Oct. 17
Its been a while since my last entry. I'm getting better from whatever sickness I had. Ive been feeling better in general. The occasional bum outs, but its nothing bad. I finally got the courage to ask you if you still had feelings for me. I'm pretty sure of the answer, even if you haven't told me yourself yet. For some reason I just need to hear it from you. You seem to even be having trouble telling me how you feel.
 
Even though you said we could try again after things have cleared up and we have our lives in order, but I don't see that happening, no matter how much I want it to.
 
I keep trying to get you to say how you feel, but you just seem to go away or lag out. I just want to know, even if im almost positive as to what you are gonna say. I don't want to hear it, but I need to. I'm just staring at your chat window, waiting for you to come back online.
 
I finally got an answer out of you. You said you had been mistaking it all along, like we were really good friends but you just saw it as more. I can see that. Its easy to confuse feelings.
 
I guess that's it, I see no point in continuing this journal or to have hopes of you coming back. The thing is, at first I saw us a just really good friends, but every single day I loved you more and more. This whole thing has just been one big flip flop. We were never really in sync I guess...
 
I really did love you. I still love you and I hope I always will.
 
I love you, Pat.