>Be 11
>Hanging out at park with friends
>Skateboarding around and acting like doing simple manuals and the occasional ollie made us pro(we really sucked at riding things, except for Tom, he probably rides dick for a living now)
>After some time spent only dicking around and not bothering to try anything, we smell a familiar smell
>"Oh fuck, it's Alan."
>Alan waddles over to us
>He's 13 and was held back two grades, one when he was still in regular ed, and another when he was in special ed, so of course he's in our grade
>"heyguyth"
"Fuck off, Alan."
>Being slightly alpha as fuck, a trait I lost over the years, my message completely goes over his head
>"your funny anon"
>He gets up way too close and offers a high five
"I said fuck off. You shit on my sister and you expect me to let you hang out again?"
No, I never had incest fun times with my sister. She became a weird, lanky hippie around the time I was open to it. Probably for the better.
>Alan looks depressed, before perking up, which is always a bad sign
>"guyth i can do a cool trick"
>He grabs my skateboard
>Tom almost jumps Alan right then and there, but is grabbed by Patrick, the guy who was probably born with a blunt in his mouth, and was secretly high all the time
>"Calm down. Hey, Alan, what trick?"
>"itth a ninehundwed"
>Oh god, grant my skateboard strength
>He gets on it, and goes at two miles per hour toward a ramp
>I'm just watching it like someone is murdering my cousin on live TV, just accepting whatever happens
>He reaches it, and starts to spin
>Needless to say, he crashes to the ground
>He sits up and starts flailing and screaming, while Patrick tries to not laugh, putting more effort than usual into his resistance
>Alan stands up and grabs my skateboard and headbutts it in half
>Fun fact, tard strength isn't a myth, unlike niggers having giant dicks
>At this point, Patrick just lets Tom go beat the shit out of Alan
>He kicks him in the head, hard enough to knock a man out
>This is Alan, however, so it just leaves a small bruise later
>Alan tries to strike back, but Tom knows judo and is 2fast
>Eventually, Alan just runs home crying
>We notices a trail of shit behind him, and Tom looks on his pants leg
>"Son of a bitch, Alan."
>In the end, he really Alan'd up our day
 
END