>Up late, trying to write great American novel
>Stupid neighbor kid is firing BB gun at 2AM
>He is killing stray neighborhood fluffies as they cross the road
>You don't care about the damn things but he is so goddamn noisy
>His dad won't stop him because the redneck bastard's a hunting nut and shit
>Frankly you're scared of the guy
>Hear noisy tap on door
>If he's shooting your house it's the last straw
>Tear open the door
>Tiny, charcoal-and-goldenrod fluffy unicorn is staring up at you with tears in its eyes
>It's so small, probably still counts as a foal
>You're about to slam the door, but then it talks
>"Mista hooman, fwuffy can nu find mommy."
>You spend a second realizing its mother has probably already been shot
>Only reason this one is alive is likely that its coloration hid it on the road
>It takes your pause as a chance to add, "Gotta owwie on weggie. See owie jooce?"
>Sure enough, it has a dripping score mark on its leg where a BB grazed it
>That fucking kid
>Two luminous eyes meet yours. "Hewp pwease?"
>Maybe you should boot it off your stoop
>But none of them have ever talked to you before
>You weren't even sure they could talk
>The internet is full of so much bullshit
>Patch him up
>Find out his name is Sparks, because he can make all of three sparks come from his horn
>Easy to feed, not too messy
>Let him run around on your lawn while you watch
>Not even a week later, a loud crack interrupts your playtime
>Sparks starts crying
>Neighbor kid took a shot at him, took off the very tip of his left hoof
>Pick up your pony while neighbor kid comes across the street, not too fast because it is busy
>He's small, you're not afraid to yell at him, holding the shivering Sparks in your arms
>Kid has a smarmy smile on his face while you curse up a storm
>His dad stalks out from behind their house, crossing the street and looking pissed
>Holy shit is he big, cars actually stop for him instead of the other way around
>Starts yelling at you
>You cower and stammer as though your pet getting shot is your own fault
>He says soon his son will be old enough to use a real gun, and accidents should be avoided
>Gives a very poignant look at you when he says 'accidents,' like you're in the line of fire too
>Taps you on the head for emphasis
>You can't meet his eyes
>Little Sparks fucking loses it
>"NUU BE MEAN TO DADDY!"
>He gets glowing-white Twilight eyes
>His horn turns yellow and shakes
>He releases the biggest blast of sparks a fluffy pony has ever fired, to your knowledge
>It's not a tenth of what a real unicorn could manage with ease, but it makes your douchebag neighbor blink and take one step back
>He's close enough to the busy street that a car catches his arm, spinning him around and disorienting him
>His son reaches out to steady him
>Being a manly man, the neighbor tries to push his kid away
>Kid stumbles over a lane of the road
>Speeding bus flattens him into red paste
>Horrified father staggers towards remains of son he just killed
>Giant truck, honking, spreads him all over its grill and drags his dead body for fifty feet before stopping
>Long pause, watching cars hurry on or stop
>"Daddeh, dey full of owie-jooce!"
>Big laughs
>Sparks gets a fluffy mark of a few yellow dots
>Pet ownership kicks ass