>Hiking in wilderness
>The time comes to answer nature's call.
>And by that I mean you need to plant a steaming bouquet of turd roses
>And by that I mean you need to take a shit.
>You dig through your pack.
>Fuck.
>Remembered the trowel, but forgot to bring the toilet paper
>Stupid, stupid stupid!
>Gotta shit anyway, this ain't negotiable.
>Grabsome soft looking leaves as makeshift TP
>Squatting over a hole, getting ready to drop the kids off at the open pit mine.
>Suddenly out of the bushes comes a fluffy pony.
 
>Fuck's sake, can a guy get a little privacy here
>looks like it must have broken off from it's herd
>it looks up at you
>"New fwiend make poopies?"
>No shit.
>Despite this grevious breech of privacy, you drop anchor
>Still gotta wipe up.
>You reach over.
>Those leaves aren't looking too inviting.
>That fluffy pony is sure looking cottony soft, though...
>You call it over and pick it up.
>You give your bunghole a good solid wipe, smearing a line of shit down the fluffy pony's back from it's nose to partway down it's back
>"No smeww pwetty! Why fwiend make fwuffy smewwy?"
 
>Your ass is clean
>The smell is horrifying, though.
>Can't have the thing following you around smelling like this
>Boot it into a tree.
 
 
>Best wipe of your life.