>In the Chemical Labs of the Abraxo Queen
The smell of Abraxo, bleach and other holy chemicals wafted up from massive boiling vats below. I felt a smug grin play across my face. I had built a kingdom of my own out of the machinations and blessed chems birthed in this lab. The Goddess had Maripony, Red Eye had the Cathedral, and I had this. From here, I’d wipe the Wasteland clean of all filth and rebuild it in my squeaky-clean image. Of course, though these substances would guarantee my victory, what’s a chem lab without chemists to run it?
I approached a workstation where my chief chemist worked diligently over beakers and alembics full of bubbling frothy fluids. I knew her from my past life, whose knowledge of Zebra martial arts and alchemy had been invaluable to me and my companions in our travels. Now she served as one of my most trusted aides, who holds the honor of preparing the holy Abraxo Cleaner for my kingdom. Also, she was responsible for mixing up new chems and compounds to help further my conquest of the Wasteland. Today I would be checking in on the results of her latest projects.
“Chief Chemist Xenith,” I started, “How goes the research?” The zebra looked over her shoulder with a smile. “I think you will be pleased with my latest creations, your majesty.” She replied, gesturing to the assorted alchemical apparatus in front of her. “I had mixed this new chemical the scouts found called Ammonia with Bleach, which produced a vapor that had…euthanized several of my assistants in the test chamber.” My eyebrow arched at that last comment. Xenith’s experiments often resulted in death or injury to many able ponies. Oh well. Test subjects are expendable anyway.
“Oh! But I think you’ll be more interested in this!” She chirped, leaping over to a small device nearby. A tin can with a crude seal on top of it, covered in assorted warning stickers ranging from “RADIOACTIVE” to “DON’T BITE”. “This is one of my latest inventions,” my chemist started to explain, “A volatile concoction of Abraxo Cleaner, turpentine and a bottle of Sparkle-Cola RAD, all contained in a tin can housing. It may not look like much, but it possesses more explosive power than a Magical Energy Grenade!” Now I was intrigued. “Very interesting, Xenith. Let’s see a demonstration.” Eagerly, the zebra grabbed the homemade explosive from the workbench. As we trotted off to a firing course to test this new Holy Hoof Grenade, I heard a plinking sound from behind us. “Xenith…what was that?” I inquired. Her eyes went wide as she looked at the grenade. “That…would be the pin.”
BOOM!
The explosion left the workstation a mess, and with a nice burn on both my face and Xenith’s. I fought the urge to throw her into the nearest bleach vat. I looked at the zebra chemist, an apologetic smile on her blackened face. “I’d say your weapon could use some more work,” I told her, “Clean up this mess. I’m gonna go wash this shit off my face.”
That day, I spent many hours in my royal bathhouse.