It's the one day out of the year that the Shanghai is actually packed. Graduation day: the day when all the graduating seniors take their parents, friends, and family to the teahouse for one last party. The entire place is full of students, adults, and family: enjoying their food, enjoying their tea, enjoying their time together.
 
Jigoro and Hideaki are there, for Shicchan.
 
Hicchan's parents are there, for him.
 
There's no one here for me.
 
I sigh unhappily as I toy with the placards for Atsuko and Reiji Mikado. It doesn't come as a surprise. I knew they weren't going to be coming since two days ago, when I got the text message from my parents saying that something had come up and they weren't going to make it.
 
It still hurts. I thought my parents would care enough to at least make it here for this, of all things.
 
I watch Hicchan introducing Shicchan to his parents. They're giving Jigoro a wide berth. For once, though, the big man is actually kind of well behaved. I guess Shicchan must have read him the riot act, over what would happen if he messed up this moment for her.
 
I know any moment now, Shicchan is going to look for me and try to get me involved. It's nice of her to think of me, but to be honest, I really don't want to be involved in any of this right now. I don't want to feel happier.
 
I quietly slip out of the Shanghai, past a couple of students, and out onto the street.
 
----
 
The hills to the west are ablaze with scarlet hues as I lean against the wall and stare out into the sunset. I've been doing that a lot lately.
 
I like the sunset. It makes me feel better then I'm sad. Especially when it's as beautiful as it is right now.
 
"It's nothing but light waves scattering off of clouds and dust in the atmosphere, you know," a gravelly voice says from next to me. "Really nothing more than an illusion."
 
I turn, and I can't help but smile as I see Akio Mutou standing next to me, leaning against the wall of the Shanghai as he smokes a cigarette. "They won't let me smoke in there," he explains. "I had to come out here to do it."
 
"Can I have one~?" I ask.
 
"It's not a good idea, you know. It's a bad habit to get into. A disgusting one. As your teacher, I'm honor bound to officially discourage you from starting it." He grinds his cigarette butt under his heel and takes a fresh one from his packet. "Thankfully," he says, "I'm not your teacher any more. You graduated this morning."
 
He puts the cigarette in his mouth and lights it with a silver Zippo, then passes it to me. I take it from him and put the filtered end between my lips, taking a small puff. I think I can still almost taste his lips on the dry paper: an indirect kiss from my former teacher. "Take it slow," he says. "Take puffs first. Don't inhale it into your lungs all at once, or you'll end up coughing a lot and feeling terrible."
 
"All right~." I take another small puff of the cigarette and blow some of the fragrant, acrid smoke into the air. It makes a small cloud in front of me before dissipating like dreams in wind.
 
"I'm not good with social situations," Akio says, his hands in his pockets. "I do my best, but. . . I'm not good at talking to these parents. That's why I get it over with as soon as possible so I can come out here and relax a bit." He rubs his hand over his stubbled jaw. "I should go back in there and start talking some more, though. Parents seem to want to talk with their child's teacher a lot. I guess that's what comes of being a boarding school. You can't exactly have regular home visits."
 
"Parents. Yeah~. At least, most parents do~." I take another puff of the cigarette and blow it slowly out into the darkening night sky. "I wish mine did~."
 
"I heard. I'm sorry," Akio says.
 
I take another puff of the cigarette. Some of the smoke gets into my lungs, making me cough a bit. Akio waits patiently for me to finish before offering me a handkerchief. I wave him off and sigh.
 
"What are you plans?" he asks.
 
"I'm going to move out of the dorms tonight~ and take the red-eye train back home~." I explain. "I'll sleep on the train ride over~."
 
Akio nods. . . then he hesitates and takes a deep breath. "If I were your teacher, I'd tell you that what I'm about to suggest to you is a terrible idea. But I'm not your teacher, so. . . I suppose it doesn't matter." He looks over at me, and his dark eyes in his lined face are full of trepidation and a measure of longing. "If your parents aren't expecting you back. . . you could spend the night here."
 
"With you~?"
 
"With me," Akio agrees.
 
I nod and smile. "I'd like~ that."
 
Akio nods back, then reaches into his jacket pocket and pulls out a pair of keys on a blue plastic keychain. "If you want to go ahead. . . here's a set of keys for my apartment," he says. "You can go over any time you like. I'm going to be here for a few more hours, talking with parents."
 
"Okay~." I accept the keys from him, brushing my hand against his fingertips in the process.
 
Akio nods back to me, then walks back into the Shanghai, his shoulders stooped as if with a great weight. I twirl the keys around one finger then put them into my skirt pocket.
 
Part of me wants to go back into the Shanghai and chat with Shicchan and Hicchan some more. But another part of me thinks that it wouldn't be a good idea. The three of us have already said our goodbyes. Now it's time for Shicchan and Hicchan's families to meet each other and get to know each other. They don't need a third wheel like me hanging around.
 
I turn my shoes back towards Yamaku and begin walking back up the hill.
 
-----
 
There's not much left in my dorm room by the time I'm done packing. All of the furniture belongs to the school, and most of my text books and desk supplies, I've given away to various underclassmen. Everything I want to take away from this place resides inside two large suitcases, sitting inside my room.
 
I walk into the place that's been my home for the past three years, and a profound sense of sadness fills my heart.
 
One chapter, one very important chapter of my life, took place here. And now it's over.
 
Time to move on.
 
I feel a sudden urge. A need to leave something more here than just an empty room devoid of life. . . devoid of me. I feel like. . . I need to leave something more of me behind.
 
I take the keys from my skirt pocket and go to the desk. Opening one of the desk drawers, I scratch four words into the soft wood at the bottom of the drawer.
 
SHIINA MIKADO WAS HERE
 
Probably in a few years, this desk will be thrown away, and left to rot in a landfill. But, at the very least, the next person to use this room will read this. . . and they'll know that this was where I grew up. Where I found my place in life. . . and my purpose for existing.
 
I leave the dorm room feeling as if a great weight has been lifted from me and leave Yamaku High School as a student for the very last time.
 
-----
 
It's about an hour's bus trip down from Yamaku into the city. Another fifteen minute's walk to Akio's apartment. I spend the time lost in thought, reminiscing about my years at the school on top of the hill.
 
They're not all happy memories. But they're good ones. Even the painful ones, now that I've got a little distance from them. . . I would never trade for anything else. The memories and love that surrounds that place is far too precious to me.
 
Love.
 
Is that what I feel for Akio?
 
It doesn't feel anything like what I felt for Shicchan. With Shicchan, it was longing, even a sense of awe. She's always been so dynamic, so filled with energy, so confident. I wanted a piece of that. I wanted some of her strength. I wanted it to be with me forever.
 
With Akio. . . there's none of that. There's almost a sense of melancholy. There is none of the worship I felt for Shicchan. Just a profound sense of loneliness. A feeling that I have found a fellow soulmate in this experience of loneliness known as life.
 
There is a closeness here. And a kind of tenderness. I don't know if I can call that love, though.
 
The apartment is silent and dark as I unlock the door and walk inside. It looks much as I remember it from the last time I was here, on that exciting, terrifying night when we broke all taboos and barriers between us. A little cleaner, maybe. A little tidier. Still much the same.
 
I put my bags aside and look around the stark, empty kitchen.
 
An idea enters my mind.
 
It's not much more than a ten minute walk down to a small grocery store I walked past on my way here. I don't have much money in my wallet, but I have a little. Certainly enough to buy enough for a small meal for two.
 
Akio doesn't own an apron, but I still have mine from home ec class. I take it out of my suitcase and put it on after I put the groceries out on the counter.
 
The door opens just as the rice has finished cooking, and the soup finished its long simmer. Akio walks into the room looking weary and exhausted. He looks a bit confused at the savory smells and unusual sounds coming from his apartment, but he seems to understand when he sees that I've set the table.
 
"I thought I might cook you some dinner~," I explain. "As a gesture of thanks~."
 
"Thank you," Akio says.
 
"It's not much~. Just rice and a little~ teriyaki salmon. I was~ going to start the fish when you came in so it doesn't overcook~."
 
"That's fine," he says. "I don't have very fancy tastes in food anyway."
 
I nod back and put the fish on the griddle to cook. Akio watches me the whole time.
 
-----
 
Dinner is eaten in silence. A quiet affair, broken only by the sound of chopsticks moving, and a few soft requests to pass one thing or another, or a small, hesitant compliment about the quality of the food from Akio.
 
Neither of us say much more than that. I guess we're both a bit nervous about what we know is coming next.
 
It's as we finish our meals, and I'm getting up to do the dishes, that Akio stops me. "Let's leave the washing up for later," he says. "Would you like to take a shower?"
 
I nod silently to him. "Yes," I whisper, my mouth suddenly dry with nervousness. "Yes, I would."
 
"Would you like to take one together?" Akio asks hesitantly.
 
"Yes," I repeat. "I would."
 
-----
 
I'm standing in his shower, between the three white-tiled walls, my head thrown back, looking up into the stream of water pouring down on me.
 
Akio soaps up a washcloth and runs it over my body, washing me clean. I shiver at the touch of his hands over my breasts. . . my stomach. . . my thighs. . . between my legs.
 
He kisses me on the back of the neck as we rinse ourselves.
 
I kiss him on the lips as we finish drying each other off.
 
-----
 
Lying in bed together.
 
Our hands are intertwined, fingers interlaced.
 
I throw back my head and gasp with every thrust of his body into me.
 
For this moment, at least, in this place, I am not alone.
 
-----
 
"Can I see you again?" he asks. "Before you leave for America?"
 
"I hope so~," I say, running my hand over his bare chest. "Their school year starts in the fall. . . so I have a few months free~."
 
"It's going to be hard to find the time," he says.
 
"We'll find a way~," I reply.
 
His reply is a kiss. I return it in kind.
 
We unentwine from our lazy embrace and begin making love once more.
 
-----
 
Dawn breaks over the east as Akio and I sit on the couch together, watching the sunrise through his patio door. We're naked except for the blanket wrapped around us both.
 
"It's just an illusion, huh~?" I ask, nodding to the blazing sunrise.
 
"That's right," Akio says. "Nothing more than an illusion created by the sunlight and dust."
 
"Dust and wind~," I whisper. "How can something made of nothing be so beautiful~?"
 
"One could say the same about life, I suppose."
 
END