So there's this problem I've had as far as I can remember -
    I took to calling it "the sickness",
    But frankly, it won't truly describe
    The problem, only partly, maybe.
     
    Imagine your stomach being tied in knots.
    That's stress, or bad food.
    Now imagine a feeling of weakness.
    That's a cold, or the flu, or something.
    Now imagine the overwhelming sense
    That something is about to throw you over the edge
    To make you -
     
    Imagine your brain being assaulted by vivid daydreams
    Of the disgusting, the obscene,
    And that for whatever reason you can't handle them
    Not now
    Not while in the claws of the sickness
     
    Imagine deep breaths
    The reprieve, the pause
    I'm gonna be fine
    I'm gonna be fine, right?
    And then straight back into it
     
    What will throw you over the edge?
    That must've been your 5th bathroom visit
    What goes in goes out, quickly
    What's going on with this body
    Just what the hell is wrong with me?
    Please
    Just, stop
     
    And then compulsive walks.
    Move, work your feet, walk until you can't anymore
    Walk until you collapse
     
    It's been that way for years
    Always ending with that fitful, exhausted sleep
    Fever dreams, evil dreams
    And then come the morning
    I'm fine, I'm finally fine.
     
    And the week after that, or even the day after that
    I probably won't even remember it,
    The grip of the sickness
    Not until it catches me again.
     
    I have the feeling something has changed, though.
    It wasn't through cleansing fire, or rest
    It wasn't through pills or counseling
    Today, in the height of the sickness fit, I fully embraced the fact
    That tomorrow and onward I won't remember much of this
    Making it terribly unimportant
    And then I got up
    And forced myself
    Back to normalcy.