One my way back to the dorms, I’m accompanied by Lilly after Hanako runs off to the library and Ritsu stays behind for her solo practice as usual. Normally, Lilly would disappear with Hananko or to her class representative duties, but by the way she’s acting I think she wants to tell me something.
If I didn’t know her I’d probably assume she was going to confess, the setting is perfect. The sun is even flaring lovingly through the open windows in the hallway. Or maybe if I knew her better, maybe we’d be in love if things went different earlier, but in this timeline, my heart is being stolen by someone else, and I’d be incredibly surprised if she has somehow fallen for me.
 
L: As you may have noticed, there are certain problems for Hanako regarding your upcoming concert.
H: Why? Does she have stage fright or something?
L: I think she actually wants to play live with you, but it’s the date that is unfortunate.
Damn, here I go again, jumping to conclusions as always. At least I wasn’t that bad this time.
L: I doubt Hanako has said this, but July 10th is actually her birthday.
H: I see… err, understand, are we getting in the way of any of your plans?
Lilly silently giggles at my clumsy save, before taking on a more serious expression.
L: I’m afraid the problem is a bit more complicated.
L: I don’t know how much Hanako is comfortable with me telling you, but as you might have guessed, she has had a hard life.
H: I figured, with her whole, well, scarring and all.
L: yes, and because of her accident she has quite a complex connected to her birthday, I’m not exactly sure of the details myself, but she tends to lock herself in her room for days. It’s quite upsetting, and I don’t know how to make it better.
L: On top of that, I’m going away in two days to visit my family in Scotland, so I won’t be around either.
So she has family in Scotland. I was wondering where she got her western traits from. I don’t mention it though; the conversation at hand seems a bit too serious to be derailed like that.
H: That… doesn’t sound good.
L: I felt that you deserved to know this, please tell Tainaka about it as well, then she can tell Matsumoto, the two seems to share a special connection.
H: that… yes they do.
That came out a lot more bitter than I intended.
Or maybe it was just as bitter as I wanted it to be.
I am pretty bitter about it.
L: Oh my, jealous, are we?
H: no it’s not…
I change my mind halfway through my sentence, there’s no reason to lie to Lilly.
H: Yeah, I guess I am.
L: Don’t be. You’re a good person Hisao, you can get your girl if you want to.
By now we’ve reached the point where the path to the different dorms split, and it’s time to say goodbye.
L: Well, then I trust you to spread the word to those who need to know.
L: Good Luck!
She’s off before I get to say a response, and I’m left alone with my own thoughts.
 
Not for too long, however, as I’m greeted by my next door neighbour who’s hanging around in the dorm hallway for reasons only he knows.
Kj:  Hey man, it’s been forever since I’ve seen you. I was afraid they had got you.
I don’t ask who “they” are. It’s probably the female gender, unless he has found some new enemy to blame for everything.
If so, I guess he’s right, I’ve gotten my heart taken by one of them.
That sounded ridiculously cheesy, so I don’t say it
In fact, I don’t say much at all, just mutter a subdued “hey Kenji” before trying to make my way past him and to my door.
It does however seem like I won’t get off the hook that easy, as he places one of his bony hands on my shoulder and leans in to take an inquiring look at my face. I adjust my head accordingly to avoid the stench of garlic his mouth is emitting.
Kj: Hey, you look troubled, man. Something’s bothering you?
H: Well. Yeah, but there’s nothing you can help with.
Kj: I get it. sometimes you have those problems that you just have to fix yourself, to grow or something. Collecting experience, like in a game. Sometimes it doesn’t seem possible, like that movie where they can’t do it, but in the end they manage to pull it off. So you can do it as well.
I choose not to tell him there are a lot of movies like that; I don’t want this conversation to last any longer than it has too.
Kj: but still, if you need some advice or support or anything like that, you know where to find me.
That’s surprisingly heartwarming, especially considering we’ve only talked four times at most.
Maybe it’s the most anyone here has ever bothered to talk to him.
That’s a rather sad thought, even if it’s realistic.
I guess there’s a lot of us, who’s standing on the outside, looking in.
H: Thanks Kenji.
I open my door and step inside.
Surprisingly enough, I still have the energy to write down some overdue homework. Even if it has been a pretty bad day, I don’t feel that bad.
 
As I drop my pencil after having written my last words for today about the curious double existence of light, the thoughts about the things that matter return.
It seems to me like the most reasonable thing to do would be dropping the whole concert. It would be hard finding a step-in vocalist in just a week, and it wouldn’t really feel right playing with anyone else than Hanako, we’re a band after all, not just a group of interchangeable musicians.
Calling me a musician is a stretch too.
I should probably bring my bass back to my dorm so I could practice to fill times like this, but I feel like the daily training I get from playing with Ritsu and the others is enough. Instead, I opt for reading a book.
It’s a book about musicians at least. They spend most of the time avoiding practice though.
The book keeps my mind of the world for a few hours before I go to bed, but everything returns as I lay in the darkness staring at the insides of my eyelids.
That’s life I guess.