>Be Anon
>It’s been about a two weeks since your arrival in Equestria
>After the initial shock had worn off, you found that you were starting to enjoy yourself
>You had a house and a job within the first week
>Working at Sweet Apple Acres was tough at first, but you got the hang of it within a week
>The house you moved into was already owned by an adorably klutzy pegasus named Derpy
>She was a fine roommate, but you quickly discovered why her old roommate moved out
>She was incredibly clumsy
>this often resulted in broken windows, doors, chairs, plates… basically anything breakable was subject to be destroyed
>Luckily you had a wonderful set of hands and knew a thing or two about home repair
>and so, you had found a nice balance
>she would break something and you would fix it
>of course this could be a little annoying, but you found that you enjoyed the work
>something about taking a broken thing and putting it back together filled you with pride
>Midway through the second week Derpy approached you with a sad look on her face
>”I-I’m so sorry Anon! I was in your room dusting when I tripped and fell onto your bag, it sounded like something broke inside… B-but I didn’t want to open it without your permission so..”
>in Derpy’s hooves sat your trusty old backpack
>you had actually totally forgotten about it in all the excitement of being in a new world
>you begin to wonder what was in it
>only one way to find out
>you gently take the backpack from her
“It’s ok Derpy, whatever broke probably wasn’t important”
>you scratch her between the ears and she perks up a little
>you slowly unzip the bag and peer inside
>inside sat the shattered remains of your bong
>you start to remember the night you came to equestria
>you had been on the way to a friend’s house to smoke with them
>you remember walking down the street towards his house
>your next memory was waking up in a field outside of Ponyville
>you begin to dig through the bag, carefully avoiding the glass shards
>Maybe you could learn a little more about how you got to Equestria from its contents?
>you begin pulling items out of the bag
>a bag of Doritos
>a pocket knife
>a mostly empty 2 liter bottle of Mountain Dew
>$15.36
>some condoms (Which you quickly hide from Derpy’s sight)
>a Snickers bar
>A couple of lighters
>and a 1 gallon Ziploc bag full of the dankest Sour Diesel you’ve ever smoked
>well, isn’t this a nice surprise
>Derpy is looking intently at the objects that you have set out on the table
>She begins asking you questions about each object
>you explain what each thing is
>she takes particular interest in the colorful packaging of the Doritos
>You explain about food advertisement in your world and how colorful packaging draws the attention of a potential buyer
>you open the bag and pull out a chip, offering it to her
>She gingerly takes it in her hooves and looks at it
>you pull another chip out and pop it in your mouth
>Mmmm Cool Ranch
>she watches you happily munch on the chip before looking down at the one in her hoof
>she slowly brings it to her mouth and nibbles on the corner
>her eyes open wide and the chip is gone in a flash
>she eagerly looks at you with big puppy eyes, begging for more
>you laugh and give her a handful
>she quickly eats all of them
>Dorito dust covers her hooves and muzzle
 >you quickly roll up the bag and put it away before she eats all of them
>you move on to the next object before she can protest
>the bottle of Mountain Dew is only about 1/2 full
>you go to the kitchen and grab two cups
>coming back in time to catch Derpy reaching for the Doritos
>she recoils and blushes at being caught
>you sit down and pour the remaining soda into the two cups
>you hand one cup to her and she peers at the green liquid curiously
>you take a sip and relish in the flavor, you had forgotten how much you loved Mountain Dew
>Derpy raises the cup to her lips and takes a tiny sip
>she lets out a tiny burp and starts giggling
>”The bubbles tickle my nose!”
>you both continue sipping on the Mountain Dew
>Derpy’s eyes slowly drift over the rest of the items on the table, coming to a stop on the big Ziploc bag
>”What’s that green stuff? Is it some kind of plant?”
“Well, that is Marijuana. Also known as cannabis, pot, ganja, weed, grass...”
>she looks at you with a confused expression
 >”So it’s grass? I thought humans didn’t eat grass?”
“They don’t, but this isn’t grass and it’s not for eating. It’s for smoking”
>”Smoking?”
“Yeah, humans smoke this plant and it causes a euphoric high. Some humans have found that it helps with certain illnesses and use it as medicine.”
>”So it’s like the potions that Zecora makes?”
“In a way, yes.”
>Derpy looks thoughtful for a minute
>”Can I try some?”
>you choke on the Mountain Dew you were trying to swallow
>after a moment you regain your composure
>should you let her smoke?
>it was frowned upon on earth, but here?
>as far as you knew they didn’t have any drug laws, you make a mental note to ask Twilight about it later
>would it even affect her?
>One hit wouldn’t hurt, would it?
>after another couple moments of debate, you decide that it probably wouldn’t cause any damage
>it might not even affect her at all
“Alright Derpy, just one hit though. This stuff is pretty strong”
>”Yay!”
>you reach for your bag and remember that your bong is broken
>Shit
>you look in the backpack and discover that the downstem and bowl are still intact
>pulling them out you take the Mt Dew bottle and the pocket knife and cut a hole in the side
>luckily the stem and bowl didn’t get crushed with the bong
>you slide the stem into the bottle and go to the kitchen to fill it with water
>you now have a makeshift bong
>Derpy watches your every move with interest
>you reach for the ziploc bag and open it up, releasing the strong smell of dank ass weed
>Derpy covers her nose with a hoof
>”That stuff really smells!”
“yeah, it really does”
>you put your nose in the bag and take a deep breath
>the smell alone gives you a slight head rush
>you grab a nugget of the dense green and break it up before stuffing it into the bowl
>you grab one of the lighters and set the fire to the bowl
>pulling in a long slow breath you fill the entire bottle with smoke
>you pull out the bowl and quickly inhale the smoke, clearing it in one breath.
>you hold the hit in for a moment before slowly blowing out of your nose
>you can already feel the effects as you start to cough
>Derpy looks concerned as you cough
>”Are you ok? Do you need some water?”
“No *ahem* No, I’m fine. Do you still want to try it?”
>She sits and ponders for a moment, eventually coming to a conclusion and putting on a determined face
>”Yes, I want to give it a try”
>you position yourself in front of her and hold the makeshift bong up for her
>”S-so I just breath in?”
“Yep”
>you spark the lighter and put the flame to the bowl
>she begins to inhale and starts filling the bottle with smoke
>you pull out the bowl and she breaths in all the smoke
>She starts coughing and you pat her on the back until she is done
“You feel alright?”
>Derpy looks up at you and you are surprised to find that her eyes are no longer crossed
>”y-yeah I feel…. I feel… great!”
>you breathe a sigh of relief
>Derpy starts giggling and throws her hooves around your neck, pulling you into a hug
>you return the hug and laugh with her
>”I feel awesome! Wow Anon, this stuff is great! We should do something… oh, I know! Let’s go to Sugar Cube Corner!”
>you look into her eyes and see that they are completely bloodshot, and still straight
>It must have hit her harder and faster due to her small size
>yeah that must be it
“Yeah, let’s go! I could totally go for one of Pinkie’s cupcakes”
>you take another hit before Derpy grabs you and starts pulling you out the door
>you are both joking and laughing through the whole walk to Sugar Cube Corner
>you notice that Derpy isn’t zig-zagging as she normally does when she flies beside you. she also isn't crashing into things as much as she usually would
>Weird
>you both arrive at Sugar Cube Corner, laughing as you walk through the front door
>Pinkie appears beside you and starts laughing with you
>”Hahaha… what’s so funny guys?”
>you start to explain before realizing that you have no idea
>this causes you to laugh harder
>Pinkie continues to laugh with you and before long all three of you are laughing hysterically
>you eventually realize that ponies are looking at you and you try to regain your composure
>you finally get your giggles under control and make your way to a nearby booth to sit
>Derpy follows and sits across from you, still giggling
>Pinkie walks up and wipes a couple of tears from her eyes
>”What can I get for you guys?”
“um… I would like a…”
>Shit, you can’t remember what you came here for
“I.. um… I want a…”
>you desperately try to remember what you wanted
>Pinkie is patiently waiting for your answer
>Shit shit shit shit
>the moment begins to stretch into what felt like infinity as you try your best to remember
>you know it was a pastry of some kind
>you can even picture it in your head
>you begin to try and describe it to Pinkie
“It’s small and uh… has stuff on top?”
>”A cupcake?”
“Yeah! That’s it!”
>whew, disaster averted
>Pinkie turns her attention to Derpy
>Derpy doesn’t even hesitate before saying her order
>”a blueberry muffin please!”
>Pinkie walks away to go get your order
>you look over at Derpy
>she looks at you
>after a few moments of staring deeply into each other’s eyes you both start laughing
>this was fun
>in a world of colorful ponies, high as a kite, with someone you considered a close friend
>this felt perfect
>you started to ponder your relationship with Derpy
>you had only known each other for a week and a half, but you had quickly become close friends
>she was adorable, clumsy, and really funny sometimes
>you were patient, fun-loving, and tried your best at being funny
>you both got along well, being silly together was something that you both enjoyed
>so being high and silly was even more fun!
 
>You and Derpy sit in a comfortable silence as you wait for your order
>Looking over at Derpy you are once again drawn to her eyes
>They were absolutely beautiful, a bright gold that matched her vibrant blonde mane
>you had never really put much thought into it before, but Derpy was...
"Beautiful"
>Derpy's ears perked up as you spoke and she gave you a questioning look, a slight blush beginning to appear as she catches the intensity of your gaze
>"Huh? Sorry i was zoned out, did you say something?"
>shit
>you said that out loud
>think fast Anon
"um...."
>Smooth
"I... uh... i was just saying how beautiful you...erm... your world is... c-compared to where im from!"
>Derpy smiles and her blush goes away
>good save Anon
>"Yeah Equestria is so pretty, i love the mountains... and clouds, clouds are awesome! i love to make muffin shaped clouds...but im not allowed to do that anymore because i made a really REALLY big muffin cloud that turned into a giant thunderstorm and set town hall on fire... so yeah, no more cloud muffins for me! what were we talking about again?"
"Uh..."
>right then Pinkie appeared beside you, making you jump as she put the two baked goods on the table
"Jesus Pinkie! How are you so good at that?"
>"silly Anon, my names not "Jesus Pinkie", it's Pinkamina Diane Pie!"
>and with that she disappeared
>Like, right in front of your eyes
>what the fuck?
>How did...
>you turn to Derpy to ask what the hell had just happened, but she has already started eating her muffin
>you feel your stomach grumble at the sight and you quickly push all thoughts of Pinkie's crazy horse magic out of your brain
>you look down at the cupcake in front of you
>and your mind almost breaks
>sitting on the table in front of you is a perfect cupcake with white icing and a very obvious marijuana leaf drawn on top with green icing
>you quickly look around the room and catch Pinkie's eye as she walks into the kitchen
>she glances back at you and smiles before giving you a wink and walking through the kitchen door and out of sight
>you sat in complete silence as your brain imploded
> How could Pinkie know?
>did it exist in Equestria?
>was she spying on you?
>WHAT DID IT MEAN!?
 
>Derpy finishes her muffin and notices that you are blankly staring at your cupcake
>"are you gonna eat that?"
>you don't respond and after a moment Derpy stretches her wing across the table and boops you on the nose
>"Anon? are you alright?"
>you are pulled out of your thoughts with a start and focus on Derpy
"Huh? oh... yeah, yeah I'm fine... just thinking about something..."
>"What were you thinking about?"
"um...Pinkie Pie... a-and her abilities"
>"Oh, yeah. A lot of ponies have tried to figure her out, it almost drove Twilight crazy!"
"Really? i can imagine, her curiosity must have been killing her!"
>you knew first-hand how curious Twilight could be, having spent your first three days answering her questions about you and where you came from.
>Derpy begins to animatedly tell you about the day that Twilight stalked Pinkie to find out how her Pinkie sense worked
>you eat your cupcake as you listen to her story
>"...And the darn thing just slipped out of my hooves! I still don't know why we were trying to move a cart of hay, a piano, an anvil, and a potted plant at the same time! and that's how i got fired from the moving company. "
>you had finished your cupcake and were listening to Derpy's story
"you sure get into a lot of trouble Derpy"
>you say it playfully, but Derpy's smile fades for a moment
>Fuck, now you've upset her
>"Yeah, i don't mean to... it just sort of... happens. I'm just so clumsy, and things seem to always go wrong around me. Most ponies are nice about it, but i can tell that they are mad at me..."
>her ears droop as she frowns and her eyes start to tear up
>shit shit shit
>she's about to cry
>what the fuck do you do?
"Derpy"
>She looks up at you, eyes glistening with unshed tears
"it doesn't matter to me if you are clumsy, i think you are an amazing pony and friend, and i could never be mad at you... well not for long at least."
>you smile and Derpy sniffles as a small smile grows on her face
>"Thanks Anon, you're a good friend"
>She stretches across the table and throws her hooves around your neck
>you tense at the sudden embrace but quickly recover and wrap your arms around her pulling her in for a tight hug
>your face rests in her mane and you breathe in her scent
>Banana nut muffin
>Huh
>you both release from the hug and sit smiling at each other
"So uh... what do you want to do now?"
>"hmmm... I don't know."
>"Oh! oh! i know what you could do!"
>Pinkie is suddenly sitting next to you in the booth
>which is surprising considering she would have had to climb over you to get there
"God Dammit Pinkie! you're gonna give me a heart attack!"
>"oh Nonny, your heart will be fine as long as you eat your veggies!"
>you stare at Pinkie for a moment before shaking your head
>Pinkie giggles at your expression
>"anyways, i know something you two could do!"
"And what would that be?"
>"Come up to my room and hang out with me during my lunch break!"
>you look over at Derpy who smiles and nods
"yeah, sure. why not?"
>You have some questions anyway
>Pinkie launches out of her seat and does a flip over the table and lands on the floor
>"come on! let's go!"
 
>you and Derpy get out of the booth and follow Pinkie upstairs.    
>you follow Pinkie down the hall and she opens the door for you and Derpy
>only one word comes to mind as you enter Pinkie's room
>Pink
>everything is pink
>the bed, the walls, the floor
>everything
>you blink at all of the bright pink
>"Oh, let me just..."
>Pinkie reaches for a switch on the wall and dims the lights making the glaring pinks less blinding
>"Perfect!"
>Pinkie bounces past you and over to her closet
>"c'mon in and take a seat!"
>she waves a hoof at the pile of cushions
>you and Derpy walk over to the pile and plop down on top
>Derpy's pillow seat shifts and she rolls over and onto you
>she blushes as she tries to right herself, failing to get her hooves under her
>you reach down and flip her over so that she is sitting beside you
>"Th-Thanks."
"No prob Bob"
>she tilts her head in confusion before giggling
>"My names not Bob! Silly Anon."
>Pinkie finishes digging through her closet and turns around holding a brightly gift-wrapped object
>It's a long cylindrical object and for a moment you wonder if it's a dildo
>Pinkie trots over to you and hold out the object
>"This is for you Nonny! i would have given it to you at your party, but i wasn't sure you would like it."
>you take the package from her and eye it cautiously
>it really looks like a dildo
>"Go on! open it!"
>Pinkie is bouncing with excitement
>you slowly remove the paper and reveal a long cylinder of glass
>at the bottom is a bulb with three balloons etched into it
>it's a bong
>you stare at the object in your hands
>it looks exactly like your old one
>if it wasn't for the ballons or the fact that it was clean you would've thought it was your bong
>you look at the bong for another moment before looking at Pinkie
"How?"
>that's all you manage to say
>"well i made it silly! Blowing glass is so much fun! You can make all sorts of wonderful fantastic things out of glass like bongs, bowls, one-hitters, and pretty vases!"
"Wait wait wait... how do you know about any of this?"
>"you're so silly Nonny, I'm a smoker of course!"
"but...but i thought marijuana didn't exist in Equestria!"
>"of course marijuana doesn't exist in Equestria, but Mareijuana does!"
"what? those words sound exactly the same!"
>"I know right!"
>with that Pinkie turns around and walks back to her closet
>"Let's load that thing up!"
>Derpy watches this whole scene in confusion
>"What is that thing Anon?"
"It's a bong"
>she gives you a confused look, your explanation being unsatisfactory
"Remember that thing i made with the bottle that we used to smoke?"
>Derpy perks up as she remembers
>"Yeah!"
"it's the same as that, just made out of glass"
>"oooohhhh, ok."
>Pinkie returns and you can instantly smell the Dank Ass Bud she has in the bag in her hoof
"Wow, that stuff smells amazing!"
>"I know right! Sometimes i like to stick my head in the bag and just breathe!"
>she demonstrates this by shoving her entire head into the small sandwich bag and breathing in
>you stare as she pulls her head out of the bag
>sitting on the tip of her muzzle is a rainbow colored bud
>it looks beautiful, you wonder how it got all of those colors
>"Alrighty, lets break this bong in!"
>Pinkie bounces the bud off of her nose and catches it in a hoof before putting her hooves together with the bud in the middle
>her hooves begin to vibrate in small circles and after a moment she removes the hoof on top to reveal a perfectly ground pile of rainbow
>she tips her hoof over the bowl and packs it down
>"oopsie, i almost forgot!"
>she takes the bong and walks to the bathroom to fill it with water
>"That's better! it doesn't work very well without water in it."
>Pinkie walks over and plops down beside you handing you the bong and a small pink box
>you look at the box and back at Pinkie with confusion
>"It's a magical lighter, just press here..."
>Pinkie reaches over and prods a button on the side making a flame appear out the top
"Magic fire... sweeet"
>with that you set the flame to the bowl and take a monstrous hit
>you wait a few seconds before blowing out, expecting to feel your lungs burning
>after a moment when the burning never comes you look down at the bong
"Damn, this thing hits smooth... like drinking milk kind of smooth"
>Pinkie giggles at your amazed expression
>"It's enchanted to cool down the smoke and make it go down easier"
>you really needed to learn how to enchant stuff
>an idea for a magically powered vaporizer comes to mind
"How did you enchant it?"
>"I talked to Twilight and she did it in a couple minutes, she's really good with magic."
"Huh... i might need to talk to her soon."
>you pass the bong over to Derpy
>As you hand it to her, it slips out of your hand and plummets to the floor
>your heart stops as you watch it fall, unable to arrest it's momentum in time.
>at the last moment Derpy's wing slides under it  and stops it from hitting the floor
>her movement had been so fast that you hadn't even noticed her move
>Derpy looks at you with wide eyes, amazed at her own reflexes
>you look at her with the same surprised expression, a smile quickly growing as the heart-stopping moment passes
"Holy shit Derpy! That was an awesome catch! You totally saved that thing from absolute destruction....you... You're my hero."
>Derpy blushes at the complement and her wings flutter in embarrasment
>this causes the bong to fly across the room and bounce off the wall before bouncing off the floor and back towards the seated trio
>Pinkie catches it and giggles
>"Did i not mention that this thing is also indestructible?"
>She demonstrates by throwing the bong across the room and catching it as it bounced back
"oh, well that will save us a lot of trouble in the future... but that was still an awesome catch Derpy!"
>Pinkie passes the bong back to Derpy and you help her ignite the flame
>Derpy takes a hit and blows it out her nose
>her eyes focus on the smoke and she reaches forward with her hooves to gather the smoke into a small cloud
>with some prodding and poking she shapes the cloud into a muffin
>you laugh as she leans forward and takes a bite out of the muffin cloud
>Pinkie takes a massive rip and blows smoke rings toward Derpy who starts to collect them and shape them together
>this time she makes a doughnut and Pinkie blows another smoke ring through the center
>Man, these ponies sure knew some cool smoke tricks. you could barely blow smoke rings.
>you continued to pass the bong around and blowing the smoke over to Derpy to create new things
>When Derpy ran out of ideas, Pinkie started making requests for smoke sculptures
>"Make one of Nonny!"
>you supplied the smoke for this one and Derpy deftly shaped the cloud into a human shape
>You all laughed as the head of "Smokey Anon" began to expand, making the figure have a big head
"I guess you can say that i'm getting a-HEAD of myself!"
>all three of you fall into uncontrollable laughter
>"be careful Nonny, don't want to get a Big HEAD!"
>your laughing starts to get painful as you gasp for air, tears in your eyes
"oh god,  that's funny. I love you guys! "
>"and we love you too! Don't we Derpy?"
>Derpy blushes but nods her head
"Well, it's good to know that i have such awesome friends!"
>You pull them both in for a group hug
>Pinkie wraps her hooves around your chest and Derpy does the same with her hooves and wings
>you all relax in each others embrace
>this was nice
>you were snuggled up with two colorful ponies and loving every second of it and judging by their sighs of contentment so were they
"Do you guys just want to stay here and cuddle for a bit?"
>you are met with silence
>you look down and discover that both of them are sleeping soundly, using your chest as a pillow
"I'll take that as a yes"
>you close your eyes and relax, slowly slipping into blissful sleep
 
>You awake to a dark room, you feel a blanket over you
>that hadn't been there before
>you groggily grope around and pull the soft mass on your side closer
>your hands rest on the bottom of the large warm pillow clinging to your side
>you squeeze the pillow and hear a little squeak
>weird, do pillows normally squeak? you are in Pinkie's room so anything is possible
>you squeeze the pillow again and you feel warm air move across your throat followed by a low moan
>you realize that the "Pillow" you had been holding was much too firm to be a pillow
>that and the obviously-not-a-pillow moan that followed the last squeeze brought you out of your groggy state
>your eyes shoot open and you glance down at where your hands are
>Derpy is snuggled under your chin sleeping soundly
>at some point Pinkie had left and put a blanket over you and Derpy, so it was difficult to tell where your hands were
>after a moment you were able to see the outline of Derpy on top of you
>Derpy was stretched across your right side, both right hooves and wing gripping you in a hug
>you trace the line of your arms down her back to where your hands rested firmly on her plot
>fuck, would it be weird if she woke up to you groping her in her sleep?
>you aren't sure about the rules of snuggle-naps with ponies
>you decide it would be best if she didn't wake up to you firmly fondling her fantastically full fanny
>you start trying to slide your hands up her lower back
>she grumbles and stirs, mumbling in her sleep
>you stop moving until her breathing becomes even again
>looks like this was going to be an interesting game of redlight-greenlight
>you eventually get your hands a safe distance up her back before she starts to wake up
>whew, all those years of redlight-greenlight in elementary school paid off
>she yawns and brings a hoof up to rub her eye as she looks at you with a groggy expression
>"oh... hi Anon! I must have fallen asleep..."
"yeah, you and Pinkie went out like lights. It was cute..."
>Derpy blushes and looks around the room
>"where's Pinkie?"
"Dunno, must have went back to work."
>Derpy looks back at you and you realize that her eyes have gone back to their previously crossed position
>weird
>you and Derpy continue to cuddle for a couple of minutes
>then you realize that you have to piss like a race horse
"Um Derps, im gonna need to get up."
>she looks up at you with a pout
>"Aww why?"
"I really have to pee"
>she blushes
>"Oh, yeah ok."
>she rolls off of you and you get up and quickly walk to Pinkie's bathroom
>Pony toilets were friggin weird
>they were basically like human toilets but a lot shorter and they had a little shelf with three seashells on it
>you never figured out how you were supposed to use the seashells and no one ever explained
>you quickly took a piss and flushed the tiny toilet before washing your hands in the sink
>you walk back out and find Pinkie talking to Derpy
>"... and then i said 'oatmeal! are you crazy!?'"
>Derpy catches sight of you as Pinkie finishes her story
>She motions for you to sit next to her and you walk over and plop down beside her
>Pinkie smiles as you sit next to Derpy, your sides touching
>"well aren't you two cozy?"
>you and Derpy blush as Pinkie giggles
>"It's fine! Snuggles are the best! So do you guys want to smoke some more?"
"Hell yeah!"
>"That sounds great!"
>Pinkie spins around and as she spins back to face you she is holding a new rainbow bud in her hoof, in a flash she grinds it up and packs your new bong
"That is an awesome trick"
>"Thanks!"
>she passes you the bong and you take a quick hit, making sure to corner the bowl like a gentleman
>as you blow out your hit you pass the bong to Derpy
>Smoooth
"So what is this strain called?"
>"It's called Sonic Rainboom, i helped name it!"
"Helped name it? did you grow it?"
>"Not by myself, i had help from Fluttershy's friend Treehugger and Granny Smith let me plant it around her Zap-Apple trees on the condition that i share. It helps her with her hip pain."
"well that's a nice arrangement! So why is it rainbow colored?"
>Pinkie blows out the hit she was holding as she passes the bong back to you
>"For some reason when you grow near zap-apple trees it turns the whole plant rainbow, i'm sure Granny Smith could tell you why."
"Maybe i can start a garden at home?"
>You look over at Derpy who is taking a hit, her eyes have straightened out again in the last few minutes and she holds the lighter and bong on her own, having figured out how to take her own hits
"What do you think Derpy, should i start growing Marijuana in the back yard?"
>She blows out her hit and looks at you
>"That would be awesome"
>she smiles at you and you smile back
>something occurs to you and you turn to Pinkie
"Wait, is it illegal in Equestria?"
>"Is what illegal?"
"Marijuana."
>"What's marijuana?"
>Pinkie looks at you and flutters her eyelashes
>you sigh
"fine... Mareijuana"
>you didn't even pronounce it differently, it sounded exactly the same but somehow the intention was clear because Pinkie stopped fluttering her eyelashes and answered your question
>"Of course it isn't illegal, it's just a plant! why would you outlaw a plant? That's just silly Nonny."
>She boops you on the nose
"Wait... so why didn't Derpy know what i was talking about when i explained what it was earlier?"
>you turn to Derpy and she perks up
>"well, when you described it earlier you called it marijuana and i had never heard that word before. I know what Mareijuana is, I just never had an opportunity to try it until now!"
>you give Derpy an incredulous look, not sure if she is just fucking with you. she seems sincere though. She just smiles back at you.
>you decide to change the subject before your brain explodes trying to figure out why there is a difference between these two words
"So you said this thing is indestructible?"
>"Yeppers! well, not completely indestructible. I'm sure that with enough magic you could break it, but you can throw it without worry and it bounces!"
>She throws the bong across the room and it bounces back
>you catch it and inspect it for damage
>not a scratch
>The bowl is still packed and the water isn't even rippling
>Magic was fucking sweet
>you decide to test it by throwing it across the room
>your heart stops for a moment as your deep-seated fear of breaking bongs takes ahold of you
>the bong arcs across the room before bouncing off the opposite wall and bounces back
>you and the girls play an impromptu game of racquetball with your new bong
>Fucking magic motherfucker
>after you finish your game you and Derpy decide it might be time to go home
>You hug Pinkie and thank her for the magic bong
>"Don't mention it Nonny! Just be sure to save some of your bud for me! As Granny Pie used to say "A friend with weed, is a friend indeed!"
>you and Derpy laugh along with Pinkie
>Pinkie leads you to the door
>"Don't be a stranger! Auntie Pinkie Pie always likes to party!"
>you and Derpy wave as you start down the street
>neither of you speak as you make your way home, content with enjoying the walk
> you look over at Derpy and smile
>today was awesome, you couldn't imagine it going any better. it was amazing how much had happened and how much you learned in one day
>you were totally going to start a grow
>you notice again how Derpy is flying straight without crashing into anything
>and maybe this was good for Derpy?
>you had no idea how pot would affect her, but it seemed to be a positive reaction
>well, now you had two great smoke buddies and a new bong
>the future looked bright
>and you might even get a chance to smoke with other ponies too if what Pinkie said was true
>if it wasn't illegal then there was a good chance that lots of ponies smoked
>maybe that's why so many of them are happy all the time?
>you and Derpy reach your home and walk in
>you place the new Magibong on the coffee table
>it looked like it belonged there
>you and Derpy spent the rest of the day sitting on the couch smoking, eating Doritos, and talking
>This was the life
 
>It’s been two weeks since your discovery of Equestrian mareijuana
>And so far they were the best two weeks of your life
>You and Derpy had fallen into a comfortable routine
>Get up in the morning
>do the quadruple S
>Shit
>Shower
>Shave
>Smoke
>These mornings were often the highlight of your day, sitting on the comfortable sofa with Derpy and a bowl of dank green
>You would talk about whatever came to mind, or simply sit in comfortable silence and bask in each-others presence
>After breakfast you would both get ready for work
>Derpy would put on her mailmare uniform, and you would slip into your work clothes
>Jeans, boots, and a dirty T-shirt
>You’re glad that Rarity was so good at making clothes, despite your form, she could make clothes that fit you perfectly.
>A quick goodbye hug with Derpy, and you are both off to work
>On the walk to Sweet Apple Acres you wave to the passing ponies
>in a relatively short time you had made friends with most of the ponies in Ponyville
>They were incredibly accepting of you, going so far as to come up to you and introduce themselves if they hadn’t met you before
>most of them had a couple of questions about what you were and where you came from
>You would explain that you are a human and you came here from earth, but you don’t really know how
>that usually got a sympathetic response
>the idea of being the only one of your kind seemed to really bother these ponies
>in fact it seemed they were more worried about it than you are
>you would explain that you were happier here than you were back home, and they would except that, but still hold that tiny glint of sadness in their eye.
>As you walk down the dirt road towards Sweet Apple Acres, you are captivated by the beauty of this world
>the trees swaying gently in the summer breeze
>the sunlight casting tiny beams of pure gold through the leaves
>the sky was an elegant blue, with puffs of fluffy white clouds spread evenly
>you would have to thank Dash for helping create such a glorious day
>one cloud looked like a muffin, causing you to break into a wide grin at the memory of Derpy shaping smoke clouds
>That day was amazing
>right after leaving Sugar Cube Corner, you went and planted a couple seeds from your bag of sour diesel
>you knew almost nothing about growing
>so you were surprised to find two little sprouts the next day
>and the day after that they were almost a foot tall!
>You eventually confronted the highest authority in the land on growing plants when, after a week, the plants came up to your waist
>Granny Smith
>You were hesitant at first, unsure if it was an appropriate topic of discussion for the matriarch of the Apple family
>But Pinkie did say that Granny allowed her to grow on the farm on the condition that she share
>And so, you brought your concerns to Granny
>She explained that Mareijuana grows to full maturity within a month, and is ready to harvest by the second month
>you were pretty sure that marijuana did not grow that quickly on earth, from what you remember it was closer to 4 months
>Fuckin’ magic
>Granny also explained how to properly tend to the plants
>Apparently there are male and female plants, and the female plant is the one that produces Buds
>She taught you how to tell the difference between the two and warned you to separate them as early as possible to avoid the females being pollinated
>You went home and were pleased to discover that both of your plants were female
>Score!
>Since then the plants have grown as tall as you, a full six feet!
>Granny might have mentioned something about “topping” the plant, but you were so excited about having females that you forgot
>You wander through the front gate of Sweet Apple Acres, lost in thought
>your thoughts are interrupted by a familiar voice, bringing your focus to the source
>”Howdy there! Beautiful day today, ain’t it?”
“Hey Applejack! And yeah, I was actually just thinking about that myself.”
>”Ya sure looked lost in thought, though I suspect it has something to do with what you’ve been smoking.”
>she winks at you and you both laugh
“So what are we doing today?”
>”Well, we gotta plant a few more saplings over in the west field and then sort the good and bad apples, other than that not much.”
“sounds good, let’s get to work!”
>The next couple of hours fly by as you and Applejack set about digging and planting the fresh saplings
>your ability to dig holes quickly, coupled with Applejack’s ability to buck a sapling into the hole with precision from 20 paces makes the work go quickly
>before you know it, it’s time for lunch
>”I reckon that should do for now, C’mon, let’s go get some grub”
>Then she reaches into her hat and withdraws a large rainbow colored cigar
>”…And maybe you could help me smoke this?”
“And what exactly is that?”
>”Just somethin’ that Pinkie and ah came up with, we saved some leaves from the last batch of Rainboom and used resin to roll this here cigar. It’s filled with the strongest bud ah’ve ever smoked”
“That sounds amazing, and I would be honored to help you smoke it!”
>”Great! Let’s head over to the barn, Granny doesn’t mind a little smoke in the house but this might be a bit much.”
>You both start on the path towards the barn when you look over to the front gate and spot a familiar mare carefully placing a stack of letters in the Apple’s mailbox
“Hey, Derpy!”
>Upon hearing her name she turns to find the source, and after spotting you she flies over to greet you
>”Well hey there Derpy! How are you today?”
>”Hello Applejack! I’ve had a great day so far, haven’t mixed up a single letter!”
“That’s great! this makes, what? Six days in a row?”
>”Yep! Hoping to make it a full week!”
>Along with being a great way to relax, you and Derpy had discovered that marijuana helped her focus, leading to less mixups and accidents
>At some point you planned to ask Twilight why that might be, but you hadn’t had an opportunity to talk with her about it yet.  
“Well, Applejack and I were just about to have a “Safety Meeting” in the barn, you want to join?”
>Both mares looked at you in confusion
>”Ah thought we were gonna smoke this here cigar?”
>You mentally smack yourself, you had never explained some of your marijuana related slang to them
“That’s actually what I was getting at. Back home my friends and I would sneak out of work to have a “Safety Meeting”, which is essentially just code for ‘let’s go hotbox Kevin’s car”
>both mares still looked slightly confused, Derpy was the first to voice her question
>”What does ‘Hotbox’ mean?”
“Basically, smoking in a small space and filling that space with smoke”
> “Oh”
>Applejack still had a confused expression
>”Why in tarnation would you need a code to go out and have a smoke?”
“Well, where I’m from marijuana is illegal, so we had to come up with creative ways to talk about it without our manager catching on”
>At this both mares looked even more confused
>Applejack was the first to speak up
>”Why would a plant be illegal? That just don’t make a lick of sense.”
“Look, it’s kinda complicated. How about we head over to the barn and I’ll try to explain”
>With that, all three of you begin to head towards the barn
 
“… and then the president was all like ‘Drugs are bad m’kay, so we should just arrest everyone that uses them’ and that’s how marijuana became illegaljuana.”
>You giggle at your own wordplay, Derpy and Applejack joining in the giggle fit
>you were all sitting in a circle, using haybales as seats
>you were probably only ¼ of the way through Applejack’s massive blunt
>but you were fucking blitzed
>you could not remember a time when you were higher
>looking at your two companions, you could tell that they weren’t fairing much better
>Applejack was currently staring into space holding the blunt
>And Derpy was looking intently at a ladybug that had landed on her hoof
“Hey Applejack, pass the blunt”
>hearing her name, she turned and focused on you, seemingly trying to process your words
>”What’s a Blunt?”
>the question was so out of left field that it took a moment to understand what she was asking
>right, ponies don’t have slang
“Well, that is a blunt”
>You say pointing at the colorfully wrapped blunt
>”really? I always thought it was a cigar”
>she passed it to you and you took a hit before responding
“Technically it kinda is. On earth a cigar is filled with tobacco, and a blunt is filled with weed”
>You take another hit before passing it to Derpy on your left
>you see Applejack mouthing the word ‘blunt’ to herself, apparently enjoying the way it rolled off the tongue
>”Ah’ve heard people say that I can be pretty blunt, but I guess I also know how to roll a pretty blunt!”
>at this Applejack bursts into laughter at her joke, forcing you to laugh and causing Derpy to choke on her hit and start coughing
>for a moment you all share a laugh
>this was great
>the sound of the barn door opening nearly caused you to jump out of your skin, fearing that you had been caught in the act
>Old habits die hard I guess
>after a moment of waiting for your heart to stop pounding you turn to see who it was
>Standing in the doorway was Applebloom
>”Geez, it’s really smoky in here, ah can barely see y’all!”
>you looked around the room and noticed how thick the smoke was
>good thing you’re in the barn
>Applebloom wandered closer to your tiny circle and sat down next to Applejack
>”So what are you smoking?”
>Applejack is the first to respond
>”Just some of that Sonic Rainboom that Pinkie grew last year, what’s it to you?”
>Applejack gave her sister a stern questioning glance
>”Can Ah have some?”
>you look up at Applejack to see her expression change from stern to exasperated
>”We’ve been over this Applebloom, not until yer older!”
>”B-but why not?”
>”for the same reason you can’t have any hard cider yet, it’s bad for you”
>”But you’re doing it! So why can’t ah?”
>Applejack heaved an exasperated sigh
>”Look, sugarcube, you can’t have any because your body isn’t done maturing yet. If you started drinking and smoking now, it could affect your development. Granny and ah didn’t start smoking until we were adults, and you should do the same. I’m not saying no just because ah can, but because ah want you to grow up big and strong! Heck you probably shouldn’t even be in here with all this smoke! Why did you come out here anyways?”
>Applebloom looked slightly dejected but accepted Applejack’s response
>”Granny wanted me to tell y’all that lunch was ready”
>at the mention of food, all three of your stomachs started growling
>”Well, you run along and tell granny that we’ll be coming in shortly”
>with that, Applebloom hopped off of the haybale and walked out the door
>Applejack turned back to you and Derpy
>”Well, we should probably try and finish this ‘blunt’ before going in. And you’re welcome to eat lunch with us Derpy, Granny always makes too many apple-fritters and we could use the help.”
> Derpy’s stomach responded before she could, giving out a deep growl
>You and Applejack laughed while Derpy sat looking sheepish
>”Ah guess that settles that, lets hurry up and finish this thing so we can eat”
>The next five minutes were spent desperately trying to power through the massive blunt, punctuated with short coughing fits
>eventually the beast was conquered and the three of you started heading out the door
>Derpy turned back to look into the barn at the mass of smoke
>”Talk about a ‘Hotbox’!”
>she turned to you as she said this and wiggled her eyebrows, causing you to laugh at her antics
>then you both wandered towards the house for some delicious apple-fritters
 
>These apple-fritters are the best fucking thing in the entire galaxy
>you marvel at how they can be so perfectly crispy on the outside, and so gooey and delicious on the inside
>each bite is seriously the closest you’ve come to having an orgasm while eating
>the flavor is sweet, yet tart. Balancing the two flavors in a perfect harmony
>on the inside you hear the beautiful singing of angels
>on the outside, one would wonder how you can breathe with so many fritters in your mouth
>”Slow down there sonny, don’t want you to choke on MY cooking!”
>you look at Granny sheepishly and swallow the mouthful you had been chewing
“Sorry Granny, these fritters are the bomb though!”
>”Thank ya kindly, always nice to see somepo- someone enjoying my cooking so thoroughly!”
>you glance around the table and see that Derpy and Applejack were in the same boat as you
>both had their mouths stuffed with fritters, and were chewing with their eyes closed, in a state of absolute bliss
>looking at the other side of the table you find Big Mac and Applebloom eating at a more acceptable pace, taking their time to properly chew and swallow
>Applebloom still looks a bit miffed about her conversation with Applejack earlier
>you feel for her, but at the same time Applejack is right, she is too young to be smoking and drinking
>you finish the fritters on your plate and excuse yourself from the table
>Derpy and Applejack barely seem to notice through their fritter-induced bliss
>You walk out to the porch and sit down on the front stoop, looking out across the apple trees that gave the farm it’s name
>after a few moments you hear the door open again and turn around expecting to see Derpy or Applejack
>Instead you are met with the sour face of Applebloom
>she plods over to where you sit and plops herself down beside you
>for a moment neither of you say anything, looking out across the trees
>Eventually Applebloom seems to make up her mind and speaks up
>”Looks like y’all were really enjoying them fritters”
>There is a small bit of frustration in her words
“Well, they are the best fritters in all of Equestria!”
>”Yeah I guess so”
>another moment passes in silence before she speaks up again
>”I just don’t understand! That stuff makes you all so happy, you have so much fun together when you smoke, why can’t ah try it? Why can’t I be happy and have fun like you do!?”
>the sudden intensity of her words catches you off guard
>You look down to find tears welling up in her eyes
>”Ah just wanna be happy like you”
>looking down at this sad filly, you find yourself remembering a time when you thought the same thing
>if everyone else was doing it, why couldn’t you?
>being excluded from something can feel terrible, even if you don’t really care about the thing you’re excluded from
>”ah just don’t understand why it makes everyone so damn happy!”
>after a moment of collecting your thoughts, you place a hand on Applebloom’s mane and ruffle it gently
>she slowly calms down at your touch, her breathing becoming more even
“When you hang out with your friends, what do you feel?”
>The question catches her off guard and she looks at you questioningly
>seeing that you are waiting for her response she thinks about the question
>”ah dunno, we have fun I guess…”
“your friends bring you joy right?”
>”Yeah, I guess so”
“What about when you and your friends discover a new talent to try?”
>”We don’t do that anymore now that we’ve got our cutiemarks”
>to prove her point she shows you her cutiemark
“Right, well what about when you discovered that? How did you feel?”
>”Ah guess I was pretty excited and happy”
“Exactly! Nothing beats the excitement of a new discovery! You may not understand now, but every day you are learning and discovering new things about yourself and the world around you, whether it be a bug you’ve never seen before, or a feeling you’ve never had before. Each day is a new adventure when you’re growing up, every moment a new experience that shapes you into the pony you will become. But when you do eventually grow up, you’ll find it harder and harder to have that thrill of discovery. As we grow older we experience more and more things until eventually it seems like you’ve seen it all. At that point it’s easy to miss out on the good things in life, simply because you feel that it’s been done before and isn’t worth doing again. Kinda like smelling a flower once and expecting every flower after that to smell the same, so why smell any new flowers if you already know what it smells like?”
>”Well that’s just plain dumb”
“Yes, yes it is”
>”Flowers have all kinds of different smells! Why would anypony just assume that every flower smells the same as the first one?”
“And that, my dear Applebloom, is a great question. Why would anyone think that their first experience with something would be the same every time after that? If I had stopped eating apple fritters after burning my tongue on the first one, assuming that every fritter after that would be the same experience, you would think I’m crazy”
>”Ah do think yer crazy”
>she gives you a big shit-eating grin and you put her in a headlock and ruffle her mane
“So, do you see what I’m getting at?”
>After a moment of thought Appleboom spoke
>”So when ponies get older they experience new things until eventually those experiences stop being new to them?”
“Pretty much”
>”that’s dumb… but what does that have to do with smoking mareijuana?”
“I’m getting to that”
>Applebloom gave a harrumph and folded her hooves, creating an adorable frustrated face
>”Then get on with it!”
>you chuckle at her rudeness and collect your thoughts
“when you’re an adult, the world stops being a wondrous place of discovery, and instead becomes routine. Everything is already known and life becomes boring. This is why adults smoke marijuana, to recapture that feeling of discovery and joy, to experience life as though they were a child again. When you’re high, it’s like you see the world with fresh eyes, things that you’ve done a million times before suddenly become more interesting. Trees that you see every day become works of art, the sounds of a calm summer day become a symphony played just for you. In short, the world becomes a wondrous place of joy and discovery again.”
>you finish speaking and look back out at the orchard, watching the trees sway back and forth to the music of life
>Applebloom looks out at the trees and you can tell that she is looking at it differently than before
>”So what you’re sayin’ is that ah don’t need to smoke mareijuana because ah’m still experiencing new things?”
“Pretty much”
>”Huh…I guess that makes sense”
>you both continue looking out at the orchard, listening to the singing of birds and the sounds of tiny critters running through the forest
>”you’re pretty cool, thanks”
>Before you knew what was happening, you found yourself on the receiving end of a vicious hug
>for a moment you are stunned, having never been called ‘cool’ before
>you return the hug, pulling Applebloom off the ground and squeezing her tight
>after the appropriate amount of time you set her back down and she smiles at you before going inside
>Applejack and Derpy pass her on the way out
>”She seems happier, you didn’t let her smoke any did you?”
>Applejack fixes you with a stern glare
“No, nothing like that. Just the right words at the right time I guess”
>”Well thank you sugarcube, ah was worried ah would have to have another talk with her”
“No problem, sometimes people need to hear advice from someone other than family.”
>”I should probably get back to delivering mail. Thanks for letting me stay for lunch Applejack!”
>”Anything for a friend Derpy, see you later!”
>Derpy flew up to you and gave you a long hug before flying off with a smile
>she waved at you as she passed the gate and you waved back
>”You two are getting mighty friendly.”
>Applejack gives you a smug smile, one eyebrow raised
>You feel your face heat up and struggle to find a response
>upon seeing you in your flustered state, Applejack chuckles lightly
>”Relax, ah’m just messin’ with ya”
>you calm down a little, but the blush stays
“W-we’re just roommates, and friends”
>”Well, ah wouldn’t blame ya if ya did start dating. She’s a beautiful mare, and those hips look great for pounding”
>you choke on your own spit and start coughing, the blush intensifying
“What the hell Applejack?”
>”What? Ah just call ‘em as ah see ‘em”
>she still has that smug look on her face
>Bitch
>”C’mon, lets get started sorting those apples, ah wanna be done before supper”
>She starts trotting towards the barn, leaving you standing on the porch alone
>The thought of Derpy laid out in front of you, cheeks flushed and shooting you bedroom eyes, assaults your mind
>U-unf
>No, bad Anon. Don’t think about your best friend and roommate like that, it’s lewd!
>you doubt that Derpy feels that way about you
>how could she?
>you’re a six foot tall hairless ape, what could she love about that?
>You were just roommates and friends, and that’s final
>you are broken out of your thoughts by Applejack
>”Get a move on!”
>you shake your head to clear your thoughts and jog over to the barn to get started on that apple sorting
>You and Derpy sit at your small dinner table, eating spaghetti
>you both quietly chew, the silence settling over you like a thick blanket
>Derpy keeps glancing at you and back down to her food, almost as though she wants to say something but isn’t sure how to start
>you wait, hoping that she figures out what she wants to say before you ask her what’s up
>after another five minutes of uncomfortable silence you decide that she needs a push
“You ok Derpy? You look like you’ve got something on your mind.”
>your sudden question startles her and sends her plate crashing to the floor
>her reaction is immediate
>”sorry, sorry, sorry… I’ll clean it up”
>she rushes to the kitchen and grabs the broom and dust pan, apologizing the whole way
>she starts trying to push the spaghetti and plate shards into the dustpan
>she manages to get the majority of it into the pan, but in the process, she has smeared spaghetti sauce all over the floor
>as she frantically tries to sweep up the mess, you stand and walk over to her and settle a hand on her shoulder
>she stops what she’s doing and just stares at the floor
“What’s wrong Derpy? You haven’t had an accident like that in over a week. And don’t tell me that you’re fine, because I know you aren’t”
>you crouch down to her level and try to make eye contact
>she avoids your gaze, instead opting to stare at the floor
>after another long moment of silence, you speak again
“You know you can tell me anything right? I’m always here for you, that’s what friends are for!”
>at the word ‘friends’ you see her visibly flinch
>she slowly looks up at you with tears in her eyes
>”I…I just….”
>she starts crying before she can finish and you pull her in for a hug
>after a couple of minutes she calms down, you lightly stroke her mane as she catches her breath
>she gently pulls away from you and looks you in the eyes
>the moment stretches into an eternity as your eyes meet
>she leans forward and suddenly you feel her lips on yours
>at first you are surprised, having never expected something like this
>the moment of surprise is brief, and you feel yourself leaning into the kiss
>your arms gently pull her closer, deepening the kiss
>you feel her wings wrap around you like a soft blanket
>you had never felt such joy until now
>the kiss was brief, but felt like an eternity
>when you both finally broke away, it took a long moment for you to come to your senses
>when you finally open your eyes you find a beaming Pegasus in your arms
>”I love you Anon”
>you are touched by her words and feel your mouth opening before you have time to form a thought
“I lov-“
>you are interrupted by the sound of someone calling your name
>you look at Derpy questioningly and she sits with an expectant expression, waiting for your next words
“Did you hear that?”
>”hear what?”
>you suddenly feel something on your shoulder, shaking it roughly
>the world begins to fade to black, and the last thing you see before fading away is Derpy’s worried face
>you awake with a start, finding yourself in a place you don’t recognize
>or maybe you do recognize it?
>as you come to your senses you become aware of someone standing beside you
>and not just anyone, it’s your old friend Kevin!
>But wait, when did he get here?
>you realize that he is speaking to you and you tune into what he is saying
>”… like a hibernating bear, I thought I would need the hose to wake you up. Anyway, I’m late for work, just lock up before you leave. See ya!”
>and with that he walked out the door closing it behind him
>as your mind continues booting up you take in your surroundings
>you sit on an old couch in the living room of your friend’s house
>on the coffee table in front of you sits your old bong, in perfect condition.
>on the Tv is an episode of My Little Pony, the intro song just starting
>You’re still on Earth?
>how can you still be on earth?!
>you reach across the table and pick up your bong, examining it
>a memory of Derpy holding your backpack with the shattered remains inside flashes across your mind
>It was all a dream?
>No
>NO
>NOOOO!
>you throw the bong across the room, shattering it on the opposite wall
>your eyes well up with tears as the reality of the situation hits you
>It was all a dream, you had never left earth
>you feel sick as your heart is swamped with a variety of emotions
>anger
>pain
>sorrow
>you begin to weep openly for the loss of a world that didn’t exist
>all of your friends
>Never existed
>Ponyville
>Never existed
>Sweet Apple Acres
>NEVER EXISTED
>Derpy
>your heart clenches at the thought of that beautiful mare
>your tears come hard and fast
>your breathing is uncontrollable as you sob
>She wasn’t real, she never was
>she was just something that your mind made up
>memories of you and her together flash across your mind
>smoking
>laughing
>simply lounging around the house
>None of it ever happened
>You never told her that you loved her
>that thought only made you cry harder
>she may not have been real, but she deserved to know how you felt
>if not for her, then for you
>But that didn’t matter anymore
>none of it mattered
>You were home
>and you hated it
>you cried for what felt like hours
>your heart simply couldn’t handle the thought of losing the mare you loved
>and so, you cried
 
>after an eternity of tears you fruitlessly try to pull yourself together
>it had all seemed so real, so genuine
>if you didn’t know any better, you would think that this world was the dream and Equestria was the reality
>At that thought, you felt something warm and soft gently settle across your shoulders
>”So this is what the human world is like, I can see why you prefer Equestria”
>you look to your left and find Princess Luna sitting on the couch beside you
>she has one wing extended across your shoulders in a half-hug, as she examines the room around you
>”I didn’t expect this place to be so… Dirty”
>your expression must have been one of wonder as she turned to look at you
>”you should close your mouth, or else a bird will build a nest in it”
>she extended a hoof and gently closed your mouth for you
>you finally started to come to your senses and quickly reached over to pull her into a firm hug
>At first she was surprised, but after a moment she returned the hug, humming softly
>the fur against your cheek was soft and warm
>she was real
>and If she was real
>Derpy was real
>this was just a nightmare
>the relief you felt was immense, almost bringing you to tears again
>the hug only lasted for a short time, but it was enough for you to calm down and think clearly
>”So, the only human in Equestria has nightmares about going home. Would you like to talk about it?”
>you pulled away from Luna and smiled at her
“Yeah, I think I would like that”
>you look at the shattered remains of the bong across the room
“But first”
>the pieces began to vibrate before flying back together and settling on the coffee table
>before you sat your bong in all it’s glory, with no indication that it had been broken
>you also conjured up a bag of weed and a lighter
>you pack the bowl and have the bong half-way to your lips when a thought occurs to you
“Can you get high in a dream?”
>you turn to Luna for an answer and find her staring at you in mild disbelief
>for a moment she simply stares before realizing you asked a question
>”oh..um… yes?”
>she composes herself and forms a better response
>”In the dream world, anything is possible. The only limit is the dreamer’s ability to shape it to their will. So in short, if you want to get high, then you should be able to get high”
>you think on her words for a second before coming to a realization
>you can do anything!
>immediately the room around you began to shift
>and after a couple of seconds it reforms
>you are no longer in your friend’s home
>you are now 10,000 ft above the ground looking out at the Rocky Mountains
>the coffee table is still in front of you and the couch you sit on hasn’t changed
>but the view is incredible
>you take a hit from the bong and gaze out at the vast peaks and valleys
>you look over to Luna and find her sitting with a wondrous expression as she takes in the view
>you nudge her and she focuses on you
>you hold out the bong and after a moment of debate she takes it from you in her magic and takes a hit
>She holds it in for a second and lets it out in a large cloud, which joins the other clouds floating around you
“Welcome to the Mile High Club!”
>she looks at you in confusion for a moment, then shrugs it off
>”Talk about getting high”
>you both chuckle at the lame puns
>”so this is Earth?”
“Yep, specifically these are the Rocky Mountains. I saw them once from an airplane when I was a kid. That image stuck with me for the rest of my life for some reason”
>”They are quite beautiful, I can see why they would make a lasting impression. I’m surprised that you have such control over the dreamscape, only a handful of ponies in history could boast such power, myself included. And yet you do it with such ease, as though it were second nature.”
>she looks at you curiously, as though examining you for the first time
“I have a good imagination I guess. I learned how to lucid dream when I was young, but kinda forgot about it when I started smoking. I read somewhere that marijuana changes how you sleep, something about not spending as long in REM sleep, which is why you don’t have dreams when you smoke. I don’t know”
>”Either way, it is a gift. A gift that most ponies would do anything for”
>she passed the bong back and you took another hit
>you were actually starting to feel it
>but it felt different somehow
>almost, artificial
>still good though
>Looking over at Luna you catch her mane flowing in a non-existent breeze, the stars twinkling and flashing
>this gave you an idea
>raising your hand you slowly drag it across the sky, turning day into night
>the stars shone brightly, and the milky-way flowed like a river across the sky
>Again Luna’s face was full of wonder
>you had noticed that the stars in Equestria were different than the view from Earth, leaving you to wonder if Equestria was just in a galaxy far away, or another plain of existence altogether
>”Wow”
>that was all she could muster through her amazement
>you could see her trying to count the stars, taking in every detail she could
>this was her element
>and you were somehow blowing her away
>after a few minutes (or was it hours? dream time was weird) of looking at the stars, she spoke
>”This world is beautiful, Why does the thought of returning cause you so much anguish?”
>you take another hit from the bong and try to form a response
“I guess because here, I was a nobody. Just another face in the crowd. I didn’t have too many friends, and the ones I did have didn’t stay in contact after highschool… Kevin only continued hanging out with me because he was my dealer. In this world, it was unlikely that I would ever become successful or find real happiness. That’s just the way of life for humans. You’re born, thrown into a world of chaos and expected to float without ever being told how to swim. Most humans stumble through life, never really finding meaning, and then they die. That’s just the way it is…”
>you look over at Luna and see she has tears in her eyes
>damn these ponies were emotional
>”That is probably the saddest thing I have ever heard”
“I guess”
>”So, do you think that you will find happiness and meaning in Equestria?”
>you ponder her question for a moment
>did you think that you could find meaning in Equestria?
>you were certainly happy there
>But what purpose did you serve there?
“I-I don’t know”
>Luna gazes at you sadly, then perks up as a thought occurs to her
>she seems conflicted over the thought
>after a couple of seconds she comes to a conclusion and turns to you
>”I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but I can think of one purpose you serve in Equestria”
>you look at her questioningly
>”more specifically, one mare”
>you still hold a confused expression and Luna huffs at your density
>”Derpy Hooves”
“Oooh… wait, what exactly do you mean by that?”
>”Well, before entering your dream I was helping a certain grey mare through a nightmare of her own. Can you guess what her nightmare was about?”
>you must have looked clueless because Luna continued
>”she was dreaming about you, more specifically she was having a nightmare about losing you. She was absolutely heartbroken at the thought of you returning to Earth, and in a similar state as you were when I found you. You may not know this, but that mare loves you more than anything in the universe, and would do anything for you”
>it took a moment for you to digest what Luna was saying
>so Derpy really did love you!
>and based on your nightmare earlier, you couldn’t stand the thought of being without her
>you loved her
“So what you’re saying is that my purpose in Equestria is to make Derpy happy?”
>”pretty much”
>you feel a sense of Déjà vu wash over you
“Well, then that’s all the reason I need to stick around!”
>”Splendid! When you wake up, tell Derpy I said Hi!”
>the world started to fade around you as you began to wake up
>one more question lingers in your head and you turn to ask Luna
“What happened to your ‘ye olde’ speak?”
>”Oh, I’ve been taking speaking classes, trying to catch up with the times. Now I only slip into the royal ‘we’ when I am drunk or angry”
“Huh”
>that was the last thing you said as the world faded to black and you opened your eyes
>you were lying in your bed in your small home
>what a crazy dream
>you remembered it more clearly than any dream you ever had
>you feel something soft and fluffy brush across your arm
>Lifting the covers you discover Derpy sleeping soundly beside you
>this wasn’t especially odd, she would come in and sleep with you if she had a nightmare sometimes
>knowing what you know now, her behavior made much more sense
>reaching over you draw her closer and she snuggles into your side, wrapping her hooves around your midsection
>You scratch between her ears, kiss her on the forehead, and whisper into her ear
“I love you”
>she smiles in her sleep and hugs you tighter
>a feeling of contentment washes over you
>your eyes slowly close and you drift into restful sleep