Evening
Woke up in yet an other 'situation' today, didn't freak out this time, though. Guess I'm getting used to being in intimate spaces with these ponies (Still feels weird to write 'ponies').
 
So that big hullabaloo before about High Tide ended with Silver Tongue nearly dead. He came with us down the catacombs yesterday, though, so I guess it wasn't anything serious. Don't quite see how almost dying can not be serious, but whatever, don't really care. He seems fine now.
 
Lucy, wasn't, though. She got pretty badly hurt and ended up locking eyes with a cock. I lost it at that. In a way, it was sort of liberating, feeling emotion so strong that I couldn't control it at all. When she came out of it, I was just so happy, I didn't notice anything was wrong. Even when Kaiasha and Bob confronted her and I DID notice that she was acting oddly, I couldn't do anything about it, none of us could but she barely even seemed to hear me. So Lucy went back to the inn and I joined Kai, Duskie and Quick at the loser's table. I noticed that Quick was taking it especially hard and remembered her nightmare trouble. I'd probably have noticed earlier if I hadn't been to overwhelmed first by worry and then relief. After a long night watching Lucy be manic(?) the two of us ended up watching Kaiasha confront Lucy again on the way to the bridge. Quick left for home before any conclusion was in sight and I, feeling sick of being useless, went after her and offered to stay with her to help with the nightmares, which she accepted. But Kaiasha made progress with Lucy and they ended up coming over as well, so my help was never actually needed anyway.
In the end, I was just as useless as I've always been in social situations. Thought I had gotten better with them since coming here.
I guess I should just stop thinking I can change, at all.
 
Blue has been trying to drum up a team to make crossbows and asked my help in designing them. So now I have something to spend my time with that I actually KNOW how to do. I have three ideas on the trigger mechanism, I've finished sketching one of them and I'll try to finish one more before bed. Don't feel like going to the inn today, I'll just stay by the riverside until the light gets too dim to work and head back to bed.
Maybe I'll feel better after successfully completing something...