A cardboard box.
A pair of pants
A telephone.
 
>Day Raw Deal
>You hear a knock at the door.
>Its afternoon, so it can’t be Fluttershy. She already performed her daily harrasement.
>You walk up and answer it.
>Its Ditzy Doo.
>”I have a package for you Anon.”
>You take the box from her. It feels really light.
>She leaves and you open up the box.
>It’s the pair of pants you ordered. You pull them out.
>Wait a second. These are shorts.
>You try them on. They wont fit.
>You pull out the invoice and call customer service. They tell you they will have a technician out between 3-6.
>Great, now your whole day is ruined.
>Its 7 oclock. You call the customer service line again.
>After waiting 20 minutes, they finally get a technician out to you.
>It’s a yellow pony with a mustache.
>”What seems to be the problem,” The pony looks at a sheet of paper, “Anen?”
“It’s Anon.” You shake your head. “I ordered pants, and these are shorts. I want new ones.”
>”Oh Anon. I can fix that right up for you.”
>The pony pulls out a tape measure and starts taking measurements. He gets a bit close for comfort.
“Are you… smelling me?”
>”Uh, no Anon. I just need to…” The pony fumbles around and the mustache falls off.”
“Fluttershy! I should have known.”
>”I can explain Anon.”
>You grab her and cunt punt her to the moon.
>You sit down and look at your shorts.
>At least this will give you motivation to lose weight.
fin
 
---
 
>start off with something flutter related
birds
bees
>fuck anon with the whole left-field
Arnold Schwarzenegger
>
>Be Arnold Schwarzenegger Anon.  
>Well, you kind of look like a sickly version of him. If you flex.
>You enjoy taking odd jobs for the mane six. A little of this and a little of that.
>What you really enjoy doing is teaching. Like your hero, Arnold – the Kindergarten Cop.
>It took five weeks to study for and finally pass the substitute teacher exam. Another two weeks later and you have a certificate in your hands.
>You hear a knock at the door, and answer it. It’s Cherrilee. She doesn’t look so good.
>”Anon, I feel like I’m sick. I want to take tomorrow off to rest. Can you watch over the class for me?”
>This is the moment you have been waiting for.
Of course.
>
>It’s the next day. You have your best sport coat on. A suit would be too formal.
>You wonder what you will be teaching today. You look at the syllabus Cherilee left for you.
>Sex Ed? What the fuck.
>The bell rings and fillies and colts pile in.
>A one with a bow raises her hoof.
“yes?”
>”Where is Ms. Cherilee?”
>She’s sick, so she had to take the day off.
>You perform the pledge of allegiance to the princesses.
>”Alright class. First thing is first.” You turn to the chalk board. “The birds and the bees.”
>”Oh ah know all about that.” Applebloom yells.
>”What is it?” Scootaloo asks.
>”When ponies love each other very much they –“
”Whoa hold on. I’m the one teaching this.”
>They look at you expectantly. Applebloom holds up a picture of you and her holding hands and hooves.
>WTF
1/2
 
“The daddy pony is like a bee.”
>One of them raises a hoof.
”Yes?”
>“My dad can’t fly.”
“Can I finish?” You take a deep breath. “And the mommy pony is like a bird.”
>”So all parents are pegasi?”
>”That’s not true my mom’s a unicorn!” One pony yells from the rear.
>You sit down and cup your head.
>”Are you alright?” Silver Spoon asks.
“I’m fine… I’m just getting a headache.”
>”It might be a tumor.” Silver says.
“It’s not a tumor!”
>”Can you show us how its done? Mr Anon?” Applebloom asks.
“What?”
>”That might be easier than explaining.”
>She might be right.
”I’ll be back.”
>You go to the locker with toys and grab two ponies.
>You start showing the fillies how a stallion gets it on.
>They are scribbling furiously.
>”Anon what are you doing?”
>”oooooooooooooooo” The class says in unison.
“Cherilee! I thought you were sick?”
>”I feel a lot better. What are you teaching these fillies?”
“The birds and the bees like you asked.
>”I meant bird and bee types! Did you even look at the pictures?”
>You look down, sure enough. There are diagrams of birds and bees.
>
>After class Applebloom trots up to you.
>”Hey Anon. I was wondering if you give private lessons. I want to learn more about… you know.” She winks at you, from the wrong side.
 “I need a new job.”
fin
----
 
>Chocolate sauce
>An anus accident
>A crazy german human with a beam-healing dispositive.
 
hue
 
>Be Doctor Anon. Well, technically you don’t have a medical license anymore, so you are Medic Anon, but that’s beside the point.
>You majored in invasive surgery at the prestigious Munich University.
>It was a teaching hospital, so you often got your hands dirty.
>You love Swiss Chocolate. Those filty Amerifats don’t know what a good cacao percentage is.
>But that was a long time ago. Now (since you don’t have proper papers) you are a medic at P0nyville ER. A little filly by the name of Applebloom has taken a liking to you.
>Your shift has just started.
>The cases are normal. Ponies bring in their sick foals, and expect miracles. If they have good medical insurance, then you blast them with your healing gun.
>They leave fit as a fiddle.
>
>Time passes. A siren goes off.
>Nurse Heart rushes a patient in.
>Applebloom is moaning on the table. Two other fillies chase follow close behind.
“Vat is wrong vith viz one?”
>”Mr. Anon. We were trying to get our cutie marks, when Applebloom had an accident.”
“Medic Anon, or just Anon iz fine.” You correct her.
>Applebloom is grunting loudly. “It hurts. It hurts so bad, Anon.”
>She is holding her barrel.
“Alright, quit vhining. Lets take a loo-“
>Jesus Christ. She has something lodged in her anus.
1/2
 
“Vat ver you ponies doing?”
>”Like I said, Anon. Trying to get our cutie marks.”
“That doesn’t explain… what is that? A rock?”
>”No It’s a chocolate bar.” Sweetie Bell says. “We took it from Rarity.”
“Chocolate? That is for eating Dummkopfs. It vill come out by itself. NEXT!”
>Nurse Redheart trots up concerned. “You cant just leave her like this.”
“Ugh,” you complain. “Fine.” You get up and grab the healing beam.
>You turn to the fillies.
“Does she have medical insurance?”
>”What’s that?” Sweetie Bell asks.
“I don’t verk charity cases.”
>”Please Anon.”
>How can you say no to that face?
“Alright. I’ll do it, but vithout medical insurance I vill have to do eet zee hard vay.”
>You pull out a bonesaw and some pliers.
>”OH NO” Applebloom yells.
“Don’t vorry pony. Ze healing leaves little time for ze hurting”
>
>Half an hour later
“Ha, Ha, another successful procedure!”
>Applebloom looks at you. Shes in complete bliss.
>”Oh, Anon. You are so good with your hands. I knew you were the one for me.”
“You did this, so I could heal you?”
>”It was worth it,” she nods.
My skill is VASTED on zis pony!
fin
2/2