>Every night you dawn this gay ass costume.
>Holy fuck shit is it stupid.
>But you must do it for the citizens!
>For every minute under the night sky is another threat born!
>Okay, not really. You're just a bored fuck who lives in Kansas City and dresses up trying to find trouble.
>Literally, your autism is so fucking bad every time you try to save somepony, your spaghetti spewing ass fucks everything up causing them to get into real trouble.
>Like last night.
>You thought you heard Derpy crying for help.
>She just dropped her muffin.
>But at the time you thought she was being mugged or raped or even worse both
>So get this, you jump down from the roof and scare the living shit out of her.
"Don't fret citizen! The Mysterious Mare Do Well is here to save the day!"
>"Get out of here anon. I don't want to hear your shit."
>The mention of your secret identity causes a noodle to poke out of your tool belt.
"W-w-what d-do you mean? I'm not A-Anon!" You take a step back, slipping on the muffin.
>You feel a bit of spaghetti fall out, a meatball too.
>"No, I know who you are Anon. Quit being dumb and leave me alone." She trots away, one eye still on you, the other straight ahead.
>You push yourself up.
"I need to work on my costume."
>You try to stand up but end up slipping on your spilled spaghetti, busting your ass in the process.
>Derpy flies back and hits you with her bag and calls you retarded.
>Yesterday was a bad day, but tomorrow will be better!