[3:36:45 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Hey Era...
[3:38:01 AM] Eraclea: Hey toast
[3:38:04 AM] Eraclea: What's up?
[3:38:06 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I thought I should tell you
[3:38:09 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I just found out
[3:38:12 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: About 1/2 an hour ago
[3:38:24 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Sometime in the last 48-72 hours
[3:38:32 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: My mother passed away
[3:38:39 AM] Eraclea: Wait....
[3:38:40 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: At the age of 54
[3:38:43 AM] Eraclea: Seriously?
[3:38:46 AM] Eraclea: holy shit...
[3:38:47 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Yep
[3:38:49 AM] Eraclea: dude, I'm sorry
[3:39:05 AM] Eraclea: I know you weren't that close with her...
[3:39:10 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I was
[3:39:11 AM] Eraclea: but I know that it must hurt, I'm sorry
[3:39:14 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I was really close
[3:39:16 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: It hurt
[3:39:17 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Alot
[3:39:19 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: still does
[3:39:25 AM] Eraclea: Oh wait, fuck, never mind, someone else hates their mom
[3:39:29 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: No
[3:39:31 AM] Eraclea: But holy shit, I'm so sorry
[3:39:31 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I hated my mom
[3:39:41 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I hated her Bipolar personality
[3:39:43 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I love the person
[3:40:00 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Illness \=\ Person
[3:40:30 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I miss her though
[3:40:46 AM] Eraclea: I've never lost anyone, so maybe I'm not the best person to talk to
[3:40:53 AM | Edited 3:40:55 AM] Eraclea: but I still will do my best to help you however I can
[3:41:10 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: ye
[3:41:31 AM] Eraclea: *is* there anything that I can do?
[3:41:56 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I need a hug
[3:42:00 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: and some sleep
[3:42:11 AM] Eraclea: Eraclea hugs you
[3:42:16 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: c:
[3:42:16 AM] Eraclea: sleep now... listen to some nice music
[3:42:26 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Luna Radio
[3:42:27 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Suprisingly
[3:42:30 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Has some good music
[3:42:48 AM] Eraclea: not surprising, really
[3:43:06 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Like
[3:43:08 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Really good
[3:43:13 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Also my tummy hurts
[3:43:17 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: and my wrist does
[3:44:14 AM] Eraclea: No cutting, please
[3:44:16 AM] Eraclea: don't.
[3:44:19 AM] Eraclea: It doesn't help
[3:44:54 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: It makes me feel better
[3:45:15 AM] Eraclea: it hurts you
[3:45:25 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Maybe I deserve it
[3:45:31 AM] Eraclea: I cannot understand how you cutting yourself makes you feel better
[3:45:38 AM] Eraclea: it's just a cry for attention
[3:45:44 AM] Eraclea: I am trying to be understanding
[3:45:48 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Simple
[3:45:49 AM] Eraclea: but please, stop that
[3:45:52 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Have you studied anatomy?
[3:45:54 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: or biology?
[3:46:10 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: When cutting it release an adrenaline and endorphin rush
[3:46:49 AM] Eraclea: Yes, I have
[3:46:55 AM] Eraclea: It puts you in a stress mode
[3:47:02 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Era
[3:47:08 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I'm always in a stress mode
[3:47:17 AM] Eraclea: I mean a physical danger stress mode
[3:47:21 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Mhmm
[3:47:24 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I have extreme paranoia
[3:47:25 AM] Eraclea: yes, it does release adrenaline
[3:47:29 AM] Eraclea: but is it worth it?
[3:47:32 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Yep
[3:47:35 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: For now at least
[3:47:57 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I feel like shit
[3:48:04 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Would you rather slits on my wrist
[3:48:08 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: or possible suicide
[3:48:20 AM] Eraclea: How about neither
[3:48:24 AM] Eraclea: go for a walk or something
[3:48:29 AM] Eraclea: there are things you can do that might help
[3:48:30 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: AT 12
[3:48:33 AM] Eraclea: but not this
[3:48:39 AM] Eraclea: Yeah, at 12!
[3:48:43 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Era there are gangs here
[3:48:46 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: sono
[3:48:48 AM] Eraclea: If you want adrenaline, go for a walk!
[3:48:59 AM] Eraclea: You want fear and stress? Go out there
[3:49:03 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: If I'm going to die it's not because I get shot up
[3:49:32 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Also it's too much effort
[3:49:40 AM] Eraclea: >too much effort
[3:49:52 AM] Eraclea: You would *literally* rather cut yourself open and bleed
[3:49:59 AM] Eraclea: than walk a mile or so
[3:50:02 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: It's easier
[3:50:32 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: If you felt like I did
[3:50:41 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I'd hope you'd somewhat understand
[3:50:52 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: It's so hard, I barely can get out of bed
[3:51:03 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I used to go into a coma like state
[3:51:07 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Catatonic
[3:51:29 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I still do on the occasion
[3:51:32 AM] Eraclea: You're expecting me to buy that you were catanonic?
[3:51:34 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: No
[3:51:44 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I expect you to understand that, it felt like I was
[3:51:52 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: No matter how much I told my brain to move
[3:51:56 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: It just wouldn't do it
[3:52:05 AM] Eraclea: literally everyone does that
[3:52:10 AM] Eraclea: literally everyone
[3:52:15 AM] Eraclea: it's called sleep paralysis
[3:52:19 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Really everyday for hours?
[3:52:33 AM] Eraclea: no, but it's a known phenomenon
[3:52:35 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Hours Era
[3:52:38 AM] Eraclea: that anyone can induce
[3:52:42 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Hours
[3:52:51 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I was able to move my body
[3:52:56 AM] Eraclea: okay, jesus, did you want me to help you with your mom, or did you want to complain to me about how bad your life is?
[3:52:57 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Just not the way I wanted to
[3:53:17 AM] Eraclea: Because I'm not going to sit here and listen to you whine about things that aren't related to your loss
[3:53:22 AM] Eraclea: I'm sorry you lost your mom
[3:53:25 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: You're right.
[3:53:26 AM] Eraclea: nothing can change that
[3:53:31 AM] Eraclea: but stop being emo and hurting yourself
[3:53:39 AM] Eraclea: there is literally nothing productive about that
[3:53:48 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: It's not that easy
[3:53:58 AM] Eraclea: cuts leave visible scars, and that's why they're cries for attention
[3:54:14 AM] Eraclea: otherwise you'd be just as happy hitting your thigh with a hammer and taking pain that way
[3:54:22 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Maybe I do
[3:54:30 AM] Eraclea: so you are literally just trying to justify something that is just a cry for attention
[3:54:54 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Maybe I throw myself against a wall, scratch at myself until I bleed and force myself to not eat for days
[3:55:09 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Maybe I try to hurt myself in more than just one way
[3:55:13 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: But it doesn't matter
[3:55:23 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: The problem at hand is pointless to argue about
[3:55:33 AM] Eraclea: if that's the case then you are not mentally healthy, and you need to see a psychiatrist because you are clearly a danger to yourself and possibly others
[3:55:55 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Others?
[3:55:56 AM] Eraclea: perhaps you need to be committed.
[3:56:04 AM] Eraclea: I said possibly.
[3:56:18 AM] Eraclea: I can't know your situation, but what you're describing sounds a lot like reckless nihilism
[3:56:22 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I would never hurt another human being
[3:56:26 AM] Eraclea: the sort that might lead to a school shooting or something
[3:56:31 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Never
[3:56:39 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I'm horrified by death
[3:56:48 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I could never intentionally take another life
[3:57:19 AM] Eraclea: well, that's comforting, but still, the fact that your recklessly self-harm and self-endanger is really alarming
[3:57:34 AM] Eraclea: the fact that you want to punish yourself and actually go through with it in this way is concerning
[3:57:49 AM | Edited 3:58:01 AM] Eraclea: but since we haven't said a single thing about your mother, I can only assuming that, too, is a cry for attention
[3:58:08 AM] Eraclea: Listen, don't bullshit a bullshitter
[3:58:15 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I love my mother, I would never misconstrue her death in such a disrespectful manner
[3:58:33 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I would sooner die then use the death of another being to my advantage
[3:58:56 AM] Eraclea: What I'm doubting is that you would do that...
[3:59:02 AM] Eraclea: I'm doubting anyone died at all
[3:59:10 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: FUCK YOU
[3:59:22 AM] Eraclea: Because you seem to use that as an excuse to open up a conversation on your self-harm
[3:59:31 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: JUST GO FUCK YOURSELF
[3:59:34 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: OK?
[3:59:34 AM] Eraclea: further, you just brought it up out of the blue
[3:59:42 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: just stop
[3:59:43 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: please
[4:00:08 AM] Eraclea: Look, sorry if you're telling the truth, but until you can provide some proof, I'm going to have to assume you're just an emotional kid looking for some attention
[4:00:16 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: what proof
[4:00:19 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: my mothers body
[4:00:36 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I just learned that she died about an hour ago
[4:01:02 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: If you want to believe that my mothers not dead
[4:01:05 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: go ahead
[4:01:11 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I thought the same thing at first
[4:01:16 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I wanted it to be a cruel joke
[4:01:38 AM] Eraclea: Actually, you've been talking to Inkie for 3 hours about it
[4:01:46 AM] Eraclea: So, please, get your story straight
[4:02:04 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: 10pm
[4:02:06 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: That's when
[4:02:24 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: At least that's what they told me
[4:02:44 AM] Eraclea: Look, come back to me tomorrow with some proof or something
[4:02:48 AM] Eraclea: We can talk then
[4:02:50 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Like what?
[4:02:57 AM] Eraclea: Until then, I don't want to sacrifice our relationship
[4:03:04 AM] Eraclea: Find an obituary
[4:03:06 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: It's already dead
[4:03:14 AM] Eraclea: send me the site on the news, or the newspaper
[4:03:14 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Just stop talking please
[4:03:29 AM] Eraclea: and then snap a pic of your ID so I know its actually your mother that died
[4:03:29 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: It hurts me enough as it is, I'd rather not discuss it further
[4:03:34 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I don't have an ID
[4:04:07 AM] Eraclea: No permit, no driver's lisence, no ssn card?
[4:04:09 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I could tell your her full name, her birthdate, her facebook anything
[4:04:10 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: None
[4:04:41 AM] Eraclea: Well, until I see some proof, I'm not going to be hoodwinked
[4:04:45 AM] Eraclea: figure something out.
[4:04:48 AM] Eraclea: I'll be waiting
[4:05:04 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: You're a sick fuck you know that
[4:05:29 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I don't care what kind of situation you were put in to distrust like that
[4:06:02 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: This is just rude
[4:06:13 AM] Eraclea: Well, you're still talking to me.
[4:06:33 AM] Eraclea: So I can only assume that you were desperate for attention
[4:06:48 AM] Eraclea: Because otherwise you'd have left for safer harbor
[4:07:03 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I don't have that many people to talk to.
[4:08:20 AM] Eraclea: Chocolate chip is right down the street
[4:08:28 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: No
[4:08:33 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I learned that the last date
[4:08:41 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: He's close
[4:08:56 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: but a 20-40 minute walk
[4:09:20 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: and besides
[4:09:36 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: actually nvm
[4:09:43 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I'm not gonna bring it up
[4:09:48 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Anyhow
[4:09:56 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I wish I could produce you some kind of evidence
[4:10:18 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Death certificate, My mom's dead corpse, A video of me crying
[4:10:44 AM] Eraclea: last one wouldn't convince me, actually
[4:10:53 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: Thanks buddy!
[4:11:00 AM] Eraclea: talk to vclaw
[4:11:03 AM] Eraclea: he'll explain why
[4:11:23 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: nah
[4:11:23 AM] Eraclea: listen, back before you showed up
[4:11:24 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I'm good
[4:11:27 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: No
[4:11:36 AM] Eraclea: there was a user who pretended to have ALS
[4:11:44 AM] Eraclea: they pretended they were dying
[4:11:48 AM] Eraclea: for attention, more or less
[4:11:54 AM] Eraclea: everyone got very very concerned
[4:12:07 AM] Eraclea: and nobody has forgiven him yet, so much so that he left
[4:12:18 AM] Eraclea: so forgive me if I'm a little wary
[4:12:25 AM] Eraclea: he was really popular and everyone liked him
[4:12:32 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: No I won't, this is hard enough as it is I'm sorry
[4:12:43 AM] Eraclea: so it hurt a lot when he came clean about his lie
[4:13:43 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I'm sorry Era that you were lied to
[4:13:56 AM] Eraclea: The whole IRC was
[4:14:02 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: I'm sorry
[4:14:03 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: But
[4:14:15 AM] ADistinctLackOfToast: You shouldn't distrust everyone just because of one person