>be father of 7 year old girl
>she wanted a fluffy pony, you said why not
>worst decision of your life
>it's pink with a white mane, your daughter calls it cupcake
>it still refers to itself as fluffy and you still refer to it as a pile of shit
>thing was a bitch to housebreak, and it never shuts its yapper
>worst of all you can't hurt the damn thing or your daughter would be in tears
>you eventually learn to tolerate the little shit
 
>three months down the road and the damn thing's pregnant, about ready to burst
>how did that even happen
>you've heard what happens if you let nature run its course, a family reunion is coming up next weekend and you don't want to have to deal with *that* on a four hour car ride
>neither do you want to deal with more of the little shits
>so you practice your procedure on a few strays to make sure you don't accidentally kill the damn thing
>you figure out the fluffies are so soft you can force them to go into labor by squeezing them hard enough in the right places
>the day before the reunion, while the little one's off at her friend's house, you take it out to the garage
>you collar it and tie the other end to a leg on your workbench
>you also bust out the nasty old gloves you used on your trial runs
>it babbles incoherently, as always
>You apply pressure just under its ribcage
>it giggles, then shouts in a slightly worried tone, "Uh oh! Bebbehs comin'!"
>Squelch. Out comes a baby blue pegasus with a red mane.
>"Weah bebbeh? Wan' bebbeh!"
>the newborn squirms, it's absolutely filthy. Its wings flutter inconsistently and the only noise it can manage could best be described as a wet, high pitched croak.
>If you weren't used to this already, you'd get sick all over your garage floor.
>You take the filly in your left hand, placing your right index finger and thumb around its head, and twist.
>Crick.
>suddenly you realize shitface had turned to watch. She is mortified. "Nuuu! Don' hurd bebbehs! Don' come oud bebbehs, be safe from munsta!"
>despite her protests, you repeat the process, twice. One was a maroon unicorn, another was a yellow land pony.
>at this point she has closed her eyes, and she is repeating "no" to herself over and over between sobs.
>Sigh.
>You clean up the mess, then whip out a simple contraption you found on a fluffy care website.
>consisting mostly of copper wire and a D-cell, this simple device delivers shocks to fluffies that supposedly resets their memory. Thanks to extensive testing, you've pinned it as non-harmful.
 
>Placing one wire on Assface's left ear, and the other on her right, you complete the circuit and Dumbfuck's desperate sobs become strained screeches.
>After a solid second, you yank the wires away.
>Dickface blinks for a second, then yammers as if nothing happened. "Hewp fwuffy! Wan' pasketti! Gif huggies?"
>crisis_averted.jpg
>two months down the road
>fluffy pony drowns the day before your daughter's class play
>goddamnit