I wake up the next day with an empty feeling in my chest.
 
Did all that really happen yesterday? Was it just a dream?
 
No. It happened. It's the reality and I have to face it. I'll deal with it.
 
I can't. I just can't. I need a better sense of closure. I need to tell her that everything truly was not alright and the only way to let her know that is to tell her the truth of what really happened.
 
 
 
Graduation passes and I don't feel accomplished at all. I feel as though I took a giant step back and I'm back to how I was after my heart attack. Tied down by tubes in the hospital except now I'm not tied down by tubes. I'm tied down by my feelings for Shizune.
 
As I swallow down my morning pills and made sure all my bags were packed I headed out to get this feeling off of my chest. I head to the girl's dormitory and knock on Misha's door. Immediately the door opens and I'm greeted by the bubbly pink hair I'm so accustomed to but where the smile should be was just a frown.
 
Misha:
"Hicchan~? I didn't think I'd see you..."
 
For the first time ever, she doesn't look at me in the eyes when she talks.
 
Hisao:
"It's okay. Can you tell me if Shizune left yet?"
 
I guess the smarter thing to do was to check if Shizune was in her room but I needed to see Misha first since we might not see each other again. What a depressing way to say good bye...
 
Misha:
"She left twenty minutes ago~. Hicchan~? Is there something wrong?"
 
Hisao:
"I just.. I need to go I'm sorry Misha...I really am."
 
Before she can figure out in her head what I meant by that I hug her soft body while catching a quick sniff of her bubblegum hair. I'm off right away. I need to catch her before she leaves.
 
I leave the school grounds and catch the next bus. Anxious as all hell the whole ride I try to think of what to say. Should I tell her I still love her despite what she did? Should I try to leave a good impression so that we meet again in the future?
 
In the middle of rehearsing what I want to tell her exactly the bus comes to a halt. I rush out immediately and start running towards the train platform she brought me to just weeks before. I start running around in all directions until I catch the sigh of her dark moon hair.
 
I don't even wait for her to turn around. I probably should not have done this but I embrace her the second she turns around. She looks up at my face and our faces are nearly inches away from each other. I fight the strongest urge to kiss her. She doesn't respond mostly because her arms are straight down her sides so the only response I get from her is her quivering lips and stunned expression.
 
Eventually I back away and I sign
 
Hisao:
"[I wanted to say goodbye.]"
 
My sign language was completely rusty but she understood what I tried to say.
 
Shizune:
"[Hisao... why?]"
 
I don't know how to bring it up in an easy way but judging from the way everyone else was piling into the train, I didn't have much time.
 
Hisao:
"[I need to tell you the truth this time. The actual truth.]"
 
I've never signed this fast before but I really need to get this off my chest.
 
Hisao:
"[The truth is everything wasn't fine. It was wrong. Misha told me the entire story. She came to my room looking for me to comfort her and in the end we ended up having sex with each other. I dont have a better way to put this but I needed the sense of closure from you and I couldn't get it out of me the other day because I was so heated from our break up. I'm sorry. I really am.]"
 
At this point the train is almost full and Shizune has little time left but she ignores it for now and stares into my eyes for the first time in a while and says nothing. She raises her hands a couple times only to bring them back down before eventually she signs her final sentence to me.
 
Shizune:
"[Was I at least better than Misha?]"
 
Completely stunned I had no idea what to say. I can feel the anger boiling up inside me that I had that other day when she told me it was over. With that I turn around and walk away without a word and she gets into the train with only seconds to spare. With tears in my eyes and a clenched first refusing to believe it I walk back to my dormitory. That was the last I ever heard of Shizune Hakamachi.