TONIGHT'S FEATURE PRESENTATION...
 
Present:
 
>Be fwuffy mummah.
>Haf saddies.
>Nu wike wood-housie.
>Nu wike meanie hoomin who put in wood housie.
>Wan babbehs.
>Miss babbehs.
 
Past:
 
>Be fwuffy mummah.
>Yu had... two... an anuvveh one... fwee... fwee babbehs.
>Dey whewe gud babbies.
>Dey aww smeww pwetty, wif gud-babbeh smeww.
>Dey aww wook pwetty.
>Two big tuffie earfie babbies and one wittew pointy babbeh.
>Two bigges tuffie babbehs was bes' babbehs.
>But wittewes' babbeh, she gud too.
>Yu gifed dem huggies an miwkies an wuv.
>Yu wuvved aww babbehs. Efen wittew one.
 
>Den... somfin happen...
>Yu hoomin mummeh wa cwossies and saddies an den... nu mowe hoomin mummah.
>Ast hoomin daddeh whewe mummah.
>He vewy cwossies. Sa go way, stinkin wat.
>Nu stand. Yu fwuffy, nu wat munsta. An yu smeww pwetty.
>Wait a dawk time an a bwite time an... some nuvvew time.
>Mummeh nefew see gain.
>Wittabox nu smeww pwetty, but daddeh nu cwean.
>Nu nummies.
>Ast daddeh, "how time tiww nummies? Nee' fow miwkies!"
>But he nu wisten.
>Get tummeh owwies.
>Babbehs stiww get miwkies, but nu no how time tiww nu miwkies...
 
>Daddeh was made shouties onna fown.
>"OH YEAH?" he sa in a bigges voice.
>"OH YEAH? WELL, YOU CAN KISS YOUR BELOVED SHIT-RATS GOODBYE!"
>Den he take yu neckie fwuff in his nu-hoofsie
>Fwew yu inna boxie.
>Cwy fow babbehs.
>Fwew babbehs in!
>Nu hewt babbehs!
>Den boxie moof.
>Shakin and bouncin
>Bounce bounce bounce.
>Den boxie go down. Inna moofin-box, wif daw go FUMP
>Bruum, bruum inna moofin-box.
>Den boxie shakin 'gen. Den FUMP onna gwound. FUMP gain, wif kickies fwom meanie daddah.
>Boxie tip ofa. Heaw daddeh make big voice: "LET'S SEE THAT BITCH FIND YOU NOW."
>Den he go way.
>Nu cwy babbehs.
>Nu cwy.
 
***
 
>Nu much nummies inna new pwace.
>Onwy cold nu-smeww-pwetty nummies.
>Eat dem anyway.
>Stop tummy-owwies. Make miwkies fow babbehs.
>Gud mummah gif miwkies to aww gud babbehs.
>Miwkie pwace nu big wike befow. Nu as much miwkies.
>Babbehs. One... two... an nuvvew one. Fwee.
>Dat many babbehs.
>Two bestes' big babbehs.
>One pointy babbeh.
>If one babbeh nu gud... if one babbeh bad...
>Den mowe miwkies fow bestes' tuffie babbehs.
>But nu, aww babbehs gud.
>Smeww pwetty. Wook pwetty.
 
>But what if... one babbeh...
>What if one babbeh... nu smeww pwetty?
>What if one babbeh bad?
>Miwkies be nuff den...
>Gud mummah gif miwkies fow gud babbehs. Nu bad babbehs...
>Wittew pointy babbeh is twyin to get to miwkie pwace.
>Bwuddah an sissy stiww dwinkin.
>Jus... jus push hew a wittew bit. Push wif hoofsie.
>Nu kickies. Nu hewt babbeh.
>Gud mummah nu hewt babbeh.
 
***
 
>Sky-baww has gone fwom one bittie of sky to nuffew.
>Babbehs are dwink miwkies 'gain.
>Made wittew babbeh wait wast time. Cwyin woudew fow miwkies dis time.
>Big babbehs stiww dwinkin. Nu wan stop dem. Nu gif tummy-owwies to bes' babbehs.
>"Bad... bad babbeh."
>Sa vewwy quiet su babbeh nu heaw. Wisten to wowdies. Taste wowdies, wike nummies.
>"Bad babbeh."
>Sa wouwdew nao. Wowdies taste... nu gud... but nu taste bad, eefuh...
>If bad babbeh, den miwkies fow bes' babbehs.
>Bes babbehs awe bes'.
>So wittew babbeh... mus' be... MUS' be...
>"BAD BABBEH!"
>Kick wif hoofsie!
>"Bad babbeh nu steaw miwkies fwom... GUD babbehs! Gif owwies!"
>Kick, kick! Nu wook at babbeh! Nu smeww babbeh...
>But when bes' babbehs finis, den wet dwink.
>Yu bestes mummah.
>Efin gif miwkies to bad babbeh.
 
>Dawk times an bwite times, dey come an goes.
>Nu no how many.
>Bad babbeh weggies nu wowk.
>Dat becos... bad babbeh.
>Mebbeh... mebbeh bigges' babbehs gif owwies.
>Dat... mus' be wat happen.
>Yu gud mummah. Yu wuv yu gud babbehs.
>Bouf yu gud babbehs.
 
>Nee mowe nummehs...
>Nee fine hoomin mummah...
>Bad babbeh steaw miwkies.
>Bad babbeh make mummah nu want yu an yu gud babbehs.
>"Gud babbehs... cwimb on backie... we go wawkies..."
>*chirp*
>*chirp*
>"...muh...muh...?"
>Yu no wook. Push boxie wif nosie. Push tiww open pawt tuwn to waww.
>Nao nu see bad babbeh.
>Nao yu go. Yes. Go wif yu two gud babbehs.
>Bestes' babbehs.
 
 
***
 
 
Present:
 
>Be a fluffy owner.
>You found this mother a couple of nights ago.
>Sniffing round the alley where she abandoned her baby.
>Must have been months ago.
>Fluff-brained thing assumed that her baby would still be waiting in the box
>Exactly as she'd left it.
>Unharmed by the weather or the local predators
>And still a foal.
>Exactly as she was when you found her.
>You've got the mother stashed in your shed now, while you think...
>What exactly should you do with her?
>It's not entirely her fault: she's an animal, after all, obeying pre-programmed instincts.
>So you hold of on the sharp objects for now.
>You have something else in mind.
 
>You're fond of recording your pet's antics.
>Lots of footage, from when you first got her to the present day.
>Jellytot wriggling on her blanket.
>Jellytot playing with her toys.
>Sleeping. Waking up.
>Eating her favourite treats.
>Sucking her pacie.
>You decide to spread the joy a little.
>Give mother a show.
 
>Hmm. How to start?
>Better begin with one of the earliest recordings.
>Make sure she recognises her foal.
>The infant filly with her teddybear: yeah, that should jog even a fluffy's memory.
 
>The miniature teddy toy almost as big as the foal
>Both recently washed, placed on a blanket on the couch.
>The filly *chirping* and wriggling over to her toy.
>Injured back legs dragging uselessly.
 
>Scene two: Jellytot in the palm of your hand, drinking warm milk from a pipette.
>Scene three: Jellytot, a little bigger, drinking from a bottle.
>Scene four: Wobbling to her feet, back legs growing stronger...
>Slowly, your cinematic epic takes shape.
 
***
 
>Take your 10-inch tablet down to the shed.
>Shake the mummah out of her reverie.
>"Surprise, Joanie! It's movie time!"
>Prop your tablet up in front of her.
>Begin tonight's feature presentation.
 
***
 
Present:
 
>Be fwuffy mummah.
>Meanie hoomin haf magic pitchew boxie!
>Pitchew is moofin... is a fwuffy babbeh.
>Pointy fwuffy babbeh... wif nu-wowk weggies... oh...
>"Babbeh! Dat mai babbeh! Wut do? How put babbeh in magic box?"
>"Shut up."
>"*chirp* *chirp*" sa the babbeh.
>"Babbeh... babbeh... mummah wuv yu... pwease, babbeh, nu be in boxie! Gif mummah huggies!"
>But she's goin away! Magic box dawk...
>She back! Nao wittewes' babbeh is get miwkies. But dey in hoomin nu-see miwkie fin.
>"Hoomin nu gif gud miwkies, babbeh... nu... mummah gif bestes' miwkies..."
>"Did you give her milkies when she was your baby?"
>"Ye-yes..."
>"Or did you stop? Did you kick her away and tell her she was a bad baby?"
>"Huu... babbeh..." Nao babbeh get biggew miwkies... but dey nu mummah miwkies.
>Dey nu bestes' miwkies...
>Sad wawas fiww yu eyesies.
 
>When yu blink-blink dem 'way, yu babbeh... YU babbeh... is wif nuvvew mawe!
>"...might really thrive if she has a wet-nurse for a while," a hoomin is sa.
>"The contact is important. Now, this lady had a stillbirth recently; she's normally really good with other fluffy's foals..."
>Nu! Nuvvew mawe nu mummah! Dummeh hoomin! Dat yu babbeh!
>"Come on, Jellytot, say hello." Nu-hoofsies push yu babbeh towards the mawe...
>Mawe is sniffin babbeh!
>"Dummeh mawe!" yu sa. "Dat mai babbeh! She nu yu pointy babbeh!"
>But the dummeh mawe nu wisten. She wub faces wif YU babbeh.
>"Hewwo, babbeh..."
>"This is Jellytot, Charlie. She's lost her mummah," the magic-box hoomin is sa.
>"Nu wosted! No whewe wef' babbeh," yu teww.
>"Yeah, you left her in a box in a freezing alley," says the meanie hoomin man.
>"Shut up.We're getting to the good bit."
>"Can you give her some milk, girl? Can you do that, Charlie?" the dummeh hooman is sain.
>"Hewwo, Jewwytot... hewwo wittew pointy fwiend... yu hungwy babbeh? Nee' miwkies?"
>Yu go shakies aww ofa as yu babbeh gets miwkies fwom da dummeh mawe.
>"Nuuuuuuu! Dat MAI BABBEH!"
>Meanie hoomin gwabs yu moufie. Yu nu can speak nu mowe.
>Haf to watch dummeh mawe gif miwkies.
 
>Box go dawkies gain.
>Den babbeh come back... bu' nao biggew... wif wowkie weggies!
>"Weggies! Babbeh get gud weggies!"
>"No thanks to you."
 
***
 
Present:
 
>Be fluffy owner.
>Force the mother to watch her baby on the tablet's screen.
>You both watch the injured filly gets petted, stroked, hugged.
>Kindly mares nurse her, some alongside their own foals, telling her she's a good baby.
>Together, you watch Jellytot's trembling steps as she heals from her injury.
>Friendly humans tickle and caress her
>They pick her up for cuddles and coo over her: "Is this your new fluffy? Oh, she's just adorable!"
>You make the mother watch as her baby gets treats and gifts.
>The filly gets her first taste of spaghetti: "Dis sketties? Wike sketties, daddeh! Fankoo!"
>Trying to manage a giant cookie that's almost as big as she is
>Eating the tasty food with little *mews* of pleasure.
>Jellytot plays with a brand new ball on the safe-room's clean floor, rolling it with her nose.
>Your hand appears in the shot, rolling the bright red ball so she can chase it.
>"Yayyy! Baww! Jewwytot wuv baww!"
>She builds towers of blocks: "Wook, daddeh, buiwd housie!"
>She has her mane and tail brushed.
>"Wuv bwushie *mew* bwushie am nice... Yay, fwuff pwetty, taiwy pwetty! Fankoo!"
>She has outings, frolicking in clean, warm playrooms or the safety of the fenced fluffy run at the park.
>"Oooh! Gwassies tickew, daddeh! Daddeh, daddeh, see da fwowews?"
>You watch as Jellytot has playdates with well-groomed domestic fluffies:
>"Be new fwend? Huggies! Wan pway baww, pointy fwend?"
>"Wike pway! Yu nicey fwend. Jewwytot wuv pway baww."
 
>And you both listen as she tells you, again and again, how much she loves her daddy.
>And every time, the mother whimpers and moans.
>"Nuuu... babbeh wuv mummah... babbeh nu wuv hoomin... babbeh wuv fwuffy mummah..."
>And with every joyful event, you remind the mother:
>"If you had stayed with her... if you'd looked after your baby... ALL your babies could have had this."
>"Nuu...."
>"Did your 'best babies' ever get a pretty red ball? Have they ever had sketties?"
>"Wan... wan baww fow babbehs... wan sketties fow aww babbehs..."
>"But you walked off and left your littlest baby all alone."
>"Wahhh..."
>"So she was the only one I found. The only one who got a warm bed. The only one who got toys. The only one who got a nice safe home."
>"Wan... wan..."
>"Well, too late!"
 
>You stand, snatching away the tablet and switching it off.
>She screams piteously, reaching up with her forelegs.
>"Nuuuu! Wan see babbeh! Wan see wittewes' babbeh gain! Wan baww fow babbehs! Huuuuu!"
>"Maybe. If you behave."
>"Pweeeeease..."
>"Perhaps I might decide to let you watch my good fluffy enjoying all the things your 'babbehs' never got."
>"Huuuuhuuuhuuu... bad mummah... bad mummah fow wittewes' babbeh... bad mummah fow big babbehs... bad fow aww babbehs... wowst... wowstes efew mummah... huuu huuhuuuuu..."
>"Funny how things turn out, eh?"
>And with that, you leave her to her tears.