“So, it’s good to see you again, Rin.”
 
* * * * *
 
It’s been almost four years since we parted in the rain. She left so quickly, not leaving any form of contact. I turned to Emi for her information, but apparently she didn’t leave anything for her too.
 
I’ve only heard about Rin again when I saw an advertisement on the local newspaper. “Upcoming artist Rin Tezuka – The Painter without Hands” it reads. I’m surprised that a Tokyo art exhibition would have advertisements on a Miyagi newspaper, but maybe whoever did that did it for a purpose. After all, she spent a great deal of her teenage in Yamaku.
 
I arrived on the exact date and time as advertised. The place was much larger than the 22nd Corner, and was packed with people. Her style has changed, yet there were still one or two pieces that reminded me of the mural. I had to wait until the exhibition was almost over to talk to the curator. After my firm insistence, he called Rin over and asked if she knows me.
 
Of course she knows me. I can see a flash of surprise amongst her mostly blank expression.
 
We agreed to meet in a nearby Italian restaurant after dark. She needed a few moments to wrap up the show.
 
* * * * *
 
The place is a dimly lit restaurant decorated with vintage European posters. I wouldn’t call it high-class, but it definitely is trying its best. A single candle stands on the table, illuminating our silverwares and the wine selection menu for us.
 
It’s rather late now, and most people were simply making small-talk, and waiting for their bills. We have yet to make our orders. I’m a bit hungry, after waiting for Rin for several hours at a nearby bookstore.
 
“You too, Hisao.”
 
She’s still wearing the attire she was in during the exhibition. A black-checkered shirt with its long-sleeves tied in a knot, and a pair of jeans.
 
“You seem to be much more… conversational, compared to when we were in Yamaku.” Still, she doesn’t show a wide range of expressions.
 
“Yes. I learned to articulate my thoughts better… And choose what to talk about and what not,” she sipped from her glass of icy water with a straw, “it’s a skill I must have. The art world is about connections.”
 
“So, how is your life?”
 
“Boring.”
 
“I am surprised to hear that.”
 
“It’s mostly just classes, and I spend a lot of my time drawing. I didn’t make a lot of friends.”
 
“What about…” I stopped abruptly, opting to choose better wording, “is there anyone to help you with your day?”
 
“The school assigned an old lady janitor to come help me. She’s here every morning and evening. We hardly talk.”
 
“Emi and I missed you very much,” I said. I tried not to tread too much into our sudden parting four years ago, “you should have leave a phone number, or an address.”
 
“I’m sorry.” She didn’t offer any effort to try explaining herself. “How’s Emi?”
 
“She’s doing good. A bit lonely after you left, but I’d still see her on the track every day. She’s going to the Miyagi University, with a sports scholarship.”
 
“Good to hear.”
 
My stomach reminded me of my hunger, and I tried to shift our topic to the meal.
 
“What are you having, Rin? It’s better if we order now, so we don’t have to wait for our food that long.” The logic didn’t check out, but it’s something.
 
To my relief, she agreed, and I showed her the menu.
 
* * * * *
 
It’s a good thing that the restaurant was mostly empty now, or else Rin’s eating position would certainly draw a lot of curious gazes. She did finish her linguine without much problem, only asking me to help her remove the shells of the clams.
 
The meal was great, but a bit overpriced. Nonetheless, I offered to pay for the both of us.
 
We were having a great talk. Rin’s personality didn’t change much, but it’s refreshing to see her able to reflect her thoughts accurately through her speech. It’s good to talk to an old friend like this, seeing her becoming better and livelier.
 
“Hisao, did you remember when you walked into me sleeping in the classroom?”
 
“Yeah I do,” I remember the wind gently disturbing her hair, and her strange tear flowing from her eyes. I chose to not bring up this detail directly.
 
“I was dreaming, about you. And you appeared. I was convinced that my mind has a super-power or something.”
“You were dreaming about me? I was flattered.”
 
“Yes. I dreamt that we were in the dandelion fields, we’re together and we’re happy,” she recalled, “Kind of like now.”
 
“I wonder what the dandelion fields look like now,” she continued.
 
“I still go there, sometimes. It’s still beautiful.”
 
“I wanted to go back and see what it’s like now. Tokyo is always so busy.”
 
“You know what? You should go back to Yamaku. I’m sure the teachers will be glad to see you. And we can get Emi to meet up with us, for old times’ sake.”
 
“I miss Yamaku.”
 
“We missed you too. And we’ll all miss Yamaku. I am going to leave Yamaku in two weeks, maybe. Emi’s already left.”
 
“I miss the Worry Tree, the dandelion field, the tracks, Emi… and you, Hisao.”
 
"Hisao," she looked at me, suddenly sounding very serious, and I knew what was coming, "Do you want to start over, with me?"
 
I have been anticipating this moment since the start of my journey. In fact, I kind of wanted her to ask me this, and I have been articulating my response for quite a while.
 
"I don't think so. No."
 
Her eyes widened a bit in surprise. Clearly she was not expecting this as an answer. A little bit of remorse kicked into me.
 
"Sorry, Rin, but I don't think we'll ever work out."
 
"You were selfish when you left me. I was only trying to help you. But you left me. I don't hate you for that."
 
"You told me to forget about you. And I tried, but I can't. I still went all the way here just to see you. I just seem to helplessly gravitate towards you."
 
"I can't forget about you, and I can't forget about what happened between us. I came to my own conclusion - that we just aren't for each other."
 
"I try to move on. I'm going to confess to a girl I like. I don't want to be stuck here. I hope that you will do that to. We can remember each other as friends. But I'm not the one for you. You deserve someone who understands you, someone better."
 
"I'm so sorry, Rin."
 
She looked at me, with tears filling her eyes, reflecting the dim candlelight form the table. Expressionless, like the old Rin I knew.
 
"I understand," she said, and gave me a weak smile, her murky green eyes glimmering with tears, "I'll become a better person like you too, Hisao. I promise. We'll both find our own happiness."
 
Her tears began to drop onto her cheeks, yet she maintained her sad little smile. I'm starting to doubt if it's the right speech to give her. She shifted to the left, trying to wipe her tears with her shoulders. I took one of the napkins on the table and helped her. She closed her eyes as I tried to gently pat her cheeks dry. Yet she didn't stop crying. It seemed that every time I disturbed her wet eyelashes with the napkin, more tears flowed out. She still had her smile.
 
I don't know what I should tell her. To cheer up? But I'm the one causing her grief. Once again, I have no idea what to speak to her. It reminded me of the first time I met her.
 
I pulled her to me, and gave her a hug. I put my hand against the back of her hair, feeling the unkempt auburn hair of hers, and gave her a little pat. I can feel her fast heartbeat - not dissimilar to mine. As I slowly stroke her hair I noticed a earring on her ear. She doesn’t normally wear those. She must have worn them for this special occasion. Once again, I felt a tinge of sadness, as if I have disappointed her.
 
We must have been hugging for five minutes, but no words flowed between us. Finally, I let her go. Her eyes were still closed, and she is still smiling. She bowed her head a little, as if she's sad that we parted. I stood up and left the damp napkin back onto the table.
 
"I have to go, Rin."
 
She didn't respond. I'm not sure if she's sad, or angry at me.
 
"I'm sorry," I added, trying to make her feel better, "I'm sorry that your dream didn't come true."
 
She looks like she's sleeping, or thinking, and I felt like I shouldn't bother her.
 
"Are we still friends?" I asked, "We’ll keep in contact, right?"
 
She didn't move a muscle.
 
"Goodbye, Rin."
 
I leave the restaurant, wanting to kick myself in the face for doing that to her. I hope she meant what she said, that she understood my choice. I'm not sure if I did the right thing here, to accept her date then only to reject her.
 
But maybe it’s a good thing. Maybe during a Yamaku reunion, we’ll introduce our partners to each other, and we’ll laugh about all this. Maybe what I did is the best to both of us.
 
To let go, and find our own happiness.