Chapter 3: Insipration?
 
Rin stared at the blank canvas in front of her with a strained expression. ‘What’s wrong with me?’ She had been alternating between pacing herself around the room and staring at the blank canvas for three days. At first she had trouble getting started, but over the past 2 weeks she had slowly come to a standstill. Her figure was starting to become thin; she almost exclusively ate what Sae brought her after work.
The atelier usually was left rather messy while Rin lived in it. She only cared about painting and had no desire to keep the place clean, leaving paint splotches on the floor and what little furniture was in the room. Dirty dishes were stacked in a corner of the room. Clothes were left on the floor, some covered in paint to the point they would have to be thrown away.
Knock. Knock. A pause. Knock. Knock. Rin made no reaction to the noise, she continued to stare at the canvas.
 
“Rin?” No response was heard from inside.
“I’m coming in.” Hisao paused before slowly opening the door. Sae had called him with a very concerned tone of voice asking him to come see Rin. He had been lost in thought about what Rin had said to him after the festival and couldn’t bring himself to confront her. His eyes moved around the room, his expression becoming more concerned with every inch that he saw. His eyes stopped as soon as he saw Rin staring intensely at the blank canvas. He slowly moved his eyes from her head to her shoulders, to her waist where the shirt seemed to swallow her whole, to her hips where he saw that she was sitting with only her panties on. He looked away at this point with a grimace. ‘What happened to her? Why is she doing this to herself again? I thought Sae and Nomiya had stopped pushing her so hard.’ He regained his confidence and slowly approached Rin calling out her name.
“Rin?”
She showed no sign of acknowledgement.
“Rin, are you hungry?” Hisao hoped that she would respond. He didn’t know what he could do to fix whatever was causing her to do this, but he knew he had to get her out of that room. But Rin didn’t move, she continued to stare at the canvas with a frustrated expression. At this point Hisao decided he would have to be more proactive.
“Rin, let’s get something to eat.” He gently put a hand on her shoulder and gave her a slight nudge. She finally stirred, looking up at Hisao with a now blank stare.
“Oh, it’s Hisao.” She looked incredibly tired as she starred at him. Black circles had formed under her eyes, her hair was incredibly oily, and her shirt was dingy enough that she probably hadn’t changed it in a few days.
“Rin, are you hungry? Let’s get something to eat.”
Rin paused for a moment, taking in what Hisao had said. Her expression changed to frustration as she said “I have to do this Hisao. I have to get the fish out of my head. They keep swimming and swimming but there are too many of them for me to get them out.”
Hisao gave a troubled look “Rin, I think it’ll help if you get some fresh air.”
Rin didn’t respond, she stared intently at the canvas without acknowledging his comment. Eventually she broke the silence
“Hisao, I can’t get the fish to stop swimming. They keep moving around and it makes the water splash around really fast. I don’t want them to keep swimming, I want them to leave.”
Hisao’s expression didn’t change. ‘What does she mean? How can I get her to come with me?’ Hisao let out a heavy sigh before he gently took the canvas a few steps away from her.
“Rin, we have to go. I won’t keep you long but I need you to come with me.”
Hisao looked around the room for a clean shirt and a pair of pants. He managed to find a set with a minimal amount of paint on them and looked back to her with an awkward expression.
“I can do it myself.”
Hisao placed them on the chair she had been sitting on with a burning red face.
“I’ll wait outside then.” He quickly walked out the door and stood with his back to the wall next to it.
 
A few minutes later Rin opened the door. Hisao looked at her thin figure while trying to keep a small smile on his face to reassure her. Her shirt hung over her shoulders as if it was two sizes too big, the shirt seemed to swallow her torso, hardly touching any parts as if it was draped over her body instead of fitting it. Her pants seemed like they could fall of at any time, hanging from the bones of her hips. She was thin to start with so her bad diet had left her small frame with almost nothing left.
“Hisao, I need you to tighten my belt.”
Hisao startled for a second, he grew embarrassed as he grew overly aware of how close he was to Rin’s personal space. He gave Rin a very worried look after moving close enough to reach her belt. She only stared blankly at him, seemingly oblivious of his embarrassment or what could possibly cause him distress. He undid the clasp, moved it in two notches, and closed it with shaking hands. Taking a step back he let out an audible breath of relief. As he let out the air Rin looked up at him with a blank expression
“Where are we going?”
Hisao gave a blank look for a while. He hadn’t spent any time thinking about where he would actually take Rin when he got here. ‘It needs to be a place where she can eat comfortably. Hmmm, maybe the back of Shanghai.’ He thought about it for a while longer and realized he didn’t really know many other places to go.
“Shanghai?”
Rin stared for a second, gave a heavy blink and nodded before starting down the steps slowly. Hisao watched for a moment, realizing how weak her body must be before following after her. ‘Thankfully it isn’t far from here.’
 
As they walked down the street Hisao couldn’t help but stare at Rin. Her figure looked incredibly frail, as if she would fall apart if the wind blew too hard. Rin didn’t seem to notice Hisao staring, if anything she was focusing just to be able to get to Shanghai without falling over. Her steps were uneven and her head that she usually held tall was down. Hisao’s expression grew darker and darker until they reached Shanghai.
“We’re here, Rin.”
Rin continued to remain speechless and only nodded her head in acknowledgement. Hisao forced a smile as he tried to think of how he should help Rin. Giving up for the moment, Hisao opened the door and let Rin lead the way inside.
 
“Would you like a booth or a table?”
“Could you get us a table in the back?”
The waitress checked something on her stand for a few moments before replying, “Absolutely, right this way.”
Hisao gave Rin a nod before following the waitress to the back of the room. The area was lit to be dimmer than the rest of the place without making it hard to eat or be sociable. Hisao sat down and Rin stared for a moment at the table before sitting across from him slowly with her back to the wall of the room. That table was tucked away in the corner to give a sense of added privacy. Hisao hoped it would let Rin feel more comfortable, he wanted her to feel as at home as he could. The waitress then placed menus on the table in front of them and asked,
“What would you like to drink?”
“Tea”
Rin paused for a moment, seemingly tuning in to the conversation, “Tea, and a straw.”
The waitress gave a polite bow before leaving to get the drinks from the kitchen. Hisao looked at Rin who was staring absentmindedly at what appeared to be just air.
“Rin what do you want to eat?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
Hisao let out a sigh as he hung his head and read items off the menu. ‘Cake, cake, cake. Maybe I should have chosen a place with something more substantial.’ Sighing again, Hisao pleaded,
“Will you at least eat some cake?”
“Sure.”
Rin’s expression conveyed little except for how tired she was. Hisao decided that he had to do something about her condition.
“Did something happen, Rin?”
“No, maybe. I can’t paint anymore.”
“Do you know why?”
Rin remained silent as she thought about the question with a strained expression.  Eventually her expression became neutral again as she faced Hisao,
“I can paint when you are here.”
Hisao froze before answering, “But you can’t paint when I’m away?”
Rin nodded without replying.
“Why?”
Rin paused before replying, “I like it when you are here.”
 
“Here’s your tea. I hope you like it. May I take your order?”
“I’ll have the strawberry cake” Hisao paused to look at Rin who had gone back to staring absentmindedly at the air, “She will have the same.”
“Right away, sir.”
She picked up the menus before heading off to the kitchen. As she left Hisao repeated Rin’s words in his head, ‘I like it when you are here.’ Hisao stared at Rin with a frustrated expression as he tried to find out what she could mean by that. The more he thought, the faster his heartbeat, which led his mind to think of larger and larger conclusions as to what it could mean. After several minutes Hisao finally calmed down and looked at Rin with a serious expression as he came to a conclusion.
“Why me?”
“What do you mean?” Rin’s expression didn’t change but she acknowledged Hisao by looking at him.
“Why can you only paint when I’m here, but can’t when I’m not?”
“I don’t know.” Rin’s expression quickly turned sour, clearly not liking where the conversation was going.
“I need you to tell me.” Hisao’s voice was quickly becoming elevated.
“I can’t.” Rin quickly looked away from Hisao but refused to move or make further comments.
At this Hisao had a flash back to the last time they had an argument like this at Corner 22. He froze dead in his tracks, his body curled inward, and his eyes grew cold as he became more and more ashamed of himself.  ‘Have I learned nothing over these years? I treated her exactly the same as I did that day.’
 
“Here’s your cake, I hope you enjoy it!”
“A-ah, thank you.”
“Let me know if you need anything, okay?”
Hisao nodded so that waitress could leave them to be alone again. He looked towards Rin downcast face with a grimace. He couldn’t look her in the face as he apologized,
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have raised my voice.”
Rin nodded and looked back at him with a neutral expression for a moment before beginning to eat. Hisao stared in amazement, unable to believe she would forgive him so easily.
“Are you mad?”
“No.”
“Do you still like it when I am here?”
“Yes.”
Hisao studied her face as her expression refused to change while answering the questions. With a sigh he thought to himself, ‘Well, at least she is eating now.’ With that he picked up his fork and began to eat his cake while thinking about what her words could mean, in a calmer manner this time.
 
“Here’s your check! Was everything to your satisfaction?”
“Yeah, we’ll be going now.”
They got up, and followed the waitress to the counter. She told them the amount,
“Here you go.”
“Thank you for coming, we hope to see you again.”
Hisao nodded as he turned to leave with Rin following behind him until he opened the door for her and they stepped outside. Rin started to walk back toward Corner 22 before Hisao called out,
“Wait, we need to go to the convenience store.”
Rin turned around to look at Hisao with a blank expression and paused for a moment.
“Ok.”
She turned around and went in front of him without questioning why. Hisao followed after her, looking closely at how she was walking. She no longer held her head down, she managed to hold it straight forward. She seemed to have more energy than before as well. Hisao smiled a little, ‘Maybe it was worth it to bring her out after all.’
 
After a few minutes of walking they arrived at Auramart. Rin came to a stop outside the door and looked at Hisao expectantly. Hisao stared back at her for a moment before realizing he should open the door. Clumsily he held the door open as Rin went in and, picking up a basket, he followed her in.
“What kind of things do you usually eat Rin?”
“Easy things.”
Hisao let out a sigh as he heard her confusing expression. ‘I guess I’m going to have to figure it out for myself.’ Hisao started to browse the isles with Rin following a few steps behind him staring at random things around the store without saying anything or giving hints. He picked out certain things that he felt she would be able to eat without much trouble. It took him about half an hour to fill the cart he had grabbed before he headed for the counter.
“This would have been a lot faster if you had helped.”
Rin didn’t give any response except following him to the counter. As the cashier rang up the items Hisao had a thought, ‘did Rin bring any money?’
“Your total is 3,767¥”
“Rin… do you have your wallet?”
“What wallet?”
Hisao gave a sigh before pulling out his wallet and paying the cashier. She packed his items and sent him on his way.
“I hope you have a nice day, come again!”
“Will do.”
Hisao picked up the bags and opened the door for Rin with an exhausted expression.
 
The walk back was quiet as usual and by the time they reached Corner 22 and neither Rin nor Hisao seemed to mind the silence. When they finally reached Rin’s door to her room Hisao let out a large sigh of exhaustion.
“We’re finally back. It’s been a terribly long day.”
Rin stared back at him with a cocked head, “I guess.”
Without any more conversation Hisao opened the door for Rin who went in and sat in front of an easel immediately.
“Guess I’ll put the groceries away.”
Rin studied the canvas without responding to Hisao. After a few minutes of waiting for a response Hisao went over to the area of the room with cabinets. He had never really spent much time in the room, outside of sitting on the couch watching Rin paint. The only notable furnishings was a couch, some counter space, an island, a bed, and a fridge. He looked around with minor disgust the counter space and noticed it was incredibly dirty, even if it was mainly dust. ‘Does she even use this counter? I wonder if she ever cleans, or if she even can.’ With a sigh Hisao set down the bags, put away the things needing to be kept cold, and started to clean the area. As the next couple of hours went by, Hisao cleaned the kitchen area and occasionally glanced at Rin who was fixated solely on the canvas she had begun painting. ‘Maybe me being here really does help her paint… What does that mean?’ After Hisao finished cleaning, he put the remaining items in the cabinets before lying down on the couch. He watched Rin for a while as she painted, ‘She’s so focused, like nothing else exists. So why do I need to be here? She isn’t even interacting with me.’ After thinking of these things he started to doze off.
 
“I’m done for now, Hisao.”
He jumped for a second looking at Rin, before realizing he had fallen asleep.
“Ah, good. How long was I asleep?”
“Dunno.”
Hisao sighed before looking at his watch, a few hours had passed and it was well beyond nightfall outside.
“I have work tomorrow too.”
Rin stared at Hisao expectantly, without any sign of what exactly it was that she expected. Hisao stared back blankly before getting up to leave.
“I have to head home Rin, good night.”
“Will you come tomorrow?”
Hisao paused for a moment and with a sigh of resignation, “Yeah, I will.”
With that he walked out the door and left Rin to herself. ‘What am I supposed to make out of all this?’ He thought about that on the rest of his way home.