"I just don't know what to do now! I planned it for months and then she just rejected me. It hurts when I see her because she still makes me feel so light, but I know nothing will ever happen. I can't just abandon her, Lilly!"
        "You certainly have a hard decision ahead of you. I'm sure that whatever you choose, Shizune will survive one way or another, so you should do what's right for yourself when the time comes. However," Lilly stood up, taking the brunette by the hand as she did, and continued, "You have the weekend to think about it, so tonight you should get some rest. It's very late."
        -
"Hanako? Are you all right?"
        I come out of my reverie with a start. Lilly's cloudy, blue eyes are firmly fixed on the space above my right ear, and are full of concern. I realize she must have asked me a question, and I didn't notice.
        "I'm f-fine, Lilly. Just...thinking." Someday, I hope to finish a sentence without stuttering. It's humiliating to know literal deaf-mutes who can express themselves better than I can. The corners of Lilly's mouth quirk up in a small smile.
        "My, my.  Anything in particular on your mind?" Even though I know she can't tell if I'm looking at her or not, I still feel the irresistible need to look at something down and to the left of my field of vision.
        "I was remembering the first time we m-met." Dammit. So close, and yet...
        "Oh." When I wrench my eyes back to Lilly's, she's smiling in full force. I can't help but feel better. "Well, I was just asking if you still wanted to go to the convenience store after school today."
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        I love eating lunch with Lilly. It's the only time of the day I can be sure nobody is staring at me, except for when I'm in my bedroom or using the toilet. Even when I'm using the toilet I know people notice me, although it doesn't stop me from hiding in the bathroom and crying, sometimes.
        Lilly and I don't talk very much, which is fine. I don't have much to say and I can't say what I do want to say without stuttering like a lovestruck bimbo anyway, and Lilly doesn't seem to mind sitting quietly with me.
        At least, normally that's the case. Today she seems on edge for some reason, making minute changing to her posture every few seconds. Most people wouldn't notice, but I've had months to look at Lilly and learn how to read her. That's the other nice thing about Lilly, she can't catch me staring at her.
        It's nothing like that! It's just you never get the chance to really look at people for very long, because if you do they see and then they think you're ogling them or something and now you don't just look repulsive, but you're acting repulsive, too, and people are even more afraid of you. The best thing about Yamaku is that people don't cringe when they see me, and if I mess that up...
        Anyway, I can look at Lilly more freely during lunch than I can look at people normally, and today she's nervous. I wonder what could have happened that would upset her like this, Lilly's practically invincible from what I've seen. Maybe it's a boy? She hasn't had a boyfriend in all the time I've known her, which doesn't make any sense for a girl as beautiful as Lilly. (It still isn't like that.) If she's finally fallen for a guy and is trying to plan her confession it would make sense for her to be nervous about that, even if it is a sure thing he'll accept. Unless it's the track captain she likes, but everyone knows he's gay. It's probably a guy, though. I wonder who-
        "Hanako, this may sound strange. May I touch your face?" Lilly interrupts my train of thought with a question I'm sure I heard wrong.
        "Wh-what?"
        "I want to feel your face. It's how I see people."
        I can't. I can't. She can't see me, I can't let her see my scars. I don't want her to see how ugly I am, I can't let her know, she'd hate me. My eyes start to tear up and a lump big enough to choke on appears in my throat. She's hesitating, her hand poised to reach out to me. I have to say something, I can't let her see me.
"I c-, I- I c-c-, can't, p-please-" I choke out, and she folds her hands.
        "I understand. It's alright." She says. I sob, too relieved that she isn't going to see me to even care that she sounds disappointed. I can't see anymore, my eyes are full of water and my hands have managed to cover up as much of my face as they can, although I don't remember moving them. The bell rings and Lilly says goodbye. Then she leaves the tea room. I don't follow her out, and after holding the door for a minute she closes it without a word.
        I stay in the tea room for a long time.
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