>So, how do you tell when you're officially a total loser?
>Is it when you spend your Friday nights alone in your bedroom, munching chips 'n salsa in the dark while staring at your laptop?
>Or is it when you awkwardly keep your nose pointed at the ground when you walk from class to class, hoping nobody bumps into you while you shuffle around?
>Actually, it's probably when the teacher asks you to all pick lab partners, and the fear that spikes your chest is about on par with how you'd feel if the North Koreans started dropping H-bombs
>You are Femanon, a sophomore at CHS, and right now you're considering just taking a nosedive out of the Chem Lab's window instead of trying to find yourself a partner
>A hot, prickle feeling builds up on your scalp as you scan the room, hoping desperately that you'll see some other loser sitting alone, hugging her backpack to her chest
>Yeah, fat chance
>All around you, everyone chatting excitedly as they split into pairs, and the screeching of chairs on tile sounds around the room as everyone pairs off
>You drop your head onto your book, wondering if you could just pretend to be sick
>"Hiya!"
>Someone pats your right shoulder
>You raise your head, looking somewhat bewilderedly at the girl now sitting next to you
>She's vaguely familiar, one of those people that seems to know everyone, with bubblegum-pink hair and a cheery, exuberant affect
"Um... h-hey?"
>Your voice cracks right on cue
>"You got a partner yet? Nobody wants to work with me after the Skittles™ incident."
>She glances sideways, as if mugging for some invisible sitcom camera
>"They still won't let me back the Bio lab..."
"Oh, no. I don't. Do you want to, um..."
>"Totally~! Now scooch aside, sister. We got some solutions to titrate!"
>You fold your hands in your lap, trying not to pass out as waves of relief wash over you
>You're not a total loser!
>Someone actually wants to spend time with you!
>Granted, it's school-sanctioned time required for a grade, but still!
>You hastily scoot your chair to make room for this girl, who plops down next to you
>"The name's Pinkie Pie, by the way. What's yours?"
"Oh, um. F-Feman--"
>"Femmy! I like it! The is gonna be the best group evaaah!"
>Pinkie's voice jumps up an octaves on the word "ever," making her sound vaguely like she's doing an Axl Rose impression
"H-heh. Thanks. So, um, what step should we--"
>"We gotta think up a group name first, silly! What do you think? I'm kinda partial to Pinkstein and the Funky Bunch, but that might be a bit too high-brow."
"I think just our names w-works fine."
>You twiddle your thumbs, trying to look confident in your answer
>"Hmmmm..."
>Pinkie stares at you, her eyes narrowing in scrutiny
"Is that n-not okay?"
>Worry grips you almost immediately; what if she leaves your group because she doesn't like your name ideas?
>"It... it works! Femmy and the Pinks! I love it!"
"I meant more just like-- okay."
>You smile at her, giving her a shaky thumbs-up
>"Woo! It's official! Now let's geeeeeeeet started!"
 
>So, as it turns out, Pinkie isn't the best at chemistry
>Well, no, that's not quite it
>It's more that she's just way, *way* to good at mixing the experiment's solutions in just the right way to make them change colors, explode, or fizzle
>"Oh! Oh! Check this one out!"
>She nudges you're shoulder while you're trying to calculate how baking soda you need
"O-okay."
>You watch as she splashes two beakers full of murky solution into a glass decanter
>Immediately, bright-red foam shoots everywhere, covering the desk, your notes, and your clothes
>Pinkie wipes a little out of her face, glancing red-faced over at you
>"Heh heh... oops."
>She reaches out and dabs a little on your nose
 
>It's four PM, and you and Pinkie have finally finished cleaning the Chem Lab
>The foam smells strongly of cherries, and you don't think you're ever going to be able to eat them after this
>Pinkie, unlike earlier, doesn't talk much
>A lot of her earlier excitement is drained, and she looks really, really guilty
>When you put the cleaning supplies away, Ms. Harshwhinny informs you that you're both to redo the entire report next week, since what you had got ruined in the explosion
"Y-yes ma'am," you reply
>Together, you and Pinkie walk back outside, knees aching from cleaning all day
>"Hey, Femmy?"
"Yeah?"
>Pinke steps in front of you
>"I'm really, really sorry about that. I kinda ruined everything, didn't I?"
"A little bit."
>You try to scoot past her to get to your locker, but Pinkie stops you
>"I really messed up. But I wanna make it up to you!"
"You don't have to."
>You hang your head, unable to look at her
"I'm j-just glad someone actually wanted to work with me..."
>"What do you mean? Why wouldn't anyone want to work with you? You're awesome!"
"Huh?"
>"Yeah, totally! You have all those awesome drawings in your notebook!"
>Your face immediately goes red
>Most of those "awesome drawings" are terrible sketches of anime girls making out
"How d-do you know about those?"
>"Well, you kinda draw them during class. Not too hard to see, silly."
"Oh... oh no..."
>You feel like you might need to set yourself on fire
>"Don't freak out! They're adorable! And anybody who wears Spiderman undies is a total BAMF in my book~!"
>Pinkie Pie winks at you
"Wait, y-you know about that too!?"
>"Uh, yeah? We have PE together, remember? And those changing rooms aren't exactly roomy."
"Y-yeah, but... wait, you were looking?"
>"Heh. Maybe a little."
>Pinkie giggles, then leans against the lockers, locking eyes with you
>"Anyhoo, I still need to make this up to you. And I won't take no for an answer!"
"You really don't..."
>"Not taking no! So, how about... a party!"
>Pinkie jumps up and throws confetti into the air; you have zero idea where she got it from
"Oh, no, I d-don't really do well with parties."
>"It doesn't have to be a big party. Just a special [I'm sorry for blowing up the Chem Lab and ruining all your hard work] party!"
"That's a k-kind of party?"
>"Yep! One of my favorite kinds, too!"
"I dunno... I just don't like being around a lot of other people..."
>"You don't have to! An [I'm sorry for blowing up the Chem Lab and ruining all your hard work] party is just for two!"
"Just the t-two of us?"
>"Yep! Well, my sisters might join in too. They're kinda alway around, you know."
>You gulp
>This is the last thing you expected to do today
>A tiny, excited part of yourself starts wondering if this is a date
>But the more rational part of you tells that tiny part to shut up
>No, this isn't a date, you're just hanging out
>But still, hanging out!
>You haven't done that since, well, ever!
>"So? Femmy? You in?"
"Y-yeah! Yeah, definitely in!"
>You're out of breath, and your thoughts are racing so quickly that you feel a little lightheaded
>"Yay! Oh man, this day just got *so* much better!"
>She slaps you on the back
>"You're not gonna be disappointed. I'm sure you know I throw one *mean* party."
"I've h-heard the rumors."
>"Awwww yeah! So, when're you gonna be over?"
"Oh, um... I don't really have anything else to do, so..."
>"Whenever you want, then! Perfect!"
>Again, from seemingly nowhere, Pinkie pulls out a slip of paper, pressing it into your hand
>"There's my number, just in case you need it! And now, if you'll excuse me, your girl's gotta get her place ready."
>Pinkie snaps finger guns at you, retreating down the hall
>"Looking forward to seeing you, Femmy!"
"Y-you too..." you mutter, still feeling like your head is floating up somewhere next to the hallway's neon lights
>The daze doesn't abate, even as you walk back to your car and start your drive home
>You got a girl's number!
>And you got invited to a party!
>If this is one of those "good things happen to you, then you wake up" dreams, you hope you don't wake up for a nice long time
 
//They're going to tow you
If they think you're abandoned
You got to act like you're not abandoned//
 
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lx9O2yfRJOE [Embed]
 
>You can't help but sing to yourself as you lather yourself in off-brand lavender bodywash, letting the shower's warm water splash over your face
>You're going to a party!
>When you step out, you dry yourself off and check yourself in the mirror
>Your hair is a tangled mess, but some aggressive brushing finally gets into a straightened, if still messy state
>It's hard to even remember the last time you had this stuff cut; it hangs down awkwardly in your face and gets in the way any time you move your head
>You guess you could always tie it back, but would that make you look lame?
>Pinkie doesn't seem like the kind of girl who would care, but still...
>You shake your head, trying to push the doubts away
>After all, you're going to a party!
 
>You sprint past your mom, wearing only a towel
>She chuckles when she sees you
>"Someone's in a good mood."
"Yep! I got invited to a party!"
>You run into your room, flinging the towel off and starting to root through your closet
>What are you supposed to wear to a party anyway?
>You don't really own anything other than jeans, t-shirts, and hoodies...
>Regardless, you try to pick the nicest assortment of the above that you can find, piling a Bleach hoodie, your best-fitting pair of jeans (even though they're marked 'slim,' they're still kinda baggy on your scrawny legs), and a plain purple t-shirt on your bed
>And then, for the hell of it, you grab the pair of Spiderman panties that Pinkie mentioned liking earlier
>Because, well, why not?
 
>As it turns out, Pinkie lives kinda out of the way
>The drive to her house takes nearly an hour, and you have to text her for directions like three separate times
>Each of her replies comes almost immediately, complete with firework and cake emojis
>So you find yourself traveling down rocky country-roads as the sun sinks behind you, and it's finally night when you arrive at the Igneous Rock Farm
>Ignoring the obvious question of how the hell you farm rocks, you park on a stretch of gravel at the property's edge
>The farm itself is flat, mostly, with massive boulders and bare-rock mountains in the distance
>The only structures nearby are a barn and a single farmhouse, with golden light streaming from the windows
>You guess that's Pinkie's place
>Stepping out of the car, you grab the bottle of sparkling grape juice (yeah, it's kinda lame, but you're not old enough to buy real wine yet) and head towards the door
>As you walk, you start to this freaky prickling sensation at the back of your scalp
>You can't help but feel like someone is watching you...
>Glancing around, you see nothing but lonely rock and dark countryside
>Must be your imagina--
>"Freeze!"
>You nearly jump a foot in the air, whirling around to see a girl with silver, angular hair dressed in muddy army fatigues
>She's holding a rifle, and the barrel's pointed directly at your face
>"Who the hell're you? Answer me!"
"I... j-j-just... I t-thought..."
>You stammer helplessly, terrified out of your mind
"P-please don't s-s-shoot me..."
>"Ha! Big words for an intruder! Get on your knees!"
>You obey, sinking to the ground
>"Now talk! What're you doing here!? You better not be trying to fuck with holder's boulder!"
>The girl's eyes burn with a golden intensity, and you're pretty sure you're going to die here
"I... g-guh... t-thought... looking for P-P-Pinkie..."
>You gulp, turning your face skyward as you wait for the end
>Your last thought is despair at the fact that you're going to die wearing Spiderman undies
>"Limey!"
>Your eyes fly open, and you see Pinkie Pie standing in front of you like some cotton-candy scented angel
>"How many times do I have to tell you! Quit freaking out our guests!"
>Pinkie jabs a finger into the crazy girl's face, scolding her
>"I'm patrolling! Someone needs to keep this place safe, or anyone could just waltz in here! Not my fault they lose their shit the second they see a rifle!"
>"You know that's a toy, right Limestone?"
>"Shut up! She doesn't know that!"
>Limestone glares at you
>"I've got my eyes on you, runt! Both eyes!"
>She bares her teeth, snarling at you
>Pinkie grabs her sister by the shoulders, shoving her back towards the house
>"Yeah, yeah, everyone's super scared of you, Limey. Go check to make sure there's nobody trying to sneak up through the latrine."
>"That's the first thing they'd use, I'm telling you!"
>Limestone gives you one final glare, then runs off
>Pinkie offers you a hand, and helps you to your feet
>She has that same guilty look from earlier
>"Heh, sorry about her. Limestone can be a little, um..."
"C-c-completely insane?"
>"Nah, that's just her special way of saying hello!"
"I don't think I w-want to know how she says goodbye..."
>"She's harmless! Just has a little bit of youngest-child syndrome, you know how it is. She's really a little angel when you get to know her."
"Angel of d-death, I guess."
>"Hee hee! You should tell her that! I bet it'd make her blush like crazy. Anyhoosies, c'mon inside! Ma just finished making rock soup!"
"Oh, c-cool."
>Pinkie wraps an arm around you, leading you towards her house
 
>So, it turns out that "Rock Soup" is actually, well, soup made of rocks
>Apparently they infuse the broth with plenty of flavor
>You think it kinda just looks like sewage, and it doesn't smell much better
>Pinkie's mom seems like a nice enough lady, if a little stiff
>She greats you when you enter with a formal bow
>"We art most glad to see you. Pinkie has told us much about you."
>Huh, so Pinkie's Amish
>Just gonna chalk that up on the "things you'd never have guessed in a million years" scoreboard
>The two of you grab bowls of soup and head into the living room, where another girl is sitting
>She looks a little older than Pinkie and you, maybe somewhere around college age, with straight purple hair cropped in a bob around her face
>When you enter, she looks over at you, her face expressionless
"Um... hi."
>You mentally brace yourself, preparing for another psych case
>"Hello. You're one of Pinkie's friends."
>That wasn't a question
"Y-yeah. My name's Fem."
>"I know."
"Oh."
>You feel like you just wandered into the universe's most intense staring contest
>The Pie sister watches you with half-lidded eyes and seemingly doesn't need to blink
"W-what's yours?"
>You can feel sweat rolling down the back of your neck, and get the sense that you're absolute failing as a conversationalist right now
>"Maud."
"C-cool."
>"I'm glad you think so."
>Maud goes back to staring out the window, seeming halfway between pensive and catatonic
>Pinkie plops down on the floor by Maud's feet, affectionately patting her leg
>"That's Maud for ya! Isn't she mysterious?"
>"Accurate label," Maud agrees
"It's n-nice to meet you..." you squeak out, shuffling over next to Pinkie
>Maud looks over at you, and you freeze in place, feeling like her gaze could disassemble your soul into constituent, labeled parts
>"I'm glad you think that. It's nice to see my sister has such polite friends."
>Pinkie squeals
>"You two are getting along! Ah!"
>She claps, looking delighted
>You, meanwhile, try to eat some of your soup
>It's nasty, of course
>Still, you don't want to be rude, so you force a few more bites down
>But your displeasure must show on your face, because Pinkie taps your shoulder
>"It's okay, Femmy, you don't have to eat it. We've got Pizza Rolls in the freezer."
"They're not, l-like, gravel-flavored or something are they?"
>Pinkie throws her head back, hollering in laughter
>Maud nods, the tiniest hint of a smile on her face
>"Good one."
>Maud turns to stare out the window again, looking wistful
>"That would be amazing."
>"You made Maud laugh! You are just, like, the best guest ever!"
>Pinkie jumps up
>"I'm gonna run into the kitchen! You two keep bonding!"
>She pushes you towards Maud, then runs out of the room
>Maud lies down on the couch, rolling onto her side so she faces you
>"Hey."
"H-hey."
>You scooch around, feeling a little awkward
"I, um... I r-really like your dress," you say, pointing to her gray frock
>Maud blinks
>"Thank you. I'm really into expressing myself."
"Y-yeah? Me too."
>Maud nods
>"You seem cool. I always like meeting Pinkie's friends."
"Thanks. I w-was really glad to meet you too. You seem a lot, um... nicer, than Limestone."
>"Limeestone is violent and delusional."
"Kinda, yeah."
>"I suspect it might be a hormonal imbalance. Or residual trauma."
"T-trauma from what?"
>"From when Boulder attacked her. She was a baby, and she tried to put him in her mouth. He didn't like that."
"Oh, w-wow. That must have been really scary."
>You assume Boulder is the name of the Pie family's dog, or something
>"It was. Boulder is really friendly, but he can be vicious when he gets angry."
"Jeez. Poor Lime."
>Maud nods
>You hear the sound of footsteps behind you as Pinkie bustles back into the room, a tray of steaming Pizza Rolls™ held in her hands
>"So, how's the bonding going? You two best friends yet?"
>"You can't force friendship, Pinkie."
>Maud looks over at you
>"But yes, it's going well. She's very nice. I might even let her pet Boulder."
>Pinkie's eyes light up
>"Oh. Em. Gee! You hear that, Femmy? That's, like, Maud's highest honor!"
"Oh. C-cool!"
>You smile as you take a bit of a Pizza Roll™, feeling a little self-conscious from all the praise
>Is making friends really this easy?
>How'd you fuck it up this hard for so long?
>Pinkie sits down next to the two of you, rocking back and forth in excitement
>"So, what do you two party-gals wanna do first, huh? We got all night, so don't hold back!"
 
>Maud pulls out a stack of paper from... somewhere?
>Apparently just storing objects in nega-space is a family trait amongst the Pies
>"I could read her my poetry."
>Pinkie scoffs at that
>"Maud! It's a party! We gotta do something fun!"
>"It's fun for me."
"I w-wouldn't mind listening to her poetry," you interrupt
>Both girls look at you; Pinkie's surprised, while Maud is more, well, Maud-ish
>"You sure about that, Femmy?" Pinkie asks. "Maud's poetry is really, really great! But she can sometimes, um... heh..."
>Pinkie awkwardly tugs at her collar
>"I can sometimes what?" Maud asks, her voice so flat that you can't tell if she's insulted or not
>"Nothing! Go ahead and read!"
>Pinkie busies herself with the Pizza Rolls™, avoiding her sister's eye
>She glances over at you, and you get the sense she's looking for reassurance
>Is Pinkie... is she worried about you?
>Like, that you're not having enough fun?
>That thought causes a warm feeling to spread through your chest, and you give her a calm smile
>Pinkie relaxes, and Maud starts to read in a voice so monotone and sedated that you feel almost as if you're being hypnotized
/Tiny pebbles sleep
at the bottom of a stream,
a cluster of cold,
cloudy-gray eggs.
The water's whisper
is a lullaby.
Sweet dreams./
>You blink twice, feeling like you just surfaced from a very warm swimming pool
"Whoa. That was r-really cool!"
>Maud blinks at you, taking a half-second longer to respond than usual
>"Do you mean that, or are you trying not to be rude?"
"No, n-no no! It felt peaceful and kind of, I dunno, lonely. I kinda know what that's like, I guess. Never thought I'd empathize with rocks in that way."
>Maud stares at you
>She's impossible to read, so you really have no idea if you just said something stupid, touching, or just nonsensical
"So, I dunno, sorry if that doesn't make any sense, but um, heh... yeah, that was really relatable and sweet, so..."
>You trail off, kinda feeling like a dork
>Maud adjusts herself on the couch, scooting closer until her face and yours are just inches apart
>Up close, you can feel the heat of her breath washing over your face, and her eyes
>"You are the best person Pinkie has ever brought here. Please come over more."
"Ah, heh... okay..."
>She's so close that her nose is almost touching yours
>You shrink down, trembling slightly
>As far as you can remember, you've never had anyone get this close to you
>Maud, of course, seems thoroughly nonplussed about the whole thing
>When you finally muster up the nerve to speak, you're out of breath
"I wouldn't m-mind hearing more... maybe sometime."
>Maud looks over at Pinkie
>"I think I'm in love. Would it be weird if I kissed her?"
"W-whoa, what?"
>Pinkie throws her head back, hollering in laughter
>"You're so sweet, Maud!" she cheers
>Maud frowns, sort of
>"I was being serious."
>She turns to look at you
>"You're an incredibly appealing person. Are you single?"
>You sputter for a moment before you can respond
"I, um... are you serious?"
>"Yes."
>Your mouth flops open, unable to formulate a response
>Is she seriously asking this?
"I w-well, y-yeah, I mean... I've n-never actually had a, um..."
>Pinkie almost throws herself in front of you to interrupt
>"Whoa, whoa! Let's just take a time out, okay? You don't even know if Femmy's into that sort of thing!"
"Well, I mean, I--"
>Pinkie doesn't let you finish
>She throws an arm around you, pulling you against your side
>Holy shit, she's *so* soft
>Are all girls supposed to be this soft?
>Does that mean you're just some sort of defective model?
>"Don't go scaring our guests away, Maudie!"
>Maud sits back up, her face still neutral
>But she seems unable to look directly at her sister and you, and you get the vague sense she's hurt
>"I understand. I'm sorry, Fem. I appreciate the nice things you said about me. But I got ahead of myself."
"I... I..."
>You let out a timid squeak, not sure what to say
>Pinkie gives you a squeeze
>"So, what next, girl? What're you in the mood for?"
>The three of you are so enwrapped in the heat of the moment that you don't notice the timid girl standing at the living room's edge, hiding her face in her hair and waiting for a chance to speak
>Both Pinkie and Maud are watching you expectantly, waiting for you to say something
"I don't really know. Don't have a lot of experience w-with parties, you know..."
>"Ah, of course! I keep forgetting I'm popping your party cherry!"
"Please don't say it like that."
>"Why not? I mean it literally!"
>Pinkie leans in close, her warm breath caressing your ear as she whispers to you
>"Because I'm totally gonna make the *best* ice-cream sundaes ever after mom n' dad go to sleep!"
"Oh! H-haha, right."
>Maud shakes her head
>"You shouldn't pressure her like that, Pinkie. She clearly wants a more low-key party than you're used to throwing."
>Pinkie gets weirdly offended by that
>"I can throw very low-key parties when I want to! I just don't want to very often."
>Pinkie flashes her sister a smug grin
>In the background, a tiny voice squeaks out, trying to get people to pay attention to her, but there's too much noise
>So the poor girl just shrinks back into the corner, hoping someone will offer her some food eventually
"I wouldn't mind low-key!" you interrupt. "Could we just, um, all c-calm down a bit? Sorry."
>Both sisters look at each other, than at you
>"No, I'm sorry," Maud says. "I got too excited."
>You find that hard to believe
>"Maudie's right. Let's just relax and enjoy each other's company!"
>Pinkie still hasn't taken her arm off your shoulders, and she uses it to give you an encouraging squeeze
>"So c'mon, Femmy. Tell us about yourself!"
"Oh, okay. I, um..."
>You look over your shoulder, suddenly feeling the eyes on the back of your neck
>When you turn, you see another girl, somewhere around Pinkie's age, and clearly another of her sisters
>She's taller than the others, and almost skeletally thin, giving her the vague impression of being some sort of wan, ghostly figure
>This new Pie sister has her face hidden in a curtain of granite-colored hair, and flinches back the minute you look at her, letting out a terrified squeak
"Ah! I'm sorry!"
>The new Pie sister tries to run out of the room, but Pinkie darts over to her like a bolt of cotton-candy lightning, grabbing her sister by the wrist
>"Don't go, Marble! You gotta meet our new friend!"
>Marble mumbles something unintelligible, shaking her head
>She looks over at you with frightened, rabbit-in-front-of-a-fox eyes
>"She won't hurt you!" Pinkie reassures her. "She's super friendly! C'mon!"
>Marble shakes her head, trying to scrabble back out of the living room, but Pinkie literally drags her over to the table, wrestling her scrawny sister to the ground
>"This... is my... sister... Marble!" Pinkie says, grunting with exertion as she tries to keep her sister pinned
>You have no clue how the hell you're supposed to respond to this
>The poor girl looks like a terrified puppy
>To be honest, though, you kinda know what that feels like; you felt the same way when your mom would drag you downstairs and make you say hi to her book-club members
"I, um... I don't think you should force her to be out here, Pinkie."
>"Huh? Why not? I want her to make friends."
"She doesn't look comfortable with this. You're just gonna freak her out m-more."
>"You think so?"
>Pinkie looks down at Marble
>Marble vigorously nods, squeaking her agreement
"Y-yeah. I actually know how she feels. It k-kinda sucks."
>You look over at Marble and give her a timid smile
>She stops wrestling with Pinkie and mumbles something
>Pinkie rolls off Marble, letting her sister get to her feet and scramble out of the room
>Well, almost out of the room; she pauses at the doorway, turning around to glance at you again
>It's not with fear this time, though
>You honestly can't tell what she's feeling; she's even harder to read than Maud, and that's saying something
>Marble gives you a small nod, then disappears
>You sigh, flopping onto the floor
"You g-guys have an interesting family, huh?"
>Pinkie beams with pride
>"Sure do! I have the best sisters in the world!"
>Maud nods, agreeing
>"It's an unusual environment. But you learn to appreciate it eventually."
"H-hah, yeah. I'm just really glad you two are so cool."
>"The coolest around!" Pinkie cheers, grinning. "Now, who's ready for a nice, normal, relaxing--"
>The front door flies open with a bang, and Limestone charges in
>Her hair's even messier than before, and rips and stains dot her fatigues
>The "rifle" is slung over her back, and in her arms she's carrying the plastic shopping bag with the sparkling grape juice you bought earlier
>After you dropped it, you must have forgotten to pick it back up
>"You idiots! Stop playing grab-ass and get on alert! I found enemy munitions!"
>She rips the bag open, showing the purple glass bottle to her sisters
>"It looks like some kinda bio weapon! Someone must be trying to poison us!"
"Actually, um..."
>"Who gave you permission to speak, runt!?"
>You let out a very Marble-esque squeak of terror, shrinking back from Limestone
"It's just, uh, j-just grape juice..."
>"A likely story! She's totally a double agent! Lemme take her out back!"
>Maud stands up from the couch, and smacks Limestone over the head
>And goddamn, that girl must work out a lot, because her palm meets Limestone's head with a *smack* that makes the whole house shake
>Limestone goes down hard, looking dazed
>She hits the ground in her heap, and her head ends up in your lap
"Ah! Is s-she gonna be okay?"
>"She'll be fine," Maud replies. "Just a little dazed."
>Limestone looks up at you, her eyes slightly crossed
>"Whoa... are you an angel?"
"Uh... what?"
>Limestone reaches up to touch your face, a pink flush rising on her cheeks
>"Did I die gloriously, merciful one?"
"This is g-getting really weird..."
>You glance around the room, hoping the other Pie sisters will help you out
>But Maud is just passively watching this, looking slightly bemused
>Pinkie, of course, looks like she's trying really, really hard not to laugh
>"It's an honor..." Limestone whispers, "to be rescued by someone so beautiful... please, take me to my warrior's rest..."
>And with that, she passes out with her head on your thighs
"Uh... is this a normal thing?"
>You look at the other Pie sisters
>Pinkie can't finally handle it anymore; she bursts out laughing, rolling around on the floor and generally just losing all control of herself
>Maud sits back down, crossing her legs
>"I'm sorry, Fem. But you're going to be stuck like that for approximately the next two hours."
"W-what?"
>"Moving a sleeping Limestone isn't a good idea."
"W-why not?"
>You try to nudge Limestone off your legs
>She growls at you
>Like, full-on "dog about to chomp your fingers off" growls at you
"Gah! Okay, okay, point taken. So, what, I just stay like this?"
>"Yep!" Pinkie chimes in
>She sits up, wiping tears from her eyes
>"Oh man, Femmy, you're in for it now! Lime *totally* drools in her sleep too."
"Oh. Great."
>Limestone nuzzles her face into your lap, starting to snore