> After a short walk through the woods you happen upon a clearing
> And oh the promised land unfolds before you
> Roughly 200 fluffies of various age, color, and breed are arrayed before you
> All of them babbling happily about "yummie wed nummies" and "Tummy huwties aww gone!"
> They frolic and play tackling one another, playing tag, hide and seek, giving huggies and wuv, eating grass, flowers, and all other foliage at kneecap level.
> They are about to have a very, very bad day
> Time to have some fun
> First things first, if they manage to escape your fun will become a hunt
> And chasing these things down in the woods just isn't your thing
> That's Blake's bag
> You like taking your time and enjoying things
> First tool, zip ties
> A standard among 7th unit
> The rookie uses them to suffocate the fluffies
> Doesn't want to get his hands dirty
> What a chump
> You know how they're supposed to be used.
> You walk into the clearing all grins and smiles
"Hey there little fluffies! Can I be your friend?"
> Works most of the time
> "Waaah! Hoomin munsta comin! Wun!"
> Most of the time
> "Smawty stawp hoomin! Hewp smawty!"
> There's the little bugger now
> You walk up to him cheeks puffed with seventy or so fluffies at his flanks
> The dams and attendants have gatherd the foals and are huddling in a circle behind them
> "Dis smawty fwuffy hewds wand! Yuu weave!"
"Aww, why are you being a meanie? I just want to be your friend."
> Second try works like a charm
> "Yuu... hoomin wan be fwuffy fwiend?"
"Oh yes, I always wanted to be a friend to a big strong smarty friend.  Help the herd, get nummies, and have fun!"
> The smarty looks confused and all of his friends have dropped their guard
> They run up to you babbling happily and frolicking at your feet.
> "Yay big fwiend! Hoomin hewp fwuffies! Wuv hoomin!"
> Phase one
"Fluffies, I have a present for you! It's a friendship bracelet."
> "What dat? Wan pwesent! Wuv pwesent, Santie Cwa bwing pwesen! Yuu Santie Cwass? Wuv yuu!"
> Oh this is better than expected, they think you're santa claws
> You decide to play this up
> It could be funny later hearing their cries about santa huwt fwuffy
> You chuckle but quickly turn it into
"Ho! Ho! Ho! Looks like you caught me! I'm Santa! And, I'm here to give all the good little fluffies presents!"
> "Buh, iss no cowd santie come when cowd nuu when wawm time."
> Shit a smart fluffie, and he isn't even the smarty
> Gotta think fast
"Uh, well. I am Santa!"
> Perfect
> "Wuv yuu santah!"
> With the nay sayers satisfied you begin to take out the zip ties
> They are the extra large and thick brand
> Wide enough to look like collars and long enough for what you're about to do
"Fluffies do you want your presents now? They're called friendship bracelets and you wear them on your hooves. They will keep your friends together no matter what!"
> "Wuv fwiends stay wif dem fowevah! Wan bwacewet! Yay!"
> You grab two fluffies at a time and place the zip tie around their legs
> They look like they're going to participate in a three... well seven legged race
> They babble and wobble around
> "Wuv bwacewet pway wif fwiend naow! Thanks santah!"
> You don't make them tight but they can't remove them
> A quick glance over to a few that have the ties on confirms your plan is working
> The fluffies try to go seperate directions and stumble over each other
> These fluffies are going nowhere
> Pair by pair you tie fluffies together
> Then you get to the foals
> They are too smal and weak to be tied together at the leg
> You zip tie three foals together by their bellies
> Sitting on their bottoms they can wiggle their legs but can't tip over or move around
> They're little bouquets of fluffy love
> Tring to hug one another and becoming upset when they can't turn
> You need to work fast
> With all the foals and mobile fluffies subdued you begin
> "Wuv nuu fwiend! Santah soo nice an fun! Wuv bwacewet! Wuv fwiend! Oh hai Santah! Wha' dat fing? Iss shiny can I pway?"
> With a sickening crunch the fluffies tied legs are broken as the hammer smashes down
"Ho Ho Hooooo, You've been a bad fluffie!"
> "Nuuuuuuu I good fwuffy! Nuu huwtie Santah! I be good! EEEEAAAHHHHGHH!"
> The hammer drops on a back leg
> He's not going anywhere
> You turn to the crowd of fluffy pairs and see the horror on their faces
> The fluffy is dragging his special friend along as he comes up to face you
> Cheeks puffed flailing mare on his stomping hoof
> "Owies smawty fwiend nuu huwty! I sowwy!"
> "Santah! Why you huwty fwuffy fwiend?"
> He doesn't even notice the mare on his leg
> His foals are zip tied to the mare
> Special treatment for the special fluffy
> You ignore him as you continue the slaughter
> He tries to drag his now screaming mare and foals around but keeps stopping to appologize to them
> He can't do a thing