>As you wait in line for your food, you continue to get stares
>Just remember, Twilight
>Normies are stupid
>And horrible
>They're tiptoeing around you right now
>Being all nice
>But it won't be long before they go back to making fun of you
>You're almost 100% sure of that
>As you go to sit down at the table, most of the girls give you very concerned looks
>Applejack doesn't, and instead just has that same dumb applefarmer face she always does
>Which is good, you guess
>Fluttershy gives you a very deadpan look
>It's almost scarier than her angry
>Trixie wraps her arms around one of your own and hugs you
>Rainbow Dash looks the most visibly concerned of the group
>"Egghead, dude... Are you okay? What happened?"
"I... I'm okay. And I don't want to talk about it."
>She nods
>"I heard the police aren't even looking into what happened. That's... It's crazy! That's, like, so rape culture, and—"
"Rainbow, please..."
>She stops
>"So, darling... How are you?"
>You frown
"Okay, I guess... People keep acting like they're my friends all of a sudden."
>"Well, I'm sure they're all just... Seeing the positive qualities they've been missing."
>"Yeh? Like what?"
>Rarity turns to Applejack with a venomous look on her face
>"What an absolutely deplorable thing to ask!"
>Applejack scoffs
>"No offense, but Twi was kind of an asshole before the whole rape thing. 'N now, you're sayin' she's not? Like the rape fixed her personality? That wha 'cher sayin'? Now that's deplorable, Rarity."
>Rarity just blubbers gibberish and then grunts
>"Crass, mannerless... Hick!"
"It's fine, Rarity... I'd rather you guys not treat me differently, please."
>"I don't even see why she sits here if she's going to be nothing more than a cretin."
>"Because I'm the one who y'all rope into all yer manual labor needs, 'n so I get ta say what I want. I was raised to be honest."
>Rarity scoffs
>It's every fucking day with these two
>Things eventually simmer down at the table
>"Oh, hey, Egghead. You any good at fighting games?"
"I mean, I guess?"
>"I know you're usually busy, but do you think we could hang out after school? My usual bud is busy, and I need to practice."
"F-For what?"
>Rainbow leans back with her arms behind her head
>Doing the whole 'cocky' thing
>"Oh, just for the local tournament which I'm going to win."
"O-Oh... What game?"
>"Smash, man."
>Oh
>Yeah, that's totally a fighting game
>You remember why you're always 'too busy' to hang out with Rainbow Dash
>Fucking pleb
>Why not just eat manure straight outta the bag?
>Rainbow smiles
>"So, are ya in?"
"Oh, I don't know... What about Anon?"
>She groans
>"Anon thinks video games are dumb."
>Well, they are
>Video games are terrible
>You fucking pleb
>Rainbow looks at you expectantly
>Well, maybe...
>Fuck, don't be so fucking acerbic, Twilight
>She likes what she likes, right?
>You fancy yourself pretty decent at Smash, so, why not?
>It would be better than shitposting for a whole day, right?
"S-Sure... We can hang out."
>"Sick! In advance, I'm sorry for beating your ass so hard, Egghead."
>She laughs
>Trixie yammers in your ear about her Pathfinder sessions with Sunny
>Usually, you'd tell her to shut up
>You don't
>You don't listen, either, but you're just a little too exhausted for that
>Eventually the bell rings
>As you being leaving, Fluttershy taps you on the shoulder
>"He'll have something for you next week."
>And then she just walks away
>O-Okay...
>Just don't worry too hard about it, Twilight
>The rest of the day goes by much as the beginning
>Fucking normies
>You hate them so fucking much
>You almost think it was better when they were bullying you
>After the school day ends, you head over to Rainbow's locker
>"Hey, Egghead!"
"H-Hey, Rainbow..."
>"Ready to get your ass whooped?"
"A-A-Are y-you?"
>Rainbow laughs and pats you on the back
>God fucking damn it
>You're not stuttering because you're scared or nervous, but...
>Sometimes it feels like your body is scared, even if your mind isn't
>6th sense of being around people you aren't that close with
>You follow Rainbow Dash into the school parking lot
>"Check it out, man! Got this baby with my own money."
"Sweet..."
>Looks like a pretty old car
>Older than you, at least
>Definitely in way better shape than Treehugger's, but...
>You wonder why she's so proud of it
>The two of you get into her car
>"Dude, listen to this stuff."
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XAIX2vISe3M
>Jesus fuck
>"Awesome, right?! So fucking heavy."
"Y-Yeah... C-Cannibal Corpse... My favorite."
>More like 'most plebstream metal band'
>"HOLY SHIT ME TOO!"
>The ride to Rainbow's house isn't the most fun you've ever had
>Too many Cannibal Corpse songs later, you arrive at Rainbow's house
>It's a small, one floor home
>"Okay dude, c'mon!"
>She pulls you along and you enter her home
>There's a faint odor in the air
>Not quite sure what it is, but it's not a good thing
>Rainbow Dash brings you into her room
>Posters cover the walls for various pleb bands and movies
"S-So, which Smash are we playing?"
>"Brawl, obviously. It's the only one with tripping!"
>You almost feel your heart stop
>Rainbow Dash laughs
>"I'm just fucking with you dude. Obviously Melee. What do you think I am, an idiot?"
>Not sure you should answer that truthfully
>"Well, c'mon, take a seat and prepare yourself to be destroyed."
"Y-Y-You're the o-one who's going t-to get destroyed..."
>She boots up her gamecube and hands you a controller
>Thank God it's not one of those shitty MadCatz controllers
>She sets it to a stock match with 4 lives, 8 minutes, no items
>She picks Fox
>Of course
>Think you're hardcore, huh?
>You'll show her
>"Ganondorf, seriously?"
"Y-Yeah..."
>Get ready to be embarrassed, you pleb
>Ganon is definitely not your main
>Not even in your top ten
>But you sperged over this game hard when it came out
>You won't need your best to beat Dash
>And the stage is Final Destination
>Of course
>As the match begins, Rainbow Dash turns to you
>"My condolences."
>Pff, whatever kiddo
>You get ready to crush her and—
>Oh, wait
>Oh
>Oh, she's actually good
>Well, this was a mistake
>You're barely able to touch her
>God, Ganondorf is so fucking slow and terrible
>Fucking garbage clone characters
>Fox is so broken
>This game is so dumb
>Sweat crosses your brow as you being concentrating, playing with all your might
>At this point she's just fucking with you
>Taunting and shit
>"COME ON, COME ON, COME ON"
>SHUT UP YOUR ANTHROPOMORPHIC BAG OF SHIT
>You're on your last legs, in the red, one stock, and she's still fresh on two
>Okay, just try and—
>Well fuck
>You frown
"Damn."
>"DUDE, that was so sick! I've never seen anyone play Ganon like that before!"
"Y-Yeah?"
>She smiles
>"I knew you were cool, Egghead."
"R-Rematch?"
>"Duh."
>Okay, you're going to try this time
>No more Ganondorf
>Over the next few matches, you manage to take a few wins, but...
>Fuck, she's actually really, really good at this
>Guess it's just in her autistically competitive nature
>"Woo! That was a close one. We should play more often, man."
>Well, maybe...
>Maybe she isn't as bad as you thought
>Still a Chad though
>"So, dude, can I ask you something?"
"Uh... Sure?"
>"So... What was it like doing, you know, uh, drugs and stuff? Really cool?"
"U-Uh... I guess it was fun and stuff..."
>"I'm sorry if you don't want to, you know, talk about it... I'm just really curious is all."
>You try to remember back
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b_OC-PGdpUk
>Well, it was trippy as hell
>You chuckle to yourself
>You can actually use 'trippy' to describe something without being figurative
>Or is it figurative?
>Eh, whatever
"I don't know, it was really crazy. Apparently, if you freak out, it just makes everything worse... I got really paranoid at first."
>"Was it scary?"
"I literally thought I was going to die..."
>Rainbow's eyes widen
>She's completely enraptured by what you have to say
>It's... Really weird to have someone listening to you this intently
"It got better, though, when the rest of the stuff kicked in..."
>"Did you, like see stuff?"
>You describe your trip to her as best as you can remember
>Stuff about horses
>Flying
>Space
>The colors
>Try to leave out the sex stuff
>It'd be too awkward, you think
>"Woah man, that's so crazy..."
>You smile awkwardly and rub at the back of your head
"I-I guess..."
>"And you're okay, right?"
"Yeah... Nothing bad happened. Well, no, not nothing, but, eh..."
>Rainbow Dash gives you a worried look
"I... I'm fine, you know. I was fine then. I know you were just... trying to be a good friend, telling my dad and stuff, but..."
>"Yeah... I dunno, Egghead. It's just confusing, I guess. I just, I don't know, I felt like I had to do something. And the stuff Fluttershy said just put me on edge, I guess."
>Ugh, Fluttershy...
>You don't want to talk about her at all
>There's an awkward silence
>"So... Okay, maybe this is stupid, but, like, do you think you could hook me up? It's just, I dunno, it sounds like something fun to do, you know?"
"Y-You want me to hook you up?"
>"Yeah! C'mon Egghead, what do ya say? We're friends, right?"
>You're not so sure that would be a good idea...
"I don't know, Rainbow..."
>She pouts
>"C'mon, man. We're friends, right? I won't tell anyone about it!"
>Man, would it be okay to 'hook her up' with Treehugger?
>Definitely can't send her to Fluttershy
>She'd probably kill you, literally, for that
>Maybe even Rainbow
>Yeah, definitely don't do that
>Being someone's 'hook up' for drugs
>Definitely never thought that would be you
>You're not totally against drugs, you know, now that you've done them
>And Treehugger's really nice
>Maybe if you introduced Dash to her, she'd see she wasn't a bad person...
>And maybe shit could get totally fucked
>You could drag her into really bad shit and ruin her life
"Ehhh... I-I don't know if it would be a good thing, you know?"
>Rainbow grabs your forearm
>"Let me be cool with you, Egghead. C'mon!"
>'Be cool'
>Blegh
>Being cool is starting to seem really overrated
>Is that all people want?
"D-Do you want to just play some more Smash?"
>Rainbow shrugs
>"Sure."
>You guys play a few more rounds
>You beat her almost painlessly every time
>She's hardly doing any of the tryhard shit she was doing earlier
"You're not even trying!"
>"Sorry."
>Ugh, she's being so mopey
"Is it really... Really that big of a deal?"
>"Will you just tell me why not?"
"It's just... I don't know, it doesn't seem like a great idea..."
>"Why not?!"
>She frowns
>"I'd be awesome at it! I'd be totally great at it, man!"
"W-What's that even supposed to mean?"
>She lays down on the bed
>"I dunno. It's just true. I'm always number one, man. Is it that you don't like me?"
"It's not that..."
>"What's good for the goose is good for the gander, right?"
>You shrug
"Did you just hang out with me to ask about this?"
>"Pfff, whhaaaat? No way man, that ain't me."
>You squint
>That's not the answer you were expecting
"You only wanted to hang out because..."
>"Egghead, nah. I always ask you to hang out. Why's it different this time? But c'mon, you know you could trust me. It would be sick. Like Heavy Metal, or whatever. I bet my trips would be awesome, man."
"Is there even a Smash tournament?"
>"Pff, yeah."
>You frown
>"I mean, you know, it's the club tournament. Which we have every week. But still! Practice is good, y'know?"
>Awesome
>Just awesome
>She didn't even really want to hang out with you
>Just an excuse to get 'super sick' drugs from you or whatever
>Rainbow Dash tries to laugh everything off and sits back up next to you
>"Do you want to watch a movie?"
"Not really."
>"Oh come on! Are you mad at me, Egghead? Okay, so MAYBE I had some ulterior motives, but I still also wanted to have fun with you! We never hang out, and today was awesome, right? I know the answer is yes!"
>Ugh
>It was pretty good up until this point
>You cross your arms and shrug
>"C'mon! You're keeping me from the trifecta!"
"What?"
>"Sex, Drugs, and Rock 'n Roll! I got two outta the three! This is my lifestyle we're talking about, man!"
>What in the fuck is she even talking about?
>"Pleasepleasepleasepleasepleaseplease—"
"Rainbow!"
>"I'm sorry..."
"Just leave it, okay?"
>She groans
>"Have it your way, Egghead... Do you want to go back to playing?"
"No."
>You shrug
"I thought you just wanted to hang out..."
>"Aw, don't be like that, man! I do want to hang out! You're a cool person, Egghead. I just thought it would be cool. You told me yourself that it was awesome!"
>Ugh, fucking Rainbow Dash
>You did tell her that it was rather enjoyable
>And she has always been pretty nice to you
>But still!
>This is literally serious business...
"Well, maybe..."
>"SICK!"
"But you can't tell anybody! And, uh, 'be cool', or whatever."
>Rainbow Dash... flexes
>"Psh, I'm the Queen of Cool!"
>This is a terrible
>TERRIBLE
>Idea
>Can't walk it back now
>That would be awkward as fuck
>"So, like, do you have stuff on you right now?"
"No! Ugh, look, I... I can bring you along on the weekend, okay?"
>Rainbow Dash squeals
>"OmgomgOMG! Twilight, you WILL not regret this! It'll be SO SICK."
"Don't tell anybody, okay?"
>"Duh, of course not. I'm so excited! It'll be just like a music video, dude!"
>Right
>Twilight
>You are a fucking retard
>Dash pulls you into a hug
>"Egghead, you are SO. COOL."
>Something floods your chest
>Is this...
>Is this what it feels like to be cool to someone?
>If Dash feels like this all the time, no wonder she's so obsessed with it
>"Okay, so, wanna watch a movie?"
"S-Sure..."
>"Awesome! Have you seen Guardians of the Galaxy? It's so funny! 'Why would I rub my finger on his throat?' LOL!"
>You didn't hate the movie
>But you do now
>"And afterwards I can show you the tumblrs I follow. The internet has so many sick memes, man. I know you're on the internet a lot, so you probably know about sick memes, too, right?"
>This isn't dank
>This isn't dank at all
>How can so much pleb be inside one person?
>You realize that this doesn't feel that much different from hanging out with Trixie
>If Trixie just talked a little different...
>'DUDE, check out my SICK Magic deck!'
>'WOAH, DUDE, PATHFINDER, LMAO'
>Normies
>Autists
>What's the fucking difference
>Just... Just try and enjoy yourself, Twilight
>Maybe some of your patrician sensibilities will rub off on her
>Movie is sort of enjoyable with Dash
>She's... very lively, and other people laughing makes you more likely to, so, you know
>"Dude, have you heard of this band?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KDzt6yI3Dw8
>Urge to vomit rising
>Please have some less pleb taste, please God
>Or please be ironic
>One of the two
>A lot of the 'sick' memes Rainbow Dash showed you you've not seen before
>Normies are starting to generate their own memes now, huh?
>Absolutely terrible
>You almost feel like showing her where the REAL magic happens
>The places where people of taste go for the dankest of memes
>But you refrain
>That would be autistic as fuck
>And usually you mock that line of thought
>But when you're talking to a normie about memes...
>What else are you supposed to think?
>That your dank memes AREN'T better?
>No
>"Dude, do you play guitar?"
"N-No..."
>"You totally should, man. It's awesome to be awesome. Wanna see my rad skills?"
>Not really
"Okay."
>Whatever, just humor her
>Judging by the bands she likes, she'll be shit
>Headbang and play simple power chords
>"Okay dude, get ready to have your face melted."
>Ugh
>What a fucking—
>Oh fuck
>In the sea of things Rainbow is a pleb at, at least she's legitimately awesome at a few things
>You wonder why someone could be talented at a musical instrument and still be an absolute utter pleb
>The mind of a normie...
>"Sick, right? That's the solo to an original piece of mine. I told you I have a band, right?"
"Many times."
>"Right. I have a band and we're awesome!"
>You finish the day off with a few more games of Smash
>You pull out just a single win
>The day wasn't as bad you thought it would be
>Smash was good
>Movie was okay
>And Dash thinks you're cool!
"Well... I guess this was fun... Thanks for inviting me."
>"No problemo, Egghead! Need a drive home?"
>You nod
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EfZoKiWZB-U
>God
>Please God
>Give Rainbow Dash better taste
>It doesn't take long to get to your house
>"It was fun hangin' out with you, Egghead. And see you on the weekend, right?"
"R-Right..."
>"Smell ya later!"
>Eh, things will be okay
>You walk into your house
>"Twilight! Where were y—"
"Rainbow's house..."
>"Oh... She's a nice girl. Well, I hope you had a good time."
>You head to your room with a smile
>Today was, for once, a pretty good day all the way through!
>Aside from the way people treat you at school...
>You get angry just thinking about all the insincerity...
>But still!
>Rainbow Dash doesn't seem like a bad person
>Pleb, sure, but...
>Not BAD
>Yeah, you're gonna be cool
>You know you said you didn't care about that, but
>Well, when you have it within your grasp
>Why not?
>You must be way less awkward than you used to be
"Spike!"
>You scratch at his neck as you sit on your chair
>He pants
>You pull him up onto your lap
"Guess who's going to be popular soon?"
>He licks your face
>Pretty sure that means 'You!'
>Normies are going to forget about being awkward with you
>And when that happens, you'll move on up
>And Sunny is probably going to be unsuspended soon
>So she'll be able to help you
>Yeah!
>A bit early for bed, so it's time for 4chan
>You decide to go on /r9k/ and make fun of people for still being disgusting cuck NEETS
>Ascended Robot master race
>Some good shitpost sessions later, you hop in bed and sleep
>You head to school with 'good vibes'
>People aren't being quite as weird around you
>Fucking piece of shit normies
>All nice one day and indifferent the next
>At lunch, Trixie invites you to the Game Shop
>Yes
>You'll be able to clean up this mess with Moondancer
>Maybe you'll even be able to do it without actually having to apologize to that cunt
>Apparently Trixie and Sunny are still playing Pathfinder with her
>You've got Frank ready and rarin' to go, so
>It'll be like shitposting in real life...
>In a tabletop roleplaying game
>If Moondancer has a sense of humor, it'll be fun
>If not, fuck her
>Total bitch
>Maybe your gloating was a little over the top, but sheesh
>After school ends, you meet up with Trixie
>"Miss Sparkle! Trixie is so glad you are coming."
"Thanks."
>You and Trixie begin walking towards the Game Shop
>Hopefully Sunny won't give you the cold shoulder
>Trixie goes on and on about some anime she was watching
>Some pleb shit, whatever
>One long, one-sided conversation later, you arrive at the shop
>Judging by the banner outside, there's a tournament of some sort going on today
>Oh boy, a congregation of autists
>As you enter, you spot Moondancer's father
>He frowns as he sees you
"H-Hello..."
>"Try not to run my daughter out of the store this time, huh?"
"S-Sorry..."
>Ugh
>Why are you even feeling guilty about telling that bitch what's what?
>Maybe it'll be easier to apologize if you have an iota of guilt
>Even if it's mostly her fault for being autistic
>Trixie pulls you along to Sunny and Moondancer's table
>"Trixie and Miss Sparkle are here!"
>Sunny gives the two of you a wave
>Moondancer doesn't look up from her spot
>The listless movement
>The dead face
>The dejected eyes
>Great
>Fucking sperg, letting little things like a party and a game loss spiral her into depression
>You take your seat opposite her
>Sunny gives you a stare
>Fine
"Moondancer... I just want to apologize for—"
>"Whatever. It doesn't matter."
"L-Look, I just want to make things right, and—"
>Moondancer groans
>"I don't care anymore. I can just 'eat a dick', right?"
>Does she have to make everything difficult?
>Can't even fucking apologize
>You turn to Sunny and shrug
>She smiles and leans to your ear
>"Fix this."
>Th-That didn't sound as nice as she looked saying it
>She pulls away and smiles at you again
>Moondancer stares at the floor
>This is literally not your fault
>Not directly
>Sure, maybe that party meant a lot to her, or whatever
>You were probably busy
"A-Are you in the tournament?"
>"I quit Magic..."
"W-Well, maybe, if you play, you can beat me and show me who's boss? Look, I'm sorry, and I... I deserve to get my ass whooped, okay?"
>Moondancer frowns slightly
>"Maybe..."
>You see her snarl
>"Actually, yes... This was just the trial before my true vengeance!"
>JUST STOP BEING RETARDED FOR ONE SECOND
>Your eyes turn to Sunny
>She gives you that 'I dunno!' look
>Well, whatever
>That's probably good enough
>You tried, and Moondancer is still being an insane bitch
>Not everyone deserves to get an apology
>Whatever depressive funk she was in seems to have disappeared
>Now it's Asshole Moondancer, who you know all too well
"When's it actually, uh, start?"
>"Hour or two... Then you will be incinerated in the fire of my wrath."
>Ooh, scary
>Time enough for some Pathfinder
"So, let's get to playing then. I brought my character. He's a bard. Name's Frank."
>Moondancer extends her hand out
>"Lemme see him."
>You hand over the sheet
>"Looks fine... Do you have a backstory for him that I can read quick?"
"Oh, sorry, my backstory for him is three hundred pages long."
>Moondancer grunts and gives you an angry look
>"What's with you and stupid-long backstories?!"
"I like to be thorough. Look, we've played before, a lot. You know Frank's legit."
>She shrugs
>"Whatever..."
>You can see her thinking
>About what, you're not sure
>After a few moments, Moondancer leans back in her chair smiling
>"Mm, yes, I think this will be a fun session today... Just to catch you up, Sunset and Trixie are searching for a powerful warlock rumored to be constructing a dark army. Right now they're in a tavern."
"Frank likes taverns."
>She rolls her eyes
>"Whatever. Are you guys ready to start?"
>"Trixie is ready!"
>"Yup!"
>You nod
>It'll be nice to hang out with Sunny and Trixie
>Even if it's over something as autistic as a tabletop game
>And even if Moondancer is here
>Clearly she's planning some shit to troll you
>Too bad for her
>Frank's backstory is so long, she's never going to check to see if what you say about him is true
>You can always go and edit the backstory once the session is over
>"Sunrise Gleam and the Great and Powerful Tricia are in the Bellshire Tavern, resting after having defeated the necromancers in a nearby cave..."
***
>You enter the tavern and spot your new party buds, Sunrise Gleam and the Great and Powerful Tricia
>Ugh
>Mouthful much?
"Hello, beautiful madams. I am Frank, the Bard. Yes, that Frank. I believe I'm to be joining you on your journey."
>Tricia bows
>"I am pleased to meet you, Frank. I am the Great and Powerful Tricia, Wizard Matriarch of—"
"Wait, you don't talk in the third person?"
>"W-What are you talking about, Frank?"
"Just, huh... I don't know, I expected YOUR character to—"
>"[Miss Sparkle, you're being out of character! Tricia does not know of Trixie's existence!]"
"[Oh, sorry]"
>Tricia finishes up with her introduction
>Her fucking roleplaying character is less autistic than her
>How's that happen?
>"Glad to meet ya, Frank. Name's Sunrise Gleam."
"*cat purring noises* Come here often?"
>Sunny gives you a weird look
>Fuck, no, it's not...
"[Frank's a huge, womanizer. Uh... I'm not trying to be weird, or anything...]"
>Sunrise Gleam gives you a strange look
>"Are you hitting on me?"
"Guy can't hit on beautiful women?"
>"Oh, well, you know, it's just all the scars and my half-burned face which I keep hidden behind a mask, is all. Most people tend to fear me."
"O-O-Oh... Uh, yeah, uh, Frank's... I'm totally into that, you know. The whole 'horrible scarring' look. Burns. Y-Yeah. Right up there with, uh amputations..."
>Trixie and Sunny give you extremely concerned looks
"[U-U-Uh... Frank does not represent M-MY views.]"
"S-So, babe, u-uh—"
>"If you continue down this path, I will crush you."
"O-Okay."
>"[Miss Sparkle, if Frank is supposed to be a womanizer, why does he stutter so much?]"
>Sh-Shut up, Trixie
>"AH! The heroes! We are ever so gracious for the help you've given our small village. Our patriarch is throwing a party in your honor!"
>The Great and Powerful Tricia bows and accepts
>Sunrise Gleam nods and says her thanks
>"Oh, and you're not invited, Frank."
"[God... Moondancer—]"
>"[What? Frank didn't help with the necromancer infestation. He's not invited.]"
>Whatever
"So, what should I do in the meantime, since I'm not invited to this SUPER COOL party?"
>The portly man pokes you in the chest
>"YOU can stay in here and drink your sorrows away, while MY—OUR TOWN'S friends get a huge, cool party!"
"Frank has no sorrows, no regrets. The perfect man experiences no such things."
>The man stomps his foot
>"You're going to stay here, in the tavern, ALONE."
>You put your hands on your heart
"Woe is me. Truly, I have been a struck a blow to my ego. A party that I am not invited to? It's almost as if my whole life were for naught. And so I shall drink away my sorrows! Poor Frank the Bard, if only—"
>"Shut up!"
>Pff, whatever
>Sunny and Trixie looks uncomfortable
>Look at that Moondancer
>Look at them turn on you
>Tricia and Sunrise say their good-byes
>Apparently they get a huge party
>They're getting statues
>For some reason, the village has items far above their pay grade to give to their 'heroes'
>You drink your booze and theatrically bemoan your fate
>Wow Moondancer, is THIS how YOU felt all those years ago?
>So fucking sorry, my god
>I never knew
>Fucking spergbitch
>You begin to vomit and fall over dead from poisoned beer
>"Oops, guess you'll just have to sit this one out, Twilight!"
"Frank is immune to all poisons."
>"What?! That's stupid. How?"
>You crack your knuckles
"He's slowly built up a tolerance to every major poison in the region. A bard of his standing has a lot of enemies."
>The tavern starts on fire
>Yeah, well you can just walk—
>Oh, the doors are locked, spooky
>Well, you'll just jump out the win—
>No windows
"Um, wouldn't this tavern get shut down for building code violations if it had literally no windows?"
>"The village of Bellshire is run by a poorly-organized bureaucracy that never gets anything done, and so does not have the time to see who does and who does not have windows."
"Fine."
>Frank finds the source of the fire and puts it out with water—
>"What?! He doesn't have water on him!"
"Frank keeps water in his stomach at all times, just in case."
>Moondancer scoffs
>"That's dumb! That's not even a thing."
"Actually, it's a thing. Some magician learned to do it. So Frank puts out the fire with his stomach water."
>"Oh, so Frank's a magician, now?"
>You cross your arms
"No, he just knows a lot of stuff."
>There's too much fire for Frank to put out with his measly water reserves
>So, it's a good thing he has a lot of water in that stomach!
>No, there's too much fire
>Fire everywhere
>Fine, Frank will just use the beer in the tavern to put out the fire
>Oh, there's only enough for Frank's stupid face to get drunk, but not enough to put out a fire
>Sunrise Gleam barges through the door and—
>No, she's definitely strong enough, this has been established
>Fine, whatever...
>"Frank!"
"Is it just me, or did it get hot in here?"
>Cat purring noises
>Finger guns at Sunrise
"Woah, hey, man-handling!"
>Sunrise picks you up and puts you on her back
>Apparently she's much taller and stronger than Frank, apart from being a hideously disfigured warrior woman
>Frank just likes what he likes, man
>Moondancer frowns
>"[Guys, let's just play, okay?]"
>"[Trixie agrees...]"
>Moondancer shrugs
"Thank you for saving me, Sunrise."
>"I couldn't just let someone die."
"But..."
>Frank begins to tear up
"Oh, you should have let me! I can't go on, knowing that I wasn't invited to this SICK party... I... My whole life... Ruined! I've finally realized the futility of life. The pervasive despair which fills it! What is life, but a lonesome party of one to which no others can truly ever be invited? Born alone! Die alone! I—"
>"Stop!"
>Oh God, is she actually tearing up again?
>Oh boo hoo you, Moondancer
>Try to fucking murder me with poison and fire
>Can't even handle my dramatic speech
>Fucker
>You're going to be in the right this time
>You're trying to have a little fun
>Moondancer is sperging out, trying to kill you off as soon as the game begins
>She's CLEARLY trying to spite you
>Trying to be an asshole to you
>Sunny will see
>THIS is what you've been dealing with your whole life
>Spergs are so fucking dramatic
>Not chill at all
>Cry those crocodile tears
>Moondancer sniffs and rubs at her face
>In the crowded throng of the Bellshire plaza, a young woman approaches Frank
>One he used to know
>Sick, another dumb way for you to get killed
>Probably an assassin or spurned lover or something
>She's crying
>"You really hurt me," she says, "why can't you understand that?"
>Frank hurts a lot of dames
>Not his fault they get pump-n-dump'd
>Mad pussy life and all
>You know how it is
>"Don't you remember the time we spent together? Don't you have any good memories from it? Honestly, more than I want to hurt you, I... I just want my friend back... Maybe that makes me lame..."
>Frank has no friends
>Only lovers
>In every port and so on
>"I don't want to be angry anymore... Or sad... I just don't know w-why you don't care about me, when you meant so much to me..."
>Lol, Moondancer's actually tearing up giving this shitty monologue
>The girl falls on her knees crying
>Dramatic
>"I only ever wanted you to care about me..."
>Frank don't care 'bout no dames
>You're waiting for her to try and stab you
>Sunny leans to you and whispers
>"[Hug her or something]"
>Yeah, and get Frank killed
>This is all part of Moondancer's ploys to get you killed in the game
>Act all sad and shit
>Nah, she's already shown her true stripes
"Ow!"
>You feel something kick your legs
>Sunny?
>What the fuck
>You were about to land the Coup de Grace on the day
>Frank would turn around
>Pull own his pants
>Flatulate
>'You've been blessed, my child'
>Bam
>Moondancer is made a fool of, and her assassin is sent packin' with a face full of fart
>Getting stabbed in the asshole would be totally worth it
>Speaking of, Moondancer's really bawling now
>Her breathing is haggard and she's sniveling all over herself
>Fucking sperg fag...
>This is a little much for a DM trick
>Isn't it?
>Her hair falls out of its disgusting front bun
>Still has the same haircut from when you were children
>The style she copied off of you
>It's like looking into a mirror that makes everything ugly
>But still
>Frank...
>Ugh, the fart thing would've been awesome
>Frank goes and hugs the young woman
"Look, I'm sorry, okay? I... I know what it's like to like someone who doesn't... who treats you like shit."
>You groan
"I... I guess I never tried to really understand what it felt like from your perspective, and—"
>The woman stabs Frank in the gut
>He dies, sputtering blood onto the ground
>"HA!"