8 March
Junko can go to hell! Same thing that happened with the others, right? She came to visit today and we talked for a little while and then I realized she was being fake nice. Like putting on a strong face for poor me. I told her to stop and she just got worse so I told her to get out. How she looked at me before she left made so mad. She didn't even try to hide it. Hope she doesn't come back.
 
So I'm out of friends now. They can all go to hell.
 
I hate Junko and Aki and Daisuke. I hate the doctors with their stupid smiles. I hate the chatty nurses. I hate being stuck in bed all day. I hate that I became a woman here and I had to have the nurses help me with that. I hate the TV dramas I used to like. I hate ███
No, I don't hate mom. I wish she wasn't here all the time though. Seeing her tired and sad makes me tired and sad.
 
Last night was bad too.
 
20 March
Next week I leave the hospital. The week after that I get fitted for fake legs. I still don't go to school after that. The buildings are old and they aren't made for wheelchairs and I can't just start walking with the fake legs. I have to go to another doctor to practice walking for a month first. Good. Now I'm only going to have to go back and avoid everyone for a few months and then I graduate from elementary school, then I'll go to a junior high where no one knows me.
 
23 March
Last night was bad. The exercises didn't help.
 
26 March
I'm out. Mom's happier. I'm happier too, aren't I? Yeah.
 
3 April
New legs are different from the old legs. Really weird.
 
5 April
The physical therapist has the stupidest smile. Stupider than any other doctor I've had. I already hate him.
 
It's boring. I spend an hour taking small steps while holding on to a railing. I have to, I can't just take off without learning and getting stronger. But I want to be done with this.
 
I went off-script today. Walking along the railing made me mad. So I let go.
Then I fell over. It was fast. I put my leg out and it slipped under me and I was on the ground. Didn't hurt much though! Mom cried. Nurse's expression didn't change at all. I wish they'd have Mom would wait in another room.
 
Maybe his smile is a joke, like they teach doctors to smile that way and he overdoes it so I know he's not even serious about not being serious about it.
 
emi is a slut