>You always found cleaning to be relaxing.
>There was something about the monotony that you could just lose yourself in.
>Which was good, because you had to clean just about every day due to your hard-partying roommate.
>On a good day, she could make a mess with the best of them.
>She managed to keep the kitchen relatively clean, though.
>Thankfully, she had promised to replace the lamp she had broken last night.
>It was a cheap lamp, but still.
>As you toss the pieces of the busted lamp into the trash, you look down the hall and notice that your roommate's door is ajar.
>She's still at work, so you might be able to get away with it...
>Her room... Might be dirty.
>Yeah, that's why you're going in there.
>Certainly not because you've never been inside it.
>You slink over to the door and gently push it the rest of the way open.
>You peer inside and--
>Holy shit, it's fucking immaculate.
>The tiled floor glistens, the bed is perfectly made, her desk is spotless, and--
>She has a mini-fridge.
>Why the fuck does she get drinks out of the fridge in the kitchen when she has this?
>You swear to God, if she has booze in there, you're taking it to your room.
>You pull open the door with a little more force than is really necessary.
>You peer into the mini-fridge and--
>HOLY SHIT
>WHY IS IT FILLED WITH BAGS OF BLOOD, WHAT THE FUCK
>You fall onto your ass and start to scoot away backwards towards the door.
>Okay.
>Okay.
>OKAY.
>You've had to deal with a bunch of weird shit over the past few years.
>Shit, Canterlot High had been a hotbed of weird shit before you graduated.
>But blood bags?
>This wasn't the crazy weird you were used to back there.
>Just... The fuck
 
>"What are you doing in here, Nonny?"
>You sure as fuck don't let out a girlish scream of terror as you scramble in your attempt to turn around.
>Standing in the doorway is your roommate, Pinkie Pie, glaring holes into your skull.
>Oh fuck, her hair is flat.
>Why is her hair flat?
>Nothing good ever happens when her hair is flat!
"Pinkie! Hi! I, uh, di--"
>"Why did you even come in here?"
"Well, you see--"
>Pinkie sighs and solemnly shakes her head.
>"Guess it doesn't really matter. Just know that I really don't want to do this, Nonny."
>You barely have time to register her eyes turning red before you black out.
 
~~~
 
>"--kie, I'm glad that you called me. Whenever something like this happens, the consequences are often disastrous."
>Your head (and, oddly, your neck) is killing you as you wake up on Pinkie's bed.
>"I just have no idea what I should do. Dashie almost found out when she passed out in here, but that was the closest anyone had ever come before."
>"I know, and you handled that wonderfully. However, I am disappointed in what you did this time. Those bags are there for a reason."
>Why does that voice sound so familiar?
>"I know. I was just so upset and thirsty and he was right there... Believe me, I'm really upset that I did that."
>Despite your brain screaming at you, you groan and look at where the voices are coming from.
>"Ah, Anonymous, I'm glad you're awake. We have much to discuss."
>...No.
"No."
>You turn your head to stare at the wall opposite your house guest, hearing an all-too-familiar sigh come from her.
>"Anonymous, you cannot just ignore this."
>You can sure as hell try.
>"Anonymous, we can do this the easy way or the hard way."
>Your eye twitches and you turn your head back towards the duo, frowning.
"There is no easy way to face the fact that my roommate is a fucking vampire and that my EX-PRINCIPAL is involved in this!"
>You see the red glint in her eyes, even from across the room.
"Oh, you're a vampire, too! Great! Anyone else? How about Vinyl? Pinkie, you two are close, so she has to be."
>Pinkie opens her mouth, but Celestia raises her hand to silence her.
>"Anonymous, I know this mi--"
"What about that creepy bitch, what was her name..."
>"Anonymous, if you wou--"
"Sunset! Yeah, Sunset! That's a vampire-esque name, right? Or is she a-"
>The glare she gives you out-classes anything she shot your way at Canterlot High.
"Shutting up."
 
>She continues glaring at you for a minute longer, making you sink further into Pinkie's rather-plush bed.
>"Now, will you behave, as hard as that is for you, so that I can explain?"
>You sink even further into the bed and move your head in some semblance of a nod.
>"Good."
>She scoots the chair you distinctly remember putting in the 'living room' closer to you.
>Bitch had better not scuffed the floor dragging that in here.
>"As you already guessed, Pinkie and I are vampires."
>Pinkie flashes a nervous, toothy grin at you, causing you to wince.
>She hunches over at your reaction as Celestia lets out another irritated sigh.
>She leans closer to you and you let out a whimper that would have made, what-was-her-name, Low Decibel Lemon jealous.
>"Now, I will say this exactly once: You will not tell a single soul of this, understood?"
"Yes'm."
>She leans back into the chair and let's out a relieved sigh.
>"Good. Good..."
>Pinkie hums and eagerly looks at Celestia.
>"Go ahead."
>Pinkie launches out of the desk chair straight towards you.
>So this is how you die: Your old principal siccing a vampiric Pinkie Pie on you.
>She wraps her arms around you an unleashes a bone-crushing hug and...
>Starts sobbing?
>Sure enough, the girl has her head buried in your chest and has started crying her heart out.
>"Nonny, I'm so so SO sorry, I just hadn't had any blood in a few days and I was so thirsty and Dashie made me mad and you were in my room and I almost- and I almost-"
>She just breaks down into incoherent sobs.
>Uhh...
>You hesitantly start rubbing her back.
"Umm... It's okay, Pinkie."
 
>Pinkie halts her death grip on you and places her hands on your shoulders.
>Her puffy, bloodshot eyes shoot up to yours and she vigorously shakes her head.
>"No, it's not! I could have hurt you really bad or... or even turned you! That's, like, super bad!"
>Whatever you were about to say to her is cut off as your tea kettle whistles from the kitchen.
>You were pretty sure that you didn't put the kettle on the stove before all this happened...
>"Ah, perfect timing."
>Celestia stands up and walks out the door, leaving you and Pinkie alone.
>"For a second, I... I thought I killed you, Nonny..."
>This time, you don't hesitate in wrapping your arm around Pinkie and pulling her into a hug.
>The both of you stay like that, Pinkie re-burrowing her head into your chest, until Celestia comes in with your tea kettle and two mugs.
>"I asked Pinkie if you had anything to drink. I'll admit, I was surprised to hear you drank tea."
"People can change."
>"In fact, I distinctly remember you saying that tea only belongs in the harbor."
"...People can change a lot."
>Smiling, she pours tea into both mugs, then hands one to you.
>"Anyways, I figured that chamomile would be a good choice in this circumstance."
>Pinkie pulls back from you and sniffles.
>"Sorry about getting your shirt wet."
"Don't worry about it, it's seen worse."
>It really hasn't.
>You take the mug Celestia is holding out to you and take a hesitant sip.
>She put sugar in it, the heathen.
>You'll have to live with it if you want to live after this, though.
>Celestia hands Pinkie a carton of juice from her purse and-- Oh, that's not juice.
>The plastic straw turns a deep red as she eagerly sucks down what you can only guess is blood.
>The three of you sit in relative silence for a minute, the only sound being Pinkie slurping from the carton.
>The silence is irrevocably broken as Pinkie sucks in nothing but air and groans.
>"Why do they always have to be so small?"
>
 
 
IT'S BEEN OVER A YEAR AND I STILL CAN'T MAKE AN ENDING, WHAT THE FUCK