>Day sound check in Equestria.
>Today has been a good day.
>Sorta.
>On the plus side, there have been zero fetish guesses and zero rape attempts from THAT pegasus all day.
>On the minus side, you are certain that means she is planning something.
>Something big.
>She didn't bug you at your job either, so you got a lot of stuff done.
>Equestria is just beginning to discover electronic technology, they're still basically at the vacuum tube stage.
>This was technology you mastered long before coming here, so your skills turn out to be very much in demand.
>Maybe someday you'll help them discover solid state technology, but why complicate your life that way?
>At any rate, you got a lot done today, and your customers were really happy with your work.
>And now it's Miller Time.
>Pssssh. Yeah right.
>Apple Family Cider will have to do.
>You are surprised and pleased to make it home without being ambushed, and after checking for traps, you unlock your front door and attain the safety and comfort of home sweet home.
>Or what passes for it here in magical candy horse land.
>You get yourself a glass and draw a cold, frosty one from the keg in your kitchen.
>You are one of the Apple Family's best customers.
>And just as you sit down to read your mail...
>"Ummm... hello? Check, one two, check one two... is this thing on?"
>A massive squeal of audio feedback rattles your entire house.
>"Okay..."
/What?/
>Setting down the mail, you race upstairs and look out the window.
>There on top of a hill overlooking your comfy home is a structure which somewhat resembles the Grateful Dead's Wall of Sound, constructed by a total amateur.
"What the actual fuck?"
>Down among the speakers you can see a driver rack about the size of your kitchen, and a mixer console.
>And a metric shit-ton of extension cords.
>And standing by a microphone on a stand, a blot of yellow against the wall of brown and gray, your nemesis, Fluttershy.
>"Hi Anon!"
>Her amplified voice rattles your house and echoes off into the distance.
>The distortion tells you that she is clipping badly, and probably has no idea whatsoever what gain structure is.
>You suspect that she just turned everything up to eleven.
>"I know you love beautiful music Anon, so I'm making some beautiful music, just for you!"
>You didn't even know Fluttershy sang or played an instrument.
"TURN IT DOWN, YA IDIOT!!!"
>She either can't hear you or chooses not to respond as she takes the microphone with her and moves to a bed, surrounded by a forest of microphones.
>You can hear the sheets rustle and the mattress springs squeak as she climbs aboard and gets settled.
"DON'T MAKE ME CALL THE GUARDS AGAIN!!!"
>What the hell instrument do you play on a bed anyhow?
>You can't see what's going on too clearly, but your fears are soon realized as you hear some wet, squishing sounds, followed by a low moan.
>More squishy sounds, accompanied by heavy breathing, and the mattress springs squeak a bit.
>Curiosity gets the better of you and you head downstairs to retrieve your binoculars, as the lewd sounds continue at near-deafening volume.
>Returning to the window and focusing, you glimpse something that immediately makes you lower the binoculars in horror.
>Another loud, urgent moan, heavily clipped, rattles the very foundations of your home.
>She is masturbating on the bed, holding the microphone near her nethers as she plays with her sopping wet marehood.
/Holy jumping Jibbers H Crabst on a motherfucking pogo stick, this time she has gone too far./
>"Oh yes Anon! I am yours, and I always have been! Take me now, lover!"
/Holy shit, all of Ponyville can probably hear this shitshow!/
>You slam your window shut, which utterly fails to blot out the wet sounds which are now intensified and heavily distorted.
>It almost sounds as if she's...
/Dammit./
>Morbid curiosity gets the better of you and you take another peek through the binoculars.
>Just as you suspected, she has inserted the microphone inside herself and is moving it around like a fucking dildo.
>This produces a barrage of heavily distorted, wet, squishy sounds that you hope to Celestia you never hear again.
>You grab the pillows off your bed and attempt to stuff them into your ears.
>It does virtually nothing against the onslaught of sound.
>"Oh yes, yes, YES, I'm getting close! Oh, HOLD ME ANON!"
/Fuck, why me? Why is it always me?/
>"Ohhhhh-AHNNNNN!!!"
>A deafening feminine squeal blows out every fucking window in your house as she (presumably) orgasms.
>It is immediately followed by a rising wail of midrange feedback.
>And then with a fuzzy sound, the noise cuts out altogether.
>You open your eyes to find yourself curled on the floor in a fetal position with your ears ringing, clasping your pillows to your head.
>There are shards of glass everywhere, so you move carefully as you get to your feet and shake your head in an attempt to clear the ringing.
>You look out the window.
>You can't hear anything except the ringing in your head.
>But you can see Fluttershy valiantly attempting to extinguish a large electrical fire with a bucket of water, with predictable results.
>You can also see both the guards and the fire brigade approaching rapidly.
"SERVES YOU RIGHT YOU FUCKING MORON!!!"
>Your voice sounds wrong.
"I'M SENDING YOU THE BILL FOR THE REPAIRS TO MY HOUSE!! AGAIN!!!"
>Dammit, better go and get your ears checked.
------
>A unicorn physician mostly heals your hearing with magic at no charge, because Equestria has had a single-payer system of health care for its citizens for centuries.
>But you're going to be stuck with tinnitus for the rest of your life.
>The unicorn almost laughs when you describe the mechanism of injury.
/Yeah, it's only funny because it happened to me and not you./
>But at least you're not deaf, and you can return to work the next day.
>Your first customer of the day is Vinyl Scratch.
"Hey Vinyl, what can I do for you?"
>"I rented some equipment to a friend, and let's just say she's not getting her deposit back."
>She puts a badly burned power amplifier on your counter.
>"So can you do anything with this?"
"This one?"
>It's saddening, the chassis has actually warped from the heat, the tubes are burst, and the insulation is completely gone.
"No. It's toast. I'll have a look at all of them though, and let you know which ones are repairable. I have some new ones if you need them."
>"Okay, I appreciate ya. Quick as you can though okay? I got a gig on Saturday."
>Vinyl produces a brown paper bag and hands it to you.
>"Oh, and see what you can do with this, okay?"
"Sure, was this caused by who I think it was?"
>You open the bag and reach in to retrieve the item inside.
>"Yellow? Clueless? Obsessed with a certain alien?"
"Thought so."
>You pull the object out and look at it.
>It's a microphone.
>"Send the bill to Fluttershy, will ya bud?"
"OH GOD IT'S STILL FUCKING MOIST!!!"
 
End