This FanFic is centered around a male named Shimpei Kinjo. He went to Hisaos' old school,.This is my first FanFic, Enjoy.
 
 
 
 
 
CHAPTER ONE-  ''At least that's what I tell myself.''
 
The incandecent sun shines through the auburn curtains, slightly coating the once bleak, gray room in enriching warmness and welcoming.
 
Shimpei:''Hnn...nnyyyaaaaaahhh....''
 
I yawn,and I rub my eyes, trying to adjust to the welcoming yet cruel sunlight.
 
. . .
 
I woke up before my alarm. Ugh..
 
I sigh. It was only about 7 minutes away from waking me up.
Couldn't the curtains wait before letting a a fuck-ton of light in?
It's whatever. 7 minutes don't count. Only about 15. At least that's what I tell myself.
 
Looking around my room, it's evident I've been kinda lazy lately, so this is pretty unusual for me, waking up early and all.
My bed is left sprawled out, and out of control like two girls had a nasty pillow fight on it. I smile. Fuckin' sweet.
Buut.. that's not what happened. Instead I was on the computer last night, stalking pictures of my sweet Iwanako..
But before that I tried a drink I found at a local gas station. It was called ''Drank''. Purple, bubbly, fancy.. atleast from first glance.
It claimed to be a ''Extreme Relaxation Beverage''. And damn did it live up to it's name. I knocked out on my keyboard, and my mother picked me up and put me to bed. Y'know, when it was neat.
I dreamed of my love. With her beautiful dark hair. How well fitted her tighs are in her school outfit.. how I couldn't exactly picture her face. Hm.
 
Oh how I love you so. But you aren't mine. Why aren't you mine?
 
. . .
 
Yeah.Right. She's in love with that Hisao boy in her class.
Now that I think about it, he does have quite the advantage.
Iwanako and I used to have the same class, but she left, due to a restraining order filed by her mother because of an incident with another girl.
Hot ass cat fight that it was.But I digress.
Now that Hisao and her have the class he get's to talk to her all the time.
I bet he's a god damn player. Unlike me. I can barely say a damn word to her.
Every time I talk I spit unintelligent garbage.
 
Anyways I should be getting ready for school.
 
 
-Fast Foward-
 
Class seems to finish early as usual.
I walk out of class and take my stance outside of class,waiting in the hall on the wall.
I'm trying really hard to look cool, because if I don't someone will mess with me.
At least that's what I tell myself.
Some dudes walk by, talking loudly, about some game they've recently been playing.
One keeps pointing to his chest while the other grabs his own chest, explain some obscure thing called ''feels''.
I would guess he's talking about his feelings but putting it just as that seems un-fit.
It seem's more. . passionate.
 
!
 
I notice a bunch of girls I recognize come shifting through the hallways, but I'm not waiting nor looking at them, atleast not anymore.
It's Iwanako, looking beautiful as ever.
 
Iwanako:''Hahaha, ok guys. Hope that goes well!...''
She seems to be finishing up a conversation. She then notices me.
 
Iwa:''Hey Shimmie-chan! Waiting for me as usual?''
She gives a heartwarming smile.Hnng-
 
I cut myself off to ward away my thoughts.
 
Shim:"Yeah, of course! What are friends for?"
Yeah. Friends. JUST friends. Why just friends? I want more.
 
Iwa:"Ok, great~.''
 
Iwa:''Ahh, that Hisao. He's just so cute!''
 
Damn, there she goes. Talking about that guy again.
 
Iwa:" I asked him today a question in science and he just stared at me,thinking.
At first I thought he thought I was stupid , but then he looked like he was thinking hard, and he answered me! Like this!''
 
She begins to mimick him, in a shy monotone voice.
 
Iwa:''The..pancreas produces insulin. Kyaaaaaaaaaaa~! He was so shy!
He must have thought hard because he wanted to sound smart for me!''
 
Or maybe it was a dumb question. Tch! Sorry my love I get aggravated when you talk about him so I just snapped at you.
Oh wait..you can't hear me.
 
Shim:''Sounds pretty dumb. He sounded that uninterested?''
 
Iwa:''You interpreted it that way? I don't think so...''
 
We begin to walk idly down the hallway, then soon we're out of school, heading to the bus stop.
 
Iwa:''Hey, I've been thinking.."
 
YES.Yes?Yes! C'mon, you're leaving her hanging! Say something intelligent.
 
Shim:''Yes''.
 
Iwa:"Hm?"
 
Shim:"I mean, yes?"
 
Whew, that was close. You almost blew it, kid.
 
Iwa:''Well,I was just thinking that maybe since you're always just couped up in your room, you could get out sometimes. You're too secluded, your body deserves some fresh air.''
 
She wants me to go somewhere? Maybe.. with her?
And now that you mention it, I am sort of a hermit.
What about Hisao? Tch, women change preferences like this all the time. Who am I to complain?
 
Shim:"What did you have in mind?''
 
Iwa:''Well, just the park. I thought it would be nice.
We could just sit together and relax, and enjoy the comfort of the sun.''
 
Sounds romantic.
 
Iwa:"Also,.. there's something I have to tell you..''
 
Something she has to tell me? Please let this be what I am thinking.
This is the day. The time has come!
 
I fumble a bit on my words, but it comes out coherent.
 
Shim:"What.. is it?"
 
Iwa:''Not telling you~! Atleast, not yet. You have to wait and see. It's something that's been going on for a while now, and I feel like you have a right to know."
She smiles so innocently. Something so pure, without worry, almost as if no cares in the world.
 
Iwanako soon leaves, heading towards her bus.
 
I stand there, holding my heart, feeling so.. touched.
Her warm smile is so illuminating, and I've been caught in her radiant glow.
 
- Fast Foward -
 
Fuck yeah! Today's the day. I'm going to put my manly charms on that!
I'm not that bulky, but if she can fall in love with me, I'm not so bad huh?
I stand there, hair combed looking at the mirror.
Putting on my dad's cologne. Smells like strong wine.
Feeling boss as you can possibly feel in life. I put on a ballin' T-shirt,my favorite,with a manly ass bear on it.
Get on my best pants and shoes, get a denim jacket on and I'm ready to go!
I hear it'll get cold soon, so I hope she brings a jacket. Or mabey not, so we can share warmth.
MMMMmm.
 
I head out to catch a bus.
After getting some money, I briskly run down stairs without the usual ''heys'' and ''byes''.
Open the door, and I'm out!
I walk to a nearby bus stop and chill. Man this day's gonna be awesome.
I'll finally have the love I've always wanted. I'll be with her , then marry her. Maybe we'll have kids? I sure hope so. Not too early though. Annyoing little bastards. Then we can grow old together.
Will she still be hot? Maybe I can still do it with her.
Or maybe she'll be one of those old fat grandmas. Wait, yeah she'll be a grandmother.
I ain't fuckin' no grandmother. No kids then. Then she'll still be a mother. JUST a mother.
A fine ass old mother.
Aww yeah.
 
My dream screeches into a halt in unison with the bus that just arrived.
Me and the other people walk in, and it's evident by the looks I'm getting, I'm ballin'.
I'm getting a few whiffs here and there. They must be loving the smell. Yeah, that's it.
I sit, and look out the window. The park isn't that far, so I won't fall  asleep.
I'm sure of it.
 
. . .
 
 
I'm awoken by the trickling of drool on my arm.
Ugh, not a pretty sight. I'm supposed to be the cool guy, remember?
I wipe it off discrerely hoping no one has noticed. I noticed I'm approching my stop.
Just in time. I see Iwanako sitting on a bench, checking the time.
I'm not late or anything, so she must be really eager to break the news!
I walk out of the bus and walk calmly over to her.
With my newfound courage I pat her on the back.
 
Shim:"Sup?"
 
Iwa:"Ah.."
 
I guess I startled her a bit. She seems really excited about me. At least that's what I say to myself.
 
Iwa:"Hey Shimmie-chan.''
 
She smiles.
 
Iwa:"Wow, you look nice! I'm impressed. You don't go out much, so I don't see much of you in your casual wear,so this is new. Not too shabby."
 
She jokingly nudges me with her elbow.
 
Shim:"You don't look too bad yourself." I give her a reasurring smile.
 
I just said that to be polite, but now that I mention it she's looking pretty.. well.. stunning.
 
She's wearing an ivory colored trench coat, and it suprisingly wraps verly nicely around the waist.
It got chilly on the way here, so it's pretty fitting. Her legs though.. ooh, her legs.
 
She's wearing a ruffled brown skirt, with brown knee-high heels.
The skirt is kind of odd in this weather, but she doesn't seem like the kind to mind,for fashions sake.
 
Anyways, I didn't come here just to stare as I always do. I came here for conversation.
And hopefully, progression in our relationship.
 
Shim:" So, we both know this isn't what we came for. What is it that you've got to tell me?"
 
That came out a lot more forward that I anticipated.
 
Iwa: "Ah,..you're pretty forward today aren't you?"
Her lips form into a grin, and she gives me a playful look.
 
Shim:"Hahaha,..sorry. I just want to know. If it was so special for us to come out here like this, I'm naturally curious."
 
Curious? That's an understatement.
This is the day I've been waiting for.
All those nice chat's we've had.
All the moments we've shared in class last year.
We spent so much time together.
Every day slowly and slowly I began to think maybe there's something more between us.
I'd stay after class with you, during class I sat next to you.
People always asked if we were going out, and we always gave a shy hearted ''no'', but I always knew this would come.
You brighten up my day.
Every morning I think of you, I go to school and talk with you, and when I sleep, I dream about you.
When you aren't at school, I DAY dream about you.
Everything is about you.
I don't even think I deserve you.
No, not think.
I know.
I know I don't even deserve you.
I don't even deserve you.
I don't deserve you..
I don't..
 
Iwa:''Well, if you must know...''
 
My train of thought just vanished off it's tracks without a trace.
She seems to be thinking about what she's about to say, and my breathing becomes irregular due to the wait and the psychological warfare going on in my head, trying to pinpoint what she's thinking.
It has to be it.
She's going to tell me that she loves m-
 
Iwa:''I'm going out with Hisao!''
 
What?
 
Iwa:"I asked my friend to put my confession in his textbook, and he read it, and then he came to the forest I asked him to come to, and then he was there, and then I was there, and then I was so HAPPY, and then I was so SCARED, because I didn't know if he came for me, but then I was like
''why would he randomly be in the forest?'' then I was like oh no maybe he's hiding here to smoke pot! I quickly found out that wasn't the case there was no pot in his hands just a peice of paper but it had pink ink in it I soon realized it wasn't just any ordinary peice of paper it was MY paper , my confession remember?! So he got it and I was happy and it was snowing and it was dramatic and I was all like
''Hi... Hisao? You came?'' and he was all like
''yeah!'' but not really he was like
''I got this letter it was yours?'' and I was like
''yeah!'' but not really I had to keep composure you know?
I explained how I asked my friend to give it to him and he said
''here we are out in the cold''
Oooooh so romatiiic!! But time went by and I realized I had to get serious so I got up and kept cool and I asked him out so shyly but it wasnt my fault okay I was nervous!
 
Suddenly he's all silent ... he starts messaging his throat and I'm scared! He seemed awfully sick!... suddenly he was ok. He said
''that was..odd'' and i asked if he was ok and after a while he said
''I accept''.
I asked what he meant and he said he'd go out with me!
He seemed so cheery and happy I forgot completely about him looking sick and so did he! Great isn't it?! Now I finally get to go out with him!Kyaaaaaaaaaaaaa~!! It felt so good saying all of that.''
 
I sit there in complete silence.
My body is getting hot, and my eyes are begin to swell...
Fuck.. this can't be.. I can't be.. this is..
 
Iwa:''Now I can finally be in love with the man I want!''
 
The straw that broke the camels back.
I felt a giant ice pick stick straight into my chest.
Why didn't I see this coming?
Maybe I did.
Maybe I just didn't want to believe it.
Why did I lie to myself?
Why did I believe it could be just us?
Why did I let it get this far?
 
Iwa:"Shimmie-chan aren't you excited for me?''
She gives that smile that always made me feel like I wasn't me.
Like I was someone better.
Like I was someone she wanted.
 
I feel like there's spiders in my legs, and my arms are burning. I'm sitting paralyzed. A tear rolls down my eye. My mind is shut down due to her confession.
 
But my body. .
 
I start to lazily shift around, and my vision becomes a hazy double.
 
Iwa:''Shim..mie..chan?"
 
Shim:"...Ah-!''
 
Suddenly my vision becomes white. My arms start flailing around uncontrollably.I hit something, I can only tell because when my arm hit it it sent a numbinly painful vibration through my arm and I fell to the floor.
 
Iwa"SHIMPEI!!!!"
 
She never calls me by my first name. That's the last thing I remember hearing that day.
 
 
-Fast Foward-
 
. . .
 
Looking out the window, this town doesn't look so bad. It had a beautiful scenery, going up this hill that is.
But I hate it. I hate it all.
 It's all a representation of what has happened. What my ''new'' life is going to be. But new isn't always better. This time it is undeniebly broken. Shattered. Psychologically. This car is black and shiny on the outside, and in the inside due to it's leather. It's a nice representation of my new life. Nice and shiny and new, and ''presentable'' to the rest of the world. But black is black. This is the color of death. Sadness. Sorrow. I've become someone you say you're friends with, on a whim. People will probably befriend me for the benefit of saying they aren't a bad person for being friends with such a misfit. Maybe it was the same then. I was pathetic mentally then. Still am now. But with an added physical disability.
 
Multiple sclerosis. The disorder is most commonly diagnosed between ages 20 and 40, but can be seen at any age.
Apparently it's caused by damage to the myelin sheath, the protective covering that surrounds nerve cells.
When this nerve covering is damaged, nerve signals slow down or stop.
The nerve damage is caused by something known as inflammation.
Inflammation occurs when the body's own immune cells attack the nervous system.
This can occur along any area of the brain, optic nerve, and unfortunately,the spinal cord.
It is unknown what exactly causes this to happen. The most common thought is that a virus or gene defect, or both, are to blame. Environmental factors may play a role, says my doctor.
You are slightly more likely to get this condition if you have a family history of it or live in an part of the world where it is more common.
My grandmother was rumored to have this, but she died long before I was born. Maybe I'll follow suit. Might as well.
I might as well be dead.
 
I did hit something. It was Iwanako. Her days at the hospital for me were numbered, but each time she came over, I had to bare to sight of her bandaged face. A HUGE bandage. I had hit her pretty hard during my muscle spasm..
 
We talked a lot.
 
Mostly it was silent conversation about how's school going, but then it would trail off into something about Hisao.. and when she noticed I was getting a bit silent, she would stop.
 
She obviously felt unconfortable about the whole thing.
I was a burden on her. One day I had all my feelings condensed. I knew it was the day I had to say something.
 
She came in one day.. and I looked at her in the eyes.
 
She had a bag, but she laid it down when she noticed my awkwardness.
 
Iwa:''Shimmie-chan?''
 
Shim:''Stop coming.''
 
Iwa:''Wha-?''
 
Shim:''You don't have to come anymore. I'm a burden. Just go live your life.''
 
She was confused...but soon regained her composure.
 
Iwa:''You are not a burden.'
 
Shim:''Just leave. I'm just waisting all of your time. I'm nothing.''
 
Iwa:''You are my friend.''
 
Argh. Shit. I detest all of this. I loath friendship. I felt all of my welled but rage unleash a lash of anger and bitterness.
 
Shim:''FINE. THE TRUTH IS YOU WERE NEVER MY FRIEND. YOU WERE JUST SOME GIRL WHO WOULDN'T STOP TALKING TO ME ABOUT SOME OTHER BOY AND YOUR STUPID LIFE WHEN I ONLY WANTED TO FUCK! THAT'S RIGHT. I HATE YOU! I FUCKING HATE YOU!  GET OUT AND GO BE WITH YOUR DAMN BOYFRIEND SINCE HE'S JUST SO GOD DAMNED BETTER THAN ME! SO MUCH THAT YOU STOPPED COMING AS MUCH AS YOU USED TO!
 
She gasps...she sits there motionless.. until she starts crying. Crying. I caused this.
 
Shim:''Look.. I''
 
What can I say? Did I really mean what I said.. in some ways..
Yeah.
It just didn't come out like I wanted.. does that make me a bad person?
To think this way?
Am I really that bad?
 
Shim:''I'm sorry..''
 
Am I really?
 
Iwa:"Don't bother! YOU'RE A JERK! I DON'T EVER WANT TO SEE YOU AGAIN EITHER SHIMPEI KINJO!  I get it! I'm not wanted here. So I'm going to leave! Not because you told me to, but because I have enough respect NOT to be treated like...this! So don't bother! This is the last time I'll ever tak to you about ''my stupid life''! I stopped coming so much because you wouldn't talk to me! Something was always on your mind but if I asked what, you said you were fine. It happened so much I figured you wanted to be alone. So I gathered money, and bought you this. I'm sorry for considering your feelings Shimpei.''
 
She walks towards towards the bag and tosses it to me.
She proceeds to leave and slams the door.
 
I take out what's in the bag..
 
A...teddy bear?
 
There's a note attached,
Note:''I remember you always talking about how your favorite animals were bears, so I got you this! It's even on your favorite shirt that you wore when.. the incident happened. I'm sorry all that happened and sorry I couldn't help. I don't know what to do, so I got you this since you looked down. I was hoping maybe for one day, you can give me your smile again. It always warmed me up. You are a great friend, Shimmie-chan. Thank you for always being there for me. So now it's my turn to be here for you.''
 
I feel heat all over my face.
 
I'm such an idiot..
 
I start to cry..not silently this time.
I completely lose it.
There is no holding back now.
I feel my back arch as I let all my emotions pour out.
 
This is the real me. My pethetic self. Broken. Selfish.
And all I can do, is cry.
 
. . .
 
???:''You enjoying the view back there? The scenery is gorgeous.''
 
I was zoned out for a moment.
 
My dad says, obviously sensing my silence the whole ride.
 
???:"And my, does it smell wonderful. The auroma of this small town is indeed something to look forward to.''
 
Nothing is worth looking forward to ever again. My moms words go unheeded.
 
I now have to enroll in a school known as Yamaku. It's pretty much a hospital attached to a small school. Atleast that's what I gathered. It fosters kids with physical disabilities. It has a pool, track and library along with other school neccecities.
 
. . .
 
This is fucking degrading. I'm a sick dog that needs a check-up every two or so hours now?
 
Dad:"Ok, we're here."
 
. . .
 
My mother hasn't turned back to me, she's looking straight forward.
 
Dad:''. . .Don't worry. The doctor assured me it'll be nice here Shimpei.''
 
He says as I get out, and he passes me my suitcase filled with my clothes, pills and other things. . .
 
Shim:''I'm sure..thanks."
 
I close the door and turn back. My mother rolls down the window and calls me over.
 
I lower my head, and she kisses my cheek. When I look at her there are tears streaming down her face.
 
Mom:"...Have a good time here, Shimmie-chan. For us. My mother. . your grandmother went to a school just like this. It isn't as bad as you think. I love you. We both love you. You're a beautiful person, so please, don't be discouraged. I believe you can pull through."
 
. . .
 
Shim:"Thank you. .mom, dad. I love you both too."
 
My mother nods, and my dad gives a sad wave before he starts his engine, and they depart.
 
I turn around, tears in my eyes, and walk forward.
 
I brush off my tears. I'm so pathetic. I look at the gate. I mirror my words from before. Nothing is worth looking forward to ever again.
 
 
 
 
At least that's what I tell myself.