>"Anon, please!"
"Fuck off, bookhorse. We're done for today."
>The small purple equine frantically trotted alongside you as you made your way to the door.
>"But we've only gotten done with half of the scheduled experiments for tonight!"
"Twilight, we've done |five hundred| spell tests. How you even |came up| with a thousand experiments, let alone expected to get them done in a single night, is beyond me."
>Reaching the door, you turn and place a finger at the end of her nose, halting her movement.
"Now I'm going home, and going to bed. Because I am a very tired human."
>You open the door and step across the threshold.
"Goodnight."
>Before any further protesting could be done, you close the door on her pleading purple face.
>God damn, you love that little thaumaturge to death, but sometimes she could just drive you right up the wall.
>No matter, she'll calm down by tomorrow.
>Speaking of, judging by the position of the moon, you better get home before tomorrow beats you to it.
 
>Absentmindedly shed clothing forms a trail to your bed; the solace of many at the end of a stressful day.
>You're down to boxers, an undershirt, and your tie (which was being a bastard again) by the time you reach the edge of the bed.
>You have no choice but to leave it, for the second your shin touches the covers, you lose all motor control and collapse facefirst into its sweet downy embrace.
>The world melts away to peaceful nothingness as your conscious mind signs off for the day.
 
>The lights flick on.
>"SURPRISE!!!"
>What the fuck.
>With great pain, you wrench your eyes open once more.
>Your house is full of ponies.
>All of them staring at you, grinning madly.
>Is this how you die?
>One of them, who your addled mind managed to piece together as Pinkie Pie, is holding a cake.
>It reads "Happy Anniversary!" in fancy frosting letters.
>You succinctly express your current emotional state.
"What the fuck."
>The pink horse of torment giggles.
>"Not fuck, silly. Cake!"
>Damn, you could go for some fuck.
>Or some sleep.
>Perhaps both?
>Reluctantly, you sit up on the bed, and work on getting to the bottom of this.
"What is this?"
>Pink giggles again.
>"It's your anniversary, silly!"
"Anniversary of what?"
>"Anniversary of the first day you came to Equestria, silly!"
>You blink wearily.
"I got here a week ago."
>Twilight pops up from the crowd.
>"The party is partially to celebrate your astonishing rate of adaptation. Pinkie wanted it to be super special, so I had us do all those experiments to give her time to prepare."
>At least that explains why so many of them involved balancing things on your nose.
>Your father was a seal.
>Rarity says words.
"Twilight is right, dear. Why, just look at your marvelous home! I think it's safe to say no normal pony could build such a place in such a short amount of time."
>You reaffix your half-aware gaze on the horse of fancy.
"My house came with me. Crushed the town hall. It's teetering precariously on top of the building's remains."
>"Uh, speakin' of that", Applejack pipes up, "Should we really have this many ponies in here at once like this?"
>Your house groans in protest of continuing this charade.
"My house makes a very good point. You should all get out."
>Pinkie looks as crushed as Mayor Mare, Celestia rest her soul.
>"But I spent all night setting up the party! Don't you want to celebrate?"
"No. Get out."
>"Surely you won't turn down a slice of cake?"
>She prods at your mouth with the confection.
"I would. Get out."
>"Pleeeease?"
>She gives you those big sad puppy dog eyes.
>You sigh.
"Fine."
>"Hooray!"
>She does a flip.
>The cake remains upright the entire time.
>You stand, grab your pillow, and start to make your way through the sea of ponies you hardly even know to the other side of the room.
>The house tilts a few degrees to that side.
>"Wait, where are you going?" Twilight inquires inquisitively.
"I'm getting out, since none of you will."
>You open the door, and deftly climb back down the shattered remnants of the town hall, leaping from place to place with unconscious familiarity.
>Your mother was a mountain goat.
>How are you even human?
>You set out on your quest to get some fucking sleep.
>Surely there was some place you could get some sleep in this crazy town.
 
"Hey, Rainbow! Wake up!"
>After a moment, light floods out the window of the cloud house floating far above, and a spectral-maned blue head pokes out.
>"Anon? What is it?"
"Can I sleep here for the night? The rest of the town is being dumb again."
>"Uhh, sure I guess."
"Awesome."
>Silence for a moment.
>"So, are you going to come inside, or..."
"I know we're both half asleep, but you know I can't fly, right?"
>"Oh, yeah. That is a problem."
>She thinks for a moment.
>"Oh! I know."
>Taking off from the window, she flies to the top of her house, and pushes it to the ground in front of you.
"Thanks."
>You walk through the closed door with a pliff, the clouds reforming behind you.
>She opens the door before coming in like a common plebeian.
>"I don't really have a guest bed, so you'll have to sleep on the floor."
"I can deal."
>You drop your pillow to the cumulus floor, which was probably by all means more comfortable than your actual bed.
>Letting relief once again wash over you, you turn and fall to this empyrean vessel that would gently whisk you away to slumber.
 
>You lay on the cold, hard ground immediately below Rainbow's house for a few moments.
"This isn't working."
>"I could have told you that before you came inside."
"I'm sure you get plenty of chances."
>Standing back up despite your body's every protest, you pick up your pillow and walk through the wall.
 
>You inflict three sharp raps on the small wooden door.
>After a moment, a much less blindingly colored pegasus answers, rubbing sleep from her eyes.
>"Anon? It's very late, is something wrong?"
"Yes, very much. I am dead tired and can't find a quiet place to sleep. Can I stay here the night?"
>"Well, of course you can. Come on in, I'll get the couch ready."
 
>You lay on the couch, eyes wide open.
>Several macaws and toucans and other loud asshole birds are squawking incessantly.
>The entire house smells like unwashed animals.
>You think you stepped in something on the way in.
>You are currently the small spoon to a large grizzly bear.
"This isn't working."
 
>Door, meet knuckles.
>The door flees your powerful knocking.
>A tiny yellow apple answers the door.
>"Anon? I thought you was at that big party everypony was at, it bein' fer you an' all."
"Party stupid. Need sleep. Bed?"
>"Ya can sleep in the barn if ya like."
 
>Holy shit, fuck hay.
>You had no idea anything could be this itchy.
>And you once rubbed ant pheromones all over your body in an attempt to gain super strength, or perhaps some extra arms.
>Man, last Saturday was a trip.
>Still not sure how that ended in horseworld.
>No matter, you needed to find a more comfortable bedding.
>Maybe there was some softer hay in the loft?
>You take your pillow in your teeth and begin ascending the ladder.
>Cresting the top, you come upon Big Mac, balls deep in a cow.
>"Uh, ah can explain."
>"Big Mac, why'd ya stop? Oh! Hello there!"
"Thhs hssnt hhrkhng."
 
>You drag your pillow behind you as you make your way across the darkened town, in search of your salvation.
>Eventually, an energetic white unicorn bounces up beside you, regarding you from behind a pair of rose-tinted glasses.
>"Hey Anon, didn't take you for a night owl. ...Whoa, you look terrible, is there anything I can do to help?"
"Are you a bed?"
>"No, but I have one."
 
>The instant the door is opened, your hair is blown back by the force of the music emanating from within.
>Vinyl has to shout over it  to even be heard.
>"Come on in! Bed's this way!"
>You remain motionless.
>Slowly, you reach over and close the door, caging the cacophonous beast once more.
>For a moment you both stand in silence, staring at the door.
"I have no idea what I was expecting."
>"You know, I don't either."
"How did she even get up into the hayloft anyway?"
>"Beg pardon?"
"Nothing."
 
>You are basically out of options at this point.
>Desperate for a reprieve, you make for your final hope.
>The castle looms in the distance.
 
>"Anonymous? What are you doing here? And why are you wearing so little clothing? Did you–"
>You put a finger to the Princess of the night's lips, shushing her.
"Luna, I just walked all the way from Ponyville in my underwear. Sleep has been abolished there, so I seek refuge. Can you accommodate me for the night?"
>She looks apprehensive.
>"We are sorry, Anonymous, but..."
>The sun rises.
>"...The night is over."
>You blink, staring directly at the burning orb of day at the horizon.
>You turn back to Luna, a deranged grin overtaking your disheveled face.
"Nonsense. The night is right here."
>"Excuse me? Wait, what are you–"
>Grabbing hold of the princess' starry mane, you envelop yourself in it, climbing onto her back at the same time.
>You quickly get comfortable, and at long last, drift away to sleep.
 
>"Sister? Why is Anonymous sleeping in your mane?"
>"Be quiet."