.
>Fluttershy looks up at it and hearts float around her as she flies up to it.
>When she gets about a few inches away you can feel her breath on your dick.
"Fluttershy! Get away from my cock you psycho bitch!"
>"No Anon! If I can't have you, then nopony can!"
>She revs up the chainsaw and slices your miniman clean off.
>Blood gushes from your crotch and both you and Twilight scream.
>...
>You awake in the hospital with a bandage on your crotch.
>You can't feel your dick so you're pretty sure it's gone.
>A doctor comes in with Twilight and she smiles at you.
>"Hey..."
"Hey."
>You look at the doctor.
"Doctor, couldn't you have reattached my dick?"
>He sighs.
>"If we could find it. The only human penis found was at Fluttershy's house, but it was obviously fake being 10 ft tall and used as a centerpiece on the table."
"Oh my god..."
>"I'm terribly sorry for your loss."
"Get the fuck out."
>He nods and walks out.
>Twilight shakes her head.
>"I just don't understand... What could make that happen?"
"I don't know Twilight... I don't know."
>A vibration noise is heard.
>You pick up your phone.
>3% battery.
"Hey Twilight, can you give it a little juice?"
>She glows her horn and your phone's battery life springs up to 85%.
"Thanks."
>She nods.
>Look down at it.
>Eh, while you have it out you might as well check the thread to see if that Namefag wrote the story.
>You refresh the page and read word by word what you are reading now.
>You drop the phone.
"Fucking Swift."