She sat there, on her bed, twiddling her thumbs for the millionth time today. She had just left class, having almost had a panic attack for the millionth time today. She was going to stay in her room until lunch, when she would go have tea with Lilly for the millionth time this week. After that, she would flee back to her room until dinner, when she would go talk to Lilly for the millionth time that day, and then go back to her room until tomorrow, when she would do it all again for the millionth time this school year.
        She felt a sensation inside of her. The Hanako everyone else knew was different than the Hanako she knew inside herself. Whenever she wanted to speak out, to say something, to be different, it just didn't happen. She wanted so desperately to have friends. She wanted so desperately to know, to see, to do. But she couldn't. In fact, Lilly was really her only friend AT Yamaku, and her undying loyalty was starting to falter. Hanako tried not to let it get to her, but it didn't work.
        It didn't work.
        Nothing she did ever WORKED
        ...She felt a sensation inside of her. A turn. She was pacing her room back and forth, wasting the hours away until she could go have lunch with Lilly. The one time of day she had some sanity left to speak of. She supposed it was Lilly who kept her from going crazy with anxiousness. They were best friends and all.
        She felt
        A sensation
        inside of her. A twist. A bending of a nerve that she didn't want to bend. What did Lilly want with her, anyway? Why were they friends? Why did anyone pay attention to her? Her scars shone like a beacon to anyone who looked in her direction, and not just the fresh ones on her wrists and arms and thighs. The ones that had been there her whole life. She found herself chugging now, almost dragging herself across her brain for something to think about. Anything to distract her from what she knew was coming. Every thought she had, everything she felt, her heart grew and retracted.
        Or just shrank.
        Does the heart shrink?
        SHE FELT A SENSATION INSIDE OF HER. A SNAP. It was sudden. It was a dawning, a realization. It was a symphony, cannons blasting in her ears. Her eyes widened, her pupils dialated, her heart beat faster and faster and angrier in her meek little chest. Tears were streaming down her face and she didn't know why, she didn't dare to think of why. She couldn't BRING HERSELF TO THINK OF THE PAIN AND THE TORTURE HER CLASSMATES AND HER FRIENDS HAD PUT HER THROUGH AND
        She stretched the tape taut around the handle of the bat. She couldn't remember where she'd gotten it from. She couldn't remember anything now. She didn't know what day it was, all she knew was that her scars were flaring up like an angry beast eating her alive, and she wanted it to stop. She wanted so desperately for it to just stop.
        "Okay." Her scars said to her. "We'll stop, but only if you do something for us." The voice in her mind was alluring, sensual, soft. Like Lilly's.
        Her everything wanted to be like Lilly.
        She sat the bat across her lap and felt its smooth, sleek surface. It would never be this smooth again. She frowned to herself. Something so beautiful was about to be ruined. Just like herself. Just like her mind. Was her mind still okay? She didn't know. She didn't know. She didn't know. She didn't know.
        Methodical, smooth, practiced. She took a few swings at the air, feeling her blouse flutter just like her heart. She looked at the blood already running down her hands from the fresh track marks across her wrist and smiled. She wouldn't be the only one, soon. She wouldn't BE THE ONLY ONE IN PAIN.
        She sat there, on her bed, all night. Never sleeping. Never blinking. She thought of everyone who had ever interacted with her and how they were getting in the way of her own mental prowess. A blockade. A tumble and crash into an open pit of nothing but torment. And now, as she plugged her ear buds into her MP3 whatever and laced up her whatevers and buttoned her whatever, it was time. Her arms ached, screamed. Her legs were scowling at her, her tongue was burning with words to say. Her eyes were more dilated than ever. Her ears were ringing. She felt like crying. She felt like laughing. She felt everything. She saw everything.
        And, that morning, as she excused herself from class as usual, she knew who was getting an early start on their lunch hour. They always did. And she knew where to find them.
        She put her hand on the door, felt the cold metal push and open. The roof. Rin was there, and so was Emi. Ditching to get an early start on lunch. They barely knew her, but she knew them. She knew them all too well. They noticed her, and Emi waved an emphatic and loud greeting. Rin watched carefully, like she knew what was going to happen. Emi still had her running legs clicked to her calves, and a thin layer of sweat brimmed her brow. She'd been running.
        Good.
        Hanako sauntered up to Emi. Her fists clenched. She didn't know why she was doing it. Her scars were laughing now. They wanted her to do it. She reached toward her back. She grabbed the bat poking out of her backpack, brought it out. And then, just as realization dawned on Emi's face, beautiful, classical, elegant music began blaring in Hanako's ears, and she knew it was time.
        She smashed the bat across Emi's sweet, innocent face, sending her reeling, the nails poking out jutting into her flesh. Almost in instinct, Rin jumped to her feet, as Emi gurgled for her to run, struggling to hers as well. Hanako lashed out, striking Rin in the knees, where she was the most useful. She fell, landing hard on her chin. Emi was back on her feet now, but she was ready for whatever Hanako had for her. Being the most athletic, Hanako's scars yelled in her brain that she had to take out Emi's legs or she'd keep getting back up until her face was a bloody pulp. So, biting her lip and holding back tears, Hanako rushed forward and swung like a pro, hitting Emi in the side and sending her sprawling.  As it seemed Rin didn't have the motivation to get up, Hanako got to work, yanking off her prosthetics,  wrenching them away from her legs. The symphony in her ears flared up, and she smashed Emi's beautiful face in over and over and over and OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER AND OVER
        And once she'd finished, she stood.