>Be anon
>Be in magical horseland prison
>Be exactly where you want to be
>that’s right you’re here on purpose
> because in here you’re nobody
>“don’t think like that anon you’re somebody to me!”
>you give cookies a quizzical glance
>fucking mind reading horses
“Don’t worry cookies, it’s more fun if I’m nobody”
>cookies tilts her head, a little bit confused “whatever you say Mr. Anon”
“I’ve told you, anon is fine enough”
>these ponies, you conquer a few nations for Celestia start a few multibillion bit businesses and suddenly you’re “sir” or “mister” or sometimes “lord and savior”
>It’s too much sometimes
>it’s one of the reasons you’re here
>“come on mr- sorry, anon time to get out of here it’s lunch time!”
“Well then, I’d hate to keep the warden waiting”
>that’s the other reason, god damn is the food here good
>she steps out of your studio apartment/high security cell and you soon follow to find twenty-five guards posted by the door
“hello boys! Lovely day isn’t it?”
>none of them respond
>they never do
>dicks
“a few unfamiliar faces aren’t there cookies?”
>“They upped security after your last… attempt hospitalized a few guards”
>god damn it now you made her sad
>god damn it now you’ve got to fix this
>you kneel down and take her cheek in one hand
“hey, I’m sorry about them”
>you’re kinda not, who jumps in the way of a zamboni?
“but if I escape for real this time then no one will get hurt anymore will they?”
>she giggles, pushing you away with a hoof
>“come on, the warden will have my cutie mark if we’re any more late”
>the two of you make your way to the mess together
 
 
 
>at a table in the mess sits the warden
>surrounded by ten more guards
>she’s got a tray set out for both you and cookies
>with pudding
>fucking sweet
>“Hiya anon! hey Cookie!”
>both you and cookies visibly flinch, she can be a bit excitable, especially on days like today
“Hello warden”
>“gonna have a fun breakout today anon?”
>hell fucking yeah you are
“Hell fucking yeah I am!”
>“Anon! language!”
>you flinch again
“Sorry cookies”
>everyone begins to eat shortly after
>okay you get excitable on days like today too
>it’s not every day you try to escape prison
>only about every Tuesday
>The Warden loves the chase, hunting you down after you’ve escaped
>cookies loves trying to get in between you and freedom
>“Any hints for us this time?”
>cookies’ ears visibly perk up at this
>though she pretends to be very interested in the carrots in her lunch
>cookies loves trying to get in between you and freedom
“I don’t know if I should, this one could go so wrong so fast”
>that gets cookies to look at you
>but you’re looking the other way, pretending to deeply considerer the hint
>“awww please? I don’t know if I can wait any longer!”
>like you could ever deny them, being left in the dark would eat them alive for the next couple of hours
“alright, I’d do you both good to have a bird’s eye view of the prison when it goes down”
>of course you mean that the aviary grants a perfect view of exit you’ll be walking out of, but by the time they’ll figured it out you’ll be in the carriage outside and ready to leave
>“bird’s eye view… is anyone scheduled to use the hot air balloon tonight Warden?”
>the warden puts a hoof on her chin and thinks for a moment
>“I don’t think so… I could have it ready in a few hours!”
>foolish, foolish ponies
>you almost feel bad for tricking them
>almost
>but you’re going to escape, and this one will be fun
 
 
 
>Be cookies
>it’s been a few hours since lunch and you’re waiting outside anon’s room
>he’ll be making his move anytime now
>you can barely contain your excitement
>sheer professionalism stops you from trotting in place
>stealing a glance at the other guards tells you they’re not nearly as excited, some even look scared
>you can’t blame them after last week, it got a bit out of hand
>six guards were hospitalized from his high jacked zamboni with pool noodles jutting out
>two with boo-boos, three with some serious ouchies
>the last one fainted when he realized someone stole his pool noodles
>you shudder
>this one will be different though!
>you’ll catch him this time
>then you won’t be tied with the warden anymore
>you’ve just got to catch him before he leaves
>and catch him you will
>the other guards seem to be really nervous
>wow they’re sweating lot
>you’re sweating a lot too
>but... you’re not nervous
>something drips onto your head
>a weird yellow substance
>you lick it
>butter is dripping from the ceiling?
>you look up
>celestia’s beard that’s a lot of butter
>the ceiling is bending inwards with the weight of the butter
>[spoiler]pick related but about 100 times bigger[/spoiler]
>anon’s work no doubt
>better radio the warden
“Warden, come in Warden, it looks like anon started, there’s butter-”
>OH CELESTIA THAT’S SO MUCH MORE BUTTER THAN YOU COULD’VE IMAGINED
>IT’S A TITLE WAVE OF BUTTER
 
 
 
>be anon
>be in your underwear and nothing else
>the thermostat’s been at 100 since you set it a few hours ago
>this particular escape attempt took a lot of planning, starting three weeks ago with 600 pounds of butter being “accidentally” added to the shopping list
>you’ve been planting all of it in key locations around the prison sine two break outs ago
>now you’re buttering yourself up with what’s left
>now that you’re sufficiently buttered, you check out your cell window
“she should be… right about… there!”
>the warden is about a mile high in the hot air balloon
>it cost you a lot to get Cherry Berry to give up her balloon reservations
>eight whole pudding cups!
>but it was worth it
>now you just have to wait
>just wait
>you hear a massive splash accompanied by various screams
“finally”
>you stand up and start towards the door
>you hesitate with your hand on the door handle
>why the hell is it called a handle if you’re the only one here with hands?
>you shrug and open the door
>there stand cookies and the other guards
>most of them are lamenting over their coat and manes being covered in butter
>but not cookies
>she’s staring right at you, looking like she’s about to pounce
>that’s why she’s your favorite
>she gets shit done
>you break into a sprint
 
>be the warden
>be talking into your radio
“cookies could you repeat that? Cookies? Cookies! COOOOOKIES!”
>anon must have gotten to her
>oh, you’re getting another call on the radio
>oh, now you’re getting five or six
“One at a time! What’s going on.”
> “Ma’am, we’re knee deep in butter in the cellblock 3!”
>that’s anon’s cellblock
>“there’ also butter in hallways A D and E”
>wait, why those hallways? Unless…
>oh no
>he’s carving himself a path to the front door with butter
“ok, I need everypony from cellblocks 1 and 4 outside ready outside the-”
>you’re interrupted by somepony groaning into their radio
>“Miss Warden? all of us in cellblock 1 have some really bad tummy aches”
>what
>“same goes for cellblock 4”
>WHAT
>ok, its okay, I need to calm down
>cellblock 2 is cut off by butter hallways, everypony else in indisposed, and you’re five hundred feet in the air…
“THAT DASTARDLY MONKEY HAS RUINED EVERYTHING!”
>you were so close to breaking that tie with cookies too
>looks like you’ve got to do this yourself
“Balloon operator! I need you to-”
>where did she go?
>you peer over the side to see her parachuting down
>I wonder how many pudding cups it cost anon to put her up to that
 
>be Warm Draft, local hot air balloon operator
>OH GOD YOU SHOULD HAVE ASKED FOR MORE PUDDING CUPS
 
>be cookies once again
>and now you’ve got anon standing mostly naked in front of you, glistening with butter
>Unf
>why is he running?
>OH NO YOU DON’T, YOU’RE NOT GETTIING AWAY FROM ME MISTER
>you stand up and break into a sprint
>well that’s what you tell your legs to do, but you’re just sliding around covered in butter
>you try to stand up again
“easy, easy eas-OH GOD NO”
>you slip again and hit your chin on the floor
>hard
>ouch
>aargh!
>you kick out your legs in frustration
>and you happen to catch a wall with your back hoof
>you’re propelled forward slightly
>you immediately stop struggling for a moment
>and lightly kick off a guard who was lying down crying over her perfect mane
>you happen to slide a few feet
>a grin makes its way onto your face
>you tuck in your front hooves and push off the wall
>you slide into the opposite wall and push off there
>you continue to zig-zag between the walls, pushing off each time
“I’m coming for you anon!”
>you go flying after him
>oh man you’re so going to break that tie
>he won’t be getting away this time!
 
 
 
 
>be anon
> You are so getting away with this
>although running on butter is really hard
>you slip every few steps but you’re not having nearly as much trouble as everyone else
>most of the ponies can’t even stand up right
>the few that do and try to stop you slip right off
>this is such a good plan
>you pass by the guard quarters to find them all rolling around on their stomachs
>you feel bad, but you had to make sure the pegasuses… pegasi?
>Pegasi could avoid the butter entirely
>so laxatives were necessary
>Making sure it only gets to the guards and not the rest of the staff, the prisoners, the warden, or cookies was pretty tough
>you had to tell them it was special vitamins you mixed with your food that helped you become a better guardsman
>cookies and the warden eat with you so they didn’t get the chance to have any
>these ponies are so very naïve
>that’s why you made friends with cookies and the warden
>they’re clever enough to be able to beat you
>sometimes
>your favorite was the time that you had a shark shipped in and-
>“ANON! I’M COMING FOR YOU!”
>you glance over your shoulder
>oh shit! she’s closing fast!
“you’ll never catch me alive copper!”
>you break into a full sprint
>you steal glance over your shoulder
>she’s totally going to catch you
>shit
>fucking shit
>god fucking damn it
>ok, you’ve got this
>you take a sharp turn, almost falling down
>now you’re nearing the entrance
>which is more of a lobby
>there’s a receptionist and everything
>you stop in front of the desk and do a 180
>she’s heading straight for you now
>looks like she wants to slide straight into your legs and take them from under you
>perfect
>you jump onto the receptionist’s desk
>her eyes widen
>she struggles to stop before she slams straight into the side of the desk
>she’s out cold
 
>oh boy
>she hit herself pretty hard
>you check her up on her
>she’s breathing and her head seems fine
>never the less you’re going to have to apologize for that one
>speaking of which
>you look over the desk to see the receptionist cowering underneath
“Sorry about this honey snow, I’ll have my people clean up everything up”
>she looks up at you and nods, still hiding under her hooves
>a carriage pulls up outside the outer fence
“Speak of the devil”
>you saunter out of the reception area, still covered in butter and wearing nothing but your underwear
>you pass by warm draft, his parachute stuck in a tree on your way out
>you wave
>she growls
>wonder how the Warden’s doing
> you look around and see she’s about to land the hot air balloon
>about twenty miles away from the prison
“aww, I was hoping for a chase”
>“perhaps next time sir”
>you look to see your good friend and butler Heeby Jeebies in the carriage
“I hope so, you brought my change of clothes I presume?”
>“along with a towel and some perfume for the stench, our cleanup crew will arrive at the prison shortly, free of charge of course”
“excellenct work Jeebs”
>“thank you sir”
“we’ll be departing for Ponyville immediately, and take your time, there’s no rush”
>“yes sir”
>you dry yourself off and change in the carriage while Jeebs makes a few phone calls
>it pays to own a couple multibillion-bit businesses
>you didn’t forget that did you?
 
 
 
>Be Cookies
>be back at the prison, now completely unbuttered by the cleanup crew anon sent
>he escaped again
>with a head start of more than two hours there’s no way the warden will catch him
>but she’s going to try anyway
>she’s just determined like that
>you, on the other hand, would rather not compete with both anon and the warden for his capture
>so you’re just sitting in the coffee room with a nice cup of chocolate milk while everypony else gets debuttered or given some supplements to help with whatever anon did to poison them
>idiots, getting poisoned by anon
>what kind of “vitamin” makes you a better guard?
>you wish some of them were more competent
>it gets lonely, only being able to do anything remotely challenging with the warden or Anon
>especially on the days he gets away, you’ve got no one to talk to at least until Wednesday night
>mostly because the warden is grumpy from losing him and anon is… wherever he goes when he gets away
>where does he go?
>maybe you can check his file later, it’s probably been updated
>but first…
>you go to a white board with four names on it, yours, the warden, and anon
>You add another tally to anon’s, bringing him p to an impressive 13
>while both you and the warden are tied with 6 each
>you’ll probably never catch up to anon, but you can beat the warden, and the whole prison wins if your combined score beats anon
>right?
>screw that you’re gonna kick both their asses
>just wait
>now about his file…
 
>Be anon
>you’re currently walking through the streets of ponyville
>Jeebs right behind you
>he’s the best damn employee in the world
>he risks so much jail time when he helps you escape
>almost a whole month
>but he’s dedicated, and you have someone bail him out whenever the warden catches you
>he never seems to remember this though
“relax Jeebs, you know I’ve got you covered if anything goes wrong”
>he’s always professional but his pose does relax slightly, and he stops glancing over his shoulder every few minutes
>“sir, may I ask you a question?”
“absolutely Jeebs, what is it you want to know?”
>“why do you always help me out of prison but never yourself?”
>“I’m helping myself out of prison right now aren’t I?”
>“yes sir, but you’ll return to the prison in two days at the latest, I’d like to know why”
>oh boy, you’re having this conversation
>it was inevitable
>but he deserves to know more than anyone
>I mean, the things you have him do
>like build a second prison next to the first over night
>or train six thousand ants to carry you out of the prison
>or have everypony’s hoof in a bowl of warm water by midnight
>those were fun
“Jeebs, how long have I been in this world”
>“a little more than six years sir”
“In six years I’ve turned all of equestrian into a utopia, I’ve made billions, I own one and a half percent of all the bits in equestrian, that’s more than Rockerfeller Jeebs”
>he looks at you quizzically
>“who?”
>oh yeah, almost forgot you’re in magical horseland
“it doesn’t matter, the point is I’ve conquered nations in Celestia’s name, bested beasts seven times my size and more, I’ve done a lot of things”
>“I’m not sure I understand sir”
>you sigh
>you really didn’t want to have this conversation
>ever
“Jeebs, I’m not even the most competent person I know, how did I succeed when ponies like Discord, Sombra, Chrysalis and Tirek did? They’ve got magic and armies and what not, and yet Equestria is eating out of my hand, not theirs”
>“only Tirek had hands sir”
>it’s a metaphor you sonova-
“Thank you jeebs”
>“it’s my pleasure sir”
 
 
 
 
 
 
“Now where was I? Ah, yes only the good guys win, and more often than not they win very, very easily. I need to be challenged; therefore I need to be the villain, now I don’t want to hurt anypony but god I was so bored”
>“do you really need to be the villain to have fun sir?”
>you give him a look, the kind that asks if a nigga is serious
“have you had a problem that lasts longer than 22 minutes and isn’t solved with singing and friendship?”
>he opens his mouth as if to counter your argument
>then closes it, and opens it again
>“I suppose you’re right sir”
“Damn straight I am, now come on we’re here”
 
>Be anon
>be entering your newest super villain lair
>this was by far the best you’ve had yet
>you’ve got everything a super villain in magical horseland needs
>some Minotaur henchmen
>a tickle ray
>a pool of pony nibbling goldfish
>a nice coffee room for when you need a break
>a pillow fort for your most recent captive superheroes
>speaking of which
>you’ve got to prepare, she’ll show up any minute now
“Come jeebs, it’s off to the changing room”
>“yes sir, I’ve got a collection prepared for you sir”
>you walk in to find twenty outfits waiting for you
>“Might I suggest the FunnyMan? It hasn’t been used it quite a while”
>you look over to it
>it’s sitting by the Doom, the Magnet, and the Luthor
“There’s a good reason for that”
>it was a very embarrassing and uninspired phase
>besides, no one gets the references
>You walk over to the costume you really want to wear
>a simple lab coat that a mad scientist would wear
“sometimes simplicity is the best”
>this is what you usually wear, that or a suit
>whichever one is more fitting to the evil scheme
>and today is a mad scientist kind of day
>now to prepare your final plan
>you walk out of the changing room
>“you look excellent sir”
“thank you jeebs, now, where might I find the control panel”
>“no control panel sir, just a remote control today”
>you take it from him, this is probably better for this plan anyway
>one of the other employees starts yelling your name
>“Sir! Sir! Magic Mare just passed over Cloudsdale, she’s on her way now”
>Just in time
“PLACES EVERYPONY, WE’VE GOT MAGIC MARE INCOMING IN LESS THAN 8 MINUTES”
>everypony begins scrambling to their positions, some of them get into trucks and drive back to company HQ, the henchmen get in position
>The film crew gets in position
You go and stand in the center of the room where a scale model of Canterlot rests
>it’s Showtime
 
>Be cookies
>be sitting in the prison coffee room surrounded by prisoners and guards alike
>your head still hurts, but neither butter nor concussion will keep you from missing out on this
>somepony’s changing the channels on the TV to try and find the Anon Industries station
“for Celestia sake let me!”
>you snatch the remote from the guard and punch in the number for the channel
>“Welcome to Very Villainous, Staring Anon, with guest superhero, Magic Mare!”
>the screen fades changes from the title to Anon villainously plotting at a scale model of a city
>unf   
>anon looks pretty hot in a lab coat
>no time to admire him unfortunately
>the doors to his lair burst open and out walks a very purple alicorn with her hair done up and a small mask that really only covers her eyes
>Pic related
>“she’s so mysterious” a guard swoons
>“I wonder who she really is”
>you used to be like that too
>but you got on anon’s good side and he told you
>it was hard to believe but the purple alicorn superhero that knows a lot of magic and cried when anon’s scheme was to buy all the new Daring Do books before anyone could read them was in fact princess Twilight Sparkle
>huh
>I guess this is what anon’s talking about when he says ponies are naïve
>it looks like they’re talking now their talking now
>“Magic Mare, how nice of you to stop by”
>“Cut the niceties Anon, I don’t know what your scheme is but I’m here to stop it”
>“You presume this is something you can stop, it’s already happening”
>“what are you talking about villain”
>“as we speak massive jet engines attached to the Anon Industries headquarters are activating, the combined force of these engines will push the building ever a total distance of 45 feet to the north”
>you’re confused, why would he want to move his building?
>it’s ok he’ll explain it if the superhero doesn’t figure it out soon
>he usually has to explain it to The Amazing Apple
>Magic Mare stops, the gears in her head working as she tries to figure out Anon’s brilliant scheme
 
>Be anon
>be waiting for Twili-
>Magic Mare to figure this all out
>“you fiend! You’ll… wait how tall is the Anon Industries building?”
“653 feet”
>“You’ll cast a shadow over Canterlot Park between 6:53 and 9:42!”
>you do your trademark evil laugh
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNkrF43SZEU
>You love doing the laugh
“that’s not even the best part!”
>you press the button on the controller
>A large curtain on your right drops to reveal a glass wall allowing you to look into the room behind it
>“Princess Celestia!”
>She looks up from the cake you used to lure her here
>three layer cake with chocolate, red velvet, and white
>she couldn’t resist
>“Oh hi Twilight”
>Twilight starts to panic a little
>“Who is this Twilight? I’m Magic Mare!”
>“Oh no, am I missing Very Villainous again?”
>twilight stops for a moment
>“What? What’s Very Villainous?”
>No way
>She doesn’t know?
>all the other heroes know
“Twilight, this is televised on my company’s channel AIPB”
>“I don’t know who this Twilight is, but I think I’d notice if I was on TV”
>“It’s true twilight I tune every time it’s on”
“Yeah, and I make millions on merchandise for us, I send you a check for it every month”
>“WHO IS TWILIGHT BECAUSE IT’S CERTAINLY NOT- wait did you say merchandise?”
“Where did you think those checks come from”
>she blushes and paws at the ground
>“well, at first I thought it was a secret admirer”
“A secret admirer sends 8,000 bits a month”
>“yes”
>“From Anon Industries”
>“…yes”
>“with a free trip to the Anon Amusement park attached”
>“ENOUGH! Celestia I’m going to save you, then I’m going to stop his building from moving, then I’m going to put Anon back in jail”
 
 
 
 
>That’s totally ok with you
>you’ve only got a 30min timeslot anyway
>back to being in character
“I’d like to see you try Magic Mare I’ve got a few tricks up my-”
>“actually twilight, I’d appreciate it if you’d sit this one out”
>wut
“Wut?”
>“WHAT?”
>“It’s just that Luna and I have a bit of a bet going on and-”
>twilight looks kinda hurt
>makes sense, she just found out her mentor has no faith in her
>“You bet against me?”
>Celestia begins to panic, looking left and right as if she needs to find a way out
>“It’s more like I bet against all your friends”
>Celestia flinches at her poor word choice
>oh man it looks like Twilight is going to cry
>“hey now, don’t think of it like I bet against you, think of it like… I bet for anon”
>she’s been ruling these oversensitive ponies for millennia, how does she not know how to do this?
>should you step in and handle this?
>no, looks like twilights about to give Celestia a piece of her mind
>“You want to bet against me? WELL FINE BY ME IF YOU WANT TO LOSE THAT BET BECAUSE I’M GOING TO KICK ANON’S ASS AND RESCUE THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF YOU”
>ok this is getting pretty intense
>she’s charging up a really hard looking spell
>best get to cover
>you run and dive behind the scale model of Canterlot
>and narrowly avoid a tree sprouting under your feet
>really fast, like impale you to the ceiling fast
>ok she needs to calm down
>no wait villain moment
>you pop your head out
“YES USE YOUR ANGER! LET IT FLOW THROUGH YOU!”
>you roll away as she sends a small house flying at you, taking out the table where you were
>she’s taking this a bit too far
>time to pull out your secret weapon
>you pull out your Freeze Ray
“Eat ice Magic Mare!”
>you fire your gun that’s really just a high-powered water pistol with a whole bunch of ice in the tank
>“OH GOD THAT’S SO COLD 1000 YEARS MOON”
>oops, that was celestia you shot
>she’d probably get pissed if she wasn’t a cold shivering mess on the floor
>and now Twilight has you in her sights
>crap
 
>be Cookies
“Faster Warden, Anon needs our help!”
>“I’m going as fast as I can!”
>Anon needs your help
>Princess Twilight is going to hurt him!
>he’s gotten booboos before when fighting the heroes
>the rainbow redeemer tends to give him a whole lot
>but this one’s going too far
>by the end of this he might even need a bandage!
>you suddenly lurch forward in the carriage, nearly crashing into the warden
“Why have we stopped?”
“It’s a red light cookies”
>you look left and right
>the road is completely empty
“Anon’s in trouble Warden! We don’t have time!”
>“Cookies, I think you misunderstand, the light up there that tells us when to go is not on, the light that tells us to stop is on”
“Anon could be hurt Warden!”
>“I’m sure he can hold out for a bit longer, he’s a smart little monkey thing”
 
>Be anon
>be trying your damndest to not get murdered by an angry rampaging Twilight
>at least she’s tired now
>she’s gone from piano sized objects to smaller things like fire hydrants and cinderblocks
>You duck and weave all the while trying to stop her
>you’ve tried everything so far
>from the tickle ray to the illiteracy beam
>that last one just made her even angrier
>you don’t know why you thought it was a good idea
>or why you thought it would do anything at all
>and now she’s tearing through the few henchmen who had the courage to stand up to her
>most of them are going down after a bop to the head   
>they’re buying you valuable time
>time you use to mash together a few of your older inventions
>if you’re fast you can make something to stop her
>you start adding and removing parts from the freeze ray
>move some things around, plug some things in
>the room suddenly got quite, save for the crying of your henchmen
>you don’t risk turning around, you know what happened
>twilight’s beaten your henchmen and she’s on her way now
“come on…”
>last few touches on it
>you hear the clip clop of her walking up to you
>almost there
>done!
>“you’re finished anon”
>you spin around, bringing your modified freeze ray to her head
>and she sends a brick flying into your chest
>look at me I can make references to the green text with bricks too!
>you go flying backwards
>the gun goes off, sending a beam ricocheting around the room
>nailing you right in the back
>and now you’re face first on the floor
 
 
 
>well, look on the bright side anon, you know how to make a Paralysis gun now
>and the floor is pleasantly cold
>and so very clean
>Jeebs deserves a raise for keeping such a tidy Anon-cave
>Twilight flips you over so that you’re staring straight up
>she puts a hoof on your chest, pinning you to the ground
>“It’s over, I’ve beaten you”
>wow, she’s really pissed
>but at least your evil scheme to take the daylight from the nice Canterlot ponies
“You’re too late Magic Mare! My building will be in place by now! You can take me back to prison, now I don’t care! I’ve won!”
>she narrows her eyes at you
>“you’re right, you don’t care. No matter how many times you get put away, you just break out so you can do your evil, and hurt more ponies, I can’t let it go on. I’m ending this”
>are you going to die?
>but you’ve got so many schemes and evil plans to enact
“Hey! I haven’t hurt anypony, at most I’ve mildly inconvenienced them for a few days!”
>She looks really angry now
“you killed the Diamond Defender!”
>Rarity?
>you haven’t done anything to Rarity since you seduced…
“Just because we banged doesn’t mean she’s dead!”
>“SHE’S DEAD TO ME!”
>ok now she’s charging up a spell
>you’re going to die
 
 
 
 
 
 
>you close your eyes and brace yourself for the inevitable
>“DON’T YOU TOUCH HIM”
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3r2Qk__cNMk
>both you and Twilight look at the source of the voice
>And see Cookies coming full speed at you
>And now Twilight’s been tackled off of you
>you struggle to turn your head and see Cookies wrestling with Twilight
>literally
>Jesus Twilight just got choke slammed
>“Anon are you ok!”
>you struggle to turn your head again
“Oh hey Warden how’s it going? I’m fine, just can’t feel anything below my neck”
>“come on, I’ve got to get you in custody and out of Magic Mare’s jurisdiction!”
>and miss this fight?
>not a chance in tartarus
“We can’t leave Cookies, besides she’s about to win”
>you look over to see her still wrestling Twilight
>keeping her just disorientated enough to stop her casting spells
>“We’ve got to go now anon!”
>you sigh
“fine, just help me sit up first and I can fix this”
>She lifts you into a sitting position and-
>OH HOLY FUCK THE PAIN IS UNBEARABLE
>“Are you all right anon?”
“No, I think she broke a few ribs”
>Cookies must have heard that
>because she’s now screaming in pure anger
>and she’s about to end Twilight
>you didn’t know ponies could bend like that
>but she managed it
>and just DDT’d Twilight into a what’s left of the scale model of Canterlot
>and she’s out cold
 “Woo! Cookies you did it!”
>she trots over and gives you a hug
>“I’m so glad you’re okay anon”
>CLICK* CLICK*
>you look down to see both you and Cookies in cuffs with the warden holding the key
>Cookies is the first to call bullshit
>“What’s this bullshit Warden?”
>“Language! And you just assaulted a princess, I’m afraid you’re going away for a long time Cookies, at least a month a half”
>Shit
 
>Be Anon
>it’s been one month since Twilight’s went ape shit and tried to murder you
>it was pretty fun
>especially the two weeks Cookies spent as your cellmate
>pretty short sentence, thanks to a talk you had with the princesses
>she was in on a lot of your escape attempts and she gained a new appreciation for them
>and a new insight into how they often work
>you look out the window of your cell, a cup of coffee in hand
>it’s Tuesday again, no problem
>but this will be your first breakout after cookies got out
>you’re eager to see how she puts her new knowledge to work
>you set down your cup and take up a pair of binoculars
>on the other side of the prison wall Jeebs flashes his lights
>he’s been working all night on this one, and so have you
>with any luck, you’ll get away with this one, and you’ll be able to defeat…
>I believe the Pink Parader is the hero you’ll be up against this time
>a grin spreads across your face
>Today is going to be very fun
>and very challenging, just the way you like it
>you hear the door swing open behind you
>“Anon? come on it’s lunch time, the Warden’s waiting for us”
>and it begins