Play of Shadows
 
Evening of October 2nd
 
“No need to apologize, Luna.  I know you have very big plans, this year.  I’m quite excited to see them, myself!
Princess Celestia continued brushing her hair - slowly, tiredly - while her sister was bounding back and forth across their bed-room, packing things together, rolling up charts and blue-prints, and other such busy-work.   Celestia could hardly keep up with watching her.
“Big plans, indeed!  We will be very busy tonight.   I’ll first go over these schematics with Pinkie Pie, and then Rainbow Dash will meet up with us to discuss some logistics…” Luna paused to double-check her packed bags slung over her back.   “I have hardly slept today, thinking about it all!  I intend to make this Nightmare Night the best yet… and the scariest!”
Celestia had been planning for a while now to take her sister out for a quiet and relaxed evening, just the two of them.  She thought to ask her tonight, but it would seem that this plan would have to be pushed back to another time.  Not that this bothered her at all; as long as Luna was happy, she thought.
In any case, the sun was due to set in an hour and Celestia was feeling more tired than usual.  She was weighing a decision to go out by herself for a walk through the Canterlot downtown, or to just call it a night and go to sleep.  She did so love her walks, sitting for a while outside of a café, the short chats with whomever she might pass, the timid sea of interesting noises - ponies every which way going about their lives.  But…
She yawned.  Then jumped and nearly shrieked in surprise as a loud explosion sounded from outside of their bedroom door.
“Sorry, sorry, oops… Sorry!” A high-pitched voice from outside.
“Oh, that must be her now!” Luna smiled wider than Celestia had ever seen before, trotting for the door.  The scene that followed could only be described as hilarious.  There was Pinkie Pie, and a few unfortunate guard-ponies, covered in black-and-orange silly string, bat and pumpkin shaped confetti.
        “Tartar sauce!!  Now I can’t show this to you, Princess Luna – I mean the non-exploded version…  Oh wait, packed two of them, almost forgot!”  Pinkie Pie stuck her muzzle into a bag, digging around, while the guards hastily bowed to Luna - who was also laughing just a bit heartier than Celestia had ever heard - and relieved themselves of duty for the night …
        The day-princess may have chided Pinkie Pie for carelessly walking around with such a device in the castle, but, she was just too happy right now.  Happy, and tired.  
“Now who is going to clean this mess up, Pinkie Pie?”  Luna jokingly asked.
        “Ahaha, I’ll get right on it!”
Celestia finished grooming her tail, put her brush down and stood from her pillow to approach.
“Don’t worry about it, you two.  There’s more important work to be done, isn’t there?”  She gave her sister a quick nuzzle, a smile and a wink to Pinkie Pie.  
“Yeah, really!  If everything works out, I think ponies’ll be talkin’ about our scare-pranks until, like… next year’s Nightmare Night!  Geez, what’re we gonna do to top this next year, Princess Luna?”
“Let us not get ahead of ourselves, Pinkie dear!  And please, just call me Luna.”  The night-princess put a wing over Pinkie, flicking some silly-string out of her mane with a small bit of magic, and they strode down the hall together, into one of the courtyards.
Princess Celestia on the other hoof went looking for the broom-closet.
 
Early Morning, October 3rd
 
Celestia lied awake in bed, half of her face just barely sticking out from under the covers.  It had been a chilly night and the sun would not be up for several hours yet.  It was quite early for the princess to be so awake and alert, but her mind was racing now and there was no hope of getting back to sleep.
The last night had been strange to her.  Normally, the autumn and winter seasons are when Luna becomes busiest with her duties; the days are shorter, the nights longer.  It’s a time when Celestia’s own duties are less taxing, she should have more energy, but lately that hasn’t been so.  She is lethargic in the evenings, and slow to rise in the mornings.  Even now, perfectly awake, her body lies perfectly still as though she were still slumbering.  
Twilight Sparkle has agreed to start routinely practicing the duties of Night Princess, leaving Luna with more free-time than she has ever had, or probably knows what to do with.  It’s quite a change of pace for Luna, and for Celestia, to see her sister so much at-ease and so often.  
Even though it had been a few years already, Celestia felt as though she had only just gotten used to having her sister around at all.  She had watched her beautiful transition back into pony society, struggling to adapt and overcome her guilt, but finally settling back into her role as princess.  Finally, Luna has some much-deserved rest.  Her elder sister could not be happier for it.
Then there’s Twilight, for whom the passage of time most befuddles Celestia, but always leaves her in a splendorous glow of pride.  Wasn’t it just yesterday that she was being called to a class-room to investigate that wildly powerful little filly?
“You’ve come such a long, long way,” she quietly sang to herself in the night.
Celestia had struggled for so long to find the one pupil who truly understood Harmony.  It was painful for her to watch as hopeful candidates stumbled and ruled themselves out.  She had made friends with many of her students… made enemies with some, but with Twilight she felt a connection unlike any other.  Maybe it was just wishful thinking, after seeing the Cutie Mark that matched the star-marking of the Tree of Harmony.  In the end, her efforts were well placed, and now that young purple filly was a Princess of Equestria who could hardly be considered a mere pupil.  
Twilight was just barely half as tall as Celestia, without a single glimmer of light in her mane, and yet here she was being taught how to manage the duties of ageless Alicorns.  She had spread her wings and taken flight, soaring far above and beyond where Celestia had failed.   That failure…
“Why am I thinking of this again..?” She whispered, sighing.  
It inevitably happened every year.  Nightmare Night is a mockery of the past.  For the average pony, it was a scary folk-tale that turned out to be true, with a happy ending.  It was obviously something much different for the Princess, who had lived through centuries of seeing her sister’s memory corrupted by a brief moment of weakness.  It was a reminder of the worst mistake she had ever made in her life.  Until Luna’s return, she had been unable to share in the frivolity of the holiday.  
With Luna back at her side, and those terrible times behind them, she was able to find the will to join in the festivities each year, but only after wading through the memories and the immitigable regret.  It was hard; manageable, but hard.  Just how does one forgive herself for taking away 1,000 years of somepony’s life?  How does one forgive herself for using the sacred power of Harmony to do something so terrible?
There was a spark in her mind, painful.  If only Twilight had been there, to teach her all that she had come to learn about Harmony; that the elements were not just a defense, but a symbol of something much greater.  Banishing Luna may not have just been the worst mistake of her life, but the worst mistake of all time.  There can’t be forgiveness for such a thing…
“They mock the wrong villain…” She groaned, finally rolling over and sluggishly rising from bed.  She cast light from her horn, making her way around the room to light the candles.  Celestia felt as though she had lived this same morning a countless number of times before:  waking up before dawn, taking a tired look around the room, aglow in her magic; lighting every candle in the same order.  Though she didn’t usually start the day feeling so upset.  
“What shall I do today..?”  She wondered if it mattered.
She felt old.  Alicorns were supposed to be immortal, but in this moment, she ached from her age.  All of the good moments in her life left a positive glow in her spirit that made her happy.  They certainly did.  But for some reason, it was always the bad moments that stood out in some way, hauntingly perfect in their recollection, as painful as when she had lived through it and sometimes more so.  
She felt out-of-date.  She felt useless.  She felt all kinds of things that could have easily been dismissed any other morning, but today was different.  She shambled over to her writing desk, rolling out a piece of parchment and readying a quill;
Dearest Twilight,
I have a pressing matter I must research this morning and likely the rest of the day as well.  It will require my fullest attention, so I am not to be disturbed. I will need you to make sure the sun is raised and set on its appropriate path.  I know this is a lot to ask of you when you have only just started moving the moon, but
Encouraging somepony else proved difficult when she could barely encourage herself right now.
but I believe in you, my most faithful student.
        “No, no… You’re so much more than that, now.”  She magically purged the ink, and re-wrote the line.
but I believe in you.  
Love and thanks,
Celestia
        “Oh, one more thing…”
P.S. You are welcome to all of the chocolate cake left-over from last night.  I will not be upset this time.
        In a flash, the letter was gone, sent off to Twilight’s chambers in the castle.  Celestia stomped a hoof as she stood up, going around the room and blowing out each candle in reverse order, as if in defiance.  She crawled back into bed.
        All in all, she was very happy, certainly…
 
Evening of October 3rd
 
Twilight Sparkle ran down corridors, cut through courtyards, taking the shortest route she knew through the castle.  Her hoof-falls and frantic panting drew a number of curious heads to peek out of their rooms, but most were too late to see the purple mare blurring by.  She had even kicked off the ground and taken flight down the longer hall-ways.    
“Celestia!  Princess Celestia!  Are you done?  Do you need my help with anything?!” She blurted out between breaths, skidding to a halt in front of the door to the royal bedchamber.
No answer… or was there?  She could not make out the faint response over the sound of her own panting.
“Come in, Twilight.”
Twilight opened the door to find her glorious and deeply admired role-model to be sitting on her bed with blankets wrapped around her, hair embarrassingly messy, enjoying a bowl of oatmeal.  At 6:00 PM.
“Umm, hey there… Oh, looks like you’ve got things under control.  Sorry to disturb you.”
“No, come in, you’re never a disturbance, Twilight.”  She gave Twilight a small smile, licking the spoon clean and putting her bowl aside.
“Want me to take that to the kitchen?”  Twilight asked with a nervous giggle.
“No, it’s fine.  Be at ease!”
Twilight sighed to herself internally, closing the door behind her and stepping into Celestia and Luna’s room.  She wasn’t sure what to make of this.  
“Oh, shoot!  I was gonna bring some of that cake.  I couldn’t eat it all!”  She smiled and forced another laugh.  “Figured you’d be hungry after… working so hard all day?”
“Yes, it was quite a strenuous task.  Very complex and delicate, you see.  I am glad for your concern, Twilight, come sit with me.”  She took the blankets off and rose, moving over to her grooming space and taking a seat on her pillow, pulling another one over for Twilight with her golden magic.  Twilight did as she was told, and convinced herself that she had simply taken a nap after finishing.
        “So… what was it, anyway?”
        Celestia floated over her comb, slowly starting to brush out her mane, keeping silent for several moments.
        “Twilight, I treasure your trust in me, far above many things in this world.  Do you understand that?”
        “Yeah, of course.”
        “The things I could tell you right now, cannot leave this room.  Can I depend on you to hold to that?”
        For a moment, Twilight began imagining what kinds of dark magic or twisted secrets Celestia had uncovered in her studies, but something then clicked in her mind about this situation.  Something about the Princess just did not seem right.  Of course she trusted Celestia, of course Celestia trusted her.  She thought those things were already a given in their relationship…
        “Of course! ”
“Alright then.”  Celestia smiled and gave a playful brush across Twilight’s cheek.  “Well, you see, I-“
She paused to gather her thoughts; cleared her throat, put her brush down, fidgeted with her hair, sighed heavily…
“Where shall I begin…?” What was she trying to tell her, anyway?  Celestia wasn’t sure that she knew that herself.  She wasn’t sure if she knew herself anymore.
This was not about research, or magic or anything like that, and Twilight sensed this clearly now.  She put a hoof on Celestia’s back.
“I don’t know, where?”  Twilight responded softly, trying her best to be a comforting presence.  Trying to be what Celestia had been for her on so many occasions.  But this bravado was quickly threatened as Twilight felt Celestia shudder.  Her mouth opened - the source of nearly all of Twilight’s wisdom and knowledge - but only a staggered breath came out, and then the first of many sobs.
Lightning shattered Twilight’s mind.  She was afraid, terrified even.  Celestia did not tell her anything, but only leaned into her, wrapping her hooves around her and bawling.  She could have listened.  Oh, she would have accepted anything that Celestia had to tell her.   She was not prepared for this.  This possibility had not once crossed her mind, ever in her life.
The Princess knew about their relationship as well as Twilight did.  There was a greater weight to those questions of trust that Twilight felt awful for missing. As the moments passed, she became less afraid.  Deeply troubled, yes, but not afraid.  She began to understand that she did not need to do or say anything right now.  She only held Celestia as tightly as she could, while the Princess cried for what seemed like an hour.  The more she let out, the more Twilight took in.  
6:30
7:00
7:10
7:15…
Celestia had exhausted herself.  The evening meal had finished and it’s attendees were leaving the dining hall down the corridor, creating the soft sound of pony-life that soothed the Princess so.  She was still unsure on what she intended to tell Twilight.  At this point, she did not think it mattered how much else she bared.  The weight she had already placed onto her was likely immense and surely unfair.  
“I’m sorry, Twilight.  You don’t deserve this pressure.”
“Pressure?  Are you kidding me?  I’m glad I ran down here… all of that you were carrying.  I’m glad you let it out.”
 
        “I still carry it, Twilight.  You don’t understand.  You couldn’t.”
“Help me to.”
“I am a failure beyond reckoning.”
Twilight nearly keeled over.  Was this a dream?  Was this some new test Luna was placing on her while she slept?  Celestia took advantage of her silence.
“Yes, Twilight, this is the real me.  This is what it means to live for thousands of years… given enough time, the mistakes one can make only grow larger and larger, and more significant.  The ages pass, and you find yourself living in a world that you no longer fit in.  Failing them in their greatest time of need… My Princesshood is only a formality now.  I gave up my right to bear it long ago… just waiting for a pony like you to come and fix the mess I made.  That is why you’re a princess now.  I know that eventually, one day long from now, you will likely experience this as well, but until that day you are a greater Princess than Luna and I ever can be.”
Celestia’s tired rambling seemed to go on and on.  Twilight almost preferred the crying.  She began to shake, but not out of sadness.
“Celestia… Princess Celestia… My teacher, my mentor, my-  everything!  Everything I am, it’s because of you!  I don’t know what you’re talking about.  I just-  I don’t!”
Twilight rose to her feet, stomping a hoof so angrily that the dresser nearby shook, blowing short a breath through her flared nostrils.  The day-princess remained still.
“You have seriously disappointed me, Celestia!”  She stomped to the door, and would have slammed it shut, if not for the wide-eyed kitchen servant, on their way somewhere.  Twilight brushed her mane out of her face and put on the best smile she could, bowing and greeting the servant before shutting the door softly.  
Celestia remained still for a while longer, and then couldn’t help but laugh.  She laughed, and laughed… maybe a bit harder than she could remember herself laughing recently.  Her own voice entered her mind, a memory of herself chiding Twilight Sparkle, saying just the same thing.  Comparing the two moments only made her laugh even harder, until she was rolling off her pillow.  
“What in Equestria is so funny, sister?  Did you accidently drink my Laughing Grass tea again?”
“No- Haha, no…”
Princess Luna had entered unnoticed, throwing half-empty bags onto the pillows on her side of the room, and giving a great yawn.  
“Would you believe we have only just finished our business?  It’s very nearly been 24 hours… That Pinkie Pie is such wonderful company!   And Rainbow Dash, too!  Oh, they can be so devious!  Sister, are you okay?!”
Celestia’s cheek-fur was matted, she had clearly been crying.  She stood up, tall, and smiled genuinely to Luna, trotting over to give her a big sisterly hug.
“I’ll be just fine.”
 
Evening of Oct. 6th
 
“Change can be a great source of fear, can it not Sister?  Pinkie Pie had a great idea to use the new Crystal Castle as the centerpiece for this Nightmare Night…  If ponies believed that something was, wrong, with the new castle, then that would be very scary, would it not?”
Celestia and Luna had chosen a quiet diner on the edge of the rail-road town beneath Canterlot for their little escape together.  Luna could barely finish a bite of her blue-berry pancakes without spitting out some excitement of her plans for Nightmare Night.
“I believe it would, hmm…” Celestia rubbed her chin, pondering.  “What sort of grand-finale do you have planned?”
“Well… Nightmare Moon, of course!  That is the point of the holiday, isn’t it?  Twilight sparkle will assist with a lightning bolt that strikes the top of the castle at midnight, and then I shall play my part, emerging on the top balcony with terrifying laughter! ‘This castle was an omen of my return, foals!’ ”
Celestia shuddered.  
“Yes, that is… terrifying.”
“All around Ponyville, traps filled with candy and treats will be sprung as ponies try to flee.  And finally, to finish the act and remind everypony of the fun in being scared, I shall fly overhead and drop more candy and silly-string bombs.  Oh sister, you should act with me!  It would add to the suspense if you came to face whatever threat lied in wait at the castle!”
Celestia suddenly felt a bit nauseous, but quickly fought it off.
“I will see.  You know I’m content to just watch things on that day.”
Luna’s ears drooped just a bit.
“Yes, I know…”
Celestia exhaled with a pleasant smile and continued eating, Luna staying quite for the longest she had been since they sat down.  
“Which is why I ask you to do this.  It would mean so much to me.”
“Why?”  Celestia responded a bit hastily, without thinking.  
“To see you move on… You cannot hide this from me.  I know the feelings you still harbor.  I would not be offended to see you have fun that day.  I only love you, Celestia.  I only wish for your happiness.”
The day-princess stayed silent, eating…  Luna sighed, but then gave a small chuckle.
“One day with Pinkie Pie would fix you.  By the end of one of our outings, you would surely see Nightmare Moon as nothing more than another ghost to giggle at.”
“I’m not afraid of that.”
“Then please tell me what it is you’re afraid of!”
“It’s not to do with fear...!”
“Then what?”  Luna asked, but slowly the answer appeared to her; in Celestia’s face, in her eyes, in the tone of her voice.  When she didn’t answer, Luna took liberty.
        “You still have not forgiven yourself.”
        “STILL?!”  Celestia nearly screamed.  “It has only been a few years!”
        Luna stared at her sister with her signature calmness, trained after centuries of being royalty on the harder side of Equestria’s history.
        “This struggle is for the both of us, Sister.  I am also frequently reminded of my own failings.  I cannot say that I have forgiven myself completely, but…” she paused to think for a moment, checking Celestia’s expression.  “Do not forget the power of time.  Think of all the things that have hurt you before that.  Can you even recall them all?  Serious things… there have been many.  We’ll bury all of this eventually, with the happy days and years that we will spend together.”
        Luna reached a hoof across the table, to Celestia’s.
        “I will respect your decision not to act with me on Nightmare Night, and not push the matter anymore… But please, please, try to understand and embrace what I have just told you.  I will be trying, as well.”
        Celestia nodded, exchanging a warm smile with her sister.  
 
Morning of October 7th
 
It was time to start trying.  But firstly, it was time to reconcile with Twilight.  They had not spoken to each other, or even seen each other all that much in the past three days.  Celestia was not sure if this was a passive-aggressive streak in Twilight, or if she had simply locked herself away in her quarters for fear of facing what the two of them had set rolling.
But that night weighed heavily on her conscience, and she could let it go on no longer.  
“Twilight?” She knocked.  “Princess Twilight Sparkle?  Are you in?”
A moment passed.
“C- Come in!”
Celestia found a slight mess of a room, not very characteristic of Twilight, but who was she to judge, after all?  Spike was preparing something that smelled delicious in a small kitchen in the corner of the room.  Empty cups of soda-pop and coffee littered her desk, with fast-food bags stuffed into the trash bin beside it.  
“Hey, uh, good morning!”
“Good morning, Twilight.  And good morning to you, Spike!”
“Heya!” Spike called back.
Twilight was not so interested in feigning small talk this time, turning back to the book on celestial magic she had been reading.
“I have urgent royal matters to discuss with you.”
“… Oh?”  
“Yes, it would seem recently the relationship between two Princesses has become strained.”
Spike took his cue, setting the bowl of nacho cheese on a warming-plate and scampering out of the room.
“Ahh…” Twilight just scratched her head.  She looked rather terrible, perhaps up all night from the way her eyelids drooped.  
“Or maybe you should be getting some rest…  I thought you were going to be meeting with Luna today to discuss your training progress?”
“Ahh…!”
Celestia giggled cheerfully.  
“Relax, Twilight. I’m only here to see how you’re doing.”
The little princess slumped in her chair, the tension easing…
“I need to understand and explain the significance of 40 pages worth of Traditional and Ceremonial Star Arrangements to Luna, in about… 30 minutes, when she gets here.”
“How many pages have you read, then?”
Twilight bent over and smooshed her face into the book.
“Guess…”
“Forty, of course!”
“You’re cold.”
“… Two?”
“Getting warmer…”
“Ooh, dear… get to it, then!”
Celestia was amused while Twilight groaned.  She turned to leave her room, but paused at the doorway.  
“Twilight…”
“Yeah?”
“I… just can’t put into words how much I appreciate you being there for me the other night.  That you even thought to check on me when you believed I had been so busy all day.  Sometimes I feel as though you’re my second sister, or a daughter.  I guess I’m trying to say thank you… not just for that, but for all the… happy days we’ve spent together.  And I’m sorry for the silly things I said. It was a hard day for me.”
Twilight straightened herself up, looking back to Celestia with as much seriousness as she could muster, but also blushing with extreme embarrassment.  
“Hey, no problem… I’m sorry, too, for getting so angry.”
“That was actually quite helpful to me, Twilight.  I’m very proud of you for that.  I may have meant a little bit of what I said.  You are very wise for your age; please never hesitate to tell me when I’m wrong.”
Celestia could sense the longing for solitude and the mental paralysis of sleep deprivation in Twilight’s mannerisms.  With a smile and bow, the Princess left it at that and departed.
 
Evening of October 8th
 
It was a comfortably chilly evening, and the streets of downtown Canterlot were just as Princess Celestia loved them, but especially so with the seasonal flare.  Boisterous fun could be  heard coming from the taverns, and the smell of fresh hot cider wafted down the way.  Pumpkin pie, apple pie, specially spiced coffees and teas being enjoyed in-doors and out by shop and café patrons.  She had chosen not to wear her regalia or shoes tonight, so her hooves were bare to the cobble-stone of the street.
Most importantly… the ponies.  All of them, everywhere.  All around her the city was full of life.  Friends laughed, couples nuzzled, business partners relaxed after their long day’s work.  A happy looking mare could even be found playing a lyre on one corner.  It was the sweetest music Celestia could think of… the grand sum of it, the great orchestra of Canterlot.
This was one of the few places in the bounds of city but beyond the castle where she did not feel out of place, or gawked over.  Yes, her stature and that mane of hers were sure to turn heads and garner attention, but these street-ponies were more sensible than the rest of Canterlot.  Meeting Celestia in the crown-city of her empire was not really a big deal to them.
        Even so, she had a nervous excitement.  This was the first time in a long while that she walked the streets without her regalia on, and she wondered what ponies would think, if this was noticed by them at all.  One stallion simply nodded and continued walking by.  Another even dared to give her a bubbly “Hello!” as they whizzed by, on an evening flight.  Nopony seemed to think twice about it… and it soothed her.  Luna might take issue with her carelessness if she knew, but the day-princess didn’t care right now.  She might even brag about it to her, later.
 The Downtown was her comfort zone, her safe place.
        “Princess Celestia!!” A high, squeaky voice shot through the rest of the noise from behind her.  A young colt trotted up to her, completely excited as his mother chased along.
        “Hello, my little pony.  And hello to you, Madam.”
        “Oh, hello Princess..!  Come along dear, before the pie gets too cool.” The mare urged, giving a tap on her son’s rump.
        “Is Princess Luna gonna scare us big-time again this year?”
        Celestia smiled and let herself laugh freely.
        “Maybe… better have your candy ready, if she comes for you!”  
        The young colt giggled himself silly all the way around the corner, until finally their noises blended perfectly with the rest.  Princess Luna.  Everypony, even the young foals, loved her sister and understood that Nightmare Moon was just a ghost, as she had said.  Luna had not only overcome the haunting of her past, but had taken ownership of it, and twisted it into something positive and beloved by all Equestria now.  She made a play of that shadow, rather than be chased by it.
        The strength required for such a feat is… immeasurable.  Equestria needs that strength in us.  That is why I’m a Princess…  If I am not the strongest, I can still be strong enough.  And if I should falter… I can count on my friends and sister.  My sisters.  Oh tell me, what can I do to make a play of my own shadows?
 
        Midnight
 
        Celestia sat outside of a tavern, at the very last table, overlooking the Central Square that meets the two Main Streets of Downtown; taking her sweet time with a mug of hot cider.  The time had passed so fluidly that she had barely even noticed the sunset, helped in part by a bright full moon that kept the square well lit.  She wondered which of her two sister-princesses would be making up for her slacking tonight, and chuckled quietly to herself.  Perhaps she was a little tipsy, as well.  
The crowd inside the tavern was still going strong…
“Still can’t believe Nightmare Moon was a Princess all along.”
“Starswirl’s beard, you’re obsessed.  Do you love her or something?”
“What, where you gettin’ that from?  I’m just sayin’… hey, maybe I admire her, able to make fun of herself an’ all.”
“Yeah, maybe.  You’ve only been talking about it all night.”
“Hey, lay off… You know what gets me though?  What kinda pony ‘ave we really been’ lookin’ up to?  They say Princess Celestia, Celestia, banished her own flesh and blood to the moon... for a thousand years!  S’how the whole thing started…  It’s beyond cruel…  Hey, you work in the library, s’at really true?”
“Yeah, I think so.  We’ve been getting more and more revised copies of books that mention the same thing.  You could take one out if that would sate your damn obsession.”
“I just might, you duck-wit!”
“I’m the one with a prestigious job, I’ll remind you, or a job at all for that matter.”
“Cartin’ books around all day?  Pah!”
 
 
A cold, half-empty mug of cider remained at the table, as a breeze swept away a few stark white feathers.  
 
 
Morning of October 12th
 
Twilight Sparkle awakened with a startle, as the armored hoof of her guard banged loudly on the door.  She had not slept well, sick with worry and a terrible headache, and looked forward to knowing her worries may at least be validated.
“Princess Twilight Sparkle!  Your presence is urgently requested by Princess Luna.”
The knocking again… it almost felt like they were beating her head directly.
“Coooming!”  She said with as much caustic annoyance as she possibly could, though it only served to make her head pound worse.
“Out of bed, now Twilight!”
Her eyes went wide… throwing the covers clear across the room and racing for the door now.
“Shining Armor!?”
The Prince, and Twilight’s two personal guards stared at her… she reached up quickly and threw her night-cap back into the room behind her, shutting the door and leaning against it with an embarrassed smile.
“Get your head screwed on straight and keep pace, Twily.  Let’s go.”
With one motion of his muzzle, the first guard proceeded ahead, followed by Shining, then Twilight still standing by her door with the second guard grumpily urging her forward with an icy look.  She popped her wings in frustration, moving almost to a gallop to catch up to her brother.
“What in Tartarus is going on, Shining?”
He gave a rough and comforting tug on her mane with his magic, like he always used to do, not speaking.  The entourage quickly made its way through the castle, to Luna and Celestia’s chambers.  The doors promptly opened, they were followed in by four more of Luna and Celestia’s guard detail, and the doors were shut just as quickly, each guard standing at attention at the side.
“Princess Luna,” Shining Armor bowed low, and Luna returned a quick nod of her head, her visage calm but cold. “Shall we brief our young princess?”
“Celestia has gone missing.”
Twilight stared at Luna for a moment, blinking.  Then she sighed heavily.
“Again?”
One brief spurt of a giggle escaped Shining Armor’s lips before he could contain himself, tugging Twilight again, this time not so comfortingly.  Luna’s lip twitched, but she maintained her perfect image.
“Yes, Twilight, again it would seem.  I have not yet elevated this to emergency status… It is not like her, but considering some personal difficulties she has been having as of late, she may have taken an unannounced respite.  The last I heard from her, she did not seem especially distressed.  Regardless, it has been three days with no sign… it is approaching that point.  At the very least, Shining Armor can fill in for some of her responsibilities.  In the worst case, he still retains a leadership position of the Canterlot Guard, and will assist in conducting whatever measures are necessary.  Search teams have already been deployed 24 hours ago and are expected to return soon.”
Twilight had intended to continue her sarcasm, but Luna’s exacting demeanor had snuffed that fire out of her in short order.  But just then, she thought that she sensed a crack emerging in the Princess.
“I am… personally very troubled by this.  Perhaps I have understated my sister’s difficulties.  I believe she has been suffering a serious depression since the beginning of this month…  I must find her.  Even if she is perfectly fine, I must go to her.  I will be leaving to make my own search once the teams currently deployed return with their information.  Therefore, Twilight…”
She understood.  Even the look of pure concern that Luna allowed herself was more than what Twilight needed to know what Celestia must be going through.
“I’ll hold the fort.”
Princess Luna smiled, no will to fret over Twilight’s complete lack of regal maturity right now.
“You and I, Twi.”
The sister gave a rare smile that could only be brought out by her brother.
“Thanks… So do your part and get me breakfast!”
“Of course, my liege.”  They laughed together, pulling her along with him out of the room.
Noon, October 12th
 
The search teams had returned not shortly after the meeting that morning; with no luck.  All they found were a few whit efeathers – too large for then to be from anypony else – scattered around the Downtown.  Not enough to be a sign of a struggle.  They knew she had been in that area… and that was pretty much it.  
“How hard could be it be to lose a giant white mare with a glowing mane.” Shining Armor tried to relax with his sister, at a small table to the side of the dining hall.  However, Twilight had progressively seemed to be shutting down more and more over the course of that morning.  Armor had specially ordered a big plate of horse-shoe fries and a greasy disgusting hay-burger… It should have been half gone in less than a minute, but she only picked at it.
“She doesn’t want to be found.  She wants to be alone.”
“How do you know that?”
        Twilight had witnessed an entirely new side of Celestia.  She had felt a critical shift in her perception of the Princess.  Not in a negative sense… perhaps it could be best described as an expansion, seeing her for the raw pony she is, rather than the good role-model she strives to be.  There is also a familiarity; a need for companionship, somepony to lean on.  They were so similar, weren’t they?  The difference was the Princess’s thousand years of experience, learning how to hide it; and Twilight’s companions were plentiful.  If her reslationship was strained with one, she could always turn to another.
        Celestia had but one consistent companion throughout all her life, and that one relationship had been strained beyond Twilight’s imagining.  She believed foolishly that she had solved Celestia’s problems and reunited the two sisters – and she had in some sense.  But with this new perspective, Twilight saw a part of Celestia that was still lost, alone, apart from her sister.
        The events of that day 1,000 years ago had broken something in her that even the most prodigious of unicorns could not hope to simply repair.  All fo this time, and it had been just out of sight.  How many nights had Celestia spent crying alone in her room?  How many nights had Twilight spent, crying and manic, locked away in her room; before Ponyville, before she had found for the first time what was now broken in Celestia?
        “Twi… Stay with me here,” Her lip was quivering and a tear had streamed down her cheak.  “I’ll cut you some slack, but not a lot.”
        “Yeah…” She sniffed.
        “What can you tell me about this situation that I don’t know?”
        Twilight wiped her cheek and exhaled.
        “She’s hurting…” She struggled to maintain her composure.  “Hurting so bad, Shine.  And she’s locking herself away right now.”
        Armor’s brow furrowed.  The pain in Twilight’s face dug up old memories of trying to comfort his little sister.  It was hard to say if his world-changing missions these days felt more important than putting ga smile on her face did back then…
        “Eat that burger, Twilight.  It’s calling to you…”
        She laughed abruptly, more like a shout.  For her brother’s sake, she decided to eat.  Several minutes passed, Shining Armor content with completing his mission once more.  He watched over the hustle and bustle of the dining room…
        “I missed you… Damn it, I missed you.  You were my first true friend.  I haven’t forgotten, you know.”
        He turned back to her, a bit s urprised.  “Huh?  I know you haven’t, Twi.  Andlook what you have now, a lot more true friends to fill in for me while I’m gone, y’know?”
        Twilight pushed her plate away, resting her head on the table and covering her face with her hooves… Impolite, totally un-regal, just how he liked her.  Except she looked so tired…
        “I even see Cadence more than you…”
        “I’ve got a lot on my plate.  Cadence is the pretty one in this relationship.  She gets to move around, attend diplomatic events, and have things like vacations, while I stay behind and hold the fort.” He laughed… trying his best to hide the trace of bitterness he was feeling.  “You’re my main girl, Twilight Sparkle.”
        Shining Armor sighed, lifting her chin up and taking a napkin to wipe some ketch-up that had gotten in her mane.
        “You’re my BBBFF.”
        “And you’re a silly filly that needs to remember what she is right now.  I enjoy every moment I have with you… but you’re officially the sole Princess of Equestria right now.”
        “Again.”
        Shining Armor couldn’t help but smile wide.
        “Yeah, so I shouldn’t have to tell you anything.  Get yourself in bed and take a nap.  We’ll be knocking on your door again in… I’ll give you a good 4 hours.  Maybe less!”
        Twilight sluggishsly rose from the table, giving a sarcastic salute.
        “Do you order Cadence around like that?”
        “Nah… I order the pizza and buckets of ice-cream.”
        She laughed once more with her brother, cherishing the moment deeply.  She was incredibly tired.  For three days she was nearly unable to sleep, out of worry for why Celestia had suddenly vanished.  Four hours wouldn’t be enough… but it was time to shape up.  Like her mentor before her, she would bear the royal veil and hide her pain, her sadness, her exhaustion.  She would hide her foal-like love for her brother, and treat him as a comrade and commander of her forces.  She would not miss a step when her guards expected her to be in line.
        She prayed that all of this would not be necessary; that she would sit in the command room for hours upon end and simply wait for the good news to come of Celestia’s return.  She’s Celestia… who the heck would be able to kidnap her?  She’s having a moment of weakness, but is still the oldest Alicorn in the known world; mentor of the greatest mages in recorded history.  She moves the Sun!
        The image of that great light shined brightly in Twilight’s mind… burning away at her doubts.  If it weren’t for the deep-rooted paranoia that she might once again miss something critical to her understanding of the ponies around her, she might have been able to relax completely.  On the other hoof, she had come to know such a deep level of trust between herself and her teacher.  What if what she was missing was that she finally understood this situation completely?  Was she over-analyzing?  Was it really valid to compare herself to the oldest Alicorn in the world?
        Trust…
 
        Evening of October 12th
 
        “Princess Twilight Sparkle!! “
        “Yes, Commander Shining Armor?”
        The three stallions – Armor, and Twilight’s two guards – stood dumbfounded as the door swiftly opened, revealing the purple Alicorn.  She wore her crown, and her mane was perfectly combed and styled just a bit more than usual.
        Shining Armor had only a slight smile on his face, but Twilight knew that inside he would be positively beaming.  So was she.
        The Commander bowed low, and quickly did the guards follow suit.
        “Canterlot Command awaits to hear your orders for the night.”
        “Let us move quickly then!”
        This time, the three of them followed her.
        The Command room was dark, furniture made of rich stained woods, with dimly lit chandeliers hanging above and a magnificent thick carpet spanning the room.  A giant map of Equestria hung on the opposite wall of the circular room, a fireplace at another side, and at the center was a large round-table with a couple dozen seats; half of them filled with what could be presumed to be the top-dogs of the Royal Canterlot Guard, and the Greater Equestrian Guard; dedicated mostly to smaller issues beyond Canterlot’s reach.
Princess Twilight nearly felt overwhelmed, but eased quickly as she recognized some faces.  A few old ponies here sat stiffly with gruff looks on their faces.  A few more were cool and refined, perhaps even mechanical in their demeanor.  But most of them sat completely relaxed, as if this were some kind of lounging room.  A few were even leaning against the wall, chatting easily.  
These ponies were the ones Princess Twilight had seen once or twice growing up, while Shining Armor was still mainly stationed in Canterlot.  More than just trusted comrades, they were all close friends and enjoyed having him back, even if temporarily.
Everypony in the room straightened up and bowed their heads quickly as the Princess entered.
“Alright, ladies and gentlemen.” Commander Shining Armor began. “Time to get to work.  Let’s brief Her Highness.”
One of the cool and mechanical mares at the table stood up, moving to the map and waiting for the Princess to take her seat before starting.  She levitated and extended a thin rod with her magic, to be used as a pointer.
“Your Highness Princess Twilight, we are proud to say that half of Equestria has already been scouted by the G.E.G Recon flyers.”  Shining Armor cringed slightly, wondering if Twilight would be able to follow. “This smaller area around Canterlot is where we would expect to have found any evidence of malicious activity against the Crown.  Royal Guard has scoured the city proper and turned up no evidence for an attack within.  The scarce feathers we found in this local region around Downtown suggest there was no violence or distress.  Her Highness could not have left through the gates without being noticed, so it was likely either a normal take-off, or teleportation.  We have ruled out the possibility of an offensive against the Crown.”
Twilight smiled and nodded.
“So we got a runaway bird!”
Shining Armor punched the stallion next to him hard enough to send him into the wall with a thud, but there was only stifled laughter from the both of them.
“Yes.  Princess Luna’s initial report of Princess Celestia’s mental state supports this idea.  Princess Luna is still out, but our messenger flyers return with word that it is almost certain Her Highness is trying to evade detection.  She is yet to cover the ground we have, but she knows of Her Highness’ secrets and where she may go, and her detection methods far outmatch ours.”
Twilight faked a scratch of the nose, to hide a stifled yawn.
“Nothing else to report.”  The mare returned to her seat, and then Princess Twilight rose, taking a few steps back and forth.
“Everypony, please go home to your families, your friends, or wherever you want to be right now.  Call in all of your forces and tell them to go home, too.”  Twilight continued smiling after speaking.  The sound of Shining Armor’s greave hitting his formal helmet was audible across the room, as a soft wave of laughter swept across one side.
“There is no immediate danger,” Twilight tried to reassure the others. “The gathering of Canterlot’s entire command structure is a little ridiculous, doesn’t anypony think so?”
“It’s protocol.” Said a gruff and tired voice on one side.
“Go home, is that an order Your Highness?” Said a voice from the other side, followed by heartier laughter.  
“Yes, that is an order.  I can’t send you to the moon if you disobey… maybe we’ll just lock you in here all night.”  Shining Armor excused himself out of the room as the rest of his friends became simply uproarious.  The jaded old ponies rose from their seats and followed the Commander, his friends then began their exit, saying their good-byes or walking out together, filled with praise for the young Princess.
The group thinned.  There was Twilight, her personal guards, the general guard detail for that meeting, and a few ponies still at the table who remained unconvinced.
“With all due respect, Your Highness, if she is truly this troubled then how would she feel about her entire empire abandoning their search?  What would it look like to her?”
“She is not abandoned, if there is love for her and trust in the heart of even a single pony, she’ll not be alone.” Twilight waved a hoof. “And how would we know what she feels?  Perhaps chasing her is the last thing she wants.  Perhaps she sees it as being hunted.”  She paused… a determined look in her eyes. “Do you trust her?  Or are you just following protocols, too?”
The room went silent, save for the crackling of the dying fire and the occasional clink of armor.
All but one pony left the table now, whispering to themselves as they departed.  
Twilight had not noticed him at first, blending in with the crowd, unassuming.  He was an older stallion with a respectable beard and a short but lazily groomed mane.  He stood from his chair and waddled around the table, towards the Princess.
“Yes, I trust her.  Like no other.  Until now.  Now I trust you both.”  He passed her slowly, moving for the door on a failing leg.  “Good job, kid…”
“Thank you..!”
The Princess Twilight Sparkle sat down with a thump in whichever chair was closest, exhaling with a deep and heavy sigh…  The veil was down now.  
What should I do, what should I think, what should I feel now…
“Don’t start over-thinking all of this yet, Twilight.  Would you care to explain yourself to me?”
Her brother appeared at the doorway, blotting out the light.
“I know, I know… bad joke, I felt terrible as soon as I said it.”
Shining Armor shook his head and pushed the door shut, walking over to take a seat next to her.  At ease… a smile on his face.
“We’re in for a lot of trouble with you runnin’ the show.”
“I have a knack for fixing the trouble I start, I think.”
“With a little help from your friends, of course, darling.”
Twilight’s head shot towards the door… like a gust of fresh air, the dawn after a long sleepless night…
Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Fluttershy, even Spike.
“Oh yeah, Twi.  Some folks came to visit while you were asleep.  Why don’t you stop staring and say hello!”
 
Morning of October 13th
 
A night with her best friends was exactly what Twilight needed.  Although she had to resign herself to sleep after only a short while, there was still the next day ahead of them.  They came as soon as they had heard something was wrong in Canterlot, when Luna canceled her vacation and plans with Pinkie Pie.  Whether it was just for moral support, or rising to a meet a crisis as defenders of Harmony, the six of them together could come out on top of any problem.
        “Twilight, I simply can’t believe they stuffed you into this cramped little room.  Surely Princess Celestia and Luna don’t have to sleep in an apartment like this…”
        Applejack wacked Rarity on the back of the head with her hat, being met with a cat-eyed glare.  
        “Quit the belly-achin’ already… It’s only temp’rary, like Twilight said.”
        “It’s just awful in here.”
        “And what a help you’re bein’.”  Applejack pulled Rarity outside.
“I don’t mind, as long as we’re together… but I do need some fresh air.” Fluttershy hopped over some bags and followed them.
“Kitchen… kitchen…”  Rainbow Dash yawned and stumbled behind Fluttershy, about to set out into the castle to find her morning meal.  A set of cat-whiskers, and a bunch of random stars and balloons were drawn on her face in marker, while Pinkie Pie sat in a corner trying to contain herself.
Twilight shook her head and smiled.  It would be a great day… but first, there was one last thing she needed to do.  She rolled out a piece of parchment from her desk, grabbing a quill and turning to Spike.
“Your green-fire teleports these letters directly to Celestia, and not just to a certain spot in the castle, correct?”
“Yep, why?”
 
Dear Princess Celestia,
Even when you’re not here, I’m still learning from you.  You are my teacher, and always will be.
 
Midnight, October 14th
 
Princess Luna dismissed her Lunar Guard.  They had waited vigilantly for her every message, and eventual return.  She hated showing herself like this to those ponies that looked up to her for strength.  Instead she was sweating, frustrated, magically exhausted and on the verge of utter sobbing collapse.  The Guard remained hesitantly, unsure if they should really leave her like this.
“Leave me be, before I embarrass myself further in front of you…”
Soon enough, she was alone.  Alone, her heart and mind racing, trying to catch her breath, full of anger.  Alone was not what she wanted.  The screams of foal’s nightmares – her ignored duties – rang across the skies.
 
She had searched, never once resting, for… how much time had passed?  A day?  Had it been several days?  Using every trick she had to pick up the faintest of trails, only to lose them.  Checking every one of her favorite hideaways, only to find nothing.  She scoured all of Equestria.  Celestia was gone.
        Sleep… tomorrow I’ll go to the lands beyond.  I’ll search this whole world until I bring you back, Celestia.  I love you.  I love you…
        The world began to spin in a blur around her, and before she knew it, she was waking up in the hospital ward.