*Knockknockknock*
Oh for fucks sake. Can't a man walk around naked in his house without people coming to visit.
Wrapping a curtain round your waist, you head to the door.
That reminds you, have to hang the curtains up. You've been meaning to do that for 3 months now.
Holy fuck it's a guard.
"Whatever it was I didn't do it."
"Are you Emperor Anonymous, Ambassador of the Mighty and Eternal Terran Empire, Lord of Riddles and Non-sequitors, Captain of the Infinite Legion?"
So this is what screaming internally sounds like.
"Yes?"
"Princess Celestia and Princes Luna demand your presence at once. Please get in the chariot."
The princesses are using every pompous title you ever used as an excuse to get away with or avoid doing something.
It seems it's once again time to pay for claiming diplomatic immunity.
This also means they want to fuck with you.
Before you can respond the guard begins pushing you in the direction of the chariot.
By headbutting you in the butt.
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"Welcome Emperor Anonymous." Luna performs a mocking bow.
It seems Luna is in full sarcasm mode this morning. She has a scathing wit.
Celestia does too but she's too nice to use it.
"Yes, you honor us with your presence."
On anyone except you.
Both Princesses are grinning like maniacs.
"Ok, ok, enough with the teasing why am I here?"
Luna pouts
"But we had many more witticisms to use against thee Anonymous."
"I'm sure you can save them for a later time sister, this is official business for once."
Official business? Aw shit. You hate business that's official.
"Anon we have need of thee as an ambassador.
"Excuse me."
Celestia laughs quietly.
"There is a certain amount of irony in it. But it seems you are needed to play the role of ambassador, we can't send anypony else."
"What do you mean can't send anyone else? Ambassador to where?"
"The Changeling Kingdom."
You're not really sure how to respond to all this. Changelings? What?
"We need to strengthen ties with and show our support to Thorax and the Changelings."
"But our subjects may be prejudiced against them."
"And I'm not?"
Luna gives you a look that screams 'Don't try to worm your way out of this.'
"My little ponies grew up hearing tales of evil Changelings, even Twilight and her friends. This is a sensitive time for the Changeling Kingdom. We-"
"Alright, alright, I get it. I'll go be all ambassadorial and stuff."
Celestia trots forward and wing hugs you.
"Thank you Anon. It will only be for a month."
A month? Fucking hell.
"Don't suppose I could get out of this by claiming diplomatic immunity?"
You're rewarded for your insolence by being bapped on the head by Celestia's wings.
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You were told the Changeling Kingdom was a wasteland dominated by a large hive spire.
It seems they're making a concerted effort to change that, groups of colorful changelings are busying themselves planting flowers and trees everywhere.
The land surrounding the spire is like a half finished flower ship. And the spire itself, it's hard to describe.
Like the walls have an aurora borealis trapped inside them.
And before a cavernous entrance at the base of the spire is your welcome party.
A delegation of changelings, led by a larger one who you assume is Thorax.
"Hello... wait no, erm. I mean, Greetings Ambassador Anonymous. I am, well I don't really have a title but I'm Thorax and I'm sort of the leader of the Changelings."
"I wanted to give you a formal greeting but I guess I need more practice."
He lets out a nervous chuckle. Well isn't that just adorkable.
"Don't worry about it."
"I should probably show you to your room next. Stay close it can be easy to get lost if you're not a changeling."
As he leads you inside the rest of the delegation tags along, they haven't said anything yet.
Thorax meanwhile is doing his level best not to appear nervous. His best isn't good enough.
But you can tell by the way the other changelings follow after him and look at him, he's large and in charge.
He's sweet but clearly has no idea what he's doing.
Of course that's less of an issue when your followers don't have a clue either.
Suppose you can't really blame them, this is unknown territory and as new to them as it is to everyone else in Equestria.
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Ambassador Report: Day Two.
 
Dear Celestia and Luna,
 
I'm still tired, why did you make me walk here?
If you think there won't be retaliation for this, well let's just say watch out for falling cakes.
I didn't do anything ambassadorial yesterday because I was about ready to drop the moment I arrived.
They've put in me Chrysalis' old room, it's the only room large enough for my proportions apparently.
Clearly they tried to redecorate and spruce it up a bit but it's still pretty grim and spikey.
They probably don't like coming in here, bad memories and all that.
Still the bed was very comfortable but I'm not going to ask what it's made from, cause I don't want to know.
I won't like knowing. I'm sure of it.
Anyway I went straight to bed to enjoy a good nights sleep.
Which I did, until shortly after midnight when a giant hole in the floor opened.
Why did no one tell me changeling hives have a mind of thier own and an active lifestyle?
 
Your currently in pain Ambassador,
Anonymous.
 
 
--------------------------------
There's a nervous looking changeling standing at my... door?
Sort of. Changelings don't really have doors. Just holes that come and go at their own discretion.
Something you discovered in the most painful way possible.
You've decided to call this ling Flutterponk because she's pink and shy.
Not surprising, you've been told your human proportions are creepy.
Flutterponk leads you to a large room, there's about 40 changelings seated around a large table.
There's a space for you next to Thorax.
"Hi Anon, sorry again about last night. We've never really had guests in the hive before, we probably should have prepared better."
"Don't worry about it. What's for dinner?"
"You noticed the forest we're planting outside the hive? We thought fruit from the trees would be a good idea."
Right on cue a changeling enters carrying a large bowl of fruit.
One changeling.
One bowl of fruit.
The fruit is placed in front of you, leaving you staring at the rest of the empty table like a man who just farted loudly in a silent yet crowded room.
"Er... Is no one else eating?"
"Oh! Changelings feed on love, I thought that was common knowledge?"
Thorax looks at you like you've been living under a rock.
Of course you knew that, you just assumed there'd be be normal eating too.
The 'banquet' begins, changelings happily chatting to each other.
You just feel self concious.
---------------------------------
Things have gotten worse.
At first it was just talking. Then there was hugging.
Now there's love beams flying all over the place.
You feel like a man who accidentally wandered into an orgy at a laser light show.
It's unsettling.
You should probably take cover or something. Fuck knows what those beams would do to you.
Just as you finish that thought a pink glow fills your vision and you realise fate has taken up mocking you as a hobby.
Oh, that's not.. ogh..
"Thorax... I feel like- BLOARGHLLLL"
---------------------------------
You are Thorax. Ambassador Anon just sprayed glittery, liquid rainbow all over the table.
You feel kind of bad about it, you should have known he might feel like the odd one out.
Unfortunately his effort to join in and share his love took a lot out of him.
He's passed out.
Ooh, maybe you can teach how to do it properly so he doesn't pass out next time.